looking for MENA success stories

[Cathi 5,696]

Wow! No surprises...never?!? Either you're pretty lucky or pretty boring. We'll go with lucky. And yet, I'm pretty flabbergasted at least once a week with the sh!t that goes down in my life or that of my friends - and we're normal!

But don't worry, just wait till your man gets here...I'm sure he'll be able to surprise you with a few antics. They always do.

[/quot

you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

[

you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

No one is picking you apart. I think people just want to give you insight into both their personal experiences and what they have seen and experienced over the years.I absolutely think that what you should do is listen, take note and pay attention and then at perhaps a later date, you will perhaps recognise things or have a little bit of insight. You also are not living day to day with your spouse here in the states and that is a completely different animal than knowing someone there and bringing them here. Perhaps the joy of the relationship will sustain you. The biggest advice I could give you 5 years post journey is the real journey begins when they get here and make friends from back home and then get their sea legs. When you are not the apple of their eye anymore, the problems start. If you have a huge age difference,it might not matter for a few years but it will matter eventually. The trick is to not be devastated when they want to be with someone their own age or eeeek much younger. Now they might not find that elusive relationship when they leave your green grass for other pastures and I think that is when the real heartache begins for the American. No one is picking you apart. You have to realise that many of the posters here have been here for 4 5 6 7 years and have watched all kinds of things happen with other petitioners and they are merely speaking their mind. I will honestly say that I did not have much use for well spoken advice and honestly, had I listened, I would not have ended up in the mess I did.

I don't think petitioning is a wise idea unless you have a stable job, stable finances and a stable home support. If you do bring someone over here and any of those things are off and you have to go through adjustment with someone who is not stable themselves, its doubly hard to adjust. I regret bringing my husband over here because I was not prepared economically to completely support someone for 3 solid years while they sat around, gossiped, drank coffee and smoked, all on my dime. Had I spent time with him overseas for more than a few weeks at a time, I would have known that that was what he did, sat around , gossiped, drank coffee and told me I was cheap everytime i did not want to spend every penny we had in the bank on nonsense and refused to take work that was beneath him. I think these relationships can be particularly disastrous on younger minor children when you bring a younger husband into the mix who was waited on hand and foot back home. In the US, men help their wives. Even if they don't, they at least do yardwork. If you have a guy who lived in the city, or inner city, you spend the whole first year trying to teach them to help you. I cannot say that I would EVER recommend this journey for a single mom especially because unless you have the capacity to feed another adult who most likely wont work the first year and are willing to take the risk of your kids bonding with someone who most likely wont be there, you could end up in a mess. 5 years ago I started the journey, going on 6 in December and I cannot say my life is better for it. Its much much worse and if people talking to you honestly upsets you , then do not ask. You are going to hear the truth from people whether you want to or not.

I personally do not know anyone other than one woman on this board married to a guy 20 years younger and shes the exception not the rule for successes. You might have a few ok or even good years but as you age, things sag and he wants kids, hes going to make the choice to leave you. The embassies in my opinion are probably sad to watch what they know is eventually going to happen. I think they feel bad for the women honestly. If you ever want to understand APs and turn downs, its because of the amount of fraud going through the embassies and their understanding that the fastest way to get here is find someone willing to chat with you online, fly over there and either marry you or petition for you. Its a sure bet while lottery rarely makes it.

Sad. But true. Listen with both ears open. I wish love was enough but I think Americans have a much more idealised version of love than people from other places sometimes. Sometimes we are a means to an end, getting here

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

Have you ever eaten at chuckie cheese?You know going in that the pizza is going to suck but you might have some fun while you are there.

This journey is like chuckie cheese, the pizza will suck, you are going to spend alot of money for a fleeting good time and you may or not feel at the end that the whole thing wasn't worth it. For me, I made a bad party planning decision. I should have planned my birthday party at home with the information I knew going in. Unfortunately, I thought I was DIFFERENT, that somehow the fact he never finished high school or ever read a book would some how mesh with my love of Steinbeck and Camus and VOILA, a toxic soup was created. LOL

[Nasturtium 500]

Have you ever eaten at chuckie cheese?You know going in that the pizza is going to suck but you might have some fun while you are there.

