looking for MENA success stories

[Cathi 5,748]

If you are approaching me with your post...I only copied the OP original title and pasted...to bring it back to the subject of this thread before it took its turns.

So you will have to ask OP if she will still reply to you.

But my take on it...is "happy ending" is for the Visa Journey. I believe that is what all the ladies posting with active petitions are here for. I am not asking for anyone's take of happy endings but it couldnt hurt to have a few good ones written in the MENA forum....

Since I am contributing...I will add

I can read all the posts from the ladies that have been here longer and have seen more and still make a sound decision on what I agree with and dont agree with...

WITHOUT

the engaging in or accepting jabs from different personalities. The "experienced" ladies have seen, read, known and sparred with far more varied stories than my own and I respect that but ....the negativity and gang up that is mixed within that freely given knowledge is a complete turn off.

One's good message gets lost when it comes at a person like negative lecture, dismissal of the others opinion validity or personal jabs... discussion or offer of help is buried behind one ugly word.

I honestly have no judgement with either lady...and couldnt care less but,

The calling of ones stated belief in marriage/no divorce could have been disagreed with...WITHOUT the word #######. And then she really had a right to tell her that she finds her on a consistent basis harsh with your comments...

WITHOUT telling her to shut her yap.

Both comments were rude and unnecessary...it is just one began it and the other went for the throat. Then another zooms in from else where to back up the first...the like buttons are pushed...etc, same scenario different thread.

I met with the "experienced" ladies before on another thread and have my own conclusions and opinions about the way everyone posts...and sometimes I have need to restrain myself from really saying what I want to... not worth it.

I will say it is more productive to spread the news (good or bad) or share what we feel we HAVE to say in a more cohesive manner.

It is so invaluable that I found this site,

for all to share their minds and also come back to pay it forward.

If anything can be taken from my post it is hopefully this

It is really OK for everyone to be a nice person ...even secured behind the anonymity of a monitor.

little lightening humor...even when Beauty for Ashes takes over... I know I can still learn from somewhere in the off topic.

I was married to a MENA for plenty years and am married to another MENA.....I am not coming here a child not knowing of life...just need to kill time waiting for my NOA2, maybe help a friend or two and learn as much as I can to get my spouse here.

Ok Safi! Enough Kumbaya fireside talk from me.

Thanks for reading.

Thank you Inluv, I couldn't have said it better myself. I feel for Beauty for Ashes, I truly do.. She is torn between still loving her husband, and how to end her marriage to him. It's hard to put an end to a relationship when you still love that person, been there done that. I hope that she can find some peace and closure to her current situation. I don't like the personal attacks. I am not good at confrontation and I hate seeing it. I am thankful to everyone who has posted on this thread, and appreciate their comments. Today my husband and I sent the ds-260 and documents electronically to the NVC. I hope they finish up with our case and forward it to the embassy soon. I will travel to Amman to be with my husband for his interview, I just returned from Jordan a few weeks ago and I'm dying to see him again. Once again thanks to everyone who took the time to comment on this thread. And good luck to everyone on their journeys!!!

[Nasturtium 500]

Are they actually going to let you go to the window with him? or were you just going to sit in the waiting room?

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Out of the 10s (like high 10s close to 100 if not 100)of older gal/younger guy romances that have gone through this place in the past 6 years I can think of 3 that are still going - JeanneVictoria, Meriem and Soffiya. There may be a few more that don't post anymore. They've all been married about 5-6 yrs, I believe. I wouldn't classify that as happy ending yet but it's a lot better than most. Not to knock those kinds of relationships but the vast majority don't work. Even if you're Demi Moore, your younger guy may just decide you're too old one day.

