Questions regarding divorce without any immigration papers being filed

[Cautious 7]

When I realized that his visa expired a few days after we got married, I never wanted to do the papers for him. He pushed the issue and I was skeptical. The only reason I feel he cheated is to find someone else to do the papers. So if he remarries for papers then he's breaking the law, and possibly misleading someone else the same way he did me.

So, in a nutshell, you don't want to file papers for him AND you don't want anyone else to file for him either!

You can't report him for immigration fraud if you never filed anything for him! Thats like reporting someone for theft if they haven't stolen anything! Your report will not be taken seriously and will probably only help him if he decides to file a VAWA case. It will be filed under "woman dumped and hell bent on revenge"...

Secondly, how do you know that he is commiting fraud with the other woman? Maybe they have mutual love and trust which seems to be missing in your relationship.

Two pieces of unsolicited advice:

The best revenge is a life well lived. Stop plotting his "downfall" and direct that energy into finding someone who will love you for who you are.

Stay away from men with immigration issues. Its good for you because you'll avoid the bouts of doubt about their intentions. Its good for them because they won't have the threat of deportation hanging over their heads if they decide the relationship is not working.

Good Luck!

[ralphlaw 14]

You have been married for over a year and you haven't filed any papers. Maybe he got tired of waiting for you to decide to?

This situation is hard for everyone involved. If he's cheating and mistreating you trust that one day Karma/God/Whoever-you-believe-in will have him pay one day. My experience in life so far is that it usually does.

[Zee Bee 61]

Divorce him and move on. Let him worry about his immigration status.

[Need411 1]

Thanks everyone for all of your valuable advices...

What upset me is that cases like these happens all the time, I really feel like if the victims does not do what they need in order to put a stop to it, then it is bound to continue to happen. Regardless if I am hurt, or not this is happening too often, to too many people. My husband has not left me, and still make many attempts to reconcile our marriage.The comment about him being in love is a joke. The things he does and say to me, I know he cant love any woman seriously. Knowing what I know, I will never be able to trust him or love him the way I did before. I am past the hurt stage, I am at the "I'm upset stage".

And the U.S being as organized as it is, should have more laws and stipulations to support and investigate fradulent immigration claims. I really just feels like the system should be a lot more organized then it is.

He hasn't moved on, actually I think he feels like he has a better chance of getting his papers legally with me than with anyone else, thats why he is holding on, but I am not a fool.(Is this true?)

I am going to seek my happiness, seek my happiness by dating men who hold a valid SSN# and state ID!

#concerned

Edited April 9, 2012 by Need411

[Need411 1]

Another thing is I noticed a lot of people on here are in the process of obtaning their citizenship, so I am not sure if you all really know how I feel or any other victim feels.

[rika60607 215]

All of the posters here could not possibly know how you really feel.

However, being used and being dumped - yeah, I've been there and survived that. It feels like the rules you have followed and expected that the rest of the world follows - all have been a lie. Like honesty and generosity and trust are all "victim" traits. They are not. You met someone who treated you badly, you need to slowly back away and never let them back into your life. It is tempting to be bad to them - to show them how it hurts, but do not follow that urge for it's a path of destruction.

There are good people out there, search for them and their company.

True happiness comes from within you, not from men (I have been where you are now, so I know you do not really mean a lot of things you say at the moment).

Another thing is I noticed a lot of people on here are in the process of obtaning their citizenship, so I am not sure if you all really know how I feel or any other victim feels.

[Kiv 32]

Stay away from men with immigration issues. Its good for you because you'll avoid the bouts of doubt about their intentions. Its good for them because they won't have the threat of deportation hanging over their heads if they decide the relationship is not working.

Good Luck!

I like this one a lot, international marriages are not for everybody.

OP. you felt suspicious, so you put on hold his papers, if he was a fraud he got angry at you, if he was not you just hurt him.

I am not sure how it could have ended better.

Good luck to you with anything you decide to do.

[SOflaherty 40]

There are a lot of reasons someone would push to adjust their status, it doesn't mean there is fraud involved. Being out of status means always having the risk of being picked up by ICE, not being able to drive, not being able to work legally. My husband has been out of status for nearly 2 years, and it's been a nightmare of stress. I honestly cannot believe you refused to get him legalized because you were 'suspicious' but still stayed with him. What kind of life is that for him? He's a husband, not a house pet. I'm sorry you got cheated on, but living that way with someone who clearly does not trust him, I'm not surprised he did it. No one should have to live like that.

