Crazy ex wife.

[C&Q 25]

I'm trying to make it as short as possible and I hope someone is out there who can help me with our situation. I appreciate any advice.

Well, the kids live with my fiance (US citizen, Army) and me. Every two weeks he has to drop them off and the kids stay with his ex wife for the weekend... My fiance and I are trying to get sole custody of the kids back which shouldn't be a problem at all (His ex wife used to be a drug and an alcohol addict). Now here is the problem:

I heard that even if we might get sole custody of the kids she still does have visitation rights???!

We want to get rid of her. My fiance hates her, I hate her and even the kids hate her (because of what she has done to them). Everytime we drop them off they cry and hold on to us... It breaks our hearts having to let them spend the weekend with her even though they don't want to... When we pick them up on Sunday the kids seem traumatized. They get in the car without sayin anything, just sitting there staring out the window until we're back home. Overall she is just crazy and I think even bipolar. She doesn't pay any child support, she tries to brainwash the kids, always texting my fiance about some stupid stuff, insulting him and me. Our life would be so much better without her...

[canadian_wife 1,823]

Like it or not she is the children's mother, she has rights to her own children.

Even if you have sole custody, periodic visitation may be granted but this will be up to a judge, nothing you can do to 'get rid of her'

Sorry, I know it is difficult, especially on the kids, but the sooner you can get this sole custondy going the better

Good luck

[BethandBilly 86]

Why don't you get the children in to see a counsellor and see if that helps. If you go for sole custody you can request that their visitation with their Mom is done in a supervised environment. I do have to warn you though, that just because she has prior drug abuse problems that is not an automatic given that joint custody will be taken away from her. What you need to do is look up the laws of the state where the child custody was granted and then see what can be done that way. I believe if you're living in the states in a different state to where the child custody was drawn up, once you have been there 6 months you can apply to the courts in the state you live to have the custody issues dealt with in that state, have the case moved.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I'm trying to make it as short as possible and I hope someone is out there who can help me with our situation. I appreciate any advice.

Well, the kids live with my fiance (US citizen, Army) and me. Every two weeks he has to drop them off and the kids stay with his ex wife for the weekend... My fiance and I are trying to get sole custody of the kids back which shouldn't be a problem at all (His ex wife used to be a drug and an alcohol addict). Now here is the problem:

I heard that even if we might get sole custody of the kids she still does have visitation rights???!

We want to get rid of her. My fiance hates her, I hate her and even the kids hate her (because of what she has done to them). Everytime we drop them off they cry and hold on to us... It breaks our hearts having to let them spend the weekend with her even though they don't want to... When we pick them up on Sunday the kids seem traumatized. They get in the car without sayin anything, just sitting there staring out the window until we're back home. Overall she is just crazy and I think even bipolar. She doesn't pay any child support, she tries to brainwash the kids, always texting my fiance about some stupid stuff, insulting him and me. Our life would be so much better without her...

If she was an axe murderer they would give her visitation rights in prison. She is the mother. Worst case they would require "supervised" visitation. It is nearly impossible to remove visitation rights from a parent, even if they are in prison.

She is the mother and you are marrying into it. Think about that. At the least you are in for many years of harrassment, court battles to stop her harrasment, etc. There is no effective means in our system to prevent it. In fact, your fiancee having custody makes it worse since he CAN NOT deny her information on where the children are, etc. There may even be issues with moving with the children, such as you need her permission to move out of state (this may be eliminated with sole custody, depends on the court order but sole custody is NOT easy to get, not at all)

[C&Q 25]

Thanks for the quick answers.

Well she had gotten in a lot of trouble and custody was taken away from her once. Child Protection Service is involved too. I should've mentioned that in my first post. My bad.

Couple months later my fiance agreed to her having partial custody though because he thought that she had changed... Wrong! (Sometimes I wanna smack him in the face for that lol)

But I don't understand how she can have visitation rights if the kids don't even wanna see her ... My fiance and I feel so bad because we have to force them and that's the last thing I wanna do.

Edit: I understand that she can require information on where the kids are and stuff. But when my fiance gets stationed in another state do we still need permission?

