Report her or Not?

[Gumbolette 58]

I think I know what the OP been going to because sometimes conscience speaks louder.

Options:

1. If you know the guy's email. You can email him anonymously about his girl's immoral thing. You can give him hint if whats going on. That way you can tell your self that you tried to save the man's life.

2. Just don't get involve and pray that the guy will find out before its too late.

I don't exactly know what you mean, but if Im picking this up the way you mean it.. Like what I said in the my first post, I never had a knowledge that she was chatting, or seriously considering to marry a kano, until the live in partner went ballistic on me one day, and assaulting me in my own property! (maybe because she was too embarrassed to share to me her intentions) After that bittersweet scenario, I totally stopped talking to these people, its only lately that I new about Maria's marriage to a kano and still naughtily visiting the live-in partner.

Why I even thought of reporting her to the right people? It's because I think the husband deserves a better woman than her, that he deserves the truth, that if we don't consider doing the right thing for people, we won't be reciprocated for our deeds.

Edited April 30, 2012 by Cutie_Patootie

[Darnell 8,478]

so find out the Kano's name and address, drop a postcard soonish?

[Hank_ 9,174]

Everybody says "It's not my business" and that's exactly one of the problems with today's society.

Just today my husband drove past a labrador dog in the middle of a country road, no houses nearby. Alive but standing there looking confused. Completely drenched and wearing a collar. By most of the posts here most posters would just drive past that dog because it's "not your business". Not your dog, you don't know the dog, you don't know it's owners. My husband of course did NOT just drive past and long story short that dog is now home with it's owners. I am EXCEPTIONALLY proud of him for doing this. I would hope someone would do the same for us if they ever saw our dogs out and about. Slightly different situation of course but still someone getting into someone else's business.

My point is, sometimes things that don't appear to be "your business" really as a good person should be. Put yourself in this mans position... would YOU want to know? Would YOU trust someone you don't know telling you these things? How exactly do you tell this man? Do you have his contact information? Are you going to take photos of his wife doing things she shouldn't? How would you feel if there's part of this relationship that you don't know about? You're not friends with the girl anymore, you don't know the guy so you can't be SURE of what you know. These are all good questions but I'm sure that if in your position I too would feel I should do SOMETHING to warn him.

So, all you can do is anonymously tell this guy that he should hire a private detective to follow his wife because there's a lot of things he doesn't know about her. Like she still lives with the father of her children, and he is being scammed. That you believe that she will wait until she is there, then divorce him and then petition for her children's father. You could probably attach a photo of her holding hands with her live-in partner but there's no way to prove how old the photo is... I would send the anonymous email and then if he doesn't act on it, oh well. You tried. Your conscience is clear.

Totally different... be it a dog or a person stranded along side the road I would stop to help, and have done it many times. But the situation of the OP is not seeing a stranded person or dog, it more like seeing a rabid dog... best not get too close.

[adiiann 163]

I don't exactly know what you mean, but if Im picking this up the way you mean it.. Like what I said in the my first post, I never had a knowledge that she was chatting, or seriously considering to marry a kano, until the live in partner went ballistic on me one day, and assaulting me in my own property! (maybe because she was too embarrassed to share to me her intentions) After that bittersweet scenario, I totally stopped talking to these people, its only lately that I new about Maria's marriage to a kano and still naughtily visiting the live-in partner.

Why I even thought of reporting her to the right people? It's because I think the husband deserves a better woman than her, that he deserves the truth, that if we don't consider doing the right thing for people, we won't be reciprocated for our deeds.

Opppsss... what I mean is if you know the American guy's whereabouts, you could tell him anonymously about the relationship and to warn him the possibility of fraud. Or just let it be and just pray that the American guy will find out about it before its too late for him.

I hope I make sense now....

[adiiann 163]

Totally different... be it a dog or a person stranded along side the road I would stop to help, and have done it many times. But the situation of the OP is not seeing a stranded person or dog, it more like seeing a rabid dog... best not get too close.

I agree with you. Me and my husband saw a dog on the side of the highway, its dangerous to stop on that area, so I called police and asked if they could pick up the dog. After few minutes, I got call back that their officer for animal control is not on-duty anymore but they said that there's a very close animal shelter in the area and they will pick the dog. I was worried for that dog. The next day, when I drove on that highway again, I saw no blood splatter from any animals, I am really sure that the dog is safe.