Hey Mithra,

Of all the people I have known IRL, I know 2 couples still together. Both are very religious muslims and both have a ton of kids. I did know a really nice american married to a berber years ago and they seemed happy but I dont know if they are still together. I have a facebook friend who is a very religious christian and shes married to an algerian berber in NYC and they are over the moon happy with a small child so I just do not know if there is a formula. All I know is that I never harbored resentment but when people he knew could clearly see abused me both financially, emotionally and physically, not a single one spoke up for me nor did they condemn what he did. Some just stopped speaking to him and he would make a show of it of how nice he was to me..like do something over the top. Most of the women I know right now with kids from Moroccans and Tunisians are not with their spouses but none of them brought their spouse here. They met them here. I have met very few still with the person who sponsored them but I have known people over a 10 year period and have met alot of people. I in fact was warned by friends of mine that I was too old to marry my husband and as much as they liked me, they knew he would use me and leave me. The hardest part for me is that my 7 year old has known him all of her life and loves him and my 16 year old is very attached to him as well. So as he is doing his goodbye bit, its really hurting all of us. I again do not have an address to serve him and emotionally I do not feel ready to go through a several stage court action. I am crushed by all of this. I know alot of it has to do with our deceeased child because he was still close most of the time, I didnt have to accept as much loss as what was going on. I am devastated honestly.. I just sit with tears just flowing out of my eyes after my kids go to sleep because I miss him. I dont miss his jackass behavior, I miss the ok times, I miss his presense. It was the death of a big dream living through the loss and bringing him here and everything he did hurtful to me. The biggest hurt for me is the end because I really loved him and I cannot rationalise the loss. I think most of the other women on here did alot better when they were dumped than I did and have. I cant muster enough enough rage.

I will say that I would never recommend an older woman marrying a man from there EVER.. only if they were similar in age. Its too painful for the American when it ends, especially if she loved him.

[Cathi 5,748]

Are they actually going to let you go to the window with him? or were you just going to sit in the waiting room?

I'm allowed to go in with him, i already contacted the embassy to ask

[sandinista! 1,816]

The whole "visa journey" took 5 months in our case-a mere blip in time. Lots and lots of people get their visas, most aren't that hard to get. There are notable exceptions, but most people here have had the same trajectory. It's a pretty dry, straight forward topic. But all bets are off upon American arrival. That's where a lot of stuff has gotten off the hook. The OP itself said "all of the topics seem to only be about tragic relationships"

Surely they weren't just asking about visas? Most of these people with crazy, tragic stories got visas, and didn't have that difficult of a time with that part at all. Visas aren't the rare, mythical creatures here, lasting relationships are.

People find others they mesh with here and others they don't mesh with at all. Get past it, take what you can from it regardless of how b1tchy you might find their tones at times, and just roll with it. Everyone else here has done just that. They all survived, and learned a lot along the way.

If you are approaching me with your post...I only copied the OP original title and pasted...to bring it back to the subject of this thread before it took its turns.

So you will have to ask OP if she will still reply to you.

But my take on it...is "happy ending" is for the Visa Journey. I believe that is what all the ladies posting with active petitions are here for. I am not asking for anyone's take of happy endings but it couldnt hurt to have a few good ones written in the MENA forum....

Since I am contributing...I will add

I can read all the posts from the ladies that have been here longer and have seen more and still make a sound decision on what I agree with and dont agree with...

WITHOUT

the engaging in or accepting jabs from different personalities. The "experienced" ladies have seen, read, known and sparred with far more varied stories than my own and I respect that but ....the negativity and gang up that is mixed within that freely given knowledge is a complete turn off.

One's good message gets lost when it comes at a person like negative lecture, dismissal of the others opinion validity or personal jabs... discussion or offer of help is buried behind one ugly word.

I honestly have no judgement with either lady...and couldnt care less but,

The calling of ones stated belief in marriage/no divorce could have been disagreed with...WITHOUT the word #######. And then she really had a right to tell her that she finds her on a consistent basis harsh with your comments...

WITHOUT telling her to shut her yap.

Both comments were rude and unnecessary...it is just one began it and the other went for the throat. Then another zooms in from else where to back up the first...the like buttons are pushed...etc, same scenario different thread.

I met with the "experienced" ladies before on another thread and have my own conclusions and opinions about the way everyone posts...and sometimes I have need to restrain myself from really saying what I want to... not worth it.

I will say it is more productive to spread the news (good or bad) or share what we feel we HAVE to say in a more cohesive manner.