Edited April 13, 2012 by Sophie0129

[BethandBilly 86]

Thanks for the quick answers.

Well she had gotten in a lot of trouble and custody was taken away from her once. Child Protection Service is involved too. I should've mentioned that in my first post. My bad.

Couple months later my fiance agreed to her having partial custody though because he thought that she had changed... Wrong! (Sometimes I wanna smack him in the face for that lol)

But I don't understand how she can have visitation rights if the kids don't even wanna see her ... My fiance and I feel so bad because we have to force them and that's the last thing I wanna do.

Edit: I understand that she can require information on where the kids are and stuff. But when my fiance gets stationed in another state do we still need permission?

Our experience of Child Protective Services is pretty dismal, no matter what my step childrens Mom does they don't care and laugh at us for being concerned, even when others have reported DV. I don't know about the military and moving the kids out of state, have you tried speaking to Legal on post, they should have some answers regarding the situation. How old are the children, are they old enough to go before a judge or a Guardian Ad Litem and explain how they feel, if not try counselling for the kids, it sounds like they are being traumatized by visitation etc. Good Luck I hope you get it all worked out. Kids are so precious and need to be protected and looked after.

[C&Q 25]

Our experience of Child Protective Services is pretty dismal, no matter what my step childrens Mom does they don't care and laugh at us for being concerned, even when others have reported DV. I don't know about the military and moving the kids out of state, have you tried speaking to Legal on post, they should have some answers regarding the situation. How old are the children, are they old enough to go before a judge or a Guardian Ad Litem and explain how they feel, if not try counselling for the kids, it sounds like they are being traumatized by visitation etc. Good Luck I hope you get it all worked out. Kids are so precious and need to be protected and looked after.

CPS really helped us a lot though that's why custody was taken away from her once ... We have several documents from CPS stating that she is dangerous, her living conditions are not appropriate and so on.

And no we haven't talked to Legal yet. My fiance is planning to do so soon. Unfortunately the kids aren't old enough but they're talking to a councelor already... I hope ur right and everything will work out. My fiance and I are old enough to deal with her but it's about the kids and I just want the best for them so they can grow up in a normal family and focus on their goals.

[belinda63 3,039]

If CPS already investigated her and did not make a formal report to the Court that she is a danger to the children there is almost no way you can obtain an order for her to have no visitation. Unless he has sole custody he usually must obtain permission from the court before moving the children out of state (check your state laws).

What you can do is limit contact between yourselves and her. Obtain a cell phone just for the purpose of her calling and turn it on only when she has the children (so she can reach you in case of an emergency). Ask that the exchanges be done at a public location, preferably a police station, etc.

I have a problem with my daughter's step-mom always trying to talk to me in the parking lot of the police station then going into court and lying about what I said. I simply refuse to speak to her or acknowledge her until we are inside the building.

Try to keep the children out of the conflict, be positive about the visits with the mother, children tend to mirror their parents' emotional state.

Edited April 13, 2012 by belinda63

[C&Q 25]

If CPS already investigated her and did not make a formal report to the Court that she is a danger to the children there is almost no way you can obtain an order for her to have no visitation. Unless he has sole custody he usually must obtain permission from the court before moving the children out of state (check your state laws).

What you can do is limit contact between yourselves and her. Obtain a cell phone just for the purpose of her calling and turn it on only when she has the children (so she can reach you in case of an emergency). Ask that the exchanges be done at a public location, preferably a police station, etc.

I have a problem with my daughter's step-mom always trying to talk to me in the parking lot of the police station then going into court and lying about what I said. I simply refuse to speak to her or acknowledge her until we are inside the building.

Try to keep the children out of the conflict, be positive about the visits with the mother, children tend to mirror their parents' emotional state.

Well to be honest I don't know whether CPS made a formal report to the court but we have several documents from them that we will present to the judge end of April.

The idea with the cell phone is good as she calls almost every day (even on Sat or Sun morning for absolutely NO reason ugh). Why didn't I come up with this idea?

Talking about emergencies... She refuses to give us her address. She just wouldn't give it to us. Don't we as well have a right to know where they are? If something happens we wouldn't even know where to find them (When we drop them off we meet at a gas station. Police station is nowhere near. Yet we had to call the police because she wouldn't stay away from the car and didn't let us drive home.)