This journey is like chuckie cheese, the pizza will suck, you are going to spend alot of money for a fleeting good time and you may or not feel at the end that the whole thing wasn't worth it. For me, I made a bad party planning decision. I should have planned my birthday party at home with the information I knew going in. Unfortunately, I thought I was DIFFERENT, that somehow the fact he never finished high school or ever read a book would some how mesh with my love of Steinbeck and Camus and VOILA, a toxic soup was created. LOL

This is the best analogy ever.

[Mithra 1,185]

In the 6 years I've been a member of this forum I don't recall anyone ever taking any advice or "listening" to warnings. Pretty much everyone has to learn on their own. I still give advice but in my mind it's more of a warning than advice. No one wants to believe their relationship is scheduled for the crapper one day. I'd say about 85% or more of the couples that have been through this forum have a failed or at the very least a very unsatifying, unhappy relationship. Personally, my relationship has had some super sucky times. And these sucky times didn't even include infidelity or abuse. Immigration sucks so bad. I would never recommend it to anyone. That being said...good luck to the OP.

BTW the Chuck E. Cheese analogy was awesome!

[100% Al Ahly Fan 53]

In the 6 years I've been a member of this forum I don't recall anyone ever taking any advice or "listening" to warnings. Pretty much everyone has to learn on their own. I still give advice but in my mind it's more of a warning than advice. No one wants to believe their relationship is scheduled for the crapper one day. I'd say about 85% or more of the couples that have been through this forum have a failed or at the very least a very unsatifying, unhappy relationship. Personally, my relationship has had some super sucky times. And these sucky times didn't even include infidelity or abuse. Immigration sucks so bad. I would never recommend it to anyone. That being said...good luck to the OP.

BTW the Chuck E. Cheese analogy was awesome!

Can relate 100% about sucky marriage at times, Mirtha, and that's even with sharing the same religion, MENA background and him being slightly older then me!

Personally, I'd rather stick a rusty spork in my eye then go to Chuckie Cheese And that, my friends, is how much I think immigration sucks!

Edited April 25, 2012 by 100% Al Ahly Fan

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

In the 6 years I've been a member of this forum I don't recall anyone ever taking any advice or "listening" to warnings. Pretty much everyone has to learn on their own. I still give advice but in my mind it's more of a warning than advice. No one wants to believe their relationship is scheduled for the crapper one day. I'd say about 85% or more of the couples that have been through this forum have a failed or at the very least a very unsatifying, unhappy relationship. Personally, my relationship has had some super sucky times. And these sucky times didn't even include infidelity or abuse. Immigration sucks so bad. I would never recommend it to anyone. That being said...good luck to the OP.

BTW the Chuck E. Cheese analogy was awesome!

Why thank you? LOL. I have no idea why I correlated all this nonsense to Chuckie Cheese. I was trying to think of something that was kind of fun but a big waste of money that left you feeling kind of unsatisfied at the end. Approaching my 5th anniversary next month, I am now planning my divorce, by myself I may add because after being in then out then in then out then in then out he decided that he was in no rush for a divorce anyway because he already divorced me by saying I divorce you , I divorce you , I divorce you and the paper divorce was my problem. Hopefully ramadan is coming soon and he will decided to act like a human being for a month and I can get my wits about me and file. Hes still using my address but hasnt been around in days...so who knows when I will get it mentally together to file. I think I am waiting for 2000 dollars to land on my lap so I can get a lawyer so I dont have to suffer so much I love him still so I dont have the rightous anger that alot of these women seem to garner up. He told me I am too fat, too old.. the new insult is I am stupid. I am the stupidest woman he ever met in his life ( maybe he is referring to the fact that I was a dumb #### for falling for his nonsense and bringing him here. LOL)

