Irritated with American attitudes when ending a marriage

[Caryh 5,206]

I've heard of immigrants being mistreated and petitioners being used for immigration benefits or mistreated. This is not a black and white issue. We have some cases where people have had bad intentions in both directions, and yet plenty of cases where it just didn't work out. When the heart is hurt, its hard to say how you'll react. Even if there is a legitimate reason to want to send someone back, that person would do much better just forgetting it and moving on with their life. There's also the case of petitioners poorly treating spouses or potential spouses and refusing to help that person return when they want to. There is every mix under the sun that will come through here. I'm just glad there appear to be more happy cases than sad ones. Or maybe I just prefer to believe there are more happy?

[Chocnut 5]

Where's the Like button?

[Olomi_811 130]

A petitioner should treat this process as though there was not a "return to sender" option. It's not fair to look at your role in this journey from a position of leverage and power. People mention the heart of the USC; it's bad enough that USCIS paperwork refer to people as ALIENS (hubby really took offense to that), but to have the frame of mind that only the USC has a heart implies that you believe your worth is more.

When the relationship is USC & USC the issue of returning them is null. Can you truly say the hurt is greater when the person is from another country or is your mentality that you believe you've paid for this person so they owe you?

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Nothing irks me more than seeing "CAN I SEND THEM BACK?" or some variation of this. I admit with all the fees you pay the immigration process can feel like modern day slave trade. Know what you want, know who you are, and know who you are marrying before you dive into visa waters. Yes, some of our significant others come from economically struggling countries and others whose countries fair far better than the US. Your spouse is not an expensive shirt that you tuck the tag in, wear for a night, and return the next day. My husband is fine where he is and it touches me to hear him pray for the betterment of his country and the people. Our spouses are perfectly capable of sustaining themselves in their home country. If you examine the circumstances the quality of life may be somewhat advanced in the US, but the quantity you pay is the same. Your spouse's life is changed as well as their family's. Some of them endure ridicule and negativity, because they married you and not a fellow countryman.

As someone who believes and is pretty sure that I was used for immigration benefits, I have never expressed one moment of spite towards my husband ( not divorced yet) I do resent alot of the games he played with me and stringing me along till he passed each step in the immigration process coupled with finding out he had other relationships while I paid all his bills, his immigration fees, and physically and emotionally abused me, took my money, threatened me and abused me even in the immigration office, I feel alot of things. Sending him packing back home is not the feeling I feel. I do however feel that he should never ever receive his citizenship because of his general attitude towards my parents, my neighbors and how he generally treated me. Am I going to write someone and tell them that? No. I am not going to write USCIS a nasty letter about him. The fact they havent approved his citizenship in more than 13 months tells me that they are very well aware he is a scum bag. Saying you are single and divorced on facebook as long as 3 years ago is proof of that. Trashing your wife to anyone who will listen and saying I cant wait to get rid of her to anyone who will listen has bound to get back to USCIS. It did and it didnt get there from me. They are pretty good at spotting scammers and they have alot of experience with it. My face book said married. His did not. I wear a wedding ring. He refused. His general body language around me is absolutely atrocious. You would have to be retarded not to see that he is a con artist. Do I have to call immigration and tell them that? The fact they didnt approve him after more than a year waiting when his roc was approved right away speaks volumes? When he removed conditions, the real antics began. He had a weird online life. He added then removed me then added and then removed me from his facebook. He was single then divorced, then nothing...he had "friends" that added him that were women that were scantily clad and I guess he never bothered to think that perhaps someone was testing him.. and it wasnt me. USCIS looks at us and the things we do online and they can and do. Since the advent of facebook really exploding, your profile can be back doored and the government can use it to look at you. The only thing you would see on mine is farmville and poker. I am also married on mine. On his, well... um....pick a day. All I know is there are alot of women from backhome on his profile and none of them are me. And we are married

So my darling, USCIS is like karma but a hell of alot quicker. It might take a while, but when you really really screw an American over, she might not call on you out of love and sympathy for the time you had together, but USCIS itself can call a spade a spade. I dont plan on EVER petitoning anyone ever again so I am not going to have any dealings with them but I will forever somewhere in my heart say a quiet thank you to the officer who didnt fall for the monster I marrieds bs. He will get his karmic spanking when he cant go back home and bring ANYONE over here because they keep his application mired in paperwork forever .He did not do right by me, whatsover.

But I have never ever ever ever ever said I would ship anyone back. I think just watching everyone he knows getting their citizenship in months and his never coming should be answer enough.

Just my two cents.

