RUB - FSU children compared to USC children & others

[eekee 182]

Why are people with no experience with FSU children butting in on this thread telling us FSU children are not raised differently? Even as someone who is second-generation American raised by a single mom with very traditional FSU parents, I can say that my mom reacted very differently to certain things than parents who have been American for generations and generations. It's a big topic and one that is very important--and something that can be a real issue in a co-parenting relationship. Kids are kids everywhere, but what childhood means and what the duty of children and parents are varies greatly from culture to culture.

[highlander08 9]

Why are people with no experience with FSU children butting in on this thread telling us FSU children are not raised differently? Even as someone who is second-generation American raised by a single mom with very traditional FSU parents, I can say that my mom reacted very differently to certain things than parents who have been American for generations and generations. It's a big topic and one that is very important--and something that can be a real issue in a co-parenting relationship. Kids are kids everywhere, but what childhood means and what the duty of children and parents are varies greatly from culture to culture.

:thumbs: Here Ye Hear Ye ....... Thats Exactly why I started this post.....

[Gary and Alla 3,696]

Why are people with no experience with FSU children butting in on this thread telling us FSU children are not raised differently? Even as someone who is second-generation American raised by a single mom with very traditional FSU parents, I can say that my mom reacted very differently to certain things than parents who have been American for generations and generations. It's a big topic and one that is very important--and something that can be a real issue in a co-parenting relationship. Kids are kids everywhere, but what childhood means and what the duty of children and parents are varies greatly from culture to culture.

I would think they would post about their unbehaved children in the UK forum. Maybe they do not know how to start a topic or do not know what "FSU" means. FWIW our kids friends do not go into our refrigerator without permission. Who ever heard of such a thing? And where the hell is THAT OK? if one of them did, either of us would unceremoniously tell them what for and I wouldn't give a rat's @ss if it hurt Pasha's feelings. He would get over it.

One of his friends WAS flirting pretty heavily with Alla the first time he came over. Until Pasha came downstairs and said "Dude, lets go, that's my mom, not my sister"

Any of you CABA gals have that problem?

Edited April 8, 2012 by Gary and Alla

[Laveau 67]

Yes. Blah

[eekee 182]

I would think they would post about their unbehaved children in the UK forum. Maybe they do not know how to start a topic or do not know what "FSU" means. FWIW our kids friends do not go into our refrigerator without permission. Who ever heard of such a thing? And where the hell is THAT OK? if one of them did, either of us would unceremoniously tell them what for and I wouldn't give a rat's @ss if it hurt Pasha's feelings. He would get over it.

One of his friends WAS flirting pretty heavily with Alla the first time he came over. Until Pasha came downstairs and said "Dude, lets go, that's my mom, not my sister"

Any of you CABA gals have that problem?

Haha, and here those of us who are sisters of protective older brothers can see that Pasha decidedly does NOT have sisters.

[Gary and Alla 3,696]

Haha, and here those of us who are sisters of protective older brothers can see that Pasha decidedly does NOT have sisters.

Correct. And Pasha will not be seen in a dicussion of living with FSU sisters because he would have nothing to add and know he should probably...um, contribute(?) elsewhere.

[*Snowdrop* 604]

Why are people with no experience with FSU children butting in on this thread telling us FSU children are not raised differently? Even as someone who is second-generation American raised by a single mom with very traditional FSU parents, I can say that my mom reacted very differently to certain things than parents who have been American for generations and generations. It's a big topic and one that is very important--and something that can be a real issue in a co-parenting relationship. Kids are kids everywhere, but what childhood means and what the duty of children and parents are varies greatly from culture to culture.

Well, I apologise if it's seen as butting in. I was trying to make a point about the difficulty of cross cultural blended families and how it also might be easy to make generalisations about certain characteristics being country based rather than individual issues.

As a stepmother who has worked hard to make a blended family work with people from different cultures, within a very close community with many similar families including Eastern European/FSU I felt I had something to offer the discussion. It's a subject I'm very interested in and it was a post made with genuine intentions.

[Gary and Alla 3,696]

It seems the nonsense has been stifled.

As to something that I think helped with an FSU child, one that does not speak English as a native language and had little knowledge of English, was frequent communication with his teachers and basketball coach (when he played basketball)

I met with his ESL teacher each week and his other teachers every two weeks, just briefly. I was also teaching him English and covering his lessons for that day and translating them as needed for his home work, but trying to make him do as much as possible. It would be easy to translate the homework and give him the questions in Russian, but that would not help him much. It tales a lot of time but it paid off. I was helping Alla also with her homework. Our home, every evening, was a branch of the school. Pasha and I in the kitchen and Alla at her desk in a corner of the family room. Within sight of the kitchen table so she could ask me to check something for her. Me giving Pasha a page to work on, then going to check Alla's work, asking her a question or two about Russian, then back to Pasha. We went through all his lessons each night. This after basketball practice two nights a week. It was great! I do not regret a moment and to say the truth I kind of miss it. He is doing so well he doesn't need my help with school work much anymore, but that was the goal. I still help him with his car.

I think the sports were also important. I could not possibly care less about basketball, I could fall asleep playing basketball, but I went to every practice and game. I talked to the coach about what Pasha needed help understanding. He caught on very quickly and I think being with children his own age helped a lot. One very noticable difference is that Pasha has very little Russian accent and speaks like an American teenager. Sergey and Alla speak more "proper English" that they were taught. Pasha picked up the idioms and slang. But he does well in proper English also.

But I think through this that the most important thing was that Pasha got a sense that "hey, this guy my Mom married, he seems OK. He seems like he cares about me" Alla has directed both the boys to me for the "man stuff" teaching them to drive, use tools, etc. Like most boys his age Pasha bought a car, with money he earned, and he spends a lot of time "working" on his car. I did that as a teenager also. I think he is going to wax the paint right off the thing!

