looking for MENA success stories

[Mithra 1,185]

+1

It's been a long, strange trip. Regardless of anything, I'd like you and your family to have some peace and happiness. You're all long overdue. I have no idea how you can get there, but do know there are people out there who do hope you can catch some breaks somewhere along the line.

[Nasturtium 500]

It's been a long, strange trip. Regardless of anything, I'd like you and your family to have some peace and happiness. You're all long overdue. I have no idea how you can get there, but do know there are people out there who do hope you can catch some breaks somewhere along the line.

Agree!!

[Amber & Ahmed 133]

My only issue with Mithra is her calling my opinion ####### so if anyone should lay off its her. Maybe you can write her a nice long post? I have read some not all of your story and what I have read has made me feel for you. So I wont even go there with you simply I ask you to see the whole story here then decide who should "lay off"

Staashi... you do raise very good points... but the OP asked for success stories andI simplu was sharing Ahmed and I's point of view as far as our marriage goes. Do I realize that it may not work for every marriage? Yes I do, buy for us it works. Our families have always been in it til death do you part and we too feel the same is it every day rainbows and unicorns? LOL God no and thank God it isnt but as I said we know at the end of the day we will go to bed together and wake up together. We hava a good balance together and it isnt a fairy tale to end all fairy tales it is a committment. I just do not appreciate my sharing with the OP and some woman coming along and calling it #######. Surely one can understand why my feathers were ruffled? I welcome others input why else would I post in an open arena such as this? I just ask for a little respect even if I am not agreed with, ya know?

[Mithra 1,185]

No one here is trying to intimidate you. You said and I quote "DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION" and that's fine for you but in general, I don't trust anything not being an option. Disagreement doesn't equal intimidation or attacks. Actually you're being more catty and rude by telling me to shut my yap. I never told you to shut your yap I just disagreed with you. There's a difference. I always love the women on this forum who act like they're so sweet and supportive and nice and then when one person comes to disagree the claws come out. I may be realistic and speak my mind but you are just straight rude.

Ahhhh here it starts... you catty ladies never quit I swear! Oh my goodness! Do you all ever get a life??? Even after almost 2 years of being a member on this site I find you all just never quit attacking certain people but by now you all shoould know by now your not going to intimidate me. The OP asked about our own specific marriage and I am answering for MY marriage. So why don't you all just knock it off and allow others to express what they want! You all dont get theright to say what others express... hmmmmm wonder where your other buddy is? Guess it was past her bedtime eh? Anyhow OP really it is a decision we all make... knowing your husband well and seeing the red flags (the ones only you can see) from the start helps... how is he witj women in general... how is his parent's marriage...is a huge help IMO I wish you the very best! As for me I am out of the soon to follow drama these ladies thrive on... if you want to talk please feel free to message me any time.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

My only issue with Mithra is her calling my opinion ####### so if anyone should lay off its her. Maybe you can write her a nice long post? I have read some not all of your story and what I have read has made me feel for you. So I wont even go there with you simply I ask you to see the whole story here then decide who should "lay off"

Staashi... you do raise very good points... but the OP asked for success stories andI simplu was sharing Ahmed and I's point of view as far as our marriage goes. Do I realize that it may not work for every marriage? Yes I do, buy for us it works. Our families have always been in it til death do you part and we too feel the same is it every day rainbows and unicorns? LOL God no and thank God it isnt but as I said we know at the end of the day we will go to bed together and wake up together. We hava a good balance together and it isnt a fairy tale to end all fairy tales it is a committment. I just do not appreciate my sharing with the OP and some woman coming along and calling it #######. Surely one can understand why my feathers were ruffled? I welcome others input why else would I post in an open arena such as this? I just ask for a little respect even if I am not agreed with, ya know?

Amber of course everyone wants you to be happy but I dont appreciate you telling Mithra to shut up. We have been here alot longer than you and have seen alot and while you dont have to agree with her opinion, you could a, ignore it or b. tell her that you agree to disagree. You might very well make it and I am happy you are doing so well but you also arent 20 years older than your spouse so if we want to reply to that person, we absolutely have the right to.

