any advice for a newbie

[Nasturtium 500]

Well, in some ways my advice will be similar and yet also different than some other advice here. Firstly, I agree with the slow down. Meeting someone online then marrying them on the first visit is a bad idea-- I don't care where they come from or who you are. There isn't some kind of magical formula, IMO, just because this person is Moroccan. They aren't like a breed of dog with bred in traits. They're individuals who, granted, have a different cultural background than most Americans-- but individuals nonetheless. So just like you can mesh with some people from your own country but others make you want to stab yourself in the eye-- same principle applies here. You don't really know how annoying or idiotic someone really is until you spend time with them in person or at least have a lot of years to judge their online persona's consistency. Years... not months-- and even then I still wouldn't marry someone I had never met in person.

I married my husband within 6 months of us meeting, but we had already worked together and had several friends and contacts in common-- IRL people. I still wouldn't recommend that as an option, although it happens IRL and can be fine (or fail). You need to find that objective place where you can step back and be willing to cut ties if you find out he is not who you think he is. I was at least willing to do that no matter how enthralled I was. I also did not get married on the first visit, but rather the third visit.

Also, his family not knowing is not a death sentence to your petition. My in-laws didn't know. We got through just fine without AP. I would suggest, though, that you address red flags like this in your initial petition. I addressed them up front-- I am not sure if it helped, but they didn't ask him about it in the interview, nor did they visit his family, demand photos of me and his family (which didn't exist),etc. That could have been because of the general circumstances of our relationship or because i explained the reasons why or because they were busy or because it was Tuesday. I mean who really knows? But I think it IS important to not try to hide these things. Not helpful is if you have compounding red flags. We had 3? but 2 were really the same thing-- getting married. You have to know your red flags, own them, and then figure out how to make peace with them and move on-- but do not try to pretend that they are somehow different or unique, or OK because of some magical situation.

I think the idea of getting a K1 is OK-- but it's still not going to fix not knowing him. That takes time and face-to-face visits.

Good luck.

[moroccogirlny 100]

1335210806[/url]' post='5323800']

oh maaaaaaaan....i just wanna be with him...

i've seen ppl getting married here for less..i mean i know its not making any sens..but i love him...is there any way we can get through this...maybe we will not get married and then when i come back ..just file a fiancee visa??hows that sound??

Sorry to be blunt but you sound desperate. You see it as love, he sees it as his ticket to America. Get to know him first, visit him a few times.

[Lisamarie 79]

Perfect.

I want to add, ask the same questions in different ways, in different conversations to see if you get the same answers.

What you can do is

1 - continue to get to know your new friend, find out about his life - does he have work prospects, does he look for work, does he work? How does he spend his time?

2- Get to know more about his family.

3- Enjoy your life, and do things to improve the quality and happiness of your life - you sound very lonely, and sound as though you feel like meeting him will be great for your life. Relationships work best when both people are happy going into the relationship.

4 - Read the DOS warning, and ask yourself if anything in your relationship sounds like that.

5 - Ask him if any of his friends are in relationships with American or European women.

6 - Ask him what he thinks life is like in America.

7 - Ask him how many other women he's met online, and how long the relationships with them lasted, and why they ended.

Those are a few things I can think of off the top of my head.

Anyone else?