Had American ignorance affected yours or your spouse's adjustment to life in the U.S.?

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

Even though the U.S. is a self-proclaimed "melting pot", I still find many people to be abrasive toward foreign nationals looking to establish themselves here. My fiance himself is a very well-traveled man and has said to me that the U.S. is much more intolerant than the U.K. by comparison. People here have not been shy about directing racial slurs, comments about his accent, and other "tart" comments.

Other actions have been less subtle but still insulting such as giving him dirty looks when he speaks Hindi or telling him to "speak American" when he answers in English with a strong pronounced Indian accent.

Most of the time, we both just brushed these comments off but it's extremely difficult for me to control myself when someone is being so disrespectful to the man I love. Most of the time, I believe that the comments stem from ignorance rather than contempt or spite.

I'm just curious if anyone else has had issues adjusting to American life because of comments directed at that they were not intended to be rude but came across as insulting.

Edited April 28, 2012 by AKSinghSingh79

[Anh map 2,098]

And this type of behavior only occurs in the US? Sadly, this happens in every corner of the globe. Please be careful with the sweeping condemnations of any group.

[Pitaya 2,577]

I suspect that there may be well-travelled Americans that may concur with the OP's sentiment, and other similar-minded people may actually be insulted by the OP's comments. I am not aware that insensitivity and intolerance are isolated only to America.

[Laveau 67]

My answer to your question is a big fat NO. I've been with a paki over five years now. We hv discussed this topic in the past and I just let him read your post. He arrived in USA in '05. He says that he's never had anyone make fun of his accent in a demeaning way. And he had a freakin thick paki accent. Can we say "you kicked my dog". Oh wait he said Akbar in that vid is Indian. Sounds the same to me, though. And ignorance regarding foreigners is all over. I spent two summers in eastern Europe and lord. I had never met sooo many people who never visited the usa who knew so much abt USA (sarcasm). I heard so many bad things about the USA from some of them and in the same breath heard "but it's my dream to go there".. Huh???

I admit I'm biased because I'm American. And became more biased after my travels abroad. However, my SO wasnt born and raised here but he adores it here. Now there are things he thinks need a lot of reform but what nation doesn't?

In conclusion. he appreciates his life here and appreciated how easy it has been for him to assimilate, thanks, in part, to his fellow Americans ( he became a citizen in 2010).

[Laveau 67]

On my fone and can't edit: he still has the thick accent and was not born and raised here but in pk. He first stepped foot out of pk in 05 upon his arrival here.

[tru_loves_journey 117]

ohh yes! I will tell you what happened to us a few weeks ago. My husband and I went to a Barbershop to get his hair cut. There were 2 barbers with 2 patrons. My husband and I were waiting for one to finish so he could have his turn in the chair, BUT in the mean time one of the men getting his hair cut was talking about him being a Minister at a church. The Minister looked at my husband ( who is from Egypt and is Muslim ) and ask "Do you go to church son"? My husband answered no I am Muslim I go to a local Mosque. The Minister replied "Why? you're going to hell anyway" You can never go to heaven no matter how many times you pray and it doesn't matter that you don't drink or use drugs you will go to hell and I will go to heaven! He then said you don't even pray to the right God! You can imagine that I almost fell off my chair, I could not believe someone who preached the word of God would JUDGE another person. I spoke up and said He prays to the same God as you! He said my dear you're very wrong! I was so mad inside of myself, But I remained calm ( yes it was so hard) I saw that the minister was ignorant and at that moment it was the Minister I felt sorry for. I was raised by great parents who accepted others as they believed, not to degrade anyone for their religion.I knew my husband was hurt by his words but at the same time I knew in my heart my husband was the better man. The minister ask Hany to come to his church and he would make him see the truth. Hany Thanked him and said I feel the way I was brought up is the right way,the minister laughed. As the Minister was paying to leave he said, Now you come to church on Sunday Wow! I can't wait to tell the congregation that an Arab is coming to my church. I looked at him like he had flippedout. What I do know is God heard that comment and end the end I don't think it will find him a way to the Golden Gates of Heaven. It's very difficult in America for anyone from another country as ppl here do not know about their culture and what they do know isn't exact facts. So this continues..........

[Laveau 67]

Oh please. I have had coworker's husband tell me that my daughter is going to hell because she's a lesbian. Yes my daughter is gay but my point is Christian extremist are going spit fire even at their fellow Americans. Duh.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Even though the U.S. is a self-proclaimed "melting pot", I still find many people to be abrasive toward foreign nationals looking to establish themselves here. My fiance himself is a very well-traveled man and has said to me that the U.S. is much more intolerant than the U.K. by comparison. People here have not been shy about directing racial slurs, comments about his accent, and other "tart" comments.

