Nightmare of an Interview @ Mumbai 4/19

[Peter_Pan 661]

I don't think there's a country/embassy that even blinks at older man younger woman no matter how much the difference. It's just not that big a thing to the world. Even us raise an eyebrow when we say "53 year old woman with 4 grand kids married to 32 year old guy". It's the world we live in.

Personally, I hold women in much higher esteem than men and expect more out of them. A grandfather married to a much younger woman is as disgusting to me as the opposite. But on the other hand, I expect women to take one look at a picture of themselves and the pretty boy from Africa/India/MENA, who said "I love you" so wonderfully early on and go "####, I can't do this, I look like his grannie, I have more self esteem than that".

I foresee a post removal.

[sachinky 465]

In response Mrs. Sachinky:

Some of us have great jobs, with retirement, a house, kids, family.....We can not just on a whim go okay I will move to India then. Maybe if I was in my early twenty's and not established in life I could just do that. Not saying that I would not go and live with him in India, but we have been apart for long enough and if I need to move to India it will be a long process also. Yes it is very sad that it is not so easy to get a visa to be with your loved one. Also it is great to give honest advice, but stating the obvious holes in her case does not help. She knows just like I and you about where the holes are in our cases that we could have more evidence. She was hoping that what they had would be enough and she was disappointed and upset that they denied him his visa and how they treated him. I would feel the same.

I know Boiler addressed this but I don't get this. Somehow when the question of the USC moving is posed, it is always damned near impossible. House, mortgage, kids, wonderful job, retirement etc are cited and yet, apparently, the beneficiary has no binding ties. He or she is capable of moving across oceans but it is unreasonable to expect his/her spouse to do the same. Do these conversations not take place before marriage? Especially in red-flag cases where denial is a very likely outcome, especially on the first try? "It is impossible for me to leave, but the US government must issue a visa to my intended despite murky circumstances! How can they not? We are in love! Love, I say!"

I know Mr. Sachinky and I talked at length about possibly living in India since I am the only child of my parents. We eventually went with the CR-1 since I had been in the US for four years (on a F-1 visa) and there wouldn't be any issues regarding transitions. If denied, Mr. Sachinky would've moved to Calcutta and we would've made a go of our life there. Perhaps, we would've have given the DCF a try in the future. Perhaps not. Anyway, V&C, your case doesn't seem similar to the OP's (the circumstances and evolution, at least, but perhaps, you too, have an age difference and therefore are relating your situation to the OPs?) and this discussion is rather off-topic as it has no bearing on the original thread.

[TBoneTX 45,583]

To everybody, for the record: I consider Sachinky's posts (anywhere, anytime) to be sensible, literate, and well worth considering by anyone who reads them.

[V+C 9]

I know Boiler addressed this but I don't get this. Somehow when the question of the USC moving is posed, it is always damned near impossible. House, mortgage, kids, wonderful job, retirement etc are cited and yet, apparently, the beneficiary has no binding ties. He or she is capable of moving across oceans but it is unreasonable to expect his/her spouse to do the same. Do these conversations not take place before marriage? Especially in red-flag cases where denial is a very likely outcome, especially on the first try? "It is impossible for me to leave, but the US government must issue a visa to my intended despite murky circumstances! How can they not? We are in love! Love, I say!"

I know Mr. Sachinky and I talked at length about possibly living in India since I am the only child of my parents. We eventually went with the CR-1 since I had been in the US for four years (on a F-1 visa) and there wouldn't be any issues regarding transitions. If denied, Mr. Sachinky would've moved to Calcutta and we would've made a go of our life there. Perhaps, we would've have given the DCF a try in the future. Perhaps not. Anyway, V&C, your case doesn't seem similar to the OP's (the circumstances and evolution, at least, but perhaps, you too, have an age difference and therefore are relating your situation to the OPs?) and this discussion is rather off-topic as it has no bearing on the original thread.

The only thing that is similar in our case is that we are both an interracial couple.

[Boiler 45,730]

What about K1 and India?

[V+C 9]

What about K1 and India?

LOL you got me there Boiler (K1 & India) also in common.

