Had American ignorance affected yours or your spouse's adjustment to life in the U.S.?

[rlogan 2,036]

I didn't get "racist" from it at all. It sounds like he was accusing you of "buying" a wife, or "settling" for whatever you could get (assuming she was ugly or something). Which is why when he saw her he had a turn-around. If he was racist there would not have been a turn-around.

Nope. Outright racism. It was not just clear once I said it to him and he confirmed it - but I was stunned that after knowing him for over 20 years I had no clue. So we had an extended and loud exchange about it. I found it incredible someone could actually believe the words coming out of his mouth. He didn't believe me in return. Can you believe the gall of someone telling you what your own mind is thinking? I took an inferior race because I "gave up".

He felt he didn't need to say she wasn't white. Because obviously I was a racist too and wouldn't actually choose to marry "one of them" over "one of us". You hear about racists and see the White Power loonies on TV, but this guy was off his rocker way more than I could fathom for having known him so long.

He has completely dropped his racism over asians, and he's deciding now whether to live in Thailand or the Philippines. He's big into scuba and Thailand has a better scuba scene, but that's what he was doing in Cebu. Off to Palawan next year. He called me the first day landing in Asia and said I was right, he was wrong, and thanked me. Been thanking me ever since.

I guess people build up in their minds this huge stupid house of cards in their minds with racism. All he needed to do was meet one and *poof* all that insanity evaporated.

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

A sidenote -

I am more and more confused, yer use of the word 'fiance' when you're pegged (in yer profile) for an IR-1/CR-1 visa. Just saying....

I'm getting married in 3 weeks. Just a pre-cursor to which visa I'm about to apply for.

[Stu4Lee 66]

"Pakis"

"Pakiness"

Seriously??

[Psoas10 17]

Well where I live people, can be racist towards white people. My wife comes from the Philippines, and has no problem here, I guess when half the island is Filipino, than no problems. However I have seen and heard about some nasty things done towards whites from the Mainland. It sucks coz my dad is white, yet he has no problems fitting in here.

[Daniel&Theary 30]

Alla now has an interpreting/Translating business here. She recently had a client, an old Russian man, in his 80s, who is hospitalized. Mostly his daughter (now a US citizen) interprets for him but she is not always available, so they have been using Alla when his daughter is not available

He asks Alla how is it she came to live in the US and she tells him she met her US husband when he was working in Ukraine. OMG! She is a traitor to the "Soviet Union" The Rodina (motherland) blah blah blah. OMG! So Alla asks him how is it HE is here? Oh, he was petitioned by his daughter, who is now a US citizen, who met her US citizen husband when he was working in Russia.

I like this one My great great grandparents were from Kiev so I always enjoy meeting people from the Ukraine and asking questions about it. I plan to visit and like to find out the places to go. The younger people are always nice and give me alot of places to visit but the older people say there is no reason to visit my bloodlines have long ago left the Ukraine. Oh well I will still go one day

[Kirsten UK 2]

"Pakis"

"Pakiness"

Seriously??

That was my reaction too...although this is considered racist in the UK....perhaps its not here?!

[Mike B. 231]

While it is not used as often in the United States as in the United Kingdom (probably because there is just less anti-Pakistani sentiment in the US), yeah, "paki" is definitely a racist slur.

[Laveau 67]

Just asked Kamran... He says it isn't offensive. I'm pretty sure I use that term because that's how he refers to himself and other people from pk.

*shrug*

[TnJ 131]

I'm aware that racism and ignorance exists everywhere. However, since this forum is dedicated towards individuals immigrating to the U.S., I kept the topic geared toward ignorant and intolerant attitudes directed at recent immigrants. This is just my fiance's experience. A lot of these comments were directed at him in a joking way but it was still condescending and he still felt hurt. Ever since the movie Slumdog Millionaire came out he has had many people approach him and ask if that really is what India is like? He replies, "yes, some parts". And then he is asked if he moved to America to escape "slum life" in India. This was his boss asking this.

I understand what you're saying. I have traveled around Europe and have had my fair share of comments directed toward me as an American.

His boss asked him a question. Would it had been better if the boss didn't? If I am not mistaken, ignorance stems from not knowing better. Questions are asked to learn and hopefully know better. I didn't know alot about the Philippines either before I met my fiancee. I didn't have any reason to. I knew the history that connected our two countries, and the fact that my grandfather was stationed over there in the US Navy during WW2. Had I not asked my fiancee questions that may have seemed condescending or weird, I would not know as much as I know now.

Edited May 2, 2012 by ToddnJessa

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

His boss asked him a question. Would it had been better if the boss didn't? If I am not mistaken, ignorance stems from not knowing better. Questions are asked to learn and hopefully know better. I didn't know alot about the Philippines either before I met my fiancee. I didn't have any reason to. I knew the history that connected our two countries, and the fact that my grandfather was stationed over there in the US Navy during WW2. Had I not asked my fiancee questions that may have seemed condescending or weird, I would not know as much as I know now.

I understand what you're saying but the way his boss said it to him was in a condescending way. He was attempting at humor but it was distasteful humor. There's a better way to say things. If it was simply curiosity, the question would have ended at "Is all of India like the depiction that was shown in Slumdog Millionaire?" There was absolutely no reason to continue with that thought and ask my fiance if he (much like Jamal Malik in Slumdog Millionaire) lived in a slum as well. At that point he crossed the line and made it personal and therefore offensive. I assume his boss thought their relationship was amicable enough that him asking my fiance that question would undoubtedly be taken in a joking manner.

Many many Americans have asked him about the representation of India in Slumdog Millionaire without letting it get personal. That's the point I was getting at with the boss's comment.