With Sergey I have worked with him on his taxes, his banking business, worked with him in filing all his applications for universities for his doctorate degree, choosing schools, now I just worked with him to select some housing for him in Houston.

Well, I apologise if it's seen as butting in. I was trying to make a point about the difficulty of cross cultural blended families and how it also might be easy to make generalisations about certain characteristics being country based rather than individual issues.

As a stepmother who has worked hard to make a blended family work with people from different cultures, within a very close community with many similar families including Eastern European/FSU I felt I had something to offer the discussion. It's a subject I'm very interested in and it was a post made with genuine intentions.

Thanks. One suggestion. Lose the "step" We are not "step" anything and these are not "step" children. That is a legal-schmeegle term and has no place in a family. they are children, we are parents. No other terms are acceptable. We NEVER use the terms "your mother" or "your father" or "your son", We have names, we use them. I know all the childrens names and I do not confuse them with anyone else. I introduce all the boys as my sons, it is the only way we accept them.

Edited April 8, 2012 by Gary and Alla

[eekee 182]

Well, I apologise if it's seen as butting in. I was trying to make a point about the difficulty of cross cultural blended families and how it also might be easy to make generalisations about certain characteristics being country based rather than individual issues.

As a stepmother who has worked hard to make a blended family work with people from different cultures, within a very close community with many similar families including Eastern European/FSU I felt I had something to offer the discussion. It's a subject I'm very interested in and it was a post made with genuine intentions.

I don't think anyone was bothered by your posts. I don't think people in this forum mind people who enter into the conversations here if they have something relevant to contribute. But people who come in just to say, "YOU ARE WRONG DESPITE MY HAVING ZERO PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH FSU KIDS!"? Not helpful, relevant, or constructive.

[slim 1,533]

I like when people tell me I have nothing to offer because I have no kids. "You have no idea how to be a good parent because you don't have kids."

I guess I gained no experience from having four parents. Much in the same way, these same folks who told me that are now trying to tell you guys how to work with your FSU kids. Cum grano, salis.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Why are people with no experience with FSU children butting in on this thread telling us FSU children are not raised differently? Even as someone who is second-generation American raised by a single mom with very traditional FSU parents, I can say that my mom reacted very differently to certain things than parents who have been American for generations and generations. It's a big topic and one that is very important--and something that can be a real issue in a co-parenting relationship. Kids are kids everywhere, but what childhood means and what the duty of children and parents are varies greatly from culture to culture.

Because the trauma of moving a child to ANY country other than their country of birth is MORE IMPORTANT than a bunch of stereotypical cultural voodoo.

[eekee 182]

Because the trauma of moving a child to ANY country other than their country of birth is MORE IMPORTANT than a bunch of stereotypical cultural voodoo.

Aaaaand how much time have you spent with people from the FSU? How many years have you spent living in a RUB country? There are distinct differences when it comes to family, relationships, friendship, even business practices that are true throughout the region that differ drastically from the United States in a far more dramatic way than US versus UK. I don't know how many times people in this thread with actual experience in co-parenting with a FSU spouse can point this out from their own experience before you get it.

The OP wants ADVICE, not "You don't need advice because my experience with a UK/US co-parenting situation tells me so, and by the way you are all chauvinists." Like I said, I'm SECOND GENERATION and it was still a huge factor in my upbringing/source of conflict for my parents.

Edited April 9, 2012 by eekee

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Aaaaand how much time have you spent with people from the FSU? How many years have you spent living in a RUB country? There are distinct differences when it comes to family, relationships, friendship, even business practices that are true throughout the region that differ drastically from the United States in a far more dramatic way than US versus UK. I don't know how many times people in this thread with actual experience in co-parenting with a FSU spouse can point this out from their own experience before you get it.

There are no more differences in a kid moving from the FSU to America than there is a kid moving from Brazil to America than a kid moving from Japan to America than a kid moving from the United Arab Emirates to America. At least not from the standpoint of what the US step-parent needs to do to help them assimilate.

That's the point I'm making. I'm not saying that any examples anyone has given of assisting the transition are wrong. I am just saying you would need to do similar things for any child moving here that isn't from a third-world country that is not a native-English speaker.

Now if you are moving a kid here from Somalia where he's had bullets buzzing around his head, then yeah, you've got some different stuff to deal with. Otherwise I say the same advice that works for parenting an FSU kid works for any other kid from a first-world country.

[eekee 182]

There are no more differences in a kid moving from the FSU to America than there is a kid moving from Brazil to America than a kid moving from Japan to America than a kid moving from the United Arab Emirates to America. At least not from the standpoint of what the US step-parent needs to do to help them assimilate.

That's the point I'm making. I'm not saying that any examples anyone has given of assisting the transition are wrong. I am just saying you would need to do similar things for any child moving here that isn't from a third-world country that is not a native-English speaker.

Now if you are moving a kid here from Somalia where he's had bullets buzzing around his head, then yeah, you've got some different stuff to deal with. Otherwise I say the same advice that works for parenting an FSU kid works for any other kid from a first-world country.

I don't think people are talking about the CHILD adjusting. Kids are resilient. The issue is that the FSU parent will expect things done a certain way, and the US parent is used to something different. Child-rearing practices differ from culture to culture.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

I don't think people are talking about the CHILD adjusting. Kids are resilient. The issue is that the FSU parent will expect things done a certain way, and the US parent is used to something different. Child-rearing practices differ from culture to culture.

And the Brazilian parent wouldn't expect things done in a certain way?

Do you get what I am saying?

Lots of the advice in this thread would be helpful in the Moving here and Your New Life in America forum.

Edited April 9, 2012 by Rebecca Jo