=((((((((( Fiance just found out he has cancer

[Lyric 0]

Thank you again, Kathryn. My head is just swimming right now, as is his. I'm trying to stay calm but I'm not doing so well with that at the moment. However, the more information I have the better I know what to discuss with him as our options. I'll be sure to remind him to speak with his doctor about giving me persmission to know the details of his case, so that we can proceed accordingly.

[laura428 0]

I didn't even see your post till now. $5000?!!! That will take every bit of my savings I was hoping to use to live on while there This just gets worse and worse.

Lyric, this is just heartbreaking... I'm so sorry.

I'm not sure what the costs are now, but when I came to Canada in 2001 (filed as fiance and crossed after wedding in the US), the costs were $950 for PR status and $500 for permission to work. There were costs involved in the medical exam as well, but can't remember precisely how much this was... don't think it was more than $100. So the total in my case was approximately $1500-1600. In any case, the costs of immigration were far less than I'd imagine his treatment in the US would be, even as a co-pay with insurance.

I wish you both the very best of luck, with everything. You're in my thoughts.

Edited October 9, 2006 by laura428

[ljs 1]

Lyric-

Here is the link to Grandriver Cancer Treatment Centre in Kitchener:

http://www.grandriverhospital.on.ca/grc/index.html

My father was there less than a year ago, and it couldn't have been better, I'm also in healthcare, and I know good from not so good. They also have a place to stay for out of towners, it is $100/week. I don't know if your fiance is hospitalised or doing outpatient care, but the resource is there none the less.

Lyric, at the risk of sounding like a bossy cow, I would suggest given the situation, that you take some time right now, and step back from this. You are going wild with worry and fear, rightly so, sleep deprived and are being over whelmed with information. Nothing needs to be decided this very minute. You will make much better decisions if you take time to consider carefully. List your options for both bringing your love to US or going upto Canada. Talk this out with a trusted friend, and then do what you need to do.

I know you feel like you need to be doing something, but spinning your wheels, while it feels productive is not really. Go soak in the tub, have a glass of wine and a good cry...go to bed and get some sleep. Sadly this will all still be there in the morning. Please PM me if you need anything.

Take care of yourself so you can take care of your fiance. Big hug.

Linda

[Reba 2]

I just sent you a PM. Please let me know if I can help. My hubby and I were in a similar situation years ago, but reversed.

*hugs*

[Lyric 0]

LJS,

I really appreciate your insight as well. You're right in what you say. It's just a situation that is hard to know what to do when faced at such a critical time. Already having waited nine months to be together and now....I don't know what will happen. I know I have to take it one day at a time and you guys here have helped me so much today when I had no one else I could easily call and talk to. Plus so many of you have given so much helpful information.

I'm trying so hard to keep it together right now. Just when I thought the visa process itself was the most difficult, stressful and depressing thing I'd ever been through. I was sadly mistaken.

Anyway, you all have been an incredible life line I have so desperately needed today and will continue to need, I've no doubt.

[together2love 0]

Although I have more nothing useful to add, I just wanted to tell you that you are correct that the most important thing is to be with your SO right now. This will definetly strengthen the relationship and although he may think that he can do this alone, he knows that you being with him would be the extra support he needs. My prayers are with you and your SO at this time.

[Tracy 0]

Lyric,

***Hugs**** I hope things work out for you. I have no idea what you are feeling but I hope all the best for the 2 of you and most important that your finance can bet this cancer!!

Just another thing i was thinking is you could go to Canada just as a visitor. You are allowed 6 months at a time and you can apply from within Canada to extend the stay which I belive is only $75 if I remember right. Then you would have the rest of your savings to live on. Just a thought. I don't know if this is possilbe for you but to move to a state that is close to the border and get a job there so you are able to go to Canada every day. Don't know if that is possilbe for you I know it never was for me.

I hope this all works out for you both and I hope the decision you make will be the best for both of you. You both will be in my thoughts daily!

[Lyric 0]

Reba,

Let me ask this and for anyone else who might know. I would want to take my car if I was going to stay that long. It would be much easier for me to take him to and from his appts, as I don't understand the public transportations system and it would just be more comfortable for him anyway.

