Filipina

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Dan...Don't you have anything better to add to this thread than your usual tired shtick?

Apparently not.

Edited April 8, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Tahoma 2,292]

better like what?

What's on second!

[Dan and Judy 614]

What's on second!

I don't know

[Grant PDX 183]

Edited to add: Sorry for the long rambling post below. This has been an ongoing concern of mine, as well, for a long time.

Honestly I don't think I've ever used the phrase "my Filipina" refering either to my ex-wife or my fiancee. However, if I did use the phrase it would be with great pride. If my fiancee every called me "her kano" I would be proud as well. I am happy to be in the relationship I have. My apologies to everyone else here, but I believe I've found the most amazing woman there is. I am a lucky kano.

I believe that when people of either gender look for a mate they look for someone who has the qualities they value in a spouse. For some people the qualities they value aren't the qualities I would value. I do see objectification and "hunting" in a number of the Fil-Am couples I know, and it does bother me, a lot. There are qualities that are very common to a specific country or region, that might be called "stereotypes" but are really just recognition that there are cultural differences from region to region.

When I met my ex-wife I was not looking for a wife. I certainly was not looking for a filipina wife. I met my now ex- on a business trip and we got involved. I just happened to be in the Philippines, instead of Belgium, the Netherlands, Tennessee, Texas, or any of the other countries I was visiting. The relationship didn't work out, but I came out of the relationship with 2 beautiful sons (one pinoy, one fil-am, and i have custody of both, due to the nature of our relationship "not working out"), a lot of pinoy and pinay friends. I also have a lot of respect for differences in the filipino culture and was fairly certain that any future relationship would be with a filipina. There are cultural aspects of the philippines that I find superior to anywhere else in the world. And it's NOT a deferential spouse I'm looking for. Now, some of these are generalizations that are not true in every case, but these are things I find very attractive about filipinos: command of the english language, strength of familial relationships, general happiness (I've never met a happier nationality, in general), and for a foreign country, they are very "western" in morality and ethics. I am in love with the Philippines.

With that said, I've always have discomfort with those who see the Philippines as a buffett. There are guys who want to go sample every girl that might be available. Unfortunatly, the economic situation of the Philippines AND many other countries means that there will be a lot more girls available in the Philippines than the US or many other western countries. Yes, the economic situation does drive all of us (even American and Western European women see the ability of a guy to earn a paycheck as a "good" quality; but the economic difference in the Philippines means most any paycheck is a "good" thing). I didn't go "shopping" in the Philippines. I did start to look at sites to "meet" online and try to figure out who had the right mix of qualities to fit me AND who could stand to live with my qualities, good and bad. I found one. We spent months getting to know each other before I traveled to meet her. She is the only one I went to see, I knew before I went that it was all or nothing, not a chance to try several on for size. She knows my history, good and bad, she knows my anxieties, my fears, my baggage and my personality issues, and she likes me anyway. Although income factors in (it has with every woman I've ever dated) it is not the only factor.

I love the fact that I found someone who is a good fit for me. The culture in the Philippines means there were a lot more possible fits there, on average, than most other places I might look. Call it stereotype, I call it recognition of cultural differences, and appreciating that there are places that are superior, in many aspects, to the place where I live.

The economy of the Philippines, Africa, and eastern European countries leaves people of both genders open for abuse by those from weathier countries. It's unfortunate, but I've always seen abuse of anyone based on economic need, even here in the US it happens, as a "bad" thing. There will always be those who abuse it, and the poverty in the Philippines leaves many open to abuse. I don't like it, but it is a reality. I wish those of us who care could change it. I guess we do, one person, or family, or community at a time. But those who abuse the disparity likely see us as doing exactly what they are. They're wrong, but they are "wrong" in so many things...

Edited April 9, 2012 by Grant n Karleen

[Caryh 5,206]

Talked with my wife the other day about this. She's not offended if I were to say My Pinay or My Filipina, but she does wonder if it sounds like there's an ownership connotation to phrasing it that way. She prefers I use the term My Wife and mention she's from the Philippines. Generally when I introduce her is as My Wife (her name). I've only really used the term My Filipina, mainly to say I'm the American and she's the Filipina in forums such as this one. Lately, strangely enough, there's been people asking if she's Native American when they meet her. We have a lot more Native Americans in my state than Filipinos. Even some Filipinos she was working with called her Pocahontas, lol. I guess she does kind of look like the Disney cartoon character, except shorter.

[Matt & Bing 56]

I don't know

Third base!

[Tahoma 2,292]

I don't know

I don't know's on third!

[Dan and Judy 614]

"My wife" refers to a relationship between two people... "my brother", "my dad", "my sister" are all examples.

I don't see how "my Filipina" or "my Pinay" fall into the same category.

I thought this was probably the best attempt at trying to define why "my Filipina" could be unacceptable since it did give a criteria for

separating it from "my Wife" and "my Brother" "My Dad"

"my Filipina" does not refer to a relationship between two people, however

"my maid', "my servant' and "my slave" do refer to relationship between two and I'm guessing that for you

they would fall into the same if not a worse catagory than "my Filipina"

[Dan and Judy 614]

For some reason, in the US, we classify groups of people. Therefore, we have names like Arican-American, Asian-American, even Filipino-American. I don't necessarily like the fact that we do this; but there's no point in pretending that we don't.

But, it isn't a common thing in the US to refer to an individual by their classification. It definitely is not common to refer to somebody as "my African"; and I don't see why it would be acceptable to refer to a spouse as "my Filipina". It is a term of classification, not a term of endearment.