[tany1157 161]

I think both sides of the divorce issue have very good points. The way I took amber's " divorce is not an option" stance, is that they will not see divorce as an easy way out ( as many, especially Americans, use divorce, when the going gets tough, walking away is easier). I am sure if her husband ended up being a pedophile, or abusive, she wouldn't stay. My parents have lived by this rule. My mom was born and raised in a strict Greek Orthodox home in Greece. So this was her mantra from the beginning. Now, they have been through some crazy tough times, but stuck it out. This was only because they were both decent people, and there was no infidelity, or abuse. If there was, that would be crossing the line, and they wouldn't still be married. This is how I viewed what amber said.

I also agree that thank God divorce is an option to us, because what person, man or woman, should be stuck married to someone who has ended up abusive, or a predator, or a sociopath? So yes, divorce should be an option for those people. Nothing is ever promised to us in this life, except death and taxes. No one can predict the future.

[Amber & Ahmed 133]

FINALLY SOMEONE THAT GETS IT!! Yes yes yes to all you said! Thank you!

I think both sides of the divorce issue have very good points. The way I took amber's " divorce is not an option" stance, is that they will not see divorce as an easy way out ( as many, especially Americans, use divorce, when the going gets tough, walking away is easier). I am sure if her husband ended up being a pedophile, or abusive, she wouldn't stay. My parents have lived by this rule. My mom was born and raised in a strict Greek Orthodox home in Greece. So this was her mantra from the beginning. Now, they have been through some crazy tough times, but stuck it out. This was only because they were both decent people, and there was no infidelity, or abuse. If there was, that would be crossing the line, and they wouldn't still be married. This is how I viewed what amber said.

I also agree that thank God divorce is an option to us, because what person, man or woman, should be stuck married to someone who has ended up abusive, or a predator, or a sociopath? So yes, divorce should be an option for those people. Nothing is ever promised to us in this life, except death and taxes. No one can predict the future.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I think both sides of the divorce issue have very good points. The way I took amber's " divorce is not an option" stance, is that they will not see divorce as an easy way out ( as many, especially Americans, use divorce, when the going gets tough, walking away is easier). I am sure if her husband ended up being a pedophile, or abusive, she wouldn't stay. My parents have lived by this rule. My mom was born and raised in a strict Greek Orthodox home in Greece. So this was her mantra from the beginning. Now, they have been through some crazy tough times, but stuck it out. This was only because they were both decent people, and there was no infidelity, or abuse. If there was, that would be crossing the line, and they wouldn't still be married. This is how I viewed what amber said.

I also agree that thank God divorce is an option to us, because what person, man or woman, should be stuck married to someone who has ended up abusive, or a predator, or a sociopath? So yes, divorce should be an option for those people. Nothing is ever promised to us in this life, except death and taxes. No one can predict the future.

its not always Americans that see divorce as the easy way out. I know many divorced women in North Africa that because of their husbands decision, cannot remarry. Divorce is not exclusively our choice and my parents are not divorced either and have been married 56 years. But alot of men are not like our fathers were, with a love of country, strong work ethic and a belief that love lasts till you die. In my situation, my husband chose to mistreat me and even in the end, did not give me a divorce, just has left me married to figure things out for myself. I guess perhaps in many ways, divorce is a humane solution to a miserable and fatal situation. My husband would be perfectly fine if he left me to financially extricate myself from a marriage that he used to make his papers. He cares very little if it leaves me in a miserable legal bind. And mind you , hes not American. So foreigners don't have a monopoly on treating marriages like diamonds. The women that lived around him , once they were divorced and especially had a kid , could never remarry. Thank god I live in the US where I can divorce and maybe one day, perhaps when the pain has settled and I dont hurt as bad, find my way to be able to trust and love again.. If thats even possible. So here I sit ,, legally married to someone who used me who did not care enough about me to make sure I wasnt stuck married to him. thank god for divorce and for the fact I wont have to live the rest of my life legally shackled to someone who used me just to get to this country. If he really ever really loved me, he would not want to leave me messed up like this, trying to find the strength to endure the long miserable process of divorce by publication. He would have cared enough to file, to act like a muslim and leave me with something decent from all the hell I went through. I resent the implication that somehow Americans have the monopoly on easy thoughtless divorces

[Laveau 67]

Very well said, Tany.