Edited April 30, 2012 by adiiann

[TnJ 131]

Just report her, or be another statistic of the bystander effect like others would have you be. It's your call. Nobody else can make the decision for you. Who cares if he doesn't believe you? Who cares how anyone will react? It isn't a pleasant truth that is supposed to make them feel all warm and fuzzy inside when it comes out. You can't force anyone to believe you, but what you can do is plant the seed. You aren't trying to make choices for people. You are simply making one aware where one might really really lack the awareness you offer.

[Dan and Judy 614]

I would go out of my way to find the name of the husband and tell him what was going on. You could start by googling the ex-friends name. If she has a face book or anything like that you can probably get the husbands info off of that.

[Tahoma 2,292]

Maybe Maria's boyfriend can get her husband's email address/phone number/street address for you.

[gretchen_darren 67]

Happily married for almost 4 yrs. ... and you are just starting K1?

P.S. Sex is good.

hehehehe...asawa ko says the same thing of me..... We have been talking on your situation as well as with my "Filipino" family discussing the issues and situations. (I did not mention you to them, but talked on the situation and based on their USCIS standing how would they approach it. There is only one other adult natural born USC in the rest of the Filipino family. There are many USC children. Most Filipino adults are naturalized or GC holders so I think the information will help you.)

WE would report her and hope for the best. Something is definitely "fishy" going on. The fact she is married and her "live-in partner" is ok with it seems to me like they have worked out a "scam" and the Kano is going to get screwed. You already have admitted to "knowledge" of the situation to some extent, but not actual "plans" of what is going on. The fact the "live-in" partner is still with her and sleeping with her, makes for a very, very, very bad situation. this situation "reeks of a scam happening." Especially since the "live-in" partner confronted you a while ago BEFORE she met the KANO or at least BEFORE she was married to the KANO. Definitely, inform USCIS and the US Embassy. You have valid, credible first hand knowledge of the situation. I would also recommend talking to an attorney on this situation. If this "problem goes bad with a divorce AFTER she comes to the states to bring her "line-in" partner or she leaves her "live-in" partner as a"place to vacation" in Philippines. things could turn sour for you. the "Line-in" partner could come after you as a "jilted" left behind "partner" if she completely abandons the "live-in" partner (please note you WERE confronted by this "live-in" partner before. Or if the Kano husband finds out you knew, HE could call you as a witness or file charges against you stating you went along with the "scam". You are in a rock and a hard place on this one. Talk with an attorney, get help from the attorney in reporting the situation to the proper authorities. this situation calls for CYA.

[Hank_ 9,174]

Really doubt it Perry......

[Penguin_ie 5,993]

**** several derogatory posts and those quoting same removed. Give the OP constructive advice or don't post, threadbans and administrative action will be next *****

[gretchen_darren 67]

Seems to me you're jealous of Maria and you hide that by trying to play they honesty card. Really, you are just as immoral, they have a special name for women who are supported by men in my country and it isn't pretty, so get off your high horses and stop thinking you are better than her.

You know... you should READ HER PROFILE.... She is LIVING in Lousiana NOW and removing her conditions on being an LPR.... She has been in the states since Nov 2009 and married since June 2008. Many women in Philippines marry for love, same as in Romania. I have heard the Romanian, Moldovan, and Ukrainian terms.

I spent 10 days in Ukraine and still came back single. I went to visit just ONE girl in Ukraine. I spent my entire birthday and 95% of the time there in Odessa ALONE. I did not go to one single club. I was not met by her or her family at the airport or seen off by her at the airport. I had tickets for activities every single night. I sat alone many days at restaurants or walking around the town without the girl I went to see. Both weekends, I was only on a date from 5pm to 8 pm. When I put my foot down on one date, she acted mad at me for refusing to sit alone. She also refused to sit near me when eating and was shocked I ACTUALLY loved sour cream in borscht plus LOVED Ukrainian food. Plus shocked at how much I spent in time looking at the locks on a bridge. One time, she had me pay the interpreter out in public near the Odessa opera house. It was the scariest time of my life.) I was looking for a Ukrainian or moldovan wife because I grew up on the food and lifestyle from where I lived as a child in the USA.

