adopting step child

[Ms.M 4]

i have a 4 yrs. old daughter and i am married with US citizen... my husband wanted to adopt my daughter.. but the bioligical father of my daughter is listed on her birthcrrtificate, do we really need to contact her bio dad to get a consent? the problem is i dont know where he is now.. and never talk to him since my daughter is 1 yr. old... is it possible for us to adopt my daughter wirhouth a consent of her bio father??

thank u so much for giving me an info about this...

[BethandBilly 86]

i have a 4 yrs. old daughter and i am married with US citizen... my husband wanted to adopt my daughter.. but the bioligical father of my daughter is listed on her birthcrrtificate, do we really need to contact her bio dad to get a consent? the problem is i dont know where he is now.. and never talk to him since my daughter is 1 yr. old... is it possible for us to adopt my daughter wirhouth a consent of her bio father??

thank u so much for giving me an info about this...

Does your daughters Daddy pay child support and or have any form of contact with her? If so yes you definately do need his permission for your husband to adopt her. Is your daughters Daddy in the Philippines, if so you are going to need to find out the laws of adoption and parental termination in that country? If he is in the states and you have child support set up in a certain state you need to find out that states rules and regulations and go from there.

I hope that helps you with your issue

[Ms.M 4]

the bio dad is in the philippines.. and never give child support.. and never talked or see him since my daughter is one yr. old.. and dont know where he is now....

[BethandBilly 86]

In the US you have to at least attempt to find the non custodial parent, you can do this by putting notices in the paper where your little girls daddy was last living, I don't know if that works in the Philippines, but you are going to have to find out before your husband can adopt your daughter. Good Luck

[VanessaTony 3,567]

i have a 4 yrs. old daughter and i am married with US citizen... my husband wanted to adopt my daughter.. but the bioligical father of my daughter is listed on her birthcrrtificate, do we really need to contact her bio dad to get a consent? the problem is i dont know where he is now.. and never talk to him since my daughter is 1 yr. old... is it possible for us to adopt my daughter wirhouth a consent of her bio father??

thank u so much for giving me an info about this...

I find it awful that you can sever the fathers rights without his say so... certainly wouldn't want anyone to do that to you. But I'm sure there's probably a way.

[NickD 203]

I find it awful that you can sever the fathers rights without his say so... certainly wouldn't want anyone to do that to you. But I'm sure there's probably a way.

At the same time, its incredible the rights they give these guys when their only interest is getting a little with positively no concern for their own child. Stepdaughters dad, left her when she was seven years old, but during those seven years, didn't want anything to do with her. She was 14 years old when her mom and I got married, already never paid a dime for child support, but yet before she could bring her here, we needed his permission with a court order. Had to find a detective to find him. After he did, he wanted $10,000.00 to sign the permission document, but we countered with a total of eleven years of child support payments, we were willing to forgive in exchange for his permission.

The reason he left Venezuela when she was seven years old, was in trouble with the law, wife did have sole custody, but still needed his permission to bring her here. We got her here after quite a battle, but her Venezuelan passport expired so we took her to Chicago to renew it, even with her divorce papers and that court order of permission, they refused to issue her a passport without yet another letter of permission. And if she did enter Venezuela, would need another letter of permission for her to leave, even though he wasn't even living in that country. So she had to wait until she turned 18.

I did want to adopt her, but their law and had to be done in Venezuela, she had to be under 16 years of age, but their procedure takes six years, and that was even with his permission. She is 22 years now, and still doesn't want anything to do with her father, if anything happened to me before she turned 18, as a stepchild, would not have received any benefits. She is a friend and that is all and I am kind of like her dad, but not legally. But this is the law if that makes any sense. Least I get to deduct her tuition payments and living expenses, but that is far as it goes.

You have to know your former country laws on this subject.

[aaron2020 11,651]

I find it awful that you can sever the fathers rights without his say so... certainly wouldn't want anyone to do that to you. I'm sure there's probably a way.

I find it awful when a father doesn't financially or emotionally support his child. How is he her father when he abandoned his daughter at age one? Where is the father/child relationship? How is this relationship harmed when her stepfather adopts her?

Her stepfather gives her love, care, and a home. This is more than her natural father has ever done.

Why do you think the adoption is awful for the father? It terminates his obligation to care for his child.

The child is a victim when a parent abandons her. The parent is not a victim. The parent makes a conscious choice to abandon his child. The adoption finalizes the process by legally stripping him of his parental rights because he abandoned his child.

If he hasn't exercised any parental rights to care for his child as he is legally required to (like a father is supposed to), why should society continue to let him have any legal hold over his abandoned child?

