How much do you send to your wife's family monthly ?

[Dan and Judy 614]

Good points except this one. If the wife had married a filipino that is well off the same would happen or be expected.

To quote Judy from 2 minutes ago. In Philipines the poor marry the poor, and the rich marry the rich.

Filipinos that are well off as most Americans are, are not going to marry poor girls. If they did they would put themselves and immediate family first.

[gretchen_darren 67]

You know the more I read these posts and look at my own "myopic" point of view.... and wish people would read better.... the more I wonder how many people read between the lines of what is being said herein. The problem lies in the ideas and cultures which can be vastly different. the problem is not wit the Filipina or the USC husband (pardon me for those of you who are reversed) But the fact of the matter you are blending TWO cultures together.

What I find most disturbing is the lack of culture lost in America from those relatives who came over and grandparents, great-grandparents, or long lost relatives were also immigrants at one point in time. What I see most troubling and most disturbing is the "myopic" "meism" point of view being touted here. Forget you, forget the family, I am looking after ME. I am looking after MY family. I am looking after MY children. the lack of regard for you, for your family, for your relatives. what is it that makes it so hard to care about your wife's family? What is it that makes it so hard to give more then just a damn about family (parents, grandparents, etc)? I grew up where family mattered. You wanted to put up a barn, everyone was there. you had the cattle get out from a broken fence, people were helping you round them up. Why is America so "meism" oriented? when I was looking for a mate I was looking for someone beautiful, pretty, and wonderful. But I was also looking for someone not "meism" oriented. A girl like that is a rare find in the world. those guys who have a girl like that count your blessing each day you are married to her. In this world of "me me me", I ocunt my self blessed to have a girl who thinks of "you". (not just me, but of her fmaily and those around her.)

[Dan and Judy 614]

some of what he posts may be based on a myopic view from life in the "village".

I think he is quoting Gretchen's Mom exactly here.

2) Children take care of parents. Never is there an exception.

3) when children marry. they are no longer under the care of the parents. However, the spouse is expected to assist with the fmaily if at all possible

except the "if at possible" part. He made that up himself

[sunandmoon 450]

You know the more I read these posts and look at my own "myopic" point of view.... and wish people would read better.... the more I wonder how many people read between the lines of what is being said herein. The problem lies in the ideas and cultures which can be vastly different. the problem is not wit the Filipina or the USC husband (pardon me for those of you who are reversed) But the fact of the matter you are blending TWO cultures together.

What I find most disturbing is the lack of culture lost in America from those relatives who came over and grandparents, great-grandparents, or long lost relatives were also immigrants at one point in time. What I see most troubling and most disturbing is the "myopic" "meism" point of view being touted here. Forget you, forget the family, I am looking after ME. I am looking after MY family. I am looking after MY children. the lack of regard for you, for your family, for your relatives. what is it that makes it so hard to care about your wife's family? What is it that makes it so hard to give more then just a damn about family (parents, grandparents, etc)? I grew up where family mattered. You wanted to put up a barn, everyone was there. you had the cattle get out from a broken fence, people were helping you round them up. Why is America so "meism" oriented? when I was looking for a mate I was looking for someone beautiful, pretty, and wonderful. But I was also looking for someone not "meism" oriented. A girl like that is a rare find in the world. those guys who have a girl like that count your blessing each day you are married to her. In this world of "me me me", I ocunt my self blessed to have a girl who thinks of "you". (not just me, but of her fmaily and those around her.)

I don't know what lines you're reading between, but I did not get the sense most are advocating a lack of regard for the family back in the Philippines. it's all about me and I don't care about te situation of the family in the Philippines.

[gretchen_darren 67]

I think he is quoting Gretchen's Mom exactly here.

2) Children take care of parents. Never is there an exception.

3) when children marry. they are no longer under the care of the parents. However, the spouse is expected to assist with the fmaily if at all possible

except the "if at possible" part. He made that up himself

Actually, that is from my own great-Grandparents and grandparents...not Gretchen's mom.... try living in an irish farming family....

As for saying without regard to the Philippines, I was saying without regard to ANY family, not just those in the Philippines. take the elbow out of yer ear and ya' just might hear better......

[sunandmoon 450]

Actually, that is from my own great-Grandparents and grandparents...not Gretchen's mom.... try living in an irish farming family....

As for saying without regard to the Philippines, I was saying without regard to ANY family, not just those in the Philippines. take the elbow out of yer ear and ya' just might hear better......

OK, I try to keep my elbow out of my ear if you try to keep from putting your foot in your mouth...

[gretchen_darren 67]

putting my foot in my mouth is the only way to keep my mouth shut..... besides baby's love to put their foot in their mouths....... but then again I am not as limber as a baby..... maybe that is someone elses foot......

[sunandmoon 450]

putting my foot in my mouth is the only way to keep my mouth shut..... besides baby's love to put their foot in their mouths....... but then again I am not as limber as a baby..... maybe that is someone elses foot......

ok, lets just leave it at that, not trying to turn this thread into something about fetishes...

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

This thread has taken a strange turn, from Jesus Christ Superstar, to unusual body insertions.

[actob99 156]

To quote Judy from 2 minutes ago. In Philipines the poor marry the poor, and the rich marry the rich.

Filipinos that are well off as most Americans are, are not going to marry poor girls. If they did they would put themselves and immediate family first.

That is correct..