[tany1157 161]

I wasn't saying Americans exclusively, I was using as an example, because well, I'm from America, and know what I've seen, against parents who were from a different culture. Also seen my mil stick with a difficult man because divorce is not an option to her either. he has passed now, and she will never remarry.

[Lisamarie 79]

I'm glad the move went ok, and it's so good to see you here! And hey, adventure is good and fun lol Keep in touch

Everything is going great. Ahmed and I made the move to Florida! So we are enjoying life together one mapquest adventure at a time LOL Wow its been awhile! Havent had much time for posting as Ahmed takes most of my time. However I stop thru and check on my VJ girls atleast one a week but I havent seen you! Im happy to hear all is well with you!

[Lisamarie 79]

and

Ahhhh here it starts... you catty ladies never quit I swear! Oh my goodness! Do you all ever get a life??? Even after almost 2 years of being a member on this site I find you all just never quit attacking certain people but by now you all shoould know by now your not going to intimidate me. The OP asked about our own specific marriage and I am answering for MY marriage. So why don't you all just knock it off and allow others to express what they want! You all dont get theright to say what others express... hmmmmm wonder where your other buddy is? Guess it was past her bedtime eh? Anyhow OP really it is a decision we all make... knowing your husband well and seeing the red flags (the ones only you can see) from the start helps... how is he witj women in general... how is his parent's marriage...is a huge help IMO I wish you the very best! As for me I am out of the soon to follow drama these ladies thrive on... if you want to talk please feel free to message me any time.

[Lisamarie 79]

I think what Amber meant is that if there were problems they would work them out, not give up on each other. There are always exceptions to the rule.

Believe me, Amber, if one day you found out that Ahmed was a serial philander, mentally, physically or emotionally abusive, or he was sexually abusing your children or the neighbor's kids, you might find yourself wanting or begging for a divorce. All of these things have happened on this board and those women who were so in love in the beginning, and divorce was out of the question, too, were grateful to have that option.

Your statement though reminded me of a friend of mine. She and her husband were devout pentecostal Christians and had married at a young age. Divorce was never an option for them, too. However all bets were off for her when she came home and found her husband in bed with another man. After the shock wore off and the anger and realization of what was happening hit her, she asked how long had this been going on...since high school he said. He said, although he loved her as a wife/sister, the man he was with was his true love. She got a divorce within a month.

My husband is from Argentina, and the neighboring country, Chile, does not allow divorce. I have heard vile tales of what some women have had to deal with because of that law. I myself am grateful that it is an option should we need it here.

Which brings me to this point, nobody on this board gets married thinking about divorce...we all want the fairy tale of life, liberty, and marital happiness. However, as has been shown time and time again, sometimes the fairy tale turns into a nightmare.

[Staashi 371]

I think what Amber meant is that if there were problems they would work them out, not give up on each other. There are always exceptions to the rule.

Lisa, there are always exceptions to the rule. However, Amber made it clear that no divorce ever - no exceptions. But when you look at the majority of divorce cases in MENA, most of the women who were divorced following their visa journey cited many of my specific reasons. Honestly, I've hardly ever heard anyone say, ”We had cultural differences that we just couldn't get past” as the basis for their divorce.

I'm not sh!tting on anyone here, just pointing out that everything isn't always as cut and dry as people sometimes make it out to be.

[Mithra 1,185]

Exactly! Divorce is not an option means we will never divorce no matter what even if it turns abusive or there's infidelity or a similar, unforgiveable offense. Not an option means just that...not an option. Working on your marriage and not giving up because things get boring or there are occasional arguments is what most ppl strive for I do believe. Hence why I say the stance of divorce never being an option is total #######. There will always be deal breakers that make divorce an option. For normal folks that is. Some ppl are stubborn and will put up with anything just to stay in a marriage.

Lisa, there are always exceptions to the rule. However, Amber made it clear that no divorce ever - no exceptions. But when you look at the majority of divorce cases in MENA, most of the women who were divorced following their visa journey cited many of my specific reasons. Honestly, I've hardly ever heard anyone say, ”We had cultural differences that we just couldn't get past” as the basis for their divorce.

I'm not sh!tting on anyone here, just pointing out that everything isn't always as cut and dry as people sometimes make it out to be.