Other actions have been less subtle but still insulting such as giving him dirty looks when he speaks Hindi or telling him to "speak American" when he answers in English with a strong pronounced Indian accent.

Most of the time, we both just brushed these comments off but it's extremely difficult for me to control myself when someone is being so disrespectful to the man I love. Most of the time, I believe that the comments stem from ignorance rather than contempt or spite.

I'm just curious if anyone else has had issues adjusting to American life because of comments directed at that they were not intended to be rude but came across as insulting.

First i want to address everyone getting their back-up that this is a post saying that the US is the worst for racism, I don't see it that way and nor do i think you FEEL that way but you are instead speaking from your husbands experience that he has experienced more racism here than in the UK. That is his experience so there is nothing wrong with you saying that and people need to chill out.

I personally yes have suffered from some... I won't call it racism, more... ignorance. That said though I am in Iowa and my husband (native Iowan) admits that Iowa is a little more isolated than some other areas of the country in terms of different races/nationalities. For example I've called the local radio station a few times, I am the ONLY Aussie they have ever heard from... it's a big town where that station is located so that shocked me. There is no "Australian society" or group I can meet with, there are no stores where I can buy food from Australia (only online), there are no other Aussie immigrants that I have either heard of, or met myself. Sure lots of people around but there you go.

My first job though MANY people I spoke to on the phone loved my accent, love Australia, love asking me questions, there were a couple of "bad egg" co-workers that liked to yell "speak American" at me anytime I didn't say something they understood. Who liked to correct emails I sent, or memos I wrote to say particular words didn't exist (like "learnt") and correcting me saying "Zed" instead of "zee". Most of it was done in a nasty way, sometimes not, but mostly nasty so of course this bugged me. I don't mind learning, the "zed vs zee" thing actually helped because my bosses name is hard to spell, has a "zee" in it and when I said "zed" every, yes EVERY person was confused.

You are not alone but remember that not everyone is bad. The US DOES have a lot of different people and unfortunately you seem to live in a bad area for someone like him. it's sad but it seems to be the truth. I know if I moved somewhere else I would probably be treated a WHOLE lot differently. Some places (anti-immigrant areas) would hate me, some (pro-immigrants and more liberal types) would love me.

I'm sorry he's feeling this way.

Edited April 28, 2012 by Vanessa&Tony

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

First i want to address everyone getting their back-up that this is a post saying that the US is the worst for racism, I don't see it that way and nor do i think you FEEL that way but you are instead speaking from your husbands experience that he has experienced more racism here than in the UK. That is his experience so there is nothing wrong with you saying that and people need to chill out.

I personally yes have suffered from some... I won't call it racism, more... ignorance. That said though I am in Iowa and my husband (native Iowan) admits that Iowa is a little more isolated than some other areas of the country in terms of different races/nationalities. For example I've called the local radio station a few times, I am the ONLY Aussie they have ever heard from... it's a big town where that station is located so that shocked me. There is no "Australian society" or group I can meet with, there are no stores where I can buy food from Australia (only online), there are no other Aussie immigrants that I have either heard of, or met myself. Sure lots of people around but there you go.

My first job though MANY people I spoke to on the phone loved my accent, love Australia, love asking me questions, there were a couple of "bad egg" co-workers that liked to yell "speak American" at me anytime I didn't say something they understood. Who liked to correct emails I sent, or memos I wrote to say particular words didn't exist (like "learnt") and correcting me saying "Zed" instead of "zee". Most of it was done in a nasty way, sometimes not, but mostly nasty so of course this bugged me. I don't mind learning, the "zed vs zee" thing actually helped because my bosses name is hard to spell, has a "zee" in it and when I said "zed" every, yes EVERY person was confused.

You are not alone but remember that not everyone is bad. The US DOES have a lot of different people and unfortunately you seem to live in a bad area for someone like him. it's sad but it seems to be the truth. I know if I moved somewhere else I would probably be treated a WHOLE lot differently. Some places (anti-immigrant areas) would hate me, some (pro-immigrants and more liberal types) would love me.

I'm sorry he's feeling this way.

Thanks this was exactly the point of my post. I am in no way condemning the U.S. and I'm sorry if people felt that way about my post. I am aware that racism and ignorance exists everywhere. However, the U.S. is dealing with its own problems right now regarding intending immigrants. Many people in the U.S. still see Foreign workers as a threat to job security.

I would like to think that I don't live in a backwards city. I know its not New York or California but there are still a sizable population of Indian immigrants here so in that regards I think its ridiculous that my fiance has to deal with these comments.

