Irritated with American attitudes when ending a marriage

[TBoneTX 45,309]

Rudeness comes from all countries. Usually overreaction comes when something hits too close to the truth.

I ran out of +1 votes for the day, but SI MAN.

[Kody n Ruth Joy 0]

Yes because, not only have the US Citizen sacrificed their time and money, of which is not cheap, but they've also sacrificed their "Heart". When you love someone, you are dedicating your heart; entrusting this person with it. So, when a US Citizen puts his/her "All" into bring the love of their life to the USA; just to find out their foreign spouse used them, that's not only a waste of time, but it's also a waste of their "Precious Heart". That is very "heart-breaking" in the worse way ever to be used by someone with another "Agenda" after you have given your heart too them completely.

WELL SAID ! i had this discussion with my love yesterday, because i can relate completely , i have thrown everything i have towards making this happen, and the wedding is in 6 months, so i hope.

[GnBnL 50]

Nothing irks me more than seeing "CAN I SEND THEM BACK?" or some variation of this. I admit with all the fees you pay the immigration process can feel like modern day slave trade. Know what you want, know who you are, and know who you are marrying before you dive into visa waters. Yes, some of our significant others come from economically struggling countries and others whose countries fair far better than the US. Your spouse is not an expensive shirt that you tuck the tag in, wear for a night, and return the next day. My husband is fine where he is and it touches me to hear him pray for the betterment of his country and the people. Our spouses are perfectly capable of sustaining themselves in their home country. If you examine the circumstances the quality of life may be somewhat advanced in the US, but the quantity you pay is the same. Your spouse's life is changed as well as their family's. Some of them endure ridicule and negativity, because they married you and not a fellow countryman.

I really appreciate that you posted this! I've said more than once in posts that a spouse cannot be returned like a sweater... regardless of how a marriage ended, we're talking about living breathing people with rights. I don't understand why USC's feel the urge to kick them out of the country as punishment. Obviously, there are exceptions, but for the most part, people that come from foreign countries should not be treated like goods that can be traded.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Addressing the original post....

It's a natural reaction. When someone feels they've been used to get something then the natural reaction is to try to take away whatever it was that person got. Nobody wants to see a scoundrel succeed in taking something through deceit. It's an instinctive sense of fair play and justice.

This reaction only bothers me when I see someone describe a situation that really doesn't sound like any intentional fraud was involved, but simply a relationship that collapsed. In those cases, they're looking for revenge. How can I inflict the most pain on this person who has caused me pain? That feeling is understandable, but it's not healthy.

I think most people on this forum are pretty level headed about this. When there is obvious evidence of immigration fraud then they usually recommend that the poster send their evidence to ICE and USCIS. When it looks like it was simply a failed relationship then they usually advise the poster to get a divorce, get over it, and move on with their lives.

In either case, don't take it personally when people post stuff like this. The poster in those cases is usually an emotional wreck. Read through the emotions and then give them the appropriate advice, since that's what they came here for.

[Peter_Pan 661]

Hmm, guys, we aren't talking about situations in which the alien has married specifically to get into the US, or at least I wasn't. Most of the threads I've read had NOTHING to do with being tricked into a fraud marriage, and everything to do with the marriage falling apart for some other reason.

There are some sick people over there, marrying foreigners less than half their age and expected to be waited on hand and foot. “I am 50 and I’ve married my Filipina sweetheart who is 19, but ever since she came she is always on the computer chatting with her friends, how do I send her back?”

[Peter_Pan 661]

No person with any brain cell is going to go through this process unless they really, really care about someone.

Sort of disagree. Seems to be some serial spouses over there.

[MyJourney1 15]

WELL SAID ! i had this discussion with my love yesterday, because i can relate completely , i have thrown everything i have towards making this happen, and the wedding is in 6 months, so i hope.

DITTO!