[Samantha78 117]

Speaking from personal experience.....at no point did I ever feel as though I was "saving" my spouse from his 3rd world country but I absolutely felt that he would have many more opportunities to better himself here, than in a country where getting ahead is a rarity.

As far as wanting to send someone back to their country....I can relate to this immensely.

I spent a lot of money and time on my marriage and the visa. I spent many nights crying before and after it was done. I spent even more nights feeling destroyed, jilted and confused as to why this man, who said he loved me just hours before he walked out of my home 6 days after his arrival in the US, would leave me in an instant and throw away the memories and future we could have potentially had together.

Does he deserve to stay here after being a fake or feeling confused about his move to the US or choking me or cheating on me or lyIng to my face day after day?? I would say NO.

Asking how I can send him back is probably the nicest thing I can say because I'd LOVE to do much worse BUT, I think that it's fair enough to ask that question......not wanting to see his face living in the same city I live in, acting as though I didn't exist or this never happened. Yea, I'm all set with all that.

And I'm going to go out on a limb and speak for some others that ask that question. They may have deeper reasons why they ask that, more than what they'd want to share on VJ, because some people can be very judgmental. Not everyone is as vocal as I am....I give details because I know this will help someone else one day. Unless its happening to you, you will never understand.

On that note.....can anyone tell me how I can send my soon to be ex husband/abuser/fake/fraud/liar back to his country?

[Samantha78 117]

A petitioner should treat this process as though there was not a "return to sender" option. It's not fair to look at your role in this journey from a position of leverage and power. People mention the heart of the USC; it's bad enough that USCIS paperwork refer to people as ALIENS (hubby really took offense to that), but to have the frame of mind that only the USC has a heart implies that you believe your worth is more.

When the relationship is USC & USC the issue of returning them is null. Can you truly say the hurt is greater when the person is from another country or is your mentality that you believe you've paid for this person so they owe you?

The hurt is different because of the emotional investment and chance that was put into the relationship that would not exist in the same fashion if it were USC and USC. I do think there is an expectation where one feels as though they are owed something. I feel like I was owed commitment and honesty. And keep in mind.....USCs do not put the price on this....give thanks to IMMIGRATION/the Gov for that. Maybe if there wasn't a price on every single thing involved in the process, it would be easier to remove that feeling of putting a price tag on a person.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Speaking from personal experience.....at no point did I ever feel as though I was "saving" my spouse from his 3rd world country but I absolutely felt that he would have many more opportunities to better himself here, than in a country where getting ahead is a rarity.

As far as wanting to send someone back to their country....I can relate to this immensely.

I spent a lot of money and time on my marriage and the visa. I spent many nights crying before and after it was done. I spent even more nights feeling destroyed, jilted and confused as to why this man, who said he loved me just hours before he walked out of my home 6 days after his arrival in the US, would leave me in an instant and throw away the memories and future we could have potentially had together.

Does he deserve to stay here after being a fake or feeling confused about his move to the US or choking me or cheating on me or lyIng to my face day after day?? I would say NO.

Asking how I can send him back is probably the nicest thing I can say because I'd LOVE to do much worse BUT, I think that it's fair enough to ask that question......not wanting to see his face living in the same city I live in, acting as though I didn't exist or this never happened. Yea, I'm all set with all that.

And I'm going to go out on a limb and speak for some others that ask that question. They may have deeper reasons why they ask that, more than what they'd want to share on VJ, because some people can be very judgmental. Not everyone is as vocal as I am....I give details because I know this will help someone else one day. Unless its happening to you, you will never understand.

On that note.....can anyone tell me how I can send my soon to be ex husband/abuser/fake/fraud/liar back to his country?

You are a stronger woman than me. I just sob, cry, have asthma attacks and sit motionless on the couch alot.

Americans are very very very slow to rage and burn but when we do, its on like donkey kong and although I am not going to explode on him, I can't say that its a little amusing for me to watch my government NOT give him what he thinks he was entitled to. Had been a truly decent human being to me, trust me, My love in my heart is so huge for him, that I want him to be happy. But hes not. Hes arrogant. Hes mean. Hes spiteful. Hes all the things you call Americans. Do I see those qualities in him? No . I am retarded . But every single American who has had dealings with him over the last 4 years does. I havent met one that liked him after they got to know him. He yelled at me in front of people. He belittled me. His general ways with me were that of some kind of Gucci wearing pimp. He took my kindness for weakness

I am not the same as Jensi because we lost a child together and i want to remember that he has been through things too and not every time was bad. But the middle and the end has been awful. The beginning for us was really wonderful. Kind of like HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL. You start dancing for a little and then you realise the whole things really sucked. But not until you already paid for the ticket and ate half the popcorn. I am just depressed. I wish I could check into a mental hospital and hide from his stupid ####. I wish I could run away from my own house until our divorce was final. But I cant. I have to live with his threats, his mood swings, his tantrums and how he has a different mood every day. My only salvation is that he moved out FINALLY and I dont have to watch him abuse me face to face.