Here you seem to say that if you don't like something but it is common it is acceptable (classifying groups)

but if you don't like it and it is not common then it should not be acceptable (classifying individuals)

"my Filipina"

Though I wasn't saying it myself, I never raised my eyebrow when I read it.

I think we are just going on our gut here. Some (the majority) on this thread seem to not like it. While others who seem to love and treat their wives with respect use it without any real thought.

I believe it was Potter Stewart who said in reference to pornography, I can't define it but I know it when I see it.

[Dan and Judy 614]

I don't know

work with me guys

He's on third

Edited April 9, 2012 by Dan and Judy

[Dan and Judy 614]

He's on third

Who's on third?

Edited April 9, 2012 by Dan and Judy

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Grant,

Thank you for your post. I appreciate you providing your POV.

(at the risk of seeming argumentative) I have a few questions. I'm seeking further clarification.

However, if I did use the phrase it would be with great pride. If my fiancee every called me "her kano" I would be proud as well. I am a lucky kano.

National Pride?

cultural differences from region to region.

Let's further consider this thought and following comments...,

I also have a lot of respect for differences in the filipino culture and was fairly certain that any future relationship would be with a filipina. There are cultural aspects of the philippines that I find superior to anywhere else in the world.

I'm looking for (your specific) examples demonstrating cultural superiority.

Now, some of these are generalizations that are not true in every case, but these are things I find very attractive about filipinos: command of the english language, strength of familial relationships, general happiness (I've never met a happier nationality, in general), and for a foreign country, they are very "western" in morality and ethics.

Wouldn't it be more appropriate to state...SOME...Filipinos. Because....

A) I met many Filipinos that can't communicate using English.

B) Would you please expound on "strength of familial relationships". I have 2 examples (I could list more).

1) We take mom to the municipal offices. While there...my wife and mother are engaged in a conversation with one of the female clerks. While we are leaving...my wife turns to me and says, "I don't like that woman!". Here's why...The clerk notices me and comments that her niece is engaged to a Kano. She explains that none of the family like the guy but..they have all told her...go ahead..marry him..give it a try...get over to the US and if the marriage doesn't work out...well...divorce is easy over there...divorce him and find another...what's more important...get your GC..get a job and help your family (back here).

Yep...that's a strong family relationship. Very admirable.

2) How many PI posters have stated their marriage is falling apart. I've lost count.

C) "happier nationality"...You used "I".

D) "western in morality and ethics". (I'm not disputing but) Please list a few examples...'cause right now...I'm thinking about all the murders during elections. Very moral. Very ethical. Very unique to the culture? (and as a foreign country)...Do you think the PI is more western than Europe, Canada or how 'bout them RUBS?

The culture in the Philippines means there were a lot more possible fits there, on average, than most other places I might look.

I'm still looking for (your POV) "cultural" examples. (if) What you listed above are your examples of Filipino culture and cultural superiority...then..IMHO....yes...that's what I consider to be and....

Call it stereotype,

Furthermore...no offense...I think it is unwarranted stereotyping. It is your experience and perspective being projected as every1's reality. (and) I don't recognize any evidence of "cultural superiority". The examples provided are found in the US and countries world wide.

Edited April 9, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[B_J 2,752]

I thought this was probably the best attempt at trying to define why "my Filipina" could be unacceptable since it did give a criteria for

separating it from "my Wife" and "my Brother" "My Dad"

"my Filipina" does not refer to a relationship between two people, however

"my maid', "my servant' and "my slave" do refer to relationship between two and I'm guessing that for you

they would fall into the same if not a worse catagory than "my Filipina"

The point of this thread is not what I feel when I hear someone say "my Filipina".

I, like most people, have known people of many different ethnic groups. I've known people as friends, coworkers, and almost every other relationship imaginable. I've never, ever referred to anybody simply by their ethnicity: "my Mexican", "my Puerto Rican", "my Chinese", "my African".

And, even more to the point, I've never in my life heard anybody else use one of those phrases. We can make all the jokes about it that we want, but we all know it would be unacceptable in our society to use phrases like that. But, for some reason, some husbands feel it is acceptable to refer to their wife as "my Filipina".

The question is not what do I think it means; the question is: What do those who use the phrase mean and why do they use the phrase?

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

I'm trying to think of some examples ...but the only thing (I can think of right now) I can attribute to PI as (from what I have observed) "strictly" a PI cultural...thing...

LIP POINTING.

Edited April 9, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Dan and Judy 614]

I am frustrated with the constant (posted) stereotypes, male chauvinism, abusive sexism and regular insults...thrown at Filipino women and culture.

IMO and my observation...There are not many men (relatively speaking) that seek and marry a Filipina following "western" relationship equality guidelines (so to speak). "It's a man's world" is the dominate mentality amongst (many but not all) men in Fil-Am relationships. That is (often but not always) why we see posts stating.."my Pinay" or .."my Filipina". (at 46 years old I have never heard an American..man or woman...refer to their spouse as...my American)

I refer to these (most but not all) men as "predators". They go to PI hunting a product.

this is in response to BJ

This is the first 5 lines of the thread.

It seems that Crash is very much concerned about the way it makes him feel when he hears "my Filipina He continues

"One VJ poster often refers to Filipino women as "units" (even typing the statement makes my blood pressure rise)."

I conclude that this thread is as much about perception as intent.

He does ask the question.

"My question...what's the motivator? The root or roots of these offenses?"

It does seem it has been predetermined that it is an offense.

Edited April 9, 2012 by Dan and Judy