It is so invaluable that I found this site,

for all to share their minds and also come back to pay it forward.

If anything can be taken from my post it is hopefully this

It is really OK for everyone to be a nice person ...even secured behind the anonymity of a monitor.

little lightening humor...even when Beauty for Ashes takes over... I know I can still learn from somewhere in the off topic.

I was married to a MENA for plenty years and am married to another MENA.....I am not coming here a child not knowing of life...just need to kill time waiting for my NOA2, maybe help a friend or two and learn as much as I can to get my spouse here.

Ok Safi! Enough Kumbaya fireside talk from me.

Thanks for reading.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

The whole "visa journey" took 5 months in our case-a mere blip in time. Lots and lots of people get their visas, most aren't that hard to get. There are notable exceptions, but most people here have had the same trajectory. It's a pretty dry, straight forward topic. But all bets are off upon American arrival. That's where a lot of stuff has gotten off the hook. The OP itself said "all of the topics seem to only be about tragic relationships"

Surely they weren't just asking about visas? Most of these people with crazy, tragic stories got visas, and didn't have that difficult of a time with that part at all. Visas aren't the rare, mythical creatures here, lasting relationships are.

People find others they mesh with here and others they don't mesh with at all. Get past it, take what you can from it regardless of how b1tchy you might find their tones at times, and just roll with it. Everyone else here has done just that. They all survived, and learned a lot along the way.

thank you s...my visa was super fast and easy...your post is so spot on....

I also cannot say term tragic because I honestly believe that none of this was tragic for my husband. I dont think he cares..like most messes... I am left trying to find out how to clean it up and survive it... the visa was the easiest part of this....thank you sandinista....one of the best posts I have read on vj

[Mithra 1,185]

Inluvnwaiting- did you import your ex or did you meet and marry him in the US? If it's the latter- importing a guy is a different beast than meeting and marrying a MENA guy here. I was married to a MENA guy for 10 yrs prior to divorcing, meeting and marrying my current husband. Was your ex also Moroccan? If not, whole other thing entirely, too. I was confident that I had this in the bag because I was married to MENA before, too. Nope. Different man, different situation, different everything. Knowing the "rules" means nothing.

About the different personalities in the forum, I was new once upon a time so I know what it's like to try to "fit" in here. I have found that the ladies that are straight talkers or maybe a little blunt are the ones that give the best advice and generally are more down to earth and realistic. I much prefer that to the ladies who are caught up in warm fuzziness and are so lovesick that they don't make sense most of the time. These are the women that end up stabbing you in the back or fly off the handle when you disagree with them. They think with their hearts not their heads. They give horrible advice and encourage some wreckless behaviors. Some of us may not be warm and fuzzy but we have experience and know what we're talking about and we won't encourage you to do something you may regret one day.

[Mithra 1,185]

So happy ending means visa in hand? In that case there have been plenty happy endings around here for older woman/younger man couples. Getting the visa is nothing. I waited 13 months and I kicked and screamed while waiting. What a naive twit I was. That was the easiest part. I wish actual real life was that damn easy.

If you are approaching me with your post...I only copied the OP original title and pasted...to bring it back to the subject of this thread before it took its turns.

So you will have to ask OP if she will still reply to you.

But my take on it...is "happy ending" is for the Visa Journey. I believe that is what all the ladies posting with active petitions are here for. I am not asking for anyone's take of happy endings but it couldnt hurt to have a few good ones written in the MENA forum....

Since I am contributing...I will add

I can read all the posts from the ladies that have been here longer and have seen more and still make a sound decision on what I agree with and dont agree with...

WITHOUT

the engaging in or accepting jabs from different personalities. The "experienced" ladies have seen, read, known and sparred with far more varied stories than my own and I respect that but ....the negativity and gang up that is mixed within that freely given knowledge is a complete turn off.

One's good message gets lost when it comes at a person like negative lecture, dismissal of the others opinion validity or personal jabs... discussion or offer of help is buried behind one ugly word.

I honestly have no judgement with either lady...and couldnt care less but,

The calling of ones stated belief in marriage/no divorce could have been disagreed with...WITHOUT the word #######. And then she really had a right to tell her that she finds her on a consistent basis harsh with your comments...