Perhaps you expect the natural father to magically appear before the child reaches the age of 18 to exercise any parental control. How much good would that be for the child?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

At the same time, its incredible the rights they give these guys when their only interest is getting a little with positively no concern for their own child.

Don't get me wrong. I agree that in certain cases it makes sense, but how do you prove that someone is telling the truth? I'm not saying YOU'RE not but I know of far too many people who've had the women run off with the child and the father hasn't been in their life through no fault of their own. Someone said you can put a notice in the paper where they USED to live but this is open to abuse as well. I recall a situation where an annulment was filed without the guys knowledge. The woman wasn't made to prove that the address she advertised was ACTUALLY the last known address so the same abuse could happen with an adoption.

Depending on the country finding someone is a lot easier than people claim. It just seems too easy to put a notice in the paper and sever the rights of the birth father. In the OP's case he's on the birth certificate. What happened between the child being 1 and now? Did the OP actually TRY and keep in touch or was she just happy that he was gone out of their lives? I'm not saying she had to stalk him or anything, but does she know where his parents live? Does she know any of his friends? I feel it should be a hearing at court to sever the rights and that he HAS to be legally served. If he chooses not to attend then he's not interested, if he attends then he should explain why he's not been in the child's life. Obviously my opinion is irrelevant but it just seems too easy. There just needs to be a way that the father actually has to respond in some way rather than it just being done behind his back and with the ability to abuse the system (advertising in the paper).

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I find it awful when a father doesn't financially or emotionally support his child. How is he her father when he abandoned his daughter at age one? Where is the father/child relationship? How is this relationship harmed when her stepfather adopts her?

How do you know he abandoned her? How do you know that the OP didn't just run off with the kid? You're just trusting the OP. I'm not saying she IS lying but she could be. It happens a lot more than it should where the woman just runs off with the kid 'cause she can and 'cause she doesn't like the guy anymore. We don't know that this guy hasn't been looking for his kid so severing his rights with just a notice in the paper could be ridiculously unfair.

Why does he HAVE to adopt her anyway? Why can't be just be okay with just being a step-father? Why does he need to "take possession" of someone else's kid? Obviously I haven't been in the situation, but I know other people who have and yes in some cases where the father is totally absent, show's no interest in the child (when the mother TRIES to get him to see his child) it makes sense that someone else be permitted to be a parent, but why does it have to be adoption? The birth father is most likely still living. Adoption just isn't REQUIRED. He's got rights being a step-father, why does someone NEED adoption in these cases?

[BethandBilly 86]

How do you know he abandoned her? How do you know that the OP didn't just run off with the kid? You're just trusting the OP. I'm not saying she IS lying but she could be. It happens a lot more than it should where the woman just runs off with the kid 'cause she can and 'cause she doesn't like the guy anymore. We don't know that this guy hasn't been looking for his kid so severing his rights with just a notice in the paper could be ridiculously unfair.

Why does he HAVE to adopt her anyway? Why can't be just be okay with just being a step-father? Why does he need to "take possession" of someone else's kid? Obviously I haven't been in the situation, but I know other people who have and yes in some cases where the father is totally absent, show's no interest in the child (when the mother TRIES to get him to see his child) it makes sense that someone else be permitted to be a parent, but why does it have to be adoption? The birth father is most likely still living. Adoption just isn't REQUIRED. He's got rights being a step-father, why does someone NEED adoption in these cases?

Although I agree with you about the newspaper thing and I'm the one wrote it, in states in the south, such as NC all you need to do is prove you have advertised in the local papers where the baby's father last known location was and if within a certain amount of time he hasn't come forward, you take the published articles to the court and the rights of the father are revoked and adoption is given the go ahead. Many fathers lose their children through no fault of their own other than Mothers refusing access and contact. I trust no one where children are concerned, there are nasty divorces and custody disputes all over the news these days and it always seems the father loses out no matter what, or should I say that fathers and the children. Its all too easy for Mothers to run off with the kids, rarely do they get punished for doing so. I just hope whatever the OP does about this, she does for the right reasons.

[aaron2020 11,651]

How do you know he abandoned her? How do you know that the OP didn't just run off with the kid? You're just trusting the OP. I'm not saying she IS lying but she could be. It happens a lot more than it should where the woman just runs off with the kid 'cause she can and 'cause she doesn't like the guy anymore. We don't know that this guy hasn't been looking for his kid so severing his rights with just a notice in the paper could be ridiculously unfair.

Why does he HAVE to adopt her anyway? Why can't be just be okay with just being a step-father? Why does he need to "take possession" of someone else's kid? Obviously I haven't been in the situation, but I know other people who have and yes in some cases where the father is totally absent, show's no interest in the child (when the mother TRIES to get him to see his child) it makes sense that someone else be permitted to be a parent, but why does it have to be adoption? The birth father is most likely still living. Adoption just isn't REQUIRED. He's got rights being a step-father, why does someone NEED adoption in these cases?