[Soapz 14]

I believe you have received good advice from everyone suggesting to just move on; but I also believe you are in no way ready to let go of your husband. You have controlled his life for less than a year by not filing his papers and now he tries to put an end to it. You suspect him because you married him just before his visa ran out - yet you do not know what kind of visa he has. Sounds to me like you didn't care about any of that when you got married. You feel cheated and now you're out for revenge. You have no proof of fraud and therefore no means to report him.

And in regards to this comment: "... What upset me is that cases like these happens all the time, I really feel like if the victims does not do what they need in order to put a stop to it, then it is bound to continue to happen..."

You are right about cases like these happening all the time, but the only way to stop them is to use your head before it happens and not whine around after the fact. You messed up - get over it and move on. USCIS does not need bitter, vengeful women or men on the warpath just because life didn't work out the way you pictured it. If they suspect fraud they will do whatever they can legally do without the so-called help of vindictive people that can't admit to their own mistakes. Clean up your own mess, get a divorce and get a life!

[Sandra G. 5,070]

Kick him out of your life!. You don't need a cheater in your life. You deserve better.

Don't try the petty revenge route, believe the universe will dole out the revenge far greater than you ever could!. Move on and forgive him, remind the forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself, because letting go of resentment can set you free.

Peace.

Edited April 11, 2012 by sandranj

[Need411 1]

Soapz before you begin to prejudge me I highly suggest you get all the facts, I did not come here to prove anything to you or no one else. I spoke to this woman and she told me that the only reason he married me was for papers, and that his entire family was under the same impression, all she did was validate my speculation. I messed up? How by being fed tons of lies and mislead into a marriage? No he messed up. Now that I have came to the solid conclusion it was for the papers, yes I am upset, and had it been you in my shoes you too will be upset. It was a waste of my time, emotions and money, taking care of the illegal immigrant. His actions speak for them self. I will not file any papers, had he told me his visa was expiring before we got married, well just maybe things would have been different. So please don't judge me, you don't know me... Continue your journey in trying to become an U.S citizen.

Thanks!

[Blissful_Beauty 4]

Well if you KNOW he was using you for papers and someone else told you that then why are you trying to reconcile your marriage if you know it wont work out? It really isnt a good idea to stay in a marriage with a person you never will trust and never have.

Like everyone else said, get a divorce and move on and let him worry about his problems.

[Soapz 14]

@Need: First and foremost: I don't judge you because - as you said - I don't know you.

Considering though, that despite the fact that knowledgeable people here told you that there is now way for you to prove fraud, you have continued to ask for ways to get him deported - well, that makes you sound like you are out for revenge.

As for the lies and being misled into a marriage: well, you have been suckered and now because some woman tells you he committed fraud after the fact, you feel you have to stop him from doing it again? Why didn't this woman tell you that before? Why didn't his family warn you? Somehow it seems you rushed into a marriage without really knowing the guy. It happened - focus your energy on a divorce and leave it there.

Seems like you messed up just as much but what you make of it is solely your responsibility. As for investing time, money and emotions - I suggest to stop doing that now, divorce him and leave the rest to the authorities. Putting even more time and energy into dealing with USCIS and ICE will get you nowhere.

[ralphlaw 14]

I'd heard of and seen with my own eyes many cases where people used another person to get a green card. And I always thought that was one of the lowest things one human being could do to another.

That is, until I experienced the other side of the story.

I've been married twice without my papers. And I can tell you these were the two most abusive and manipulative relationships I've ever been in my life. I've had a lot of time to think about the situation I think it's just that a lot of people are not use to having that much power over their partner.

My first spouse was always willing to file in our 2 years of marriage. I didn't take her up on the offer because I wasn't sure we were working out. In hindsight that was a mistake. But we fought a lot and she didn't treat me with basic respect; "What are you going to do? Leave me without your papers?"

Learning from my first mistake I swore I'd be more careful. Married a very close friend who I thought was the "nicest person in the world". It's with no exaggeration that I say the treatment I got I would not wish on my worse enemy. My other friends say the marriage change me for the worse, and I think even if I could get my papers if I could undo it all I would. Just so I could have a better view of people again.

My point is there are two sides to the story.

Don't listen to friends or family, try to understand his point of view. As another poster said try to forgive for your own sake. That's what I'm working on myself.