looking for MENA success stories

[PMartin37 161]

maybe its me and I was in bed hahahahahh

You know how us old fat american whores are. We need our sleep

Amber I do not know you from adam but I absolutely cannot say anything insulting to you.. All I know is that divorce obviously wasnt an option in my mind either which is why even after he did countless horrible things to me, I tried to write it off as religion, culture education, you name it. How can you know how someone is with women in general if while in his country, you only see what he wants you to see? Do you honestly think you are immune to trouble or your husband changing his mind about you 5 years down the line when he develops a large network of Egyptian friends and has economic security and he wants someone from his own culture or background? Do you think any of the women on this board went into these relationships without the very best of intentions.even the women with huge age gaps? I for one never ever agreed with all the embassy APs but after everything I have seen both stateside and over there, I am happy SOMEONE, ANYONE is looking over these files carefully. I can say as someone who has been left to file for divorce herself with no financial help to do so or cooperation and was used in every possible way, that I am devastated from this process. These women who you want to snark at have been the best mirror that I could see myself in that was available to me. No matter how bad we snark back and forth, there is not a single one that I would not answer the phone for, sit with , cry with or make myself available to. When my son died, one sat on the phone with me while I sobbed in the cemetary for hours. I cannot say that it has always been easy being on here. I can say that as a mother of a moroccan guy ( not the person I petitioned) I know for a fact that not everyone is psycho over there even though my husband really is as far as I am concerned, dangerous to my health. My moroccan ex and I did not have a bad breakup. He didnt want a child, he had a greencard and I wasnt willing to abort. He hemmed and hawed about it, called me and told me he had no interest in an american having is kid.. and said snarkily to me, if I wanted a baby , I wouldnt have her with you. If you can believe this, this was 7 years ago... I now warmly talk to him, he hasnt seen my daughter in 4 years almost but he calls her and sends her clothes and I dont feel a groundswell of hate about him. He wanted me to abort. I didnt. My pregnancy broke us up. But he didnt need me for papers and when you have that power dynamic, the world spins at a different angle. I dont know if my husband ever loved me or not honestly. I do know that I think his family only looked at me like a ticket to the US. I feel like I got to see what people were really like when I lost my son and not a single one offered me care or condolence. In fact , when I took him to visit extended family, I was told 7 months after my son died that I was fat and told all these nasty horrific things by them, never once holding me, telling me I am sorry or caring. I endured a year of no sex and not one kiss. I endured threats, emotional abuse. I went through things no one could ever imagine. I am glad divorce is an option for me albeit I am considering hiring a lawyer just because I do not want to be in the same room as him as proceedings start. I am devastated by the choices he made. I am absolutely not implying I was perfect but I never broke a single thing belonging to him, never broke an item of clothing or one of his possesions, never made him feel scared, never called his mother disgusting names or told him that he could not be friends with certain people.

So Amber my dear, you have been here 2 years, I have been here 6 and out of respect for the women on this board who have seen, experienced and viewed horrific marriage fraud, financial fraud and experienced the death actually of members, I respectfully but firmly request that you lay off Mithra because she was a wonderful albeit hard #### support of me and has never hesistated to give her opinion. I was a victim of marriage fraud and if there was anything I could have done to avoid it, I would have and resent the implication that somehow after losing my son and the other nonsense I went through, that a red flag would have been enough to save me from this. I wanted to be in love and to be with someone who accepted me for who I was . I dont come here asking for advice anymore. I am more here for comfort because sooner or later, although I could never imagine going through a divorce with this man, I will have to file and I am left to file all alone because he doesnt care one way or another if he is divorced. Thats because he never considered himself really married... as he told me as far as he is concerned, we are really married only on papers. Americans dont look at marriage like that. In other countries, especially ones where they have people that marry for papers, they accept and talk like that. I have never wished the karma truck would hit someone but I would not mind if it roughed up my husband a little. Not kill him but I want him to go through 1/20th of what he put me through the last 6 year