My fiance and I do not talk about their mother in front of the kids. We're trying to make it easier for them but his ex wife is doing the total oposite of what we are trying to do. Whenever the kids are at her house she "brainwashes" them by telling them lies ... I really hope this has an end soon :/

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Well to be honest I don't know whether CPS made a formal report to the court but we have several documents from them that we will present to the judge end of April.

The idea with the cell phone is good as she calls almost every day (even on Sat or Sun morning for absolutely NO reason ugh). Why didn't I come up with this idea?

Talking about emergencies... She refuses to give us her address. She just wouldn't give it to us. Don't we as well have a right to know where they are? If something happens we wouldn't even know where to find them (When we drop them off we meet at a gas station. Police station is nowhere near. Yet we had to call the police because she wouldn't stay away from the car and didn't let us drive home.)

My fiance and I do not talk about their mother in front of the kids. We're trying to make it easier for them but his ex wife is doing the total oposite of what we are trying to do. Whenever the kids are at her house she "brainwashes" them by telling them lies ... I really hope this has an end soon :/

OK a few things to remember. She is the MOTHER, she has a right to visit her children whether the children want it or not. You cannot change that. They may make it supervised. If you have the children she must have your contact information. That can be a cell phone you leave turned off. Ooops. Since they are visiting her, no you really have to no rights to know where they are when they are with her, she is the MOTHER. They are visiting, not living with her. She may take them to a motel for the weekend, her choice. If she does not return them then you have a case against her but even then not much happens. All these rules and regulations are fine for people that follow rules and regulations. Laws are not self enforcing. The problem is that as custodial parents you have to give her your contact information.

Be prepared. This woman will be hateful, vindictive, harrass you and torment you. YOU are the enemy and she will do all she can to destroy your marriage because that is her goal and she does not care about the kids.

If you can handle it, go for it. The best you can do is supervised visitation and they will uaully only do that f they beleive there is a danger to the children OR if the mother has a history of returning the kids late.

[C&Q 25]

Well thanks everybody for the help. Appreciate it.

[C&Q 25]

I just talked to my fiance and he had good news. I think everything will work out just fine.

[Sandra G. 5,054]

Child custody is a right of a mother, but sometimes she can lose the rights due to special factors. Usually the mother loses custody in cases of abuse,abandonment and confirmed neglect of a child. The mother can regain custody after a while if she files a motion to obtain a custody modification, if it's enough evidence to warrant a retrial of the custody hearing then the custody may be modified.

Regarding to move out of the State some States do require written consent from the non-custodial parent. Since the custodial parent proof

that is not an attempt to restrict the former wife to access the children and if it's in the best interests of the children in relocation then the Court may grant the relocation. The most important thing is that the children do not get caught in the crossfire.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I just talked to my fiance and he had good news. I think everything will work out just fine.

Car accident?

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Child custody is a right of a mother, but sometimes she can lose the rights due to special factors. Usually the mother loses custody in cases of abuse,abandonment and confirmed neglect of a child. The mother can regain custody after a while if she files a motion to obtain a custody modification, if it's enough evidence to warrant a retrial of the custody hearing then the custody may be modified.

Regarding to move out of the State some States do require written consent from the non-custodial parent. Since the custodial parent proof

that is not an attempt to restrict the former wife to access the children and if it's in the best interests of the children in relocation then the Court may grant the relocation. The most important thing is that the children do not get caught in the crossfire.

Of course there are legal solutions to almost everything. So after a long court battle and paying attorneys while the ex wife throws in roadblocks, motions, continuances and finally months or even years later, you get permission to move out of state and in the meantime you have lost a job opportunity or have had to maintain separate households...whatever.

The point to be made aware of is that these people are entering into a relationship that will be challenged over and over by not only USCIS but by a wacky ex wife. It is one thing to have a wacky ex wife when you have no children or no underaged children, but when you MUST give her a conduit into your life everyday, day in and day out, it is something to be seriously considered.

This man and anyone married to him is in for manyyears of legal battles, hassles, and general BS from this woman probably on a daily basis.