[Dan and Judy 614]

Actually, that is from my own great-Grandparents and grandparents...not Gretchen's mom.... try living in an irish farming family....

So is this what you meant to say??

I would say to this, if you don't send money. Expect a "cld" reception when you go back. They may be "nice" to you, but you will not be treated as family. The Irish have 4 things:

1) if you say it, you will do it. Be careful what you say.

2) Children take care of parents. Never is there an exception.

3) when children marry. they are no longer under the care of the parents. However, the spouse is expected to assist with the fmaily if at all possible.

4) budgeting is not something in Ireland, nor is mortgage, insurance, or car payment. Learn to teach them our budgets. Also, to them, some items are just a want. A car gets you places. They don't see the type of car or house as you do or as Europeans, CIS does.

[gretchen_darren 67]

What I am trying to say is what you care about is what you will take care of. What you treasure most, is what you will put your heart into. Things of this world pass away... You can't take anything with you.... BUT you can make sure the circle is unbroken. Family, friends, loved ones, and people you hardly know or meet once in your lifetime, you can meet again in heaven. (yes I believe in heaven and hell) My wife, my children, my family, and my wife's family I can see again on the other side. When I meet my great-grandparents, grandparents and other relatives who have gone on before me. I want to show them what I cared about most was family. What I treasured most was other people. Money is a good servant, but a cruel master. And when money talks it often says "goodbye".... What I have found most disturbin gin America the "meism" syndrome. Me and my family. Me and my needs. What can you do for me? I grow tired of it. It drives me nuts.

My concern is when are people going to care for their family instead of letting "government" care for the family? If we don't take care of those who are dear to us, others are going to it, and not give a damn about them at all.

If you think I am bothered about it. you are right. My own parents, and siblings have disowned me for marrying a Filipina who is 25 years younger than me. they aren't happy for me. My own family does not want me. It hurts me more thinking of what Gretchen is missing out on more than them disowning me. I miss tlalking with my dad and mom like I used to. But all it has done is drive me closer to Gretchen and her family. I have adopted her parents as my parents. Her family as my family. Her relatives as my relatives. I still love my parents and family. I am hoping one day the rift will mend. But right now my heart is in my wife. How I can make her happy. And if sending money or helping her family out, makes her happier, I will do it. My wife sort of knows how much it hurts me losing my family. I tell her many times it is not because of her, but because my family is does not like marrying someone who is catholic instead of protestant plus they think you are a "mail order bride" who had no choice no matter how much I try to tell them otherwise. they also do not like I told them after the fact. All I can tell you is I love my wife dearly. She is precious to me, jsut as my two boys are. I am just glad they all get along.

[A and T 82]

If i knew the money was 100% going towards something to help, i would be fine. But I know the money would go to gambling, flat screen tvs, and other nonsense.

(flat screen tv is some sort of status symbol here)

[gretchen_darren 67]

If i knew the money was 100% going towards something to help, i would be fine. But I know the money would go to gambling, flat screen tvs, and other nonsense.

(flat screen tv is some sort of status symbol here)

Agreed, don't just send money because you care about the fmaily. Make sure to use proper judgement in sending the money. I think this is one part people are missing in what I say. You care about your family. Caring means to invest in them to become better at making their own money. Help them become more. Just don't send money to send money. If they want money, make sure to invest in things which help them to not be dependent on you. Now maybe if they are in their 70's or 80;s or 90's this may be different. But if they can work, and choose to just beg money from you, this is not a good thing. At times, you can send money for a special occasion, or to buy a flat screen tv or something if you something special for an anniversary or birthday or holiday. Please note I am advising you help the family. but do it in a way which HELPS the family, not keeps a train rolling of sending money, them spending money, asking for money, and you sending more money. I think some people here have been victims of this and my wife's own family fell into this trap a couple of times of which we worked together to correct things quickly. When there are issues or problems, it is good to send money to help. However, the money you send should never elevate their lifestyle while at the same time causing you to suffer here. What you send monthly. semi-monthly, regularly should be in proportion to what can be sent without causing you or your family to suffer here. If you are suffering while they are increasing in lifestyle, then you need to re-examine what you are sending. Yes, care for your family, and your relatives, but do so in a way which makes sense.

when I hear it goes to nonsense. I just don't send money for a while. They need help, tough, you didn't realize what it takes for me to live here as well. If you have spare money great, don't ask me. But if you need to live, and you find a way to squeeze out a few extra pesos... wonderful. I tell them exactly when I can send money again. If they ask for money before that. I just ask where the money went or what the problem is. One time the mom spent money I left behind on paint for the house. It wasn't that they painted the house which bothered me. It was the fact I told them I was not going to be able to send money for a while. I was not going to be able to send money because of bills back home, a wedding, plus AOS, then when we can back my wife became pregnant and my ex hauled me into court for more child support. Then there was thanksgiving , Christmas, and then my wife needed a root canal. Last September, I knew it was still typhoon season since typically every October a typhoon goes through Luzon and was worried because of what flooding had done in June to the village. Just after we left, two typhoons came through the area flooding the village. They nearly lost the house. the house flooded for the first time in years. Fortunately, the laptop was not lost in the flooding, but many appliances were including the TV. I helped out in the flooding repairs, but I was diligent in what I sent. I told them how soon before the next round of money was coming. They soon learned to budget and plan as well as continue to find work.