I really admire you for sharing your story. And the fact that you poured your heart out on this forum just proves that you actually HAVE a heart. I for one am very sorry what you've been through. It sounds like you really need a good support system. Even if "bad" stories are not what some of us want to hear at the time we are filing for our future/current husbands, it's necessary to listen to both sides ALWAYS. Let's face it, divorce rates in this country are over the 50% mark in the U.S. I've been divorced myself. And those red flags others are talking about are real. I had plenty of opportunities to back out of marrying my ex- he made me cry, cheated on me while we were engaged, etc. But I wanted to get married and was willing to "overlook" things. I sure don't do that anymore. I'm not saying your dating was anything like mine. I"m just sharing my own story a bit. I guess my point is that ...marriages fail and marriages succeed. No matter where you find your love, there will always be failures and horror stories and success and happy stories. I think one reason being that you have to scrutinize the hell out of the people you want to spend your life with. (and believe me, I scrutinize ) I realize the variables are much different though in this relationship and I have my work cut out for me in the patience department (but so does he ) I wish you the best with your future and will pray that all goes well with the divorce. Keep in mind, this will leave you free for the right man to find you that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I really admire you for sharing your story. And the fact that you poured your heart out on this forum just proves that you actually HAVE a heart. I for one am very sorry what you've been through. It sounds like you really need a good support system. Even if "bad" stories are not what some of us want to hear at the time we are filing for our future/current husbands, it's necessary to listen to both sides ALWAYS. Let's face it, divorce rates in this country are over the 50% mark in the U.S. I've been divorced myself. And those red flags others are talking about are real. I had plenty of opportunities to back out of marrying my ex- he made me cry, cheated on me while we were engaged, etc. But I wanted to get married and was willing to "overlook" things. I sure don't do that anymore. I'm not saying your dating was anything like mine. I"m just sharing my own story a bit. I guess my point is that ...marriages fail and marriages succeed. No matter where you find your love, there will always be failures and horror stories and success and happy stories. I think one reason being that you have to scrutinize the hell out of the people you want to spend your life with. (and believe me, I scrutinize ) I realize the variables are much different though in this relationship and I have my work cut out for me in the patience department (but so does he ) I wish you the best with your future and will pray that all goes well with the divorce. Keep in mind, this will leave you free for the right man to find you that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Thank you. I am not getting much support from my mother who at this point hates him and really does not care what happens to him. I on the other hand do love him but hes more concerned what his idiot friends think than the person who brought him here and signed her life away to get him here and spent thousands upon thousands to help him. I don't know if he will ever look back and feel sorry for what he has done to me. I think the hardest thing for me is that I am not divorced and he is doing nothing to help it be easier on me. He will not provide his living address to me so I cannot serve him directly. That leaves me tracking him down at work and doing a confrontational service which I dont want to have to be put through. Even after he is served,I have to go to a mediation where I will have to see him face to face and I don't even want to be alone in the room with him or even look at him right now I am so hurt. I feel very used. At least these other guys who got their 10 year cards just got it and ran. Mine tormented me, emotionally abused me and told me if I try to contact him in anyway he will hurt me. He wants to dump the whole divorce on my lap completely and make me half to pay for all of it and suffer through it all alone. I havent decided how I am going to go about it but most likely if I havent heard from him in the next month, I will file the abandoned spouse petition and start to work my way through the expensive process of publication. Hes done a whole hell of alot of financial abuse to me as well such as forcing me to pay his bills or else and having his bill collectors call me. The thing that hurts me the worst is he left me with threats and while I lived with him pretty much scared me to death the last 4 years followed by periods of relative calm. I havent gotten my sea legs together to go do what I need to do as far as filing but I will. I have to eventually file. I am however letting the government know he is gone so at least I can get medical help for myself and my kids and food while i am in between paychecks.

I am so so so so angry at him right now that I cannot even get mad.. I think the main reason is all the sacrificing I did for him when I was bringing him here and then after he got here and made friends, they became his whole world and we became absolutely nothing. He had no use for my family after he met people from back home and from that point on, everything was a plot to leave. Mix in having 2 kids in the house and some small normal periods, my whole family has been affected by his turmoil and tantrums. I have had a very hard time of it .. Please forgive me if I cry. I was trying to watch the crime network and all of the sudden as I was laying on my couch, I would feel a tear come out of my eyes because I cannot contain how upset I am at how he has treated me. I am mortified at how horrible he has been to me. I dont know what to think or say to him when I finally end up at court. I am so so mad at him. I try to talk about it with my mother to get some consolation and all she says is who gives a ####, I hope they ship his #### back home.. I just feel huge amounts of loss and confusion and sadness.. its worse than depression. Its like a whole house landed on me. I need to get it together to be able to get the strength together to file....