I went to Philippines to visit just one girl, exactly the same as Ukraine, was engaged less then 8 hours of being there. She did not leave me alone the whole time I was there. She and her family and friends met me at the airport and saw me off at the airport. She is now my wife, and no matter how much time I spend with her, I never, still never, get enough of her. Her personality and mine fit well. We both like many Foods inclluding fried shrimp, chips and salsa, grilled steak, french fries, candied yams, carrot casserole, grilled and fried chicken, grilled, fried, and BBQ pork. baked beans, corn dogs, and some other items. However, I like tacos, hamburgers, chili, spaghetti, black bread, potato salad, Sloppy Joes, burritos, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, rabbit stew, plus other dishes and she doesn't. There are some Filipino dishes she eats I do not like nor do I like eating just "plain rice" all the time. She eats a lot of raw fruit which I am allergic to but I do not complain about this. I am happy for her. But we are working on the food. We grew up with vastly different tastes. My wife and I are vastly different in food. However, we ar every much alike in spirit. No matter how much time I spend with her. I still crave more time with her. I love being with my wife. What my wife and I have right now, I have missed for so so so so long. Every single minute with my wife I count as a blessing. We sat today for 7 hours and just watched movies on TV. I even fell asleep while watching one movie and she just let me lay there and sleep while switching over to another movie. (We went to the hospital Saturday night because I had a kidney stone and had just gotten home Sunday afternoon. My wife is 30 weeks pregnant, but refused to stay home, she stayed with me the entire time I was in the hospital.) this weekend, I wished I could have 3 or 5 girls just like her in my life all of whom I could be married to. But I would settle for just spending the lest of my life with my wife. To my wife, it was her duty to stay with and be with the man she loved even while she is 30 weeks pregnant. the best part is she was exposed more to a hospital environment and what it will be like when she has the baby in Late June. She was born at home as well as her siblings. All my wife knows is what it is like for natural childbirth. My wife has no idea of hospital childbirth. the hardest part of my wife's adjustment is shopping for clothes. Her undergarments sizes are sold in the girls section not the women's section like back in the Philippines. My wife is also finding she can wear size 12 to size 16 in girls clothing, PLUS size 1 to size 3 in Juniors clothing. misses/ladies/women sizes are just too big. this is a hard change for her since she shopped for typically medium women's clothes back in the Philippines.

don't be so quick to judge. You have a shock coming to the USA yet. You will not be treated like a princess. there are not roads paved with Gold and honey. You will meet rude people who do not even great you. You will find men leering at you when you go shopping. And only the rich have maids doing housework. And the Paris hilton lifestyle is NOT a normal everyday lifestyle. No one will be waiting on you hand and foot for all of YOUR needs. Depending on the town you live in, the water MAY be safe to drink, but will taste just as awful as the water out of the tap there. the public transit system is NOT something you want to use NOR is it as safe as the public transit system there. If you are a "small" girl, (such as 32-26-34) not only will you be shopping in juniors for clothes, but also in the girls section. Most undergarments under 36 inches are considered girls/teens clothing, not women's clothing. (Juniors sections are tween/teen sections.)

[Gumbolette 58]

You know... you should READ HER PROFILE.... She is LIVING in Lousiana NOW and removing her conditions on being an LPR.... She has been in the states since Nov 2009 and married since June 2008. Many women in Philippines marry for love, same as in Romania. I have heard the Romanian, Moldovan, and Ukrainian terms.

I spent 10 days in Ukraine and still came back single. I went to visit just ONE girl in Ukraine. I spent my entire birthday and 95% of the time there in Odessa ALONE. I did not go to one single club. I was not met by her or her family at the airport or seen off by her at the airport. I had tickets for activities every single night. I sat alone many days at restaurants or walking around the town without the girl I went to see. Both weekends, I was only on a date from 5pm to 8 pm. When I put my foot down on one date, she acted mad at me for refusing to sit alone. She also refused to sit near me when eating and was shocked I ACTUALLY loved sour cream in borscht plus LOVED Ukrainian food. Plus shocked at how much I spent in time looking at the locks on a bridge. One time, she had me pay the interpreter out in public near the Odessa opera house. It was the scariest time of my life.) I was looking for a Ukrainian or moldovan wife because I grew up on the food and lifestyle from where I lived as a child in the USA.