[catknit 144]

I moved to India in my thirties dropping a great job, nice apartment, paid-off car and with elderly parents still in the US because of a K1 denial.

Fast forward 3 years and we're here with 2 solidly-decent jobs, 2 cars, a house, and 2 extremely awesome cats. We didn't end up staying as long as we thought due to some extraordinary luck on the immigration side of things but I had committed to moving there permanently if need be.

You have to be flexible with this immigration stuff...or be willing to cut your losses. Well, I guess the third option would be loads of meds - because you'll drive yourself nuts.

OP- try to regroup. Get back to India for both your relationships sake as well as building a better case. Go this time with eyes wide open to what living there is like, that may be what is needed in the interim. I personally loved it there, but I know there are people who don't. Best of luck!

[jaycali 415]

I don't think there's a country/embassy that even blinks at older man younger woman no matter how much the difference. It's just not that big a thing to the world. Even us raise an eyebrow when we say "53 year old woman with 4 grand kids married to 32 year old guy". It's the world we live in.

It's not a matter of "what's right and what's wrong in their eyes." It's a matter of what's "common." Here's how they'll look at it:

1. Is the relationship uncommon in country A in regards to age, culture and religion?

2. Is the relationship uncommon in the US in any respect?

3. Is country A a high fraud country?

4. Have person A and B spent a very limited amount of time together?

If the answer the answer to any of these is Yes, it's not an automatic denial, but it's a reason for them to be more cautious in granting the visa. If the answer to more than one of these questions is yes, it's a definite big red flag.

If a 65 year old American male marries a 30 year old i.e Thai or Filipino female, it's not an uncommon sight at all, so it won't immediately raise eyebrows. I'm not saying the difference in treatment is right, but it is what it is.

The problem is, when marriage fraud schemes try to match up "fiances" they often fall short and in limited supply of "willing and able Americans." If they have five 25 year old Indian males willing to pay for a K1 visa, they also have to match them up with 5 unmarried American women, and more often than not, they're unable to find 5 American women in the same age group willing and/or able, so they just match them up with anyone and hope it'll go unnoticed. In addition, when these "fiances" meet, they'll just meet as a formality to fill the requirement, but not have any interest, desire or ability to spend large amounts of time in the beneficiary's country. That's why 'uncommon' = red flag. And unfortunately, it's the legitimate couples who are the victims.

The only thing that is similar in our case is that we are both an interracial couple.

Same here. But that's not necessarily a red flag at all, only in cases where it would be considered "uncommon" or somehow culturally/socially unacceptable in that country would it raise flags.

Edited April 22, 2012 by jaejayC

[jaycali 415]

The only thing that is similar in our case is that we are both an interracial couple.

Since I couldn't edit my post anymore..

1. Is it completely unheard of in the US for an American male/female to marry and Indian?

2. Is it completely unheard of in India for an Indian male/female to marry an American?

If not, then don't think of it as a red flag.

Edited April 22, 2012 by jaejayC

[unlockingsky 94]

I moved to India in my thirties dropping a great job, nice apartment, paid-off car and with elderly parents still in the US because of a K1 denial.

Fast forward 3 years and we're here with 2 solidly-decent jobs, 2 cars, a house, and 2 extremely awesome cats. We didn't end up staying as long as we thought due to some extraordinary luck on the immigration side of things but I had committed to moving there permanently if need be.

You have to be flexible with this immigration stuff...or be willing to cut your losses. Well, I guess the third option would be loads of meds - because you'll drive yourself nuts.

OP- try to regroup. Get back to India for both your relationships sake as well as building a better case. Go this time with eyes wide open to what living there is like, that may be what is needed in the interim. I personally loved it there, but I know there are people who don't. Best of luck!

if you live in india long enough, you could file directly without the horrible uscis. but it is worth the experience. i would like to move to china for a few years but my job involves helping many elderly patients indirectly is very important at the moment. otherwise i would just live in china for a few years.

