Should I help possibly cheating wife?

[forever waiting 11]

Good advice washington1972

[masipag 6]

Simple question but make sense here,,,can you handle living with that kind of woman for the rest of your life??your son need a guidance,love and care.about your green card,she can't go back in the us if her gc is already expired.gice yourself a time to think as this situation is not easy.talk to yourself.and decide.my prayer is for you!

Masipag

I mean about "HER"green card not yours sorry I hate my phone with ut comes to "typing"grrr

[LSnBigBear 61]

Just curious Shawn. How did you find out his wife is from the Philippines. He has not registered information on where she is from unless I missed it while reading the messages. You are right though, he should stay away from bar girls in the Philippines. THey are nothing but prostitues and not suitable as wives. I lived there for 4 years when in the Air Force, so I know what goes on in the bars. Take care.

I did not say his wife is from PI.. My experiences are from RP is I have lived there on different occasions for work. I am more familiar with Filipinas then American women. Like I said we probably can pick any spanish country and get similar stories. IMO. No offense to anyone...

[LSnBigBear 61]

I did not say his wife is from PI.. My experiences are from RP is I have lived there on different occasions for work. I am more familiar with Filipinas then American women. Like I said we probably can pick any spanish country and get similar stories. IMO. No offense to anyone...

I would also like to add that I do have a few friends that met their wives in bikini bar, took them away and are living happily with no issues. It is like anything and anyone. Some want to get away from the bar scene and others want the life and attention... My two cents again lol

[mishab 1]

If my wife were to install a keylogging software on my latop to track my online behaviors I would leave her immediately. Anyone who does that is sick. The "healthy family" would have come to the end the moment such demeaning idea would cross my mind. I am socked at what people on this forum suggest is to leave her. She is your wife and its is your responsibility to ensure your family life is healthy and meaningful. Sorry pal, i suspect the problem is with you. Have you thought of that?

[leith@Ievgeniia 8]

If my wife were to install a keylogging software on my latop to track my online behaviors I would leave her immediately. Anyone who does that is sick. The "healthy family" would have come to the end the moment such demeaning idea would cross my mind. I am socked at what people on this forum suggest is to leave her. She is your wife and its is your responsibility to ensure your family life is healthy and meaningful. Sorry pal, i suspect the problem is with you. Have you thought of that?

have you read the original posting? he has cough her cheating before with the same man! wow. this was a cya move on his part to make sure. finding secret accounts and very inappropriate messages! that is no sign of a health mirage on her side either!

[RickJovi 81]

If my wife were to install a keylogging software on my latop to track my online behaviors I would leave her immediately. Anyone who does that is sick. The "healthy family" would have come to the end the moment such demeaning idea would cross my mind. I am socked at what people on this forum suggest is to leave her. She is your wife and its is your responsibility to ensure your family life is healthy and meaningful. Sorry pal, i suspect the problem is with you. Have you thought of that?

I don't think the problem is with him. Your wrong. He is guilty of putting keylogging software on her PC, which is an invasion of her privacy, but he must have done it for a reason. He suspected her of something and the software confirmed his suspicions. If the relationship was a healthy one in the first place, he would of never suspected her of cheating and betraying him. That does not make him sick. He now knows how she really is and she can say she is sorry all she wants. Most of the time you can't take bargirl out of a bar. He made a bad decision to even marry this woman nad now he has to live with it. Maybe to him at the time she was beautiful, good at sex and he thought with the wrong head. Men do that a lot and it ends up getting them in trouble because they just don't use good common sense.

[Peter555 1]

If my wife were to install a keylogging software on my latop to track my online behaviors I would leave her immediately. Anyone who does that is sick. The "healthy family" would have come to the end the moment such demeaning idea would cross my mind. I am socked at what people on this forum suggest is to leave her. She is your wife and its is your responsibility to ensure your family life is healthy and meaningful. Sorry pal, i suspect the problem is with you. Have you thought of that?

I don't think you're being fair here. Although I agree with what you say, it does not apply to my situation. Why? For starters, I did not, out of nowhere, decide to install that software to see what she does because I am somehow sick....

Put yourself in my shoes, you're wife or husband has been in contact with someone that was a client, in her/his days as a stripper, and that client also happened to had proposed to your wife or husband, which I forgot to mention in my first post, so you know they had an intimate relationship in the past and were engaged. After you get married, you find out your spouse is still in contact with this person so you ask your spouse to stop and respect the marriage. You obviously know they are in contact since that person is in your spouse's main Facebook account in their friends list and messenger. Spouse apologizes and supposedly removes the person. You find out, not a second, but third time it is still going on, and spouse plays the victim card and denies it all and keeps lying to you. You can't take it anymore knowing your spouse will just lie, so what do you do?

That guy was engaged with my wife in the past, but he had to leave the country because they offered him a job in another country. He kept coming back to my wife's country only to sleep with her and give her false promises of staying with her, and my wife also had other boyfriends while they were supposedly engaged and had a long distance relation. Weird, huh?.. So how do I know all this? I made my wife tell me because the guy kept calling my wife even while we were dating before getting married. My wife said she told him to stop calling, but I’m sure she lied to me and lead the guy on. My wife said she liked this guy but she got tired of waiting for him to permanently stay with her, so she started dating others and met me.