I went to Philippines to visit just one girl, exactly the same as Ukraine, was engaged less then 8 hours of being there. She did not leave me alone the whole time I was there. She and her family and friends met me at the airport and saw me off at the airport. She is now my wife, and no matter how much time I spend with her, I never, still never, get enough of her. Her personality and mine fit well. We both like many Foods inclluding fried shrimp, chips and salsa, grilled steak, french fries, candied yams, carrot casserole, grilled and fried chicken, grilled, fried, and BBQ pork. baked beans, corn dogs, and some other items. However, I like tacos, hamburgers, chili, spaghetti, black bread, potato salad, Sloppy Joes, burritos, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, rabbit stew, plus other dishes and she doesn't. There are some Filipino dishes she eats I do not like nor do I like eating just "plain rice" all the time. She eats a lot of raw fruit which I am allergic to but I do not complain about this. I am happy for her. But we are working on the food. We grew up with vastly different tastes. My wife and I are vastly different in food. However, we ar every much alike in spirit. No matter how much time I spend with her. I still crave more time with her. I love being with my wife. What my wife and I have right now, I have missed for so so so so long. Every single minute with my wife I count as a blessing. We sat today for 7 hours and just watched movies on TV. I even fell asleep while watching one movie and she just let me lay there and sleep while switching over to another movie. (We went to the hospital Saturday night because I had a kidney stone and had just gotten home Sunday afternoon. My wife is 30 weeks pregnant, but refused to stay home, she stayed with me the entire time I was in the hospital.) this weekend, I wished I could have 3 or 5 girls just like her in my life all of whom I could be married to. But I would settle for just spending the lest of my life with my wife. To my wife, it was her duty to stay with and be with the man she loved even while she is 30 weeks pregnant. the best part is she was exposed more to a hospital environment and what it will be like when she has the baby in Late June. She was born at home as well as her siblings. All my wife knows is what it is like for natural childbirth. My wife has no idea of hospital childbirth. the hardest part of my wife's adjustment is shopping for clothes. Her undergarments sizes are sold in the girls section not the women's section like back in the Philippines. My wife is also finding she can wear size 12 to size 16 in girls clothing, PLUS size 1 to size 3 in Juniors clothing. misses/ladies/women sizes are just too big. this is a hard change for her since she shopped for typically medium women's clothes back in the Philippines.

don't be so quick to judge. You have a shock coming to the USA yet. You will not be treated like a princess. there are not roads paved with Gold and honey. You will meet rude people who do not even great you. You will find men leering at you when you go shopping. And only the rich have maids doing housework. And the Paris hilton lifestyle is NOT a normal everyday lifestyle. No one will be waiting on you hand and foot for all of YOUR needs. Depending on the town you live in, the water MAY be safe to drink, but will taste just as awful as the water out of the tap there. the public transit system is NOT something you want to use NOR is it as safe as the public transit system there. If you are a "small" girl, (such as 32-26-34) not only will you be shopping in juniors for clothes, but also in the girls section. Most undergarments under 36 inches are considered girls/teens clothing, not women's clothing. (Juniors sections are tween/teen sections.)

Don't even get sucked-in to this person Darren. You're just gonna pull your hair out in clumps. In his defense, we never knew what he went through or seen in the past where he is pulling this judgmental comments. I've heard much much worst from my patients.

However, I don't appreciate being called names.

I totally agree to what you have said and thanks for pouring your heart out on your comments. Appreciated.

Edited April 30, 2012 by Cutie_Patootie

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

hehehehe...asawa ko says the same thing of me.....

Says the same thing what?! Says the same thing what?! SAYS THE SAME THING WHAT?!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!

You're not s'posed to share that! You're not s'posed to share that! YOU'RE NOT S'POSED TO SHARE THAT!

We have been talking on your situation as well as with my "Filipino" family discussing the issues and situations. (I did not mention you to them,

Well THANK GOD you didn't. Coz with almost a 100 million population...surely as the sun rises...that tsismis will find it's way back home. (and) All 100 million fingers pointing back at you for being a tsismosa.

WE would report her and hope for the best.

(but) What if...the sex is really good? Still report?

Something is definitely "fishy" going on.

(and) Good sex?

The fact the "live-in" partner is still with her and sleeping with her, makes for a very, very, very bad situation.

(and) very very very good...sex?

this situation "reeks of a scam happening."

(1 last time)...annnnd..(say it with me)....good sex.

things could turn sour for you.

How?

if the Kano husband finds out you knew, HE could call you as a witness or file charges against you stating you went along with the "scam".

You are in a rock and a hard place on this one.

Naaaaaaw...I'll pass this one.

Coffee and Darren....good way to start the day....thanks.

OP: Follow the "Golden Rule". Imagine yourself the kano...what would you hope / prefer (if you are the kano) in this situation....?