WITHOUT telling her to shut her yap.

Both comments were rude and unnecessary...it is just one began it and the other went for the throat. Then another zooms in from else where to back up the first...the like buttons are pushed...etc, same scenario different thread.

I met with the "experienced" ladies before on another thread and have my own conclusions and opinions about the way everyone posts...and sometimes I have need to restrain myself from really saying what I want to... not worth it.

I will say it is more productive to spread the news (good or bad) or share what we feel we HAVE to say in a more cohesive manner.

It is so invaluable that I found this site,

for all to share their minds and also come back to pay it forward.

If anything can be taken from my post it is hopefully this

It is really OK for everyone to be a nice person ...even secured behind the anonymity of a monitor.

little lightening humor...even when Beauty for Ashes takes over... I know I can still learn from somewhere in the off topic.

I was married to a MENA for plenty years and am married to another MENA.....I am not coming here a child not knowing of life...just need to kill time waiting for my NOA2, maybe help a friend or two and learn as much as I can to get my spouse here.

Ok Safi! Enough Kumbaya fireside talk from me.

Thanks for reading.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

I would have to say that of all the zillions of threads we've had here about older women/younger MENA men, this one has been pretty mild

I've been here for a while - about 8 years - and I have seen quite a few couples resembling this description who have passed through the halls of VJ. This is what I have observed from the sampling here (which may or may not be representative of overall statistics):

A couple of years, even 5-6-7 or so years difference does not seem to be really significant in whether the relationships succeed, or crash and burn within the first 5 years after "coming to America." Many of these relationships do fail, but it's nothing to do with age difference (although often due to one or both being immature.) I think the rate of divorce may be similar to or even greater than the American average of 50%.

When you get to the couples with, say, a 9-14 year difference with woman older, man younger - then, the split-up rate starts to increase, and rather dramatically. Often, these break-ups occur shortly after a milestone for the immigrant spouse such as 10-year green card, citizenship, establishment in a business or career, etc.

Now to the nitty gritty.

The couples with more than a 15-year or so difference are not as common as the other groups, but I have seen a lot more here than I expected to see.

Very, very, very few of these marriages have survived beyond 5 years or so. I think 3 of the surviving couples have already been mentioned, there may be 1 more. None of them have reached the 10-year mark yet - I think some have been married around 8 years or so. In my opinion, these couples involve exceptional people on both sides.

Of the members here who have come back to speak about their break-ups, some mentioned a history of troubles within the relationship before the final split. We have heard some wild dramas for sure. But a surprising number of our members have said they never saw it coming.

Then there was that one gal who said she knew from the get-go her relationship wouldn't last, but was just gonna "enjoy the ride" with her young stuff while she got the chance.

VJ... where you see it all...

[Staashi 371]

Sweet mother of God...if any of you think that getting the visa is the hard part, you are smoking something. So be kind and pass it to the left. Even for those that have had to wait for years - you will NEVER experience anything like their transition to life in the USA.

[Peter_Pan 661]

Seems one can only offer butteflies and candies around here, if you think otherwise, you get your posts removed. Now, where's the fun in having the chat then?

[Mithra 1,185]

Nice to see you, WOM.

Rofl @ young stuff!

Oh this thread is a purring kitten compared to the old days. Those were some knock down, drag out, hair pulling fights. Ahh I miss the old days.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Nice to see you, WOM.

Rofl @ young stuff!

Oh this thread is a purring kitten compared to the old days. Those were some knock down, drag out, hair pulling fights. Ahh I miss the old days.

Nice to see you posting, too, girl - also Sandanista, Julianna ! Forum's been deadderz for too long. Let's get it started in here

[Mithra 1,185]

Agreed! I miss when the forum was hoppin'. I love that some of the seasoned ladies are coming back to post. Hopefully more will suit.

Nice to see you posting, too, girl - also Sandanista, Julianna ! Forum's been deadderz for too long. Let's get it started in here

[Staashi 371]

We need a MENA Olympics like the good ole days.