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

My answer to your question is a big fat NO. I've been with a paki over five years now. We hv discussed this topic in the past and I just let him read your post. He arrived in USA in '05. He says that he's never had anyone make fun of his accent in a demeaning way. And he had a freakin thick paki accent. Can we say "you kicked my dog". Oh wait he said Akbar in that vid is Indian. Sounds the same to me, though. And ignorance regarding foreigners is all over. I spent two summers in eastern Europe and lord. I had never met sooo many people who never visited the usa who knew so much abt USA (sarcasm). I heard so many bad things about the USA from some of them and in the same breath heard "but it's my dream to go there".. Huh???

I admit I'm biased because I'm American. And became more biased after my travels abroad. However, my SO wasnt born and raised here but he adores it here. Now there are things he thinks need a lot of reform but what nation doesn't?

In conclusion. he appreciates his life here and appreciated how easy it has been for him to assimilate, thanks, in part, to his fellow Americans ( he became a citizen in 2010).

I'm aware that racism and ignorance exists everywhere. However, since this forum is dedicated towards individuals immigrating to the U.S., I kept the topic geared toward ignorant and intolerant attitudes directed at recent immigrants. This is just my fiance's experience. A lot of these comments were directed at him in a joking way but it was still condescending and he still felt hurt. Ever since the movie Slumdog Millionaire came out he has had many people approach him and ask if that really is what India is like? He replies, "yes, some parts". And then he is asked if he moved to America to escape "slum life" in India. This was his boss asking this.

I understand what you're saying. I have traveled around Europe and have had my fair share of comments directed toward me as an American.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

And this type of behavior only occurs in the US? Sadly, this happens in every corner of the globe. Please be careful with the sweeping condemnations of any group.

But only in the US is your right to blaze hate on your bumper protected by the government.

[AmyWrites 593]

I think it depends on where you are in the States, and sadly, where your spouse is from. When I was with the Australian guy, nobody cared, a Russian? Yep, everyone thinks he is an evil wife beating drunk.

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

I suspect that there may be well-travelled Americans that may concur with the OP's sentiment, and other similar-minded people may actually be insulted by the OP's comments. I am not aware that insensitivity and intolerance are isolated only to America.

I never said it was only isolated to America. My fiance's personal experience is he experienced more negative comments being directed at him in the U.S. than any other westernized country he has been to. I was just curious if any other immigrants had the same experience when they moved to the U.S. and if it interfered with their transitional stages.

There is still a lot of tension here that does not exist in other countries. Post-911 tension and fears of American workers losing their jobs to foreign immigrants to name a few.

[jaycali 415]

Even though the U.S. is a self-proclaimed "melting pot"

"Melting pot" and "multicultural" are two very different things.

[MrsNotBonJovi 18]

Even though the U.S. is a self-proclaimed "melting pot", I still find many people to be abrasive toward foreign nationals looking to establish themselves here. My fiance himself is a very well-traveled man and has said to me that the U.S. is much more intolerant than the U.K. by comparison. People here have not been shy about directing racial slurs, comments about his accent, and other "tart" comments.

Other actions have been less subtle but still insulting such as giving him dirty looks when he speaks Hindi or telling him to "speak American" when he answers in English with a strong pronounced Indian accent.

Most of the time, we both just brushed these comments off but it's extremely difficult for me to control myself when someone is being so disrespectful to the man I love. Most of the time, I believe that the comments stem from ignorance rather than contempt or spite.

I'm just curious if anyone else has had issues adjusting to American life because of comments directed at that they were not intended to be rude but came across as insulting.

Interesting discussion here and no, I don't think you are typecasting the US at all. I experienced far more 'racism' while I was studying in Canada than I have ever done in the US, and most of it was more out of ignorance than malice. And would you believe it, most of the racist comments came from non-Americans (like this Chinese dude I ran into at Chinatown, Toronto who told me to my face, 'oh, these bloody Indians!!) and it used to give me particular pleasure to try and 'educate' each one of them until I realised I was just bruising myself even more. It used to amuse me when some people were surprised that I could speak good English,"even though I am from India."

That said, I should also say that much of the down putting that I have experienced in the US has been, brace yourself for this, not from Americans but from certain sections of Indians themselves who cannot hide their bias for the newer immigrants. I have had a certain wealthy Gujarati neighbor often pass snide remarks about how people from the 'south of India' are swarming all over the neighborhood, yada, yada, yada. I think this stems more from having their sense of exclusivity lost, you know, like being forced to share their American pie which they thought they had monopolistic rights over.

I am also seeing that more and more Indians now are not afraid of showing their Indian accent, and are quite cool with it. I remember how an earlier generation of Indians coming to the US used to go to extra ordinary lengths to 'Americanize' their accents and often end up sounding very funny and put-on. So far the only 'adjustments' I have had to make are, like what Vanessa&Tony said, the zee/zed, check/cheque, round trip/return trip etc switch overs.