Edited April 30, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[gretchen_darren 67]

I know what you are going through. asawa ko and I are watching her cousin right now go through a relationship which bothers the heck out of me. The guy just "doesnot feel right to me". He is one of those types of guys which may be a good guy, but things he does and has done bothers me a lot. but nothing I can say will dissude her from what she is doing with him. Maybe things will change. She has a really hopeful spirit aabout her, but she is also naive as many people are in the village and I feel he is using that to his advantage. I just know eventually he will push the Filipinos in the village too far and all Ican do is watch it happen hoping my wife's cousin does not get hurt through all of this.

There are many wonderful girls in the world. I count myself blessed to have been allowed to have such a wonderful wife in my life. I was looking for a brown-eyed blonde Slavic girl with a beautiful spirit. there are girls out there like that. But I couldn't find one who matched my own heart or spirit. I met many, many beautiful Russian, Ukrainian, Moldovan, and other girls online. I was actively taking Russian language lessons. when I opened myself up to any girl from any country. I met a lot more beautiful girls around the world. I met my wife on Christmas Eve her time. After talking with her just a few hours, I knew I had met my future wife. My only wish for Christmas 2010 was a girl who would love me as much as I treasure her. I was blessed beyond my imagination. We love to go to church and I do attend catholic mass with her. She appreciates me working on the church. (I am not perfect mind you.) She likes volunteering with me to help out in organizations. Her playful fun loving spirit matches mine. She say she does not think of me as 45 but more like 21 or 22. (I play basketball, table tennis, billiards, like to go to malls, play catch, love to go swimming and race go-karts. Thinking of maybe getting into the go-kart circuit with my oldest son. I like to play with my boys, wrestle, play games, and teach them how to improve themselves to win, versus letting them win. When my kids play me, they win fairly not because I let them win. I don't know how to "act old." Seriousness is lost on me. I can be serious, but mainly only at work. My greatest treasure is my wife and kids. Nothing is more important to me. i really ,really wished for a brown eyed blonde. I ended up with a raven haired black eyed beauty. However, I have a girl who is so wonderful, I feel spoiled every single minute I am married to her. when you live without something for so long, and you actually REALIZE what it was you were living without, when you finally get it back, even though it is normal to other people, you feel absolutely "drunk" and completely "drugged" out of your mind. Then when you find someone who believes serving you is being a servant to God, who loves you completely, accepts you as you are, and does things for you without one complaint, then goes above and beyond saying it is "their duty, privilege and honor because she must be with the man that she loves", you absolutely go nuts "craving" every single minute with her. I was in a marriage where which for 8.5 years of 10 years, I lived without love, any love. I was judged unworthy and labelled a bad person just for looking at those "men fantasy websites". ( I work in IT and at times have held security advisory positions, Network administrator, and IT Manager which forced me to find the ways people use computers at work to look at what might be "ethically disturbing, sexually harassing, or visually socially upsetting content depending on the accepted norms of the company or division or as defined by local or federal laws of the location" ) the sad part is the more you live without love, the more you look for it elsewhere, but I was raised to be faithful in marriage. So I lived in a state which you knew what you were living without but had to eventually decide was living without something best for the family or was it harming the family. then if removing yourself form the equation was good for your children, and how do you make sure to continue to be able to see and influence your children to show them a proper relationship with a loving caring wife when you find the right girl to marry. I got really lucky and really blessed. My children at first did not want to go see her village. Now they are begging for me to take them, and are wanting more time with me. The oldest is starting to talk of wanting to make my home, his home. And the youngest child only lets me tuck him in bed with my wife is already in bed, or he fell asleep in the living room. Nomally, he asks his step mom to read him a book and tuck him into bed. In a few short months, I have been replaced by who he prefers to tuck him into bed. I have been very very very lucky to find such a wonderful loving, caring sweet wife. She is beyond anything I wished for or wanted. I had my sights sest high, very high. owever instead of just hitting the center ring of the target. I hit the bullseye. I may not have everything I wished for in looks. But she is extremely beautiful in her own right. She is drop dead gorgeous outside. Even at 30 weeks pregnant she is beautiful. Plus much more beautiful inside then I wished for. I feel like I am the richest man in the world who just found out his diamond mines, gold mines, and platinum mines found new veins in hidden caves with cost almost nothing to retrieve or process, doubling his and those who work for him riches. I am glad to just have one girl beyond my dreams. However, I know there are more girls just like this one in the same area over there. And when living without for so long, a part of me, jsut wants more. (I am learning to be satisfied with one wonderful dream within a dream now, rather then get glutenous and try to have a few and even lose the one I have.)