Filipina

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

No need to get overly defensive here

Not getting defensive. You are just wrong, historically, and currently.

[Peter_Pan 661]

Much agreed.

Well put, Op. Also valid for Eastern European women.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

A number of off-topic posts attempting to derail this thread have been removed. The discussion is not about mail-order brides, it is about the use of stereotypes and racist/sexist comments by American spouses discussing their Filipina wives and fiancees as expressed here on Visa Journey.

Continued attempts to derail the thread with off-topic posts will result in a thread-ban.

[Kang 22]

Insightful post

http://americanlifeinthephilippines.blogspot.com/2008/12/what-do-filipinos-think-of-me.html

Looks like this is a sensitive issue that even scholarly links is removed? One poster asked for sources, and I just gave it.

I wish people here would learn how to distinguish what is legitimate and what is plain racist. There is so much racism in Politics thread yet not much is deleted.

Just saying

By the way I AM Filipino myself..so I am not an American spouse derailing my Filipina spouse

I guess, it is NOT wrong to point out Americans?French/Canadians lying on dating sites, but not discussing some what reality is regarding SOME Filipinos

Edited April 5, 2012 by Kang

[Kang 22]

By the way, the mail order bride is relevant as it is a COMMON stereotype on Filipinas hence the sexist/racist comments by SOME Westerners on Filipinas/Asians

Where do you think did those stereotypes come from? Where all these stereotype are coming from should be discussed so that there will be an effective tool to combat it.

Google "Filipina" and what you get are mail order bride sites

It is pretty much like the stereotype that Americans are fat and have unhealthy food

Edited April 5, 2012 by Kang

[aaydrian 479]

I have some ideas how this image has been perpetuated but I really want to hear others thoughts.

They have this misconstrued idea of what they want in a wife and finds that a woman from the Philippines fits the bill. Now this way of thinking may continue because the Filipina they attract prove them right (so they tell their male friends). It could also be that through interactions most American men (despite the generation) find that, compared to the western woman, a Filipina is more tame and 'easier to control' by western ways (which I think is true not to say there aren't some spicy girls in the bunch).

So you think a persons nationality influences marriage compatibility?

Infact I do hence the reason why some men/women go to certain places to find their spouse. If you want a lover that is going to get his hands dirty by herding animals/planting and reaping crops, is very careful about every dime they earn then would you be looking im America/England/South Africa? If a high end woman, 2 PHDs and 2 Masters, born with a gold spoon in her mouth and has all the right friends is your attraction, would you be searching in Nigeria/Philippines/Dominican Republic? Even if you are a poor man looking for reasonable traits in an equally poor lady (visa versa) and 3 marriages to 3 different women (who I should think represents the larger female population) ends in divorce, you should set your sights elsewhere as your 2 and the lady's 2 isn't giving you 4 no matter how many times you redo the calculations. Something in the equation has to change.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Hey Crash.............................................................................. N Burn

Very good posting as I have read many posts from Kanos that cause blood to flow as I need to bite my tongue.

Thanks Hank.

Please know...I'm not categorically knocking "age gap". I'm trying to pinpoint possible reasons contributing to the offensive behavior motivating my OP.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Great Post.

Thank you.

So the good old days of having a submissive Asian or Latin American Wife are over.

(for me) I'm not sure "having a submissive wife" would bring "good old days". I need / want a partner.

My father told me many years ago..."Son...a marriage is like a garden. The more you work it the better the harvest. Find a woman that truely loves you. Make her your highest priority. I promise... she will pay back by nurturing you in ways that will humble you".

They may still treat us like gold. But it must be given back to them as well.

Bingo!

I don't want a wife to be a slave. I want a partner.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

So I guess when people stereotype the Filipina as being a 50's type American woman, something that probably never truly existed as that, she's in some ways fitting that mold.

I posted (earlier today) that a Pinay suggested I find a Filipina for a wife. I asked her..."Why Filipina"? Her response..."Because..unlike American women busy building a career..a Filipina will make her marriage top priority".

