looking for MENA success stories

[tany1157 161]

I agree with so much of the above post. PATIENCE & understanding is so important. Patience for yourself as well as him. It's a big adjustment in so many ways. So many things are taken for granted when your SO is not new to this country. You will get frustrated and you will have misunderstandings, but be patient with yourself and him throughout it all...

Thank you...I am ready for the challenge, at least as ready as I can be....

[Mithra 1,185]

You're welcome! And good luck! I'm sure things will be fine since you've already proven you have lots of patience.

I really appreciate you sharing your experience and giving such great advice for what's to come. Thank you!

[tany1157 161]

You're welcome! And good luck! I'm sure things will be fine since you've already proven you have lots of patience.

My husband calls us "professional waiters"

[Cathi 5,771]

thanks everyone for your stories and words of wisdom.

[zahrasalem 114]

Is your husband saying that you are intellectually below the level you're supposed to be, that is, at *35 your intellectual maturity just matches that of your *29 yr old husband?

*- substitute for real ages

No, he's not saying I'm below the level I should be, and I am not

We are both in our mid to late 30's, well educated and we are both more mature for our ages than normal and always have been since we were kids. He's more mature and serious than the average guy his age. Our maturity levels complement each other's perfectly.

Neither of us are generalizing or accusing girls in their 20's for being immature or anything negative, but women in their 30's and above tend to be more ready for marriage and a serious relationship.

In his experience, and that of his male family and friends, they are looking for more mature women closer to their ages and maturity level when they are ready for marriage. And it has nothing to do with immigration, my husband is the only one he knows who has married and come to the USA.

Edited April 18, 2012 by zahrasalem

[CKS_ALG 0]

I agree ^ I was 19 when I married my 25 yr old MENA spouse. I'm not from an Arab background but a similar country. I'm now 25 we are still very happy together, yet I had found myself still wanting to explore life and just recently started to think about serious life plans for our future. This could possibly be the same thing with a younger MENA man like in his early 20's. You have to really consider the age difference if he was THAT young. Other than those factors, I don't think age is anything more than a number. It's not a generalization that younger girls are "immature" they are just not at that maturity level of experience older women have. An older woman wouldn't pester her husband for ridiculous things most younger girls bother their husbands with. So for all the older wives that's something I'm pretty sure the husbands are grateful for lol.

There's also a lot of things that Western girls do that MENA girls don't even think about doing such as drinking, going out dancing, wearing certain types of clothing, and etc.. My husband came from a very strict background but when he came to the states he started to open up a lot more to Westernized customs. Just saying, this is something I kind of see which attracts MENA men to Westernized women of any age.

[nurse1967 287]

The way I see it, this couple has obstacles stacked on obstacles. First of all, a woman being married to a guy 20 years younger may work for now but the odds are it won't last. How old are you 40? 45? You may still be somewhat put together at this point and can still act young enough to keep your man interested. Fast forward 10 years and ask yourself will this still hold true? If you are 55 then, he will be 35 and those differences are HUGE. I don't think that goes for just a foreign relationship it's with ANY relationship. Also, it's common knowledge that you won't go to Egypt, or Jordan or Saudi Arabia and encounter many men married to women likely very close in age to their mom. That let's you know that it's not culturally the NORM. Believe me, I am as much a skeptic of men married to women 20 years their junior. And really, what could you have in common?? Either you are extremely immature or he is extremely old for his age. And then there's the kids (the ones you already have) and the fact that more than likely you won't be able to have kids together. Have you thought of that? Oh well, enough of that I am sure you have thought this all out. As for the Inshallah thing, it really does grate my nerves as well. It's just a little odd. To me, it would be like my Egyptian husband deciding to use American slang to fit in. For some reason many women feel obligated to ingratiate themselves into their spouses culture. Just being myself has worked for me so far! Best of luck with your immigration adventure!

[100% Al Ahly Fan 53]

As for the Inshallah thing, it really does grate my nerves as well. It's just a little odd. To me, it would be like my Egyptian husband deciding to use American slang to fit in.

I agree with ya Besty about the marriage of an older women to a young man BUT as for the use of Arabic, I don't have an issue with women or men who want to learn and use Arabic when they can. Actually, I like it when my man tries to use American slag too. It's pretty funny, in fact. His favorite being "that is suck!" or "oh sh*t" being a new favorite of his.