Ill try to keep everyone updated on which way I go. I havent decided whether I am going to go for straight confrontation and a served divorce or a absentee spouse divorce where i publish. I just dont know. I know that a served divorce would move through the courts much faster. I cant face seeing the man that I loved so much act like he is acting. so cold and ruthless and hateful...Its as if he doesnt care enough about me as a human being to at least help me get divorced so I dont suffer more. We had and lost a child together, I dont know why he has to be such a ####### to me when I have already been through so much. Damn him and damn his stupid friends. I wish I could get angry properly but I feel more betrayal than anything else.. just hurt and overwhelmed.. like I walked into a room that has been ransacked and I dont know what broken piece of china to pick up first

The only consolation I have is that I know hes making lots of money this year and he wont have me and the kids to deduct and even though I cant get him back , Uncle Sam is going to skewer him and hes got more nasty stuff on its way. I am not driving the karma bus but someone will be one day.

I am just so mad that when I had things I did nothing but support him. I am mad because I would never ever ever ever leave someone married that I did not want to be with . I would go out of my way to make things clean for anyone I was involved with. He just doesnt care about me and it translates into not caring about my kids either. Its mind altering knowing what I have been through with him and he knows my son is disabled and I have a small child that he would dump more hard things on me to have to sort through all along

Edited April 27, 2012 by Beauty for Ashes

[Lisamarie 79]

Go the absentee spouse way, why put yourself through that. I completely understand the hurt and betrayal and shock of it all, but don't give him any satisfaction by seeing it.........and don't worry.......... what goes around, comes around. It always somehow does in the end.

Thank you. I am not getting much support from my mother who at this point hates him and really does not care what happens to him. I on the other hand do love him but hes more concerned what his idiot friends think than the person who brought him here and signed her life away to get him here and spent thousands upon thousands to help him. I don't know if he will ever look back and feel sorry for what he has done to me. I think the hardest thing for me is that I am not divorced and he is doing nothing to help it be easier on me. He will not provide his living address to me so I cannot serve him directly. That leaves me tracking him down at work and doing a confrontational service which I dont want to have to be put through. Even after he is served,I have to go to a mediation where I will have to see him face to face and I don't even want to be alone in the room with him or even look at him right now I am so hurt. I feel very used. At least these other guys who got their 10 year cards just got it and ran. Mine tormented me, emotionally abused me and told me if I try to contact him in anyway he will hurt me. He wants to dump the whole divorce on my lap completely and make me half to pay for all of it and suffer through it all alone. I havent decided how I am going to go about it but most likely if I havent heard from him in the next month, I will file the abandoned spouse petition and start to work my way through the expensive process of publication. Hes done a whole hell of alot of financial abuse to me as well such as forcing me to pay his bills or else and having his bill collectors call me. The thing that hurts me the worst is he left me with threats and while I lived with him pretty much scared me to death the last 4 years followed by periods of relative calm. I havent gotten my sea legs together to go do what I need to do as far as filing but I will. I have to eventually file. I am however letting the government know he is gone so at least I can get medical help for myself and my kids and food while i am in between paychecks.

I am so so so so angry at him right now that I cannot even get mad.. I think the main reason is all the sacrificing I did for him when I was bringing him here and then after he got here and made friends, they became his whole world and we became absolutely nothing. He had no use for my family after he met people from back home and from that point on, everything was a plot to leave. Mix in having 2 kids in the house and some small normal periods, my whole family has been affected by his turmoil and tantrums. I have had a very hard time of it .. Please forgive me if I cry. I was trying to watch the crime network and all of the sudden as I was laying on my couch, I would feel a tear come out of my eyes because I cannot contain how upset I am at how he has treated me. I am mortified at how horrible he has been to me. I dont know what to think or say to him when I finally end up at court. I am so so mad at him. I try to talk about it with my mother to get some consolation and all she says is who gives a ####, I hope they ship his #### back home.. I just feel huge amounts of loss and confusion and sadness.. its worse than depression. Its like a whole house landed on me. I need to get it together to be able to get the strength together to file....

Ill try to keep everyone updated on which way I go. I havent decided whether I am going to go for straight confrontation and a served divorce or a absentee spouse divorce where i publish. I just dont know. I know that a served divorce would move through the courts much faster. I cant face seeing the man that I loved so much act like he is acting. so cold and ruthless and hateful...Its as if he doesnt care enough about me as a human being to at least help me get divorced so I dont suffer more. We had and lost a child together, I dont know why he has to be such a ####### to me when I have already been through so much. Damn him and damn his stupid friends. I wish I could get angry properly but I feel more betrayal than anything else.. just hurt and overwhelmed.. like I walked into a room that has been ransacked and I dont know what broken piece of china to pick up first

The only consolation I have is that I know hes making lots of money this year and he wont have me and the kids to deduct and even though I cant get him back , Uncle Sam is going to skewer him and hes got more nasty stuff on its way. I am not driving the karma bus but someone will be one day.