I admit...I became a bit more interested when this "stereotype" was laid on me. (but) I know... SOME... Pinay will make their marriage top priority and SOME won't. (and) SOME (any nationality of the world) women will pick a career over marriage while another chooses her marriage.

IMO...Priorities are driven by an individual's core value system.

[Hank_ 9,174]

Thanks Hank.

Please know...I'm not categorically knocking "age gap". I'm trying to pinpoint possible reasons contributing to the offensive behavior motivating my OP.

I know you are not knocking age gap, just figured I would toss the "facts" in as it seems with some that is part of the issue as to how the Kano responds towards his Asawa IMHO.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

So our marriage is sort of standing on head from the way a traditional relationship is, but it seems to work for us.

I don't think the "modern world"...today's world..can pigeon hole male and female roles anymore. A household requires income and maintenance. Its more about filling a need...deciding who (or is it whom?) is better suited for the job based on circumstances and abilities.

I know you are not knocking age gap, just figured I would toss the "facts" in as it seems with some that is part of the issue as to how the Kano responds towards his Asawa IMHO.

I think so too.

[Dan and Judy 614]

I am frustrated with the constant (posted) stereotypes, male chauvinism, abusive sexism and regular insults...thrown at Filipino women and culture.

IMO and my observation...There are not many men (relatively speaking) that seek and marry a Filipina following "western" relationship equality guidelines (so to speak). "It's a man's world" is the dominate mentality amongst (many but not all) men in Fil-Am relationships. That is (often but not always) why we see posts stating.."my Pinay" or .."my Filipina". (at 46 years old I have never heard an American..man or woman...refer to their spouse as...my American)

unless you feel that Pinay or Filipina are derogatory terms then there is nothing derogatory about "my Pinay" or " my Filipina". I also have never heard "my American" but I've heard plenty of American men refer to

there American wifes as my ho, my old lady, the old battle ax. the bit__ . etc. etc. If you say "my Filipina" it let's everybody know you're part of the club and not just sneaking over here from the RUB forum.

I refer to these (most but not all) men as "predators". They go to PI hunting a product.

That would make the Ladies the prey. I don't think you could find prey anywhere in the world praying harder to get caught.

One VJ poster often refers to Filipino women as "units" (even typing the statement makes my blood pressure rise). Not woman...lady...girl...or even female. Nope...he chooses .."unit". Tell me..is he thinking product or person?

yes

Another will state..."having been married to 3 Filipinas...(get this) I KNOW THEM NOW AND HOW THE FILIPINA THINKS." (I don't think it's a good idea to take advice from a 3 time loser. Common denominator? The 3 time loser.)

Assuming he's happily married to the third he's a winner or a two time loser depending on your point of view.

Another poster..."believe me...I've been around the Filipina and I know how they can be." (Have I lost something in translation? Isn't this a blatant stereotype comment made by a racist?)

Just because something is a stereotype doesn't mean it is wrong.

The income differential is what fuels majority of American/Filipina mariages

poverty can make a girl appreciate what a rich girl would turn her nose up at

That same poverty can be very ugly, and turn the people subjected to it very ugly

If a girl has had to scrap and claw her way to survive then there is a good chance she is

going to be emotionally damaged, frequently beyond repair. The Philippines has a lot of these girls

Poverty, goverment corruption and the "tourism" contribute to this.

The guy in the above quote has possibly been associating with these girls.

Or he could be refering to more benign behaviors like going outside and climbing up a tree when sad or angry (not "my" Filipina )

(I can quote many more examples but 3 is good for now.)

My question...what's the motivator? The root or roots of these offenses?

dependency can breed resentment and contempt from both sides

perhaps that is a major problem in the thread that spawned this thread.

But in this thread we would be talking about the contempt you have for someone who is dependent on you.

Power corrupts, yada yada

If you have complete power over someone you might laugh if they threaten to leave

they may even laugh with you when they realize how impossible that is.

Generally the Filipinas are completely dependent when they arrive.

the man has a good deal of control over how independent they can become.

