How much do you send to your wife's family monthly ?

[lbounds 16]

Probably everyone will have a different answer to the question. We have a regular amount of $250 we send them each month but the problem is the unexpected extras of medical expenses, medicines etc. There often seems to be something coming up that's a few extra hundreds here and there.

In the past two years we have helped them in buying a motorcyle for taxi business and one family member start a business as a street food vendor. I had hopes that they would become self supportive at least a bit. No idea how much money they can even make with those businesses in a small town. I hoped at least they would be able to put a little aside for emergencies like needing medicines, doctors visits etc. It never seems to happen going on 2 years now.

Our own financial situation here is we are about 25k in debt and only rent an apartment. Unfortunately my wife is stuck in the middle between her family's requests and me concerned about paying our own bills.

[Therealworld 90]

You are just going to have to stop. You are married to her not the family. They are not ur responsibility. This is the trick that some families play. Once someone gets to the states they expect that person to support the whole family and then some. They must learn to remember that you have to survive here in the states that is not cheap as well. If you dont put ur foot down it will continue. Why should they be self supporting when you and your wife are supporting them?

[FinallyDone:) 10]

I personally send about the same amount to colombia. its not to my in laws either(since they hate me). i send money to my niece's mom. I pay for her schooling and expense( my brother in law is a dead beat). I am currently helping her mother to open a business in bogota selling things from the usa. Hopefully this i will lift the strain so much on me because she will have income. but i totally agree that it can get outta control. at one point i was sending over 500 a month. but i since have changed my preferences on what she can and cannot have. and whats a luxary vs whats a neccesity

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Yep. You got to stop that stuff. I don't send anything to her family. I told the wife if she wants to send money back home, get a job. She did, and she does, and she hates the way they keep asking for more and more. It is never enough, they don't say thanks, and her parents keep trying new ways to extort more money from her and her siblings, two brothers in the US and one sister in Taiwan. The parents had a boarding house and a restaurant in Manila not too far from several universities, and made a fair living. Now they do nothing at all, except the mom takes trips all over the place, and the dad plays the lottery. Only one person in the family knows how to manage money, her brother, and he put them on a small allowance, ignoring them otherwise. It is hard for my wife to say no, but she is learning. She just cut off one of her nieces that became too demanding, unfriending her and blocking her from Facebook.

When she was living in the Philippines, my wife worked to put all her siblings through school, and later, had to give her paycheck to her mom, as well as scrub pans in the restaurant, and change linens in the boarding house and in her brothers' rooms. They didn't treat her well, almost like a slave. I don't know why she feels she still has an obligation to them, just for bringing her into the world.

[Dana-Mića 51]

When I first came here my parents used to send money like a hundred here and there to my fathers parents but that stopped once they came here. Now that my husband is here and his whole family is over there I've thought about it and sometimes even said to my husband send a hundred to your dad. But my husband is smarter than I am he says the only time he will send money is when we aren't struggling to live here and that's not anytime soon. I don't think people that come here should be a meal ticket for the ones back there. What would they do if we never came here? Who would help them out? It isn't fair to us especially when we are taking money that we can really use and sending it over there.

[MikelanNida 28]

If your wife is not working, stop sending money till you get caught up, If she is working then she should pay half the bills, then send money with what she has left. If she can understand her families situation, surely she can understand yours too. Ask yourself how they survived before you too married, good luck.

[zzzlpr 7]

First of all, are you aware that $250/month is classified as a high income household in Phils?

The vast majority of households do not make this sort of income.

A security guard makes like $110-150, this is when he is not off of his contract.

What you send is a manager's monthly income.

The problem you have now is that you already opened a precedent, or should I say precedents with all the other extra monies you sent. So, the pressure on you,your wife and consequently in your relationship will continue forever, that's a giving.

IMHO, your only way out is to stop. The issue is how.

I would suggest establish a plan to phase down this bleeding and you MUST stick to it.

Don't give in to any of the black mail that certainly will come.

Trust me, you earn more respect by saying "NO" than giving in to any amount of money they request.

They will call you curiput, but I suspect they already do, so what's to loose on this part?

Edited April 19, 2012 by zzzlpr

[RickJovi 81]

You are just going to have to stop. You are married to her not the family. They are not ur responsibility. This is the trick that some families play. Once someone gets to the states they expect that person to support the whole family and then some. They must learn to remember that you have to survive here in the states that is not cheap as well. If you dont put ur foot down it will continue. Why should they be self supporting when you and your wife are supporting them?