Again, he isn't so sensitive that he allowed this scenario to ruin the relationship with his boss or his views of Americans. It was more along the lines of "Wow, Americans really do have a pre-conceived notion of India and the movie only added to that distorted image". He loves talking about India when others ask. Him and my mother have spent hours discussing everything from the history of India to what daily life is like. For the record, my family members are some of the most ignorant Americans I know when it comes to knowledge about other cultures but they have still been tastefully curious and never intentionally demeaning.

[TnJ 131]

I understand what you're saying but the way his boss said it to him was in a condescending way. He was attempting at humor but it was distasteful humor. There's a better way to say things. If it was simply curiosity, the question would have ended at "Is all of India like the depiction that was shown in Slumdog Millionaire?" There was absolutely no reason to continue with that thought and ask my fiance if he (much like Jamal Malik in Slumdog Millionaire) lived in a slum as well. At that point he crossed the line and made it personal and therefore offensive. I assume his boss thought their relationship was amicable enough that him asking my fiance that question would undoubtedly be taken in a joking manner.

Many many Americans have asked him about the representation of India in Slumdog Millionaire without letting it get personal. That's the point I was getting at with the boss's comment.

Again, he isn't so sensitive that he allowed this scenario to ruin the relationship with his boss or his views of Americans. It was more along the lines of "Wow, Americans really do have a pre-conceived notion of India and the movie only added to that distorted image". He loves talking about India when others ask. Him and my mother have spent hours discussing everything from the history of India to what daily life is like. For the record, my family members are some of the most ignorant Americans I know when it comes to knowledge about other cultures but they have still been tastefully curious and never intentionally demeaning.

Ah, okay. I understand the misunderstanding then. I think that is the problem at large though. There are too many misunderstandings on both sides when one is a foreigner in a foreign place. One thing I think might have some universal legitimacy though is that people really do make too many generalized assumptions based on media sadly enough. America seems to be in media more in other places than other places are in American media so I certainly know the feeling of people inferring something about me due to something they saw about America in their local media. Unfortunately, an example like 'Slum Dog Millionaire' might be the closest many Americans will ever get to Indian culture through American media. Good thing he isn't too sensitive to the arrogance, ignorance, or just plain misunderstandings though. It's tough for anyone to assimilate in any place in the world, but if he is doing his best, that is all I could ever ask of him. I do find it absurd when people aren't even tolerant to accents. At least he speaks the language of the land! Many Americans can't even speak a second language fluently (myself included) so I give anyone trying to speak my language as a second language credit. I think the illegal immigration problem we've had for so many years has made alot of people jaded too. This is just a theory of opinion though. I don't think I will ever understand the behavior of some people though. Ignorance is too kind a word for some.

[Mr. Borkström 63]

When I visited my wife in America two years ago, a lot of people that I met asked me why I did not speak with a Scandinavian accent. I don't know if they expected me to sound like the Swedish chef. I guess you can say that I very much sound and look like an American so I don't expect facing a lot of prejudice when I move to live with my wife in Pittsburgh PA.

I do expect occasional questions about Abba, IKEA, meatballs, Vikings, blondes, the Swedish bikini team etc. But that's something I can live with.

Well, maybe not ABBA. On behalf of my country, please accept my sincere apologies.

[Xanax 349]

I am from Australia- as you can see and I can honestly say "yes it has affected me a little bit". I am here for an 88 day stay in between NOA1 and NOA2.

I cannot pin point too many exact examples, it is more in the undertones of what people say or do (for me at least) , the American's I have met think America is the centre of the world. The best country for education, lifestyle , food, travel, everything, and this is one thing I find hard to swallow at times and you can never disagree, you can never say education is better anywhere else or healthcare or living standard etc; also when people tell me I am wrong when I pronounce something or say something, even when they know exactly what I meant even though it was not proper English (lol)

I have also had to deal with some misconceptions about Australia, none of them too bad, but none-the-less after a while can be tiresome.

IE/ We pay money to the queen and she has absolute rule over us, we all talk like Crocodile Dundee, we live in the desert or the bush, we have koalas as pets,we love kangaroos,we say "shrimp", we all consume copious amounts of beer (daily)- these are just some funny ones

Edited May 2, 2012 by BrittandDan

[rlogan 2,036]

the American's I have met think America is the centre of the world. The best country for education, lifestyle , food, travel, everything, and this is one thing I find hard to swallow at times and you can never disagree, you can never say education is better anywhere else or healthcare or living standard etc;

You can't even disagree if you are FROM the USA. American exceptionalism: number one in everything except GDP per capita, except life expectancy, except education, except manufacturing, except health care, etc.

Oh, but we have taken the lead in number of citizens jailed in both absolute and relative terms, and we kill more people than any other country on earth. So don't be disagreeing, got that? It can't be that there is a better way to do anything. Pointing out how another country does pharmacy is the same thing as planting a bomb on the subway.

[B & G 200]

Through my many visits to my fiancee in the US, I never had anyone of my fiancee's family or friends or acquaintances for that matter, make any kind of comment on my accent, which is a combimation of australian-british-american. Or the fact that I was foreigner.

But in our small town in Southern MD, there was on instance that left me flabbergasted!

We went into a local store, to buy some wine, the cashier politely asked for ID so my fiancee showed her his driver's license and I pulled out my passport. The girl looked at it and said that they didn't accept passports as forms of ID!!! and then proceeded to refuse to sell us the wine. I asked to speak to the manager, who informed me that they don't accept any form of ID that has not being issued by the United States! That to my eyes is ignorant and alil xenophobic..