I am just so mad that when I had things I did nothing but support him. I am mad because I would never ever ever ever leave someone married that I did not want to be with . I would go out of my way to make things clean for anyone I was involved with. He just doesnt care about me and it translates into not caring about my kids either. Its mind altering knowing what I have been through with him and he knows my son is disabled and I have a small child that he would dump more hard things on me to have to sort through all along

[Nasturtium 500]

Kat-- do the fastest one and just cut the ties.

[tany1157 161]

I'm sorry Kat, but can we get back to the OP's topic, because it has turned into your story. You should start a thread about it, and that is where you can give us all updates. I'm sorry for your pain, but this topic was meant for success stories

[Shoot Em Straight 385]

Posted 15 April 2012 - 03:34 PM

Just curious if anyone who has married a younger MENA man has a happy ending?........

[Mithra 1,185]

I know this is going to come off rude but it's not meant that way. What do you mean by happy ending? Like together until death? Or together for a few years and happy but the actual ending is uncertain? I don't think anyone has been around long enough to determine a true happy ending. Or are we talking about fairytale happy endings in which the king and princess (or pharaoh and princess)get married and ride off into the sunset and we really don't know how it ends up?

[tany1157 161]

I know this is going to come off rude but it's not meant that way. What do you mean by happy ending? Like together until death? Or together for a few years and happy but the actual ending is uncertain? I don't think anyone has been around long enough to determine a true happy ending. Or are we talking about fairytale happy endings in which the king and princess (or pharaoh and princess)get married and ride off into the sunset and we really don't know how it ends up?

You make a valid point....happy "ending" seems a bit over the top. But I'm sure she wanted to hear from people a few years after immigration, and are still fairly happy. Of course, that is just my understanding, I could be totally wrong

[Cathi 5,771]

I know this is going to come off rude but it's not meant that way. What do you mean by happy ending? Like together until death? Or together for a few years and happy but the actual ending is uncertain? I don't think anyone has been around long enough to determine a true happy ending. Or are we talking about fairytale happy endings in which the king and princess (or pharaoh and princess)get married and ride off into the sunset and we really don't know how it ends up?

after a few years and still happy..i know no one has a certain ending because this site hasn't been around forever...just still married and happy...not fairy tale as in all rainbows and lollipops because no marriage is perfect ..

[Amber & Ahmed 133]

I'm sorry Kat, but can we get back to the OP's topic, because it has turned into your story. You should start a thread about it, and that is where you can give us all updates. I'm sorry for your pain, but this topic was meant for success stories

Agree.

[Mithra 1,185]

Out of the 10s (like high 10s close to 100 if not 100)of older gal/younger guy romances that have gone through this place in the past 6 years I can think of 3 that are still going - JeanneVictoria, Meriem and Soffiya. There may be a few more that don't post anymore. They've all been married about 5-6 yrs, I believe. I wouldn't classify that as happy ending yet but it's a lot better than most. Not to knock those kinds of relationships but the vast majority don't work. Even if you're Demi Moore, your younger guy may just decide you're too old one day.

Edited April 27, 2012 by Mithra

[Staashi 371]

LOL, Mithra! Yep, it doesn't matter if your husband can bounce a quarter off your azz...if you're the old gray mare, sometimes, your young stud might put you out to pasture.

Edited April 27, 2012 by Staashi

[Cathi 5,771]

I'm sorry Kat, but can we get back to the OP's topic, because it has turned into your story. You should start a thread about it, and that is where you can give us all updates. I'm sorry for your pain, but this topic was meant for success stories

[Shoot Em Straight 385]

I know this is going to come off rude but it's not meant that way. What do you mean by happy ending? Like together until death? Or together for a few years and happy but the actual ending is uncertain? I don't think anyone has been around long enough to determine a true happy ending. Or are we talking about fairytale happy endings in which the king and princess (or pharaoh and princess)get married and ride off into the sunset and we really don't know how it ends up?

If you are approaching me with your post...I only copied the OP original title and pasted...to bring it back to the subject of this thread before it took its turns.