That is the Filipino culture. Tyey raise their children, sacrifice for their education all the way through college and the children put back into the household when they get a job. It is unreasonable for you to think that a person marrying a Filipina should not do anything for the family. We are taking one of their bread winners from them that they have sacrificed a lot for. A set amount should be agreed upon with no miscellaneous expenses popping up on a frequent basis. Yes the Filipina wife could work and send money home to help her family since she can make a lot more here in the U.S. even working at a fast food chain, but should also contibute to her household here in the U.S.. When you make statements, just be aware that their culture may be different form yours. I wan to marry a Filipina and I know what comes with it. I didn't go into it with my eyes closed.

Now as how much I send to my Fiancée and her family, it is $330.00 a month. That is because I choose to give her and her family a support allowance of $250.00 a month and the rest is for internet and cable TV that I offered to pay for. She or her family have never approached me and asked me for any money. I make a good salary, got a 12% salary increase for my recent promotion in August 2011, so what I send does not hurt me. I was blessed with a good promotion and it came at the right time for a reason. What I send to her and her family is a small price to pay for my happiness and her peace of mind that I love and care for her family and they are taken care of. When she comes to the U.S. and we marry, she will not work as we are trying to have children soon and I informed her that she did not have to work and I would send the allowance to her family. My fiancée’s family is not lazy. Her father is a police officer who will retire in the next two years and makes roughly 17,000PHP, which is roughly $405.00 a month. She has four younger siblings, an older sister and her mother doesn't work because she is raising the children while papa is at work and they are responsible for paying on her and her sister’s student loans and board certification for her older sisters accounting tests that she had to take 3 times before finally passing and the ongoing education expenses for her younger siblings. The average working Filipino is lucky to make 400PHP ($8.00 USD) a day. So I don't have a problem with my financial responsibility if it will help support her family and make their life a little easier. Living in the Philippines for most Filipinos who are not educated or do not have skill sets to get a good paying job, is very hard. Some families are lucky just to have rice, small bananas and salted fish to eat to stay alive. Now granted some families will take advantage when their daughter is married to a foreigner because they look at us be rich. Most of us aren't but we have a better lifestyle than most Filipinos who are poor. One thing I will say in conclusion is that even though a lot of Filipino families are poor, they are happy with what they have and would even offer you the last food they have if you visited them. I am proud that my wife is Filipina, I love her family and I will retire in the Philippines as soon as I reach retirement age. I guess I just love the Philippines, their culture and family values. I am american, but I consider mysely pinoy also. Just my two cents worth.

[RickJovi 81]

When I first came here my parents used to send money like a hundred here and there to my fathers parents but that stopped once they came here. Now that my husband is here and his whole family is over there I've thought about it and sometimes even said to my husband send a hundred to your dad. But my husband is smarter than I am he says the only time he will send money is when we aren't struggling to live here and that's not anytime soon. I don't think people that come here should be a meal ticket for the ones back there. What would they do if we never came here? Who would help them out? It isn't fair to us especially when we are taking money that we can really use and sending it over there.

Depends on your financial status I guess. I pursued my fiancee, she did not pursue me. I met her through a friend who son is married to her friends sister. She happened to be one of my facebook friends. Every situation is different, so is every culture. How would they live without me being in their life, they would life as they always have and my fiancee would be there working to help the family unit survive. I have no regrets in helping her family. THey are not greedy and have never asked for any money. I give an allowance to help because I can afford to do it and my soon to be wife will have peace of mind that I took care of the responsiibility that she is obligated to do in her country, when I remove her from doing it to concentrate on our marriage, life together and starting our family. To each their own, but for one thing, no one can compare their situation to others, they are all different, different cultures, etc...

[RickJovi 81]

First of all, are you aware that $250/month is classified as a high income household in Phils?

The vast majority of households do not make this sort of income.

A security guard makes like $110-150, this is when he is not off of his contract.

What you send is a manager's monthly income.

The problem you have now is that you already opened a precedent, or should I say precedents with all the other extra monies you sent. So, the pressure on you,your wife and consequently in your relationship will continue forever, that's a giving.

IMHO, your only way out is to stop. The issue is how.

I would suggest establish a plan to phase down this bleeding and you MUST stick to it.

Don't give in to any of the black mail that certainly will come.

Trust me, you earn more respect by saying "NO" than giving in to any amount of money they request.

They will call you curiput, but I suspect they already do, so what's to loose on this part?

