Problem with closed country and no meeting yet...HEEEELP!

[JenT 0]

I think there is a difference between not meeting at all and meeting even for a few days.

Sure, you can marry someone for ten years and not really "know" someone.

However, we are not talking about necessarily really "getting to know" a person in a week or two weeks time. These are high fraud countries filled with large numbers of guys willing to profess their love for any woman who will respond to their instant messages. It doesn't matter her age, her looks, how many times she has been divorced or the amount of children she has. It is about saying whatever it takes to this woman so he can get to the United States. Some don't even speak English the way they pretend to, using a friend or an online translation service (it is a plug-in on Yahoo messenger now). Even a short visit can open up a woman's eyes to many things. Learn he doesn't speak English the way he claimed, which can be an indicator he was Western wife shopping. Another huge red flag is if he won't take you to meet his family, which can indicate he is embarrased by her. A man could claim to be a devout Muslim but obviously doesn't even know how to pray when you meet him. Some of these guys bark orders at their mothers and sisters and that can be a huge turnoff that you can only see in person. His cell phone can ring constantly and it is women calling. You could go there just to hear from his own family how another woman had come before to meet him (yes, I know someone this happened to).

There is plenty you can learn about your potential future partner in just a few days that could make or break your decision to get married without actually "getting to know" him. Meeting isn't a guarantee but it is harder to hide certain things face-to-face and I know a few women who went to meet their online fiance and came home choosing to be single.

I really agree with everything you say here...its just that a guy with an agenda is going to behave well as long as he has to and his family will too. Meeting him and is fam is important, but its hardly any assurance of ultimate marriage quality.

There are no guarantees of marriage quality. I hung in for 14 years, hoping my marriage would improve. The concern for this OP, I believe, is not just about marriage quality but about safety and ensuring that there is no fraudulent intent. Quality, IMHO, develops over time as a result of genuine intentions and loving each other enough to work through the really tough times.

[MHandMB 0]

I think dawnnhatem means that sometimes, one short visit still isn't enough to weed out prospective grooms with fraudulent intent (and forgive me if I misconstrued your post, dawnnhatem). I can agree with that, but I also agree with the other posters who state that it's just not wise to consider marrying someone without ever having met them in person.

I didn't meet Amed online, but I've met other people online and I've found out that no matter how many great IMs, e-mails, and phone calls you've shared, and how many pictures you've seen, there are always different sides of someone that you just don't know until you meet in person. It's not always major, but sometimes it can be a deal-breaker. And sometimes, the chemistry just isn't there. You need to know all of this before you consider marrying someone, in my opinion.

In this instance, you're not only considering marrying someone you've never seen in person, but someone who has major cultural differences, possibly religious differences, and who lives across the world and will be uprooting his entire life to move to be with someone he's never met in person. The U.S. government will hold you responsible for providing for this person financially for at least the next 4 years, whether you divorce or not.

This process was difficult enough for me, and I had a pretty easy ride compared to some people. All of the stresses- the waiting, the financial burden, the stress of having my SO here and having to adjust to our cultural differences while trying to make him seem at home, the stress of him not being able to work for a few months, of him not being able to get a driver's license until he had his EAD and having to drive him everywhere, the stress of planning a wedding, working 2 jobs to help cover the bills while we're getting situated, the stress of watching his frustration at having to depend on me, when in his culture, it's the man who provides for the woman- I can't imagine going through all of this for someone I had never spent a lot of time with, much less someone I had never even met in person.

I'm not doubting your love for your SO, and I wish you all the best. I'm sure you want to meet him in person and I wish it was easier for you. I just wanted to give you some things to think about when making your decision, because, as you've seen from some of the other posters on this board, this process is not easy. I just want to be sure you've thought about all angles before you make your final decision. Whatever that decision is, good luck and best wishes to you!

And, JenT- your wedding date is the day after mine! Are you getting excited yet??

[JenT 0]

And, JenT- your wedding date is the day after mine! Are you getting excited yet??

Not to hijack this post, but yes... I'm more excited about him finally being home on Monday... the rest is just 'gravy'! Congrats on your big day!!

Jen

[babybunny 2]

I think meeting in a diffrent country is a good idea..

go to thailand..