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

The problem is, when marriage fraud schemes try to match up "fiances" they often fall short and in limited supply of "willing and able Americans." If they have five 25 year old Indian males willing to pay for a K1 visa, they also have to match them up with 5 unmarried American women, and more often than not, they're unable to find 5 American women in the same age group willing and/or able, so they just match them up with anyone and hope it'll go unnoticed. In addition, when these "fiances" meet, they'll just meet as a formality to fill the requirement, but not have any interest, desire or ability to spend large amounts of time in the beneficiary's country. That's why 'uncommon' = red flag. And unfortunately, it's the legitimate couples who are the victims.

I agree with this 100%. There are plenty of twenty-something year old Indian males perusing the internet in search of unsuspecting vulnerable American women whom they can scam for a quick ticket to the U.S. It's common enough today that COs will look at out of the norm cases through very suspicious eyes. Online meetings, significant age differences, minimal time meeting face to face all throw up more indications that this relationship is a scam and is only seeking immigration benefits. The more the relationship veers from a typical relationship in India, the more your relationship will be scrutinized.

It's important to step back and look at your relationship from an outsider's perspective. It was hard for us to do this and VJ has helped a lot in that regard.

I completely agree with previous member's posts who have suggested going to India for some time and building your relationship with your fiance. It's not the easiest decision to undertake by any means, but we all must make sacrifices in such complex relationships. I suggest preparing yourselves now for a back-up plan, in the event that a visa to the U.S. is not a possibility. IMO, India is an amazing country. I enjoy every second I spend there with my fiance and would be up for moving if things did not work in our favor for immigrating to the U.S.

Edited April 23, 2012 by AKSinghSingh79

[Ryan H 3,817]

if you live in india long enough, you could file directly without the horrible uscis.

The section of your statement I put in bold is not correct. Petitions that are filed at overseas locations (where available) are filed at USCIS field offices and adjudicated by USCIS personnel before a visa interview by consular personnel takes place. USCIS field offices are typically housed on the grounds of an Embassy or Consulate.

[SOflaherty 40]

He did not state any opinions, just facts pertinent to the case.

Actually he didn't. The OP was not married before, so there was no 'previous marriage'.

[keyshawn18 52]

There is an assumption on this board that some people are Gods on this message board.I am not drinking that Kool aid.Just because you have a bunch of fancy squares below your name doesnt mean you know what you are talking about. All too often people make snide remarks because they think they know everything.

[dwheels76 5,468]

It's not a matter of "what's right and what's wrong in their eyes." It's a matter of what's "common." Here's how they'll look at it:

1. Is the relationship uncommon in country A in regards to age, culture and religion?

2. Is the relationship uncommon in the US in any respect?

3. Is country A a high fraud country?

4. Have person A and B spent a very limited amount of time together?

If the answer the answer to any of these is Yes, it's not an automatic denial, but it's a reason for them to be more cautious in granting the visa. If the answer to more than one of these questions is yes, it's a definite big red flag.

If a 65 year old American male marries a 30 year old i.e Thai or Filipino female, it's not an uncommon sight at all, so it won't immediately raise eyebrows. I'm not saying the difference in treatment is right, but it is what it is.

The problem is, when marriage fraud schemes try to match up "fiances" they often fall short and in limited supply of "willing and able Americans." If they have five 25 year old Indian males willing to pay for a K1 visa, they also have to match them up with 5 unmarried American women, and more often than not, they're unable to find 5 American women in the same age group willing and/or able, so they just match them up with anyone and hope it'll go unnoticed. In addition, when these "fiances" meet, they'll just meet as a formality to fill the requirement, but not have any interest, desire or ability to spend large amounts of time in the beneficiary's country. That's why 'uncommon' = red flag. And unfortunately, it's the legitimate couples who are the victims.

Well said. Ha full disclosure I am that 53 year old grandma with 32 year old husband. Yes we know what we are in for (NOW), and believe we have all red flags addressed and have countered with much evidence and face time and not doing what really raises the red flag,

1.Like marrying first visit soon as you arrive than leaving (we didn't).

2. Long courtship before meet and after face to face.

3. 6 months together. 6 weeks before wedding, 4 months after.

4. Family acceptance and powerful statements from his mum who we lived with the entire 6 months.

I know there will still be questions. But i think we will be okay. More visits to come more parties and more ceremonies before interview time.