So you will have to ask OP if she will still reply to you.

But my take on it...is "happy ending" is for the Visa Journey. I believe that is what all the ladies posting with active petitions are here for. I am not asking for anyone's take of happy endings but it couldnt hurt to have a few good ones written in the MENA forum....

Since I am contributing...I will add

I can read all the posts from the ladies that have been here longer and have seen more and still make a sound decision on what I agree with and dont agree with...

WITHOUT

the engaging in or accepting jabs from different personalities. The "experienced" ladies have seen, read, known and sparred with far more varied stories than my own and I respect that but ....the negativity and gang up that is mixed within that freely given knowledge is a complete turn off.

One's good message gets lost when it comes at a person like negative lecture, dismissal of the others opinion validity or personal jabs... discussion or offer of help is buried behind one ugly word.

I honestly have no judgement with either lady...and couldnt care less but,

The calling of ones stated belief in marriage/no divorce could have been disagreed with...WITHOUT the word #######. And then she really had a right to tell her that she finds her on a consistent basis harsh with your comments...

WITHOUT telling her to shut her yap.

Both comments were rude and unnecessary...it is just one began it and the other went for the throat. Then another zooms in from else where to back up the first...the like buttons are pushed...etc, same scenario different thread.

I met with the "experienced" ladies before on another thread and have my own conclusions and opinions about the way everyone posts...and sometimes I have need to restrain myself from really saying what I want to... not worth it.

I will say it is more productive to spread the news (good or bad) or share what we feel we HAVE to say in a more cohesive manner.

It is so invaluable that I found this site,

for all to share their minds and also come back to pay it forward.

If anything can be taken from my post it is hopefully this

It is really OK for everyone to be a nice person ...even secured behind the anonymity of a monitor.

little lightening humor...even when Beauty for Ashes takes over... I know I can still learn from somewhere in the off topic.

I was married to a MENA for plenty years and am married to another MENA.....I am not coming here a child not knowing of life...just need to kill time waiting for my NOA2, maybe help a friend or two and learn as much as I can to get my spouse here.

Ok Safi! Enough Kumbaya fireside talk from me.

Thanks for reading.

[Lisamarie 79]

Perfect

If you are approaching me with your post...I only copied the OP original title and pasted...to bring it back to the subject of this thread before it took its turns.

So you will have to ask OP if she will still reply to you.

But my take on it...is "happy ending" is for the Visa Journey. I believe that is what all the ladies posting with active petitions are here for. I am not asking for anyone's take of happy endings but it couldnt hurt to have a few good ones written in the MENA forum....

Since I am contributing...I will add

I can read all the posts from the ladies that have been here longer and have seen more and still make a sound decision on what I agree with and dont agree with...

WITHOUT

the engaging in or accepting jabs from different personalities. The "experienced" ladies have seen, read, known and sparred with far more varied stories than my own and I respect that but ....the negativity and gang up that is mixed within that freely given knowledge is a complete turn off.

One's good message gets lost when it comes at a person like negative lecture, dismissal of the others opinion validity or personal jabs... discussion or offer of help is buried behind one ugly word.

I honestly have no judgement with either lady...and couldnt care less but,

The calling of ones stated belief in marriage/no divorce could have been disagreed with...WITHOUT the word #######. And then she really had a right to tell her that she finds her on a consistent basis harsh with your comments...

WITHOUT telling her to shut her yap.

Both comments were rude and unnecessary...it is just one began it and the other went for the throat. Then another zooms in from else where to back up the first...the like buttons are pushed...etc, same scenario different thread.

I met with the "experienced" ladies before on another thread and have my own conclusions and opinions about the way everyone posts...and sometimes I have need to restrain myself from really saying what I want to... not worth it.

I will say it is more productive to spread the news (good or bad) or share what we feel we HAVE to say in a more cohesive manner.

It is so invaluable that I found this site,

for all to share their minds and also come back to pay it forward.

If anything can be taken from my post it is hopefully this

It is really OK for everyone to be a nice person ...even secured behind the anonymity of a monitor.

little lightening humor...even when Beauty for Ashes takes over... I know I can still learn from somewhere in the off topic.

I was married to a MENA for plenty years and am married to another MENA.....I am not coming here a child not knowing of life...just need to kill time waiting for my NOA2, maybe help a friend or two and learn as much as I can to get my spouse here.

Ok Safi! Enough Kumbaya fireside talk from me.

Thanks for reading.