I don't really feel sorry for these guys at all in almost any possible way. I feel sorry for the women who meet them and see it a big romantic adventure and end up destroyed. I cant really see any part of my life that wasnt smashed over the last 6 years. I used to write. Havent written a thing since hes been here. I used to dream. That stopped too. My whole life became wrapped around an arrogant , narcisstic tantruming brat that his mom created by never discipling him and he treated his female family members like slaves. I didnt make a very good slave but my mom and almost everyone who knows me never saw anyone has quiet and obeying as me. I did my best to be the dutiful wife. Didnt you know he was just doing me a big favor by just being with my stupid ####? LOL. Anyway.. I am not going to say all these relationships are disastrous. I just dont think after everything I have been through that its a good idea for substantially older ( lets say 10 years or more) American women to marry these guys. It never works out for the women in the long run, someone gets hurt and I havent seen too many of the men come out bad but for most of the women its a sad slow car wreck that most of the women I have met really never get over. Its a horrible thing to be played and strung along.

Its like being an inmate in the county jail. The foreign spouse is like your bunkmate and maybe you will share some nice ink tattoos and card games. But in the end, you are in jail, they are a criminal and in the end you did time for a crime you did not commit. They lost nothing and you lost years of your life and usually alot of money. Please forgive me as I go through this process but its been a long hard nasty road for me..

Chuckie cheese.. think chuckie cheese

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

In the 6 years I've been a member of this forum I don't recall anyone ever taking any advice or "listening" to warnings. Pretty much everyone has to learn on their own. I still give advice but in my mind it's more of a warning than advice. No one wants to believe their relationship is scheduled for the crapper one day. I'd say about 85% or more of the couples that have been through this forum have a failed or at the very least a very unsatifying, unhappy relationship. Personally, my relationship has had some super sucky times. And these sucky times didn't even include infidelity or abuse. Immigration sucks so bad. I would never recommend it to anyone. That being said...good luck to the OP.

BTW the Chuck E. Cheese analogy was awesome!

The inmate in the county jail one makes sense too. I did time for a crime I did not commit with a sociopath who stole all my desserts off my food tray and then stuck me with solitary and I had to pay his canteen tab LOL

[Mithra 1,185]

Rofl!!!

[sandinista! 1,816]

It's an amusing analogy, but for the average scammer/scamming relationship coming out of MENA, it's still pretty over the top and hyperbolic. Most of the guys lay it on all thick and smarmy, get to the US, and then get the hell out of the relationship. The long, protracted, and sadistic mindfcuks perpetrated by the psycho Kat married are not the norm, even for some of the crazy and ridiculous relationship train wrecks witnessed here. It adds to the circus, but it's like the sideshow area, where you find the bearded lady and alligator man.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

It's an amusing analogy, but for the average scammer/scamming relationship coming out of MENA, it's still pretty over the top and hyperbolic. Most of the guys lay it on all thick and smarmy, get to the US, and then get the hell out of the relationship. The long, protracted, and sadistic mindfcuks perpetrated by the psycho Kat married are not the norm, even for some of the crazy and ridiculous relationship train wrecks witnessed here. It adds to the circus, but it's like the sideshow area, where you find the bearded lady and alligator man.

You know what Sandinista? In some sad way, even after all we have been through on the boards, I just love the hell out of you. I just do Sandinista.. I must needed to read that.. LONG PROTRACTED SADISTIC ())()_...I know they are not the norm. I just love the way you verbalise things and always are bright and sharp..thank you.. I needed to read that LOL

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Rofl!!!

I am sorry Mithra. You know when you just have to use analogies for the way you are feeling

Ok I feel like my friend borrowed my car and then threw up in it

I feel like I have been in jail for something I did not do and somehow had to pay 10 times the amount of bail that I should have..

In all seriousness, today 5 years ago I was planning a 20 day trip over to North Africa. The air felt all spring breaky..like a little cool and the sun felt hot. I have so many amazing memories but as I look back, they actually were not about him, they were mostly about all the things I saw and the things that happened along the way.

The one good thing that came out of this almost 6 year journey that is STILL not over with legally is that I have an absolutely amazing relationship with my kids, a whole circle of wonderful friends, my job went into the toilet because of grief and the economy but my children are all doing so well right now. I am in a good place, its like a sad place but a good place.