Edited April 20, 2012 by 100% Al Ahly Fan

[sandinista! 1,816]

I realize this is arbitrary and random, and not even remotely fair, but with certain people, in certain situations, it's annoying, and other times it isn't. It depends on the person and the context, and more often than not on VJ it just reads contrived and corny.

That being said, 5 years later my brother will still say "what are doing?" when greeting my husband-when Ahmed first moved here, that's how he said what's up

[Cathi 5,771]

The way I see it, this couple has obstacles stacked on obstacles. First of all, a woman being married to a guy 20 years younger may work for now but the odds are it won't last. How old are you 40? 45? You may still be somewhat put together at this point and can still act young enough to keep your man interested. Fast forward 10 years and ask yourself will this still hold true? If you are 55 then, he will be 35 and those differences are HUGE. I don't think that goes for just a foreign relationship it's with ANY relationship. Also, it's common knowledge that you won't go to Egypt, or Jordan or Saudi Arabia and encounter many men married to women likely very close in age to their mom. That let's you know that it's not culturally the NORM. Believe me, I am as much a skeptic of men married to women 20 years their junior. And really, what could you have in common?? Either you are extremely immature or he is extremely old for his age. And then there's the kids (the ones you already have) and the fact that more than likely you won't be able to have kids together. Have you thought of that? Oh well, enough of that I am sure you have thought this all out. As for the Inshallah thing, it really does grate my nerves as well. It's just a little odd. To me, it would be like my Egyptian husband deciding to use American slang to fit in. For some reason many women feel obligated to ingratiate themselves into their spouses culture. Just being myself has worked for me so far! Best of luck with your immigration adventure!

I have been to Jordan several times and I am aware that is isn't the social norm for younger men to be married to older women, it isn't here either, although it is more accepted here. We know what we are facing as far as the judgments and assumptions people will have, there and in the US. He has an aunt who is married to man 15 years younger than herself. I am not looking for people to point out that we have an uphill battle, we are well aware of that. I was merely out of curiosity looking for people with a similar story. I think it's unfair for you to say either he is very mature(which he is) or that I am immature. We have a lot in common, some things not in common.It's like that for most marriages in the world, but if everyone married people exactly like themselves this world would be a boring place. . And we know about the cultural differences. We have discussed everything about our lives together in depth, and how things will be very different here. We are not naive. Love is love, we can't help what out hearts feel. Thanks for sharing

[Staashi 371]

Well, success stories in your age bracket are very rare. There's just no bullsh!tting you on that.

[nurse1967 287]

True that Staashi!!

[msheesha 548]

I realize this is arbitrary and random, and not even remotely fair, but with certain people, in certain situations, it's annoying, and other times it isn't. It depends on the person and the context, and more often than not on VJ it just reads contrived and corny.

That being said, 5 years later my brother will still say "what are doing?" when greeting my husband-when Ahmed first moved here, that's how he said what's up

Funny when my husband first got here he would also leave out the "ya" or "you" & would say "how doing?" instead of "how ya doing?".

[R and F 34]

I have never discussed anything in depth with my husband. You guys are way too much smarty pants.

[seifetag 0]

Just curious if anyone who has married a younger MENA man has a happy ending? All of the topics seem to only be about tragic relationships. I know it's good to be cautious, but like in any society or culture there are scum bags. In fact in the US there seems to be an over abundance of men who abuse, mistreat and cheat in their wives. I love my husband, and he loves me. I can't wait until the day he sets foot on American soil. I have been to Jordan to see him 3 times in the last 6 months, 3 months living with he and his family. And you can bet you bottom dollar I will be at that embassy in Amman by his side the day he has his interview!!!

Hi I was reading your story and felt your pain...MENA..which countries fall in this category? is it all the middle eastern countries? sorry, never heard of this before until now...I wanted to share my story...My husband and I are 12 years apart, and I am older then him..we both have been married before, divorced now and no kids...I met him for the first time back in April of 2011, we married September of the same year, I went to visit my husband this past January, and we are now waiting for the NOA2..we have been in previous marriages where our ex-spouses cheated on us both..and why our marriages ended..but we are truely in love, we always tell each other that God has blessed us both and now we are praying to be together soon, and start our family...I am able to have kids and I'm 42 years of age, my husband is 31..keep the faith...and don't give up...I wish you and your husband the best...and as we wait, we hope we don't get a RFE, or our age difference will hold up our process...thanks, RBM