Everything was good for a year or so, then she started to use facebook and I noticed she had many guys who she knew from the striptease days. That is when I drew the line and told her that she was married and that it was inappropriate and to remove them. She kept lying to me at the same time being a hypocrite and accusing me of cheating and checking out other women. I had a feeling she had other accounts so I installed that in her laptop before our vacation to her country. I find out about the nasty names they call each other and their plan to meet behind my back. So I leave in disgust and she apologizes and promises never to do it again and that she didn’t meet the guy , and being who I am I make myself believe that she is telling the truth and we make up. Just last week I discovered that she made two other secret accounts, without the need of that software. She was stupid enough to use her daughter’s father last name and add the same guys as friends.

The mains reasons I am considering helping her is because of my son and the guilt I know I would feel if something happened to her mother because I left her in that country. She has no money, career, or future, She has already said multiple times that she would return to stripping if we ever got separated. To be honest I also feel lonely after so much time spent with her, but I don’t want to make another mistake.

Trust me I am not the one causing all of this or preventing this from being a healthy family. I have already taken her to therapy because of other issues she has with control, jealousy and issues about her past growing up. She took it as a joke and never attempted to go back after she went for a few weeks.

Right now I still don’t know what to do since I got myself into this mess, but I want what is best for my son, which I don’t know what is at this point. I am all for getting custody but I feel depressed when I imagine my son growing up without her mother, which I will admit she is caring, irresponsible, but caring. And knowing how stubborn and close minded she is I will have issues getting along with her if we separate.

Here are my options:

1. Confront her on what I just discovered and ask for a divorce.

2. Help her out and believe that she has not cheated and give it another shot, knowing the high risk

And by the way I did not use the keylogger in the US, used it in her country and to my knowledge it is legit in divorce cases in that country

[TBoneTX 46,167]

OP, consider how healthy it is for a child to be around someone of adult age who's irresponsible, dishonest, unfaithful, and immoral (or at best amoral).

Also, consider how healthy it is for YOU to be around someone like that.

[juliava 80]

OP - If I were you, I would cross option number 2. That's not a healthy option.

However, if you have any doubts, please make a list of things that you "love" about your wife and another list of things that you don't appreciate about her. At the end, please feel free to compare the two. The answer lays right in there. Good luck!

[TBoneTX 46,167]

make a list of things that you "love" about your wife and another list of things that you don't appreciate about her. At the end, please feel free to compare the two. The answer lays right in there.

If there's even ONE thing on the "don't appreciate" side that would cause you to compromise your principles, morals, or sense of healthy self, it knocks out every single item on the "appreciate" side.

[Chicagoguy 2 27]

Follow The Money. Put your son first but it might be best for you to consult a divorce lawyer now. What you do now might cost you some $ now but if you make a wrong move it could be really big money down the road.

[freetv 7]

If you have a shot at getting your son back I would divorce her and go for it (but we all know the cases with foreign spouses and children outside of the u.s.). You should talk to a lawyer and see if there is a way to get him back in the u.s and if you can, divorce her only once he is back here. As far as growing up without a mother, I can only see problems developing later on once he is older even if you do stay together... at least if you break up now he might be young enough to develop a strong bond with another woman you might meet in the future. Regardless of what you do, I wish you the best.

[Peter555 1]

If you have a shot at getting your son back I would divorce her and go for it (but we all know the cases with foreign spouses and children outside of the u.s.). You should talk to a lawyer and see if there is a way to get him back in the u.s and if you can, divorce her only once he is back here. As far as growing up without a mother, I can only see problems developing later on once he is older even if you do stay together... at least if you break up now he might be young enough to develop a strong bond with another woman you might meet in the future. Regardless of what you do, I wish you the best.

How do those cases turn out?

I just spoke with lawyer and he said it can be done two ways. 1. is to have a mutual agreement and sign the agreement with witnesses and divorce should be final within 3-4 months. Second option is if she wants to go after me for child support and we don't have an agreement on the terms of the divorce then it goes to a judge. Well, I already know that my money will not be wisely spent and i don't want my son raised while she goes to work in those places for months. When i first met my wife, she was on a different city from where her daughter was. Supposedly she left her daughter under her mothers care while she went to other cites to work for 3-4 months, she would return for a few weeks to see her daughter and out she was again. She said she did not like being at home and wanted to avoid any guy that new her and her family. Do you guys think I have a good shot at full custody if i bring this up?

[DaniG 3]

How do those cases turn out?

I just spoke with lawyer and he said it can be done two ways. 1. is to have a mutual agreement and sign the agreement with witnesses and divorce should be final within 3-4 months. Second option is if she wants to go after me for child support and we don't have an agreement on the terms of the divorce then it goes to a judge. Well, I already know that my money will not be wisely spent and i don't want my son raised while she goes to work in those places for months. When i first met my wife, she was on a different city from where her daughter was. Supposedly she left her daughter under her mothers care while she went to other cites to work for 3-4 months, she would return for a few weeks to see her daughter and out she was again. She said she did not like being at home and wanted to avoid any guy that new her and her family. Do you guys think I have a good shot at full custody if i bring this up?

Sounds like you should also consult with a lawyer in the country where your wife & child are, possibly even the US embassy there could help with advice. They might or might not accept US court decisions.

I'm not sure if the above activities of your wife would help you or not - courts have seen plenty of exes badmouth each other, but was she ever convicted for anything (child neglect, drugs, you name it)?