Irritated with American attitudes when ending a marriage

[forever waiting 11]

Agree with Olomi 100%

[FinallyDone:) 10]

LOL!! Sorry..I know it's off topic, but I had to sign a sworn affidavit that My Husband is not allowed to receive assistance from My Govt. that I have paid taxes into for 20 years (without them coming after me for the money) but these people can get away with mass procreation on our tax dollars! I conduct my household as a "single" parent with 3 children and "make too much money" for any assistance. Us usc's are penalized for working unless of course you are making minimum wage or less. That poverty guideline is a bunch of bull also..I'd like to see a family of 5 in NY be able to survive on $27,010! My property & school tax are $10,000. alone!

OMG thats the same thing i said when i say the guidelines. I mean I live in jersey and thing are expensive over here but you gotta worse bc NY state tax is higher. I never really understood how it was okay for all these undocumented people can come here and pop out their babies and we pay for it. I mean ####### is going on. yet we as citizens cannot get it if we needed it. I personally never have needed assisstance but god forbids i ever do will there be any left.So many ppl come here just to have their child on us soil so they can have a way back in once they leave or are deport. I cannot understand why Homeland Security isnt doing more to get rid of these people. Where i live every morning you drive down the street you see so many outside looking for work. Hell if you didnt know they were illegal you would think it was a parade. I am all for people coming here and living the american dream but i think it should be harsher for those who cross illegally.

[MyJourney1 15]

LOL!! Sorry..I know it's off topic, but I had to sign a sworn affidavit that My Husband is not allowed to receive assistance from My Govt. that I have paid taxes into for 20 years (without them coming after me for the money) but these people can get away with mass procreation on our tax dollars! I conduct my household as a "single" parent with 3 children and "make too much money" for any assistance. Us usc's are penalized for working unless of course you are making minimum wage or less. That poverty guideline is a bunch of bull also..I'd like to see a family of 5 in NY be able to survive on $27,010! My property & school tax are $10,000. alone!

I feel your pain.

[FinallyDone:) 10]

Love fades, trust can be broken. Commitment is what makes it work. It has little do to with immigration, you can "send them back" to wherever they came from, even if its just across town. I think there is one question you can ask a fiance before marriage that may help determine whether it is worth doing. "How long do you think we will last as a couple in this age of divorce?" If they dance around the answer, forget marriage. My first wife would say something like "We don't know what the future holds", or "I don't know if we will last forever", or even "I hope we make it". The attitude of "if it works, it works. If it doesn't, it doesn't" is doomed to fail, when things weren't working well, she left. However I would also be wary of someone (especially foreign) smooth talking the subject with "Oh baby we will last forever". I would look for something like "I am making this choice to spend my life with you, and I will do what it takes to make it last forever". There is too much of this attitude of trying the shoe on before buying it, when the shoes gets (old/worn out/not the latest style) get rid of it. It's not just Americans, much of the modern world is like that.

its unfortunate but its true what you just said. it could happen to USC and USC or USC and immigranting spouse. something things just fall apart. take a good look at the divorce rate. people chaning spouses like they change their clothes.something people get married out of lust not love and its hard to adjust to marry life because not only do you have to things about yourself anymore you have to consider your spouse.... reality is some people arent meant to me husband and wives.... and theres nothing wrong with it but i think eveyone should have a trial and error period before walking down the asile. and thats living together as "husband and wife". paying bills and making decisions together. if it doesnt work in that time period then both parties can just walk away.

[sabi 148]

This is not specifically for the people who have been used. It is more so about people who look for ways to cry foul and be vindictive after the relationship failed. When the union ends there is shared fault. People like pointing the finger, never realizing the role they played and thus repeating the same mistakes with the next person.

That's how I understood your original post and I agree 100%!Sometimes it looks like those whose marriages failed are looking for an easy way to erase their ex from their life. Yeah just send them home and get over with it and move to another one huh?!... It's really cruel and I see no sympathy for them...

[sabi 148]

its unfortunate but its true what you just said. it could happen to USC and USC or USC and immigranting spouse. something things just fall apart. take a good look at the divorce rate. people chaning spouses like they change their clothes.something people get married out of lust not love and its hard to adjust to marry life because not only do you have to things about yourself anymore you have to consider your spouse.... reality is some people arent meant to me husband and wives.... and theres nothing wrong with it but i think eveyone should have a trial and error period before walking down the asile. and thats living together as "husband and wife". paying bills and making decisions together. if it doesnt work in that time period then both parties can just walk away.

To sum it up ,a while back I found this quote somewhere on the internet: an old couple once asked how did they manage to stay together over 60 years replied:" you see in our times you didn't just throw away something that was broken, you were simply trying to fix it and make it work again!" it is so true! People nowadays should really start and try to fix things, not just give up when a small problem comes along and get rid of it by sending it where "it" comes from!

Edited April 16, 2012 by sibi777

[Kehinde 45]

I would have to say it's probably more "spite for the ex". No person with any brain cell is going to go through this process unless they really, really care about someone. Unless the usc is getting paid and doing it illegally and I would doubt they give a squat enough to put a post up about it. If my husband did that to me, I'd be saying a heck of a lot more than "can i send him back?" lol Broken hearts say crazy things sometimes..us americans aren't so bad.