I cannot say right now looking back if I would have taken this journey. I think I should have just gone on a couple of vacations to amazing places and it would have been a lot less money for me to spend. I cannot say I regret cashing in my 401k to make the journey because about 10 months later, all my stock spiraled to almost zero because it was all AIG ( my grandfather was an insurance investigator and he he had left me a great deal of stock that went down)

I am working on my first book in 6 years and ironically, although I feel such tremendous grief, I don't feel angry. I almost wish I could get angry but how do you get angry at someone for not loving you? Do I grieve for things that I can do something about or take that grief and do something creative with it? This week I did some pottery with my daughter. I want to actually go work with a wheel ( we did painting and glaze) and I have all kinds of trips I want to take with her. I have stayed active in a group thats a geneological group thats quite well known and gone to some conventions and I have done girl scout activities. I have lost 27 pounds in the last 2 months. But you know that feeling when someone holds your hand and helps you cross the street and you go to sleep and they are there and they love you? I hope someday I have that with someone who doesn't want to take things from me. I hope one day I can love and trust again and somehow I can remember the best parts of the last 6 years. I am trying. I am really trying. I am not going to lie to you. Losing what I lost 4 years ago made me want to throw myself into a lake and drown. I mourned and mourned and suffered and I didnt outwardly talk too much. I just grieved inside. I went through a year where I lived with my husband and he wouldnt even touch me. My parents were far away and no one could help me by coming up here and working with me to help me remove myself from this situation. I have very little living family and then my older son got very sick and I was dealing with grief, a completely insane foreign person and the daily things like bills groceries etc. Its been a very very very long 4 years. Its been 4 years since he arrived next month and they have really been if I break my life down into sections , the absolute worst 4 years of my life. I havent had a day except when hes been gone of peace and even coming to the point of divorce has been so hard for me. Its as if I dont want to face him in court. I am kind of hoping he falls off the face of the earth and I dont know where he is for a while so I can file missing spouse and not have to face him in court or deal with the stress of his threats. My biggest problem with him to be honest with you, while he is wacky as hell, are his friends. One of his friends told him do this to her do that to her and I got wind of it through another friend of his from North Africa who told me what the other guy said... I told him I wasnt shocked. This same friend told my husband NOT to go to any of my family events and that all americans are racist. I am going to be honest with you. My family did not give me one inkling of a hard time about having a baby with a moroccan ( my daughter is moroccan ) or marrying from overseas. Their rage towards people from that part of the world started after he got here and his friends were rude to my family and he basically almost became part of an I hate americans club. He used to be nice to my family. Then some crazies he was friends with told him he was a bad muslim for going to christmas events.. and on and on.

Sandinista said it right, most do not have the long protracted sadistic MIND blank I have been through. I think mine was longer than normal because I did not have the support network to get out of it and he would not let me out of the marriage back in 2009 when I begged. I lived with threats from his family, threats from his friends, economic abuse, you name it. I don't mind talking about what I have been through since 2008 with him with people. I actually do not completely bash him ... I know alot of it has to do with his lack of education and basically he is from a family of grifters, another thing that if I was on the ball, I would have picked up on. The hard thing is that I DO LOVE HIM. I wish I did not. I wish I felt nothing honestly. I am not going to tell you that I have this ball of rage inside. I am just bewildered as if a house landed on a witch next door, trying to make sense of the last turbulent 4 years, wishing I had my old life back and my heart was not so broken, if any of that makes sense, good. If it doesnt, I am so sorry. I go on, I try to work. I take care of my kids. I call my friends. I play farmville and find small ways to pass the days and put the pain somewhere deep inside

I don't want him to be hurt. I do love parts of him and his culture, religion all of it. I don't like the general distrust and nastiness that he has and some of his crazy friends have towards americans.. and they do... i am sorry. There is no easy way to paint it. It must be so hard to have to live among the KHANZIN in order to make money. I have tried to explain again and again that my mother is not racist. She likes people of every religion and race who respect americans and our cultures. But when people come over here and then they do nothing but trash american customs, people ,etc, she feels like they should not live here. I cant defend his behavior to her because he has acted like a jerk pretty much without regard to WHO was around. I wish he was alone in his behavior but hes not.. alot of the people he knows live here for the economics but they are not really here with love and an embrace of what the US is. Its all about what RIGHTS they have here in the US and what they are owed. Not what they have to give back and what their responsibility is to their adopted country.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