Judy (my Filipina) told me about an aquaintance of hers who lives out in the country miles from anywhere

she can't drive and she's been here over two years and the husband has not filed for adjustment of status yet.

says he can't afford it.

Another problem is the language of course. The primary meaning of dumb was unable to speak .

English is a second language for these girls. It's easy to feel superior to someone who wants to "off the lights" all time.

even if you can't say "turn off the lights" in tagalog. You can get annoyed with someone who is having trouble speaking clearly

How annoyed you get is inversely proportional to how hard you have ever tried to learn a foreign language yourself.

Let's not forget life experience, "my Filipina" has never driven a car or rode a bike and I just found out she had never even been

on a swing before. I showed her how with limited results. Now a less sensitive guy might say something like "my Filipina is

so dumb she can't even swing" Naturally that never crossed my mind.

If you are hanging out with the guys and one of you can turn somersaults and the others can't then he's going to feel a little

superior. If one of the guys has trouble expressing himself you are going to feel a little superior. If you are 6 inches taller

you might feel a little superior.

In many ways that superiority is measured we are superior to our Filipina wives

In general we like it that way

Asian Flu? Yellow Fever? Olongapo? AC? (The lure is cast and the fish bite?)

(is it) "Age doesn't matter in PI...? (I welcome stories about Pinay / Pinoy marriages with large (20+ years) age gaps...any1? any1?)

Having very limited contacts I know of one myself and Judy was able to mention three, Any port in a storm.

(could it be) Kano's rejected and burn out with failed "western" relationships having no confidence but the (often very few) Dollars they have in their pocket used to purchase a (better future) wife from a hopelessly impoverished family "gifting" away a breadwinner for a better tomorrow?

A typical factory worker from the states (if we have any left) has the same status in PI that a doctor does here.

do I want to spend 8 or 9 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars going to college or just take a flight to manila?

Thank you for reading. Any and all feedback is very welcome.

If I wanted an equal I would have married a man (an american man) preferably just a little shorter than me

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Much agreed.

Well put, Op. Also valid for Eastern European women.

Thank you.

Will you please explain (from your POV) why it is also valid for Eastern European women?

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Dan,

1st) Thanks for your feedback. I am interested in learning other POV's and think an open minded discussion will be beneficial. (to myself and hopefully others)

2nd) You're making me work harder. I'm having to copy and paste your comments.

unless you feel that Pinay or Filipina are derogatory terms then there is nothing derogatory about "my Pinay" or " my Filipina". I also have never heard "my American" but I've heard plenty of American men refer to

there American wifes as my ho, my old lady, the old battle ax. the bit__ . etc. etc. If you say "my Filipina" it let's everybody know you're part of the club and not just sneaking over here from the RUB forum

My primary issue (regarding this 1 point) is the use of "my". Why describe an individual as "my" followed with...nationality?

Let's play this word combo out with a few more examples. My car...my house...my clothing...my dinner...my dog...my boat...my wife...my husband.

Having never heard...my American..I am confused why..when it comes to a Filipina...it suddenly becomes norm to use the combo..."my Filipina". Is it because the Pinay is so unique..that she deserves to be..objectified? (and) By objectifying...does that increase or decrease the value of the individual?

That would make the Ladies the prey. I don't think you could find prey anywhere in the world praying harder to get caught.

I think yes...some men are predators preying on vulnerability (naive youth desiring to help their family) and desperation (seeking a fix to family poverty). The predators make a deal with the prey. An acquisition is secured.

IMO, Stating Filipina women are praying harder than anywhere in the world is pure conjecture. Is it your opinion cast onto all Filipinas?

You choosing the word "caught" is interesting. (freedictionary.com) Caught = 1. To capture or seize, especially after a chase. 2. To take by or as if by trapping or snaring. You think all Filipinas desire to be "caught"?

Current tsismis in my wife's barangay. An Aussie arrived at the home of his "GF". She was supposed to meet him in Manila but was not there. He hired transportation