You cannot make such huge sacrifices such as what we are doing, without possessing true "LOVE" for our foreign fiances/spouses; and on top of it all, it's a "Joy" and it's very rewarding when it all works out in the end and you come to realize the sacrifice was well worth it! But on the other hand, should we find out we've been scammed, then our sacrifice was in shown to be in "Vain" because of their selfishness, it's been treated like rubbish; thrown in the trash!

Edited April 16, 2012 by MyJourney1

[MyJourney1 15]

WELL SAID ! i had this discussion with my love yesterday, because i can relate completely , i have thrown everything i have towards making this happen, and the wedding is in 6 months, so i hope.

DITTO!

We cannot make such huge sacrifices such as what we are doing, without possessing true "LOVE" for our foreign fiances/spouses; and on top of it all, it's a "Joy" and it will be very rewarding when it all works out in the end. And we'll come to realize the sacrifices were well worth it! But on the other hand, should we find out we've been scammed, then our sacrifices were in shown to be in "Vain" because of their selfishness, it's been treated like rubbish; thrown in the trash! He would not become disgruntled?

[MyJourney1 15]

wow...i cant stand liar from afar...your heart is the most pecious gift GOD gave you and when someone manipulates you for their own greed..throw them away..in the trash for all i care! yes when u find out that u have bees used and its not true love u have all sorts of emotions...so if one of those emotions are to "send him back" thats just how u feel!

DITTO!

We cannot make such huge sacrifices such as what we are doing, without possessing true "LOVE" for our foreign fiances/spouses; and on top of it all, it's a "Joy" and it will be very rewarding when it all works out in the end. And we'll come to realize the sacrifices were well worth it! But on the other hand, should we find out we've been scammed, then our sacrifices were in shown to be in "Vain" because of their selfishness, it's been treated like rubbish; thrown in the trash! He would not become disgruntled?

[cathy2904 97]

I agree with the OP. Obviously fraud cases are quite different and should be treated so, but in genuine cases the beneficiary has probably also made some pretty hefty sacrifices to be with their loved one in the US. I know that I have and I would do it again in a heartbeat because I love my husband and I love our new life together. I know that he would never 'punish' me by threatening to send me back - if he were that sort of man I would not have come in the first place!

[sabi 148]

Someone mentioned before that America is the best country in the world to its citizens, well I agree 100% because for me (beneficiary) it's not! Ok maybe I am not coming from the 3rd world country, I have a pretty good job and I am happy where I am. I have never dreamt of living in the USA and I would never think of moving there if I didn't fall in love.Having said that, once I leave everything behind, move and start a new life with my fiance (husband) I am hoping for it to be a change for good. I am sure things will work out but if they didn't obviously I wouldn't like to be sent back home cause the truth is, once I leave I have nothing really to come back to. This is a huge change in our lives and we are not moving overseas for a trial! We move because we are pretty convinced that this is what we want and the person we move to is someone we want to spend our lives with.

We can only assume that people here always write the truth about what has really happened. In my opinion it's not only beneficiaries that cheat, lie and do stuff behind USC's back. On the internet you can write whatever you want and put yourself in a good light while looking for an advice how to get rid of someone. I am quite sure that everyone would believe the USC because we are just "foreigners who want to get a visa and live the American dream"...Well think twice! I am sure for many of us moving over there will be the hardest thing we've ever done. I am sure it's ll worth it but if something doesn't work out, I want to be able to go on with my life where I will be, without having to go through the hell of moving back and starting my life from scratch...

[cathy2904 97]

Someone mentioned before that America is the best country in the world to its citizens, well I agree 100% because for me (beneficiary) it's not! Ok maybe I am not coming from the 3rd world country, I have a pretty good job and I am happy where I am. I have never dreamt of living in the USA and I would never think of moving there if I didn't fall in love.Having said that, once I leave everything behind, move and start a new life with my fiance (husband) I am hoping for it to be a change for good. I am sure things will work out but if they didn't obviously I wouldn't like to be sent back home cause the truth is, once I leave I have nothing really to come back to. This is a huge change in our lives and we are not moving overseas for a trial! We move because we are pretty convinced that this is what we want and the person we move to is someone we want to spend our lives with.