It's an amusing analogy, but for the average scammer/scamming relationship coming out of MENA, it's still pretty over the top and hyperbolic. Most of the guys lay it on all thick and smarmy, get to the US, and then get the hell out of the relationship. The long, protracted, and sadistic mindfcuks perpetrated by the psycho Kat married are not the norm, even for some of the crazy and ridiculous relationship train wrecks witnessed here. It adds to the circus, but it's like the sideshow area, where you find the bearded lady and alligator man.

Yep,

all of this is like watching a car wreck or trainwreck. Exciting to watch but you do not want to be involved in one.

Yep, thats me. In the sideshow.

He never called me his queen by the way... Rats.. I did not even get the thick and smarmy .. that at least would have been nice to get a little of

[Amber & Ahmed 133]

Ahmed and I decided from the very beginning no matter what may come divorce is not an option. It is that simple. DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION! No other magical potion needed. We made a committment before God to each other and our families. So when a problem arises between us we say ok how do we get thru this TOGETHER? We argue we disagree but in the end we know we will go to bed together and wake up together. We love passionately and we think logically. I am 2 years older than my love and we have been married 2 years. Yes some may say that isnt long but tell you what we are in this together for the long haul!

[Lisamarie 79]

I'm so sorry for you I hope you can file that paperwork soon, pick your life back up, and find some happiness. Shame on him......

Why thank you? LOL. I have no idea why I correlated all this nonsense to Chuckie Cheese. I was trying to think of something that was kind of fun but a big waste of money that left you feeling kind of unsatisfied at the end. Approaching my 5th anniversary next month, I am now planning my divorce, by myself I may add because after being in then out then in then out then in then out he decided that he was in no rush for a divorce anyway because he already divorced me by saying I divorce you , I divorce you , I divorce you and the paper divorce was my problem. Hopefully ramadan is coming soon and he will decided to act like a human being for a month and I can get my wits about me and file. Hes still using my address but hasnt been around in days...so who knows when I will get it mentally together to file. I think I am waiting for 2000 dollars to land on my lap so I can get a lawyer so I dont have to suffer so much I love him still so I dont have the rightous anger that alot of these women seem to garner up. He told me I am too fat, too old.. the new insult is I am stupid. I am the stupidest woman he ever met in his life ( maybe he is referring to the fact that I was a dumb #### for falling for his nonsense and bringing him here. LOL)

I don't really feel sorry for these guys at all in almost any possible way. I feel sorry for the women who meet them and see it a big romantic adventure and end up destroyed. I cant really see any part of my life that wasnt smashed over the last 6 years. I used to write. Havent written a thing since hes been here. I used to dream. That stopped too. My whole life became wrapped around an arrogant , narcisstic tantruming brat that his mom created by never discipling him and he treated his female family members like slaves. I didnt make a very good slave but my mom and almost everyone who knows me never saw anyone has quiet and obeying as me. I did my best to be the dutiful wife. Didnt you know he was just doing me a big favor by just being with my stupid ####? LOL. Anyway.. I am not going to say all these relationships are disastrous. I just dont think after everything I have been through that its a good idea for substantially older ( lets say 10 years or more) American women to marry these guys. It never works out for the women in the long run, someone gets hurt and I havent seen too many of the men come out bad but for most of the women its a sad slow car wreck that most of the women I have met really never get over. Its a horrible thing to be played and strung along.

Its like being an inmate in the county jail. The foreign spouse is like your bunkmate and maybe you will share some nice ink tattoos and card games. But in the end, you are in jail, they are a criminal and in the end you did time for a crime you did not commit. They lost nothing and you lost years of your life and usually alot of money. Please forgive me as I go through this process but its been a long hard nasty road for me..

Chuckie cheese.. think chuckie cheese