How much do you send to your wife's family monthly ?

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

I send 400.00 a month. 150.00 for her mom and 300.00 for her daughters.

Love that Filipino math! Kumusta po kayo, nanay!

[DouglasFiel 53]

Your first responsibility in my opinion is to your family,,, If you are in debt and giving the in-laws a premium lifestyle that is not balance.

Personally,,, I would only send enough money to cover basic neccessities (they can not pay themselves) until I was in a better financial

position.

Good Luck,

dc

[RickJovi 81]

First of all, I was answering the OP, but since you asked for clarification, why not?

I've been in Phils many times, am married with a great pinay and among other things have 3 adult step anak Filipinos, who have their own families.

I am very familiar with the everyday life, and struggles, over there.

What you or the OP do with your money is your business. It is up to you to send it all, burn in your back yard or use it in any other way.

Oh...well... Another "philanthropist" that fell for the "it's Filipino culture" thing, the sad part is that one day you will find out, the hard way, what people over there really think about you.

or not if you keep the flow.

What if your wife had married a pinoy? What would be the expectations?

Let's be real, not even close to what they've got now.

Wishing you the best.

I am not trying to start an altercation or argument with you, as we both have our own views and opninions, but what exactly are you trying to say by saying "Another "philanthropist" that fell for the "it's Filipino culture" thing". I am not bobo. I do what I do because I want to do it. I didn't fall for anything. I lived in the Philippines for 4 years when I was stationed at Clark Air Base. I am not struggling like some other people with their finances or I might have a slightly different view on how much I send. Like I said she and her family have never asked for one peso. Of course I am aware if she married a Filipino instead of me, they wouldn't get as much as I am sending, but that point is mute because she is marrying me, a kano. I do what I do because I want to, so please don't try to slam me because of what I do. I hope you respect my opinion and I respect yours, but please don't try any personal attacks against me. I didn't attack you and if you thought I did by asking you some questions then my apologies. We have something in common, a beautiful pinay we love dearly. Ingat.

Edited April 19, 2012 by RickJovi

[Caryh 5,206]

We do not send anything on a regular basis. What we have done is cover some things that have came up. My wife has two younger adopted siblings. When she was there, she paid their high school tuition. Now that my wife has started working, we picked that up again and will continue to do so. I think they have two years of school left. They will not go on to college, because they are special needs children. Although there is a program they will go into that helps them to survive on their own after high school if they get a diploma. We want them to have that chance. We also bought her mother a good set of false teeth. After my wife left her mother's teeth were giving her so many problems, that she had them all pulled. Her family understands we're working hard here and don't really have a lot extra now. They also believe in everyone working hard and making do with what they have. Sending the tuition that had fallen behind got a big thank you of gratitude. So did the money for Momma's teeth. My wife is happy to because her mother looks like her mother again. I love my in-laws, they are family to me. But one of the reasons I became so close with them is because of their values. They believe in hard work and doing for yourself. That doesn't mean you don't help out family when they need it, but it doesn't mean when daughter marries a Kano they've hit the lottery. My wife and I discussed it, and our budget comes first. We'll try and set so much aside each month, but this isn't for just sending monthly cash to them. This is for us to be able to send money when something happens that the family cannot cover.

[actob99 156]

You are just going to have to stop. You are married to her not the family. They are not ur responsibility. This is the trick that some families play. Once someone gets to the states they expect that person to support the whole family and then some. They must learn to remember that you have to survive here in the states that is not cheap as well. If you dont put ur foot down it will continue. Why should they be self supporting when you and your wife are supporting them?

Be careful what you are saying unless you have lived in the shoes of a filipino. That is very much the culture there in the Philippines, whoever in the family get's ahead or a good job is expected to help support the family. This doesn't matter if the daughter gets married to a foreigner or the youngest brother is working as a Seaman. I would guess that 90% of filipino overseas workers are sending a good percentage of their income home to their families...

Now the question is,, how much is enough and what is the line? Of course if the daughter is married to an American it is assumed that the American makes alot of money. I think its up to the family member living abroad to explain that it is hard to make it abroad and that foreigners are not rich.. This needs to be communicated to the family over and over.

Finally, you are dead wrong about not being married to the family, In the Phils that is exactly what you are!!!!!!!!