I don't know what happened. I am not blindly trusting the OP. You assume that she COULD be lying.

I will take the OP at her words. If her story sounds suspicious, then I might change my mind. I am not assuming that she could be lying.

I also trust that the US family court overseeing the adoption will make sure not to lightly terminate a person's parental rights. The court investigator will require evidence about the nature and history of the relationship between the biological father and the child.

I think it is ridiculously unfair to assume that someone could be lying without any direct evidence of that. If you are relying on other cases where parents kidnap their kids, then you are profiling. There is nothing in the OP's statements to indicate that she is lying about her situation without resorting to profiling people who may be similarly situated.

People adopt for many reasons. Primarily, it is a show of love.

It is one thing to be a stepfather, it's completely different to become an adopted father. The legal relationship between a stepparent and a stepchild is fragile. A divorce is all it takes to terminate the relationship. Once a child is adopted, the divorce does not sever the parent/child relationship. For a child who has been abandoned by her biological father, isn't a wonderful statement when her stepfather affirmatively choose to be her father and have it be legally binding?

In addition, do all stepparents love their stepchildren? Probably not. Tolerating your stepchildren is not loving them.

In contrast, a person who chooses to adopt does it for love. Most people don't lightly take the decision to legally adopt a child. The motivation for the adoption is love.

Adoption is not required, but what a wonderful statement of love.

Edited April 14, 2012 by aaron2020

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I just hope whatever the OP does about this, she does for the right reasons.

Ditto. We can only hope that is the case. Thank you for the further explanation on the newspaper thing. I'll mention this to my husband. Though we don't have kids (yet but hopefully one day) I try to make sure he is completely aware of how certain laws can scr*w either of us over.

[BethandBilly 86]

I don't know what happened. I am not blindly trusting the OP. You assume that she COULD be lying.

I will take the OP at her words. If her story sounds suspicious, then I might change my mind. I am not assuming that she could be lying.

I also trust that the US family court overseeing the adoption will make sure not to lightly terminate a person's parental rights. The court investigator will require evidence about the nature and history of the relationship between the biological father and the child.

I think it is ridiculously unfair to assume that someone could be lying without any direct evidence of that. If you are relying on other cases where parents kidnap their kids, then you are profiling. There is nothing in the OP's statements to indicate that she is lying about her situation without resorting to profiling people who may be similarly situated.

People adopt for many reasons. Primarily, it is a show of love.

It is one thing to be a stepfather, it's completely different to become an adopted father. The legal relationship between a stepparent and a stepchild is fragile. A divorce is all it takes to terminate the relationship. Once a child is adopted, the divorce does not sever the parent/child relationship. For a child who has been abandoned by her biological father, isn't a wonderful statement when her stepfather affirmatively choose to be her father and have it be legally binding?

In addition, do all stepparents love their stepchildren? Probably not. Tolerating your stepchildren is not loving them.

In contrast, a person who chooses to adopt does it for love. Most people don't lightly take the decision to legally adopt a child. The motivation for the adoption is love.

Adoption is not required, but what a wonderful statement of love.

I know a guy that was being forced in to adopting his wifes two daughters, right before it was presided over he found out his wife was cheating and he left the marriage and stopped the adoption. The father of the girls, had been refused visitation time and time again, he was forced to agree to the adoption as his ex wife was threatening him with having his other child taken away, he paid child support and tried everything he could to see his girls. Anyways long story short, the adoption never happened as the Mother was caught cheating and the husband left, no more adoption, oh and the only reason she wanted the new husband to adopt was so she could get more child support, more than the girls Father had been paying her. So yeah not all adoptions are for love, some are forced.

[NickD 203]

As usual, more than two sides to this story. As a bluff, with no permission and in a marriage split up, wife offered to her ex to take over with this child, his child in no way wanted to live with him, knew that, but in no way did he want to take over with her, didn't know that. Point is, without cooperation of the other biological parent, have to go to a court of law. But even with all that, and the laws of her home country, still needed his permission for her to do anything. But just in regards for my stepdaughter visiting her home country. Our hands were tied, nor should she travel to any other country without a passport.

But time went by, turned 18 and was finally free of that. Adoption is final, adopting parents have the final say, can go smooth depending on the other biological parent, can be a major headache. Just saying, get ready for a battle. Least the law is protecting the rights of both parents.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Long story short - you need a lawyer for the process who will guide you through the appropriate channels to attempt to contact or whatever is legally required. They will not take you at your word, you have vested interest (obviously). Terminating parental rights (even if the parent is absent) is not something taken lightly.

Good luck