I agree with you. I would be saying "Can I kill him without being prosecuted?"

[goodgurl 3]

amen!!!!!!!

well what you are saying is accurate granted that the marriage was in good faith from the beginning. However, in many cases the USC realize all too late that they have been used for immigration benefits. In such cases how can you not be upset? If someone use you like trash then they most certainly deserve to be treated the same. I have NO SYMPATHY for such folks. They should be kicked out of the country immediately no questions asked. Man or Woman. Life is short get such ppl out of your life.

[MrsDNuma2013 0]

LOL!! Sorry..I know it's off topic, but I had to sign a sworn affidavit that My Husband is not allowed to receive assistance from My Govt. that I have paid taxes into for 20 years (without them coming after me for the money) but these people can get away with mass procreation on our tax dollars! I conduct my household as a "single" parent with 3 children and "make too much money" for any assistance. Us usc's are penalized for working unless of course you are making minimum wage or less. That poverty guideline is a bunch of bull also..I'd like to see a family of 5 in NY be able to survive on $27,010! My property & school tax are $10,000. alone!

I totally feel you on this one!

[amyandjorge 76]

Thanks OP for posting this. There are those people who, one way or another, get swept up in a love affair overseas, bring their new spouse to the US, and realize it's not what they wanted. THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY. First of all, if you marry someone that you have physical spent less than a month together, you might as well just assume the first year is going to be VERY difficult living together. Second of all, the petitioner opens the path for the beneficiary to come to the US, but in the end the US gov't is making the decisions on who comes in (and who goes out). Since when does a (former) petitioner get to step into the role of the government of the United States?

Of course, this is distinct to what happens when a USC is used solely for a plane ticket and they're off. But hey, if they are willing to stick around for a few years, then that wouldn't be the first time someone has used marriage to get ahead, is it? And I'm pretty sure that is what K-1 is for, so that you can spend a solid couple months with someone in the US before taking the plunge. Otherwise, your spouse is your spouse.

And on a lighter note, I told my husband if he started acting up I would send him back (I started getting ideas from VJ). He just laughed. Because it is hilarious that a wife would say that to a husband!

[Alaskan 10]

Thanks OP for posting this. There are those people who, one way or another, get swept up in a love affair overseas, bring their new spouse to the US, and realize it's not what they wanted. THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY. First of all, if you marry someone that you have physical spent less than a month together, you might as well just assume the first year is going to be VERY difficult living together. Second of all, the petitioner opens the path for the beneficiary to come to the US, but in the end the US gov't is making the decisions on who comes in (and who goes out). Since when does a (former) petitioner get to step into the role of the government of the United States?

Of course, this is distinct to what happens when a USC is used solely for a plane ticket and they're off. But hey, if they are willing to stick around for a few years, then that wouldn't be the first time someone has used marriage to get ahead, is it? And I'm pretty sure that is what K-1 is for, so that you can spend a solid couple months with someone in the US before taking the plunge. Otherwise, your spouse is your spouse.

And on a lighter note, I told my husband if he started acting up I would send him back (I started getting ideas from VJ). He just laughed. Because it is hilarious that a wife would say that to a husband!

[Iyawo Ijebu 157]

In my situation it was pure and simple post divorce vengeance (she filed and I refused to withdraw the divorce). The kicker is that she didn't even import me but wanted to have me exported

For anyone in this situation (assuming non fraud and just a jilted lover scenario) you have my sympathy, it's not a good situation to be.

[memlaura 60]

A petitioner should treat this process as though there was not a "return to sender" option. It's not fair to look at your role in this journey from a position of leverage and power. People mention the heart of the USC; it's bad enough that USCIS paperwork refer to people as ALIENS (hubby really took offense to that), but to have the frame of mind that only the USC has a heart implies that you believe your worth is more.

When the relationship is USC & USC the issue of returning them is null. Can you truly say the hurt is greater when the person is from another country or is your mentality that you believe you've paid for this person so they owe you?

I am glad you posted this I agree with you 100%. My husband and I have a lot of red flags and we have an up hill battle. I have been told by tons of people that he is just after a green card. I dont care what others think I know him and I know what he means to me and I love him. If it doesnt work out between us then that is life. There is no need to punish someone because it didnt work out there was something there that made you fall in love so they cant be all that bad. Life is a gamble and an adventure I hope and pray to God that our adventure goes on forever together but you never know what is around the corner. If you feel the need for revenge the best revenge is to be happy and go on with your life. I was married for 25 years to a USC (him I would like to send to another country) when it ended I didnt see it coming but it came. I moved on I met someone who makes me happier than I have ever been in my life and it scares me to death that someone elses opinion of us can keep us apart... But once he is here he is here for as long as he wants to be if he leaves it will be because he wants to not me...

[Sandra G. 5,048]

I handled several cases of foreign women battered by their USC spouses after arriving in the USA, and I saw several cases of foreigns aliens that just vanished after getting their green card.We have good people and bad people all over the world. There is no way you can predict your future with someone, some people are just con artist.

[Xanax 349]

wow, what provoked this one Olomi? I would hope that if any usc said that, it was in jest.

I have read lots of similar (or at least what sounds to me as similar) sentiments here.