We can only assume that people here always write the truth about what has really happened. In my opinion it's not only beneficiaries that cheat, lie and do stuff behind USC's back. On the internet you can write whatever you want and put yourself in a good light while looking for an advice how to get rid of someone. I am quite sure that everyone would believe the USC because we are just "foreigners who want to get a visa and live the American dream"...Well think twice! I am sure for many of us moving over there will be the hardest thing we've ever done. I am sure it's ll worth it but if something doesn't work out, I want to be able to go on with my life where I will be, without having to go through the hell of moving back and starting my life from scratch...

[MyJourney1 15]

What about the "Precious Heart" of the foreign spouse who comes here having given his/her "Precious Heart" to a USC, only to be viewed as a potential fraud and scam artist every step of the way during the ENDLESS immigration process?

Yes I know; It goes both ways. That's why relationships should be built on not only "Love", but also "Trust". You either trust someone or you don't. So either way, if the foreigner turns out to be perpetrating a fraud, the spouse gets hurt; but when the foreigner is innocent and sincere, the foreigner is hurt due to lack of trust coming from their spouse. So the USC needs to have trust in order for the relationship to last involving their "sincere" foreign mate. However, rather you love and trust someone or not, dating outside your country is a scary thing, especially when the country is "flagged for fraud". It's flagged for a reason.

Edited April 16, 2012 by MyJourney1

[MyJourney1 15]

Hmm, guys, we aren't talking about situations in which the alien has married specifically to get into the US, or at least I wasn't. Most of the threads I've read had NOTHING to do with being tricked into a fraud marriage, and everything to do with the marriage falling apart for some other reason.

There are some sick people over there, marrying foreigners less than half their age and expected to be waited on hand and foot. “I am 50 and I’ve married my Filipina sweetheart who is 19, but ever since she came she is always on the computer chatting with her friends, how do I send her back?”

Just like in the same country, one of the reasons you choose a mate, is based on "compatibly". So when the marriage does not work out, we cannot blame everything on the foreigner and/or USC.

[trojam227 18]

Why do people think they can just want to be rid of someone who has used them? I suppose that is the million dollar question. The fact that you think this is an American problem kinda amuses me. All of us US citizens here on VJ have met, or thought they have, the person they wanted to marry. Not all marriages work and we have all paid extra to make sure our loved ones are here. Why can't we ask how to make sure things are followed to the T?

I am more aggravated on reading post that when things go wrong all I see is " God Bless, Pray" and other BS. People are people, some will do anything to believe in unicorns and others will do anything to get to the land of unicorns.

There was a post earlier today where the US citizen was attacked by his wife and he mentioned the phrase "can I send her back" He even said later that it was a poor choice of words. He was looking for information on how to CYA. There is nothing wrong with that. It doesn't matter if it is a failed marriage, crappy marriage, fraud marriage, it can come from any country.

Everyone will find a way to deal with their own personal situation. I swear this site has seemed to turn into, at times, a marriage counseling site. Who cares how anyone deals with their marriage. When it comes to dealing with people caring about how to make sure they are following the law of immigration, whether it be coming here or making sure when things go bad, that's why they ask.

Maybe your next post should be " Irritated with American Attitudes when Dealing with Child Support" or "Irritated with American Attitudes when Filing Taxes" or if you're feeling brave "Irritated with American Attitudes when Dealing with Illegal Immigration"

I AM IRRITATED WITH AMERICANS WHO DON'T PAY TAXES BECAUSE OF RELIGIOUS SECT.!!!

(and not only do they not have to pay, but we foot the bill for their medicaid, food stamps..even Pampers for the 12 kids they have!)

(i do feel really horrible for anyone here who goes through a split-up/divorce related to immigration)