[RickJovi 81]

Be careful what you are saying unless you have lived in the shoes of a filipino. That is very much the culture there in the Philippines, whoever in the family get's ahead or a good job is expected to help support the family. This doesn't matter if the daughter gets married to a foreigner or the youngest brother is working as a Seaman. I would guess that 90% of filipino overseas workers are sending a good percentage of their income home to their families...

Now the question is,, how much is enough and what is the line? Of course if the daughter is married to an American it is assumed that the American makes alot of money. I think its up to the family member living abroad to explain that it is hard to make it abroad and that foreigners are not rich.. This needs to be communicated to the family over and over.

Finally, you are dead wrong about not being married to the family, In the Phils that is exactly what you are!!!!!!!!

Thanks for reinforcing what I know. I am not bobo after all, hahaha... Take care.

[actob99 156]

What if your wife had married a pinoy? What would be the expectations?

Let's be real, not even close to what they've got now.

Wishing you the best.

Good points except this one. If the wife had married a filipino that is well off the same would happen or be expected.

[Michael and Ivy2 7]

We have sent some money the last 2 years but not many times.we sent the family $500.00 last year when there was the big flood in Iligian city.Gonna start next month paying for my bro in law to go to seaman school,only because he wouldnt get to go if we didnt, but he is a good kid so i dont mind at all helping him better his self.My father in law told me before i married my wife he didnt except me to send any money he only wanted me to take care of his daughter.

[RickJovi 81]

Good points except this one. If the wife had married a filipino that is well off the same would happen or be expected.

Agreed. Salamat.

[James and Cynthia 70]

We send about $300 a month, plus a few extras. I make good money and my wife works. We have debt, but we're making it and the future looks bright for us. We're happy to give. I consider it the charity I've never given out. I'd much rather give it to family than people I don't know. I knew that it would be this way when I proposed to my wife and I never planned on changing the way she is or the way her family unit works. I'm happy my wife doesn't have to work so hard to do it on her own anymore.

-James

[Hank_ 9,174]

We send about $300 a month, plus a few extras. I make good money and my wife works. We have debt, but we're making it and the future looks bright for us. We're happy to give. I consider it the charity I've never given out. I'd much rather give it to family than people I don't know. I knew that it would be this way when I proposed to my wife and I never planned on changing the way she is or the way her family unit works. I'm happy my wife doesn't have to work so hard to do it on her own anymore.

-James

:thumbs: Totally agree. For sure being aware of what you wife/fiancee was doing for the family before you appeared, that is what you will need to be ready to handle.

... charity begins at home.

[gretchen_darren 67]

Interesting thoughts. I send what is needed when it is needed. I roughly have sent %150 a month. Recently, I send them $2200 to buy a banka boat. This is because the person renting the boat to Papa took the boat away while we were in Manila getting her paperwork ready. It took me a while to get the money. I have been going through rough times as well, but their times have been rougher with 3 floods, and no way to make money. The money I send them helps them to work. Now they have a boat so they can work. I am going to invest in things which help build their business. This is what is important to me right now. My objecetive in sending money to the fmaily is sustaining them in times of need and helping them become better on their own. If they surpass me. I am happy. But I wish to be a part of the fmaily. My own family has disowned me. Not becuase of my wife. It is because I chose to marry a 19 year old filipina, my family has disowned me. It is not a big loss to me. But it is a loss to my wife. However, my own kids love being with me and my wife. And want to go to the Philippines to visit her family. My own kids are asking when they can go. Imagine a 5 yearold asking this. (and yes, I have exposed them the Filipino food and Filipino (asian) stores with the super wonderful pungent smell of fish and crabs)

[JoBri 548]

None...to my knowledge? But she controls all the finances, so who knows for sure, other than her...

[A and T 82]

By giving them money each month you are hurting them, now they are dependent on your money. Tell her you are in debt and you can't give them anymore until the debt is paid off! Stand your ground on the issue, you do have to put your own family and bills first you know

[adiiann 163]

When I wasn't working yet, I sent minimal christmas gifts like worth $100 because we are trying to save and we are living paycheck to paycheck.

When I got the job, I sent a balikbayan box full of request for christmas gifts which cost me almost $1000. I helped monetarily not more than $500 when there's emergency which happened approximately 1.5 times a year.

But I never sent money regularly. Only when there's emergency. I have family now that I need to take care of. Me and my husband agreed to help financially our family when they really need it.

Edited April 20, 2012 by adiiann