Just curious as to how often you have been to the Philippines and seen how much things costs. I guess I am not curiput and you may call me bobo, but what I do for my fiancee and her family I do becasue I want to and can afford to. No one asks me for anything and I don't have her aunts, uncles, nieces or nephews asking for anything. She would not allow or tolerate it. I help her family ; i.e., mama, papa, and siblings because I want to, not because they want me too. When her father retires from the police force in 2 years, he will have a large retirement paid at once nad then I won't have to do anything. Amping.

Probably everyone will have a different answer to the question. We have a regular amount of $250 we send them each month but the problem is the unexpected extras of medical expenses, medicines etc. There often seems to be something coming up that's a few extra hundreds here and there.

In the past two years we have helped them in buying a motorcyle for taxi business and one family member start a business as a street food vendor. I had hopes that they would become self supportive at least a bit. No idea how much money they can even make with those businesses in a small town. I hoped at least they would be able to put a little aside for emergencies like needing medicines, doctors visits etc. It never seems to happen going on 2 years now.

Our own financial situation here is we are about 25k in debt and only rent an apartment. Unfortunately my wife is stuck in the middle between her family's requests and me concerned about paying our own bills.

You can read my replies to others on your posts. Take care.

[Philwithlove 17]

we dont send any to my family back home. First because we have our own bills to pay nd second i dont have work yet. So even if i like my family to have an extra, i can't help them. What is great is that my family in the philippines understand my husband's financial situation and they are happy that i'm out of the house. I was dependent to my mother and im their burden.

[Dana-Mića 51]

Depends on your financial status I guess. I pursued my fiancee, she did not pursue me. I met her through a friend who son is married to her friends sister. She happened to be one of my facebook friends. Every situation is different, so is every culture. How would they live without me being in their life, they would life as they always have and my fiancee would be there working to help the family unit survive. I have no regrets in helping her family. THey are not greedy and have never asked for any money. I give an allowance to help because I can afford to do it and my soon to be wife will have peace of mind that I took care of the responsiibility that she is obligated to do in her country, when I remove her from doing it to concentrate on our marriage, life together and starting our family. To each their own, but for one thing, no one can compare their situation to others, they are all different, different cultures, etc...

Yes Serbia is different from the Philipines but the parents have the same expectations in fact in Serbia the son usually stays with the family to take care of them or has them move in with him once they are older. My husbands family is poor (till two years ago they had lived in an immigration camp together with my husband) but I still believe that they can survive even without our help. If we sent them money it would help a little but as of now us sending that money would put as at a disadvantage since we are expecting and need to move out on our own and my husband is the only one working. If we hadd extra money than yes I think he would gladly agree to send them money but in my opinion that money should only go towards his parents care and not anyone elses. I guess that is just my opinion just like yours is your opinion. Our cultures might be way different but there are expectations with in every family and those expectations are met one or another way or adjusted over time. My husband and my future child will always top the needs of anyone be that in my family or his.

[BJZags 17]

Our own financial situation here is we are about 25k in debt and only rent an apartment. Unfortunately my wife is stuck in the middle between her family's requests and me concerned about paying our own bills.

It is not the giving of money to the family that probably have some scratching their heads, it is the fact the remittances are causing financial strains for you. If the money sent back to the PHL is so great that the bills at home cannot be paid, this is a problem that must be fixed right away. Some have told me this is called "Filipina math" -- if I have five units of money, and I spend two units of money, I have five units of money remaining.

[zzzlpr 7]

Just curious as to how often you have been to the Philippines and seen how much things costs. I guess I am not curiput and you may call me bobo, but what I do for my fiancee and her family I do becasue I want to and can afford to. No one asks me for anything and I don't have her aunts, uncles, nieces or nephews asking for anything. She would not allow or tolerate it. I help her family ; i.e., mama, papa, and siblings because I want to, not because they want me too. When her father retires from the police force in 2 years, he will have a large retirement paid at once nad then I won't have to do anything. Amping.

You can read my replies to others on your posts. Take care.

First of all, I was answering the OP, but since you asked for clarification, why not?

I've been in Phils many times, am married with a great pinay and among other things have 3 adult step anak Filipinos, who have their own families.

I am very familiar with the everyday life, and struggles, over there.

What you or the OP do with your money is your business. It is up to you to send it all, burn in your back yard or use it in any other way.

Oh...well... Another "philanthropist" that fell for the "it's Filipino culture" thing, the sad part is that one day you will find out, the hard way, what people over there really think about you.

or not if you keep the flow.

What if your wife had married a pinoy? What would be the expectations?

Let's be real, not even close to what they've got now.

Wishing you the best.

[aam 3]

I send 400.00 a month. 150.00 for her mom and 300.00 for her daughters.

Edited April 19, 2012 by aam