If I did that, what do I say to customs when they ask the reason for my visit and how long I will be there? I know Canada is a little more lenient to people coming for longer periods of time, but I don't want to be dishonest and I don't want to be turned away.

Also, you are saying that if I did go and stay six months and we didn't marry that I could arrange to stay another 6 months without having to leave and come back?

[Tracy 0]

In my opinion I would tell Customs the truth...that you are coming to stay a couple of months with your finance while he goes through cancer treatments. I would bring plenty of proof that you do intend to return to the US once he is well again.

Here is the info on visiting Canda and how to extend you stay if you want to stay longer than the 6 month period. http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/faq/visiting-9.html

[Amanda-Lise 0]

I've lit a candle for both of you, you are in my thoughts. Nothing new to add to the advice except to reinforce you taking care of yourself right now.

[mercy 1]

I wanted to echo what a few people have already said, make sure you are taking care of yourself. Get some sleep, do something that relaxes you or makes you feel good *everyday*! I know it might feel weird or selfish, but you need to take care of you so you can help your fiance. We're all here for you, if you have questions or just need some support.

[Lyric 0]

In my opinion I would tell Customs the truth...that you are coming to stay a couple of months with your finance while he goes through cancer treatments. I would bring plenty of proof that you do intend to return to the US once he is well again.

Here is the info on visiting Canda and how to extend you stay if you want to stay longer than the 6 month period. http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/faq/visiting-9.html

I know I'm still at the beginning of this very confusing and stressful road, but I'm the type of person where 20 million questions hit me at once and I need the answers. I know it's not the best way to handle things, I suppose, but that's me. So, if anyone has more to add, I'll listen.

If I tell them I only want to stay a couple of months but I know I'm going to be there for longer than that, then how do I proove losts of proof that I intend to return? I don't want to throw away money in rent for an apartment I wouldn't be living in and I couldn't leave my employer just hanging. That would leave me with next to nothing showing proof of returning to the U.S. Any ideas of what I could/should do if I decided to go to Canada?

[Buttons 0]

Doesn't the USA have Compassion leave ? In Canada you can take up to six months or longer to take care of a family member who is ill.

Another piece of advice from someone who has taken care of Cancer survivors. You decide what to do and leave your fiance resting. He will need ALL of his strength to fight this disease. Stress makes the cells multiply and you want him to have the best chance of survival. Chemo is very hard on the bodies system and he will need every ounce of strength he needs to recover. The visa thing can wait, just get him through this.

Warm wishes ,

Karen

[Reba 2]

Buttons, nope, there is no outright compassionate leave here in the US. Some employers however do, but AFAIK, they are few and far between.

Lyric, get a leave of absence from work, with a letter from your manager or HR office that says you are on approved leave for the purpose of caring for your fiance thru his illness. Have them put a date on it of when you're expected back. Be that 2 months or 3 months or whatever, just make sure the letter says you are expected back. I'm sure they won't mind helping if they can. And all it is is a letter.

Also, if you can get a letter from your fiance's doctor that might help.

Once you get to the border just show them what you've got and tell them why you're there. Tell them you expect to be there for a couple or 3 months to get him thru the first stage of treatments. Once you're there, they're not going to come looking for you. Then you just stay for your allowed 6 months if you can, and if needs be, extend your visit on compassionate grounds.

I will warn you, that if you apply for an extension, Canadian Immigration is notoriously slow, and they lose things. All the time. You may want to just consider getting married when you arrive and then start the petitioning process for you get status in Canada. At least then you'll be legally in limbo, whether you intend to stay or not past your fiance's treatments. If you follow.

You may end up having to start your USCIS process all over again as well, if you plan to stay in Canada a few months for your fiance to recover. I'm not sure how long the K1 will be good for until it expires. I think 6 months tho. If you get married in Canada, you'd have to start over anyhow with a K3/CR1 to the US.

[Lyric 0]

That does make sense guys. Because I don't know what he's facing, even now and I'm not truly going to know until I can be up there and see for myself. So I would do the employer letter and take the U.S. visa paperwork with me too.