[ahmad1966 3]

As someone who believes and is pretty sure that I was used for immigration benefits, I have never expressed one moment of spite towards my husband ( not divorced yet) I do resent alot of the games he played with me and stringing me along till he passed each step in the immigration process coupled with finding out he had other relationships while I paid all his bills, his immigration fees, and physically and emotionally abused me, took my money, threatened me and abused me even in the immigration office, I feel alot of things. Sending him packing back home is not the feeling I feel. I do however feel that he should never ever receive his citizenship because of his general attitude towards my parents, my neighbors and how he generally treated me. Am I going to write someone and tell them that? No. I am not going to write USCIS a nasty letter about him. The fact they havent approved his citizenship in more than 13 months tells me that they are very well aware he is a scum bag. Saying you are single and divorced on facebook as long as 3 years ago is proof of that. Trashing your wife to anyone who will listen and saying I cant wait to get rid of her to anyone who will listen has bound to get back to USCIS. It did and it didnt get there from me. They are pretty good at spotting scammers and they have alot of experience with it. My face book said married. His did not. I wear a wedding ring. He refused. His general body language around me is absolutely atrocious. You would have to be retarded not to see that he is a con artist. Do I have to call immigration and tell them that? The fact they didnt approve him after more than a year waiting when his roc was approved right away speaks volumes? When he removed conditions, the real antics began. He had a weird online life. He added then removed me then added and then removed me from his facebook. He was single then divorced, then nothing...he had "friends" that added him that were women that were scantily clad and I guess he never bothered to think that perhaps someone was testing him.. and it wasnt me. USCIS looks at us and the things we do online and they can and do. Since the advent of facebook really exploding, your profile can be back doored and the government can use it to look at you. The only thing you would see on mine is farmville and poker. I am also married on mine. On his, well... um....pick a day. All I know is there are alot of women from backhome on his profile and none of them are me. And we are married

So my darling, USCIS is like karma but a hell of alot quicker. It might take a while, but when you really really screw an American over, she might not call on you out of love and sympathy for the time you had together, but USCIS itself can call a spade a spade. I dont plan on EVER petitoning anyone ever again so I am not going to have any dealings with them but I will forever somewhere in my heart say a quiet thank you to the officer who didnt fall for the monster I marrieds bs. He will get his karmic spanking when he cant go back home and bring ANYONE over here because they keep his application mired in paperwork forever .He did not do right by me, whatsover.

But I have never ever ever ever ever said I would ship anyone back. I think just watching everyone he knows getting their citizenship in months and his never coming should be answer enough.

Just my two cents. i feel you,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[Alaskan 10]

As someone who believes and is pretty sure that I was used for immigration benefits, I have never expressed one moment of spite towards my husband ( not divorced yet) I do resent alot of the games he played with me and stringing me along till he passed each step in the immigration process coupled with finding out he had other relationships while I paid all his bills, his immigration fees, and physically and emotionally abused me, took my money, threatened me and abused me even in the immigration office, I feel alot of things. Sending him packing back home is not the feeling I feel. I do however feel that he should never ever receive his citizenship because of his general attitude towards my parents, my neighbors and how he generally treated me. Am I going to write someone and tell them that? No. I am not going to write USCIS a nasty letter about him. The fact they havent approved his citizenship in more than 13 months tells me that they are very well aware he is a scum bag. Saying you are single and divorced on facebook as long as 3 years ago is proof of that. Trashing your wife to anyone who will listen and saying I cant wait to get rid of her to anyone who will listen has bound to get back to USCIS. It did and it didnt get there from me. They are pretty good at spotting scammers and they have alot of experience with it. My face book said married. His did not. I wear a wedding ring. He refused. His general body language around me is absolutely atrocious. You would have to be retarded not to see that he is a con artist. Do I have to call immigration and tell them that? The fact they didnt approve him after more than a year waiting when his roc was approved right away speaks volumes? When he removed conditions, the real antics began. He had a weird online life. He added then removed me then added and then removed me from his facebook. He was single then divorced, then nothing...he had "friends" that added him that were women that were scantily clad and I guess he never bothered to think that perhaps someone was testing him.. and it wasnt me. USCIS looks at us and the things we do online and they can and do. Since the advent of facebook really exploding, your profile can be back doored and the government can use it to look at you. The only thing you would see on mine is farmville and poker. I am also married on mine. On his, well... um....pick a day. All I know is there are alot of women from backhome on his profile and none of them are me. And we are married

So my darling, USCIS is like karma but a hell of alot quicker. It might take a while, but when you really really screw an American over, she might not call on you out of love and sympathy for the time you had together, but USCIS itself can call a spade a spade. I dont plan on EVER petitoning anyone ever again so I am not going to have any dealings with them but I will forever somewhere in my heart say a quiet thank you to the officer who didnt fall for the monster I marrieds bs. He will get his karmic spanking when he cant go back home and bring ANYONE over here because they keep his application mired in paperwork forever .He did not do right by me, whatsover.

But I have never ever ever ever ever said I would ship anyone back. I think just watching everyone he knows getting their citizenship in months and his never coming should be answer enough.

Just my two cents.

Why are u still married to the pig?

[Darnell 8,478]

Where's the Like button?

come back, on a pc with a web browser, you'll see it

Just saying.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Why are u still married to the pig?

I am in the process of getting divorced. I need to get money together because he refuses to help pay for anything. I have to divorce by publication because I do not have an address at the moment to serve him and thats very expensive in my county. The filing fee alone is 500, service is 75 and that doesnt even begin to add into the cost of newspaper publication. I am looking at close to 800 dollars. My father is in the hospital for the last 2 weeks in intensive care and my parents are retired and I still dont have the tax return back, something he never paid into yet threatens to take half of.

thats why I am still married to the "pig". I prefer other words as I cant imagine calling anyone a pig.

[thelastpetitioner 218]

Let me start off by saying I am the beneficiary. I honestly think honesty is the best policy. You can't expect the petitioner to not feel used, abused and like a complete fool, when they find out their partner married them to bring their partner or family members to the states or whatever else their plan is. I understand where the American attitude comes from, even tho I don't agree with it.unfortunately not every one goes through process because the care about the petitioner, and I can imagine how badly it must crush their souls when they find that out. So if the beneficiary has been sneaking around,doing things behind the petitioners back or been unfaithful, understand that.

[MyJourney1 15]

There is no possible way to know someone 100% even if they live in the same country you can be married a million years and find a million new things about your spouse each year. My mom both USC have been married for 63yrs and she still say she is learning my dad....so in my opinion you only know what the person has shown u and to be honest sometimes there are no indicators of scammers....its there profession they are good at it.....Just my thoughts

Yes; Thank you. And even if they are not scammers, statistics shows marriage is 50/50 anyway. But I do believe with prayer, you may ask Jehovah God for answers and he will "reveal" whether you are dealing with a scammer or not. - (1 John 5:14) "And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that, no matter what it is that we ask according to his will, he hears us." (Matthew 7:7) “Keep on asking, and it will be given YOU; keep on seeking, and YOU will find; keep on knocking, and it will be opened to YOU."

When God answers our prayers, we must accept the answers and not be in denial. Look at things as they really are, without justifying and sugar-coating. And take responsibility.

Edited April 15, 2012 by MyJourney1

[thelastpetitioner 218]

A petitioner should treat this process as though there was not a "return to sender" option. It's not fair to look at your role in this journey from a position of leverage and power. People mention the heart of the USC; it's bad enough that USCIS paperwork refer to people as ALIENS (hubby really took offense to that), but to have the frame of mind that only the USC has a heart implies that you believe your worth is

This is impossible.

A petitioner constantly tells him or herself that he or she should have seen it coming before marriage, why didn't they ?because they didn't spend every minute of every day together. Why couldn't they do that ?because it was long distance. Although I agree they shouldn't think just because America is the greatest country in the world to it's citizens and residents, their spouse should thank them on a daily basis, it's impossible to the immigration aspect out of it

[Alaskan 10]

I am in the process of getting divorced. I need to get money together because he refuses to help pay for anything. I have to divorce by publication because I do not have an address at the moment to serve him and thats very expensive in my county. The filing fee alone is 500, service is 75 and that doesnt even begin to add into the cost of newspaper publication. I am looking at close to 800 dollars. My father is in the hospital for the last 2 weeks in intensive care and my parents are retired and I still dont have the tax return back, something he never paid into yet threatens to take half of.

thats why I am still married to the "pig". I prefer other words as I cant imagine calling anyone a pig.

Oh man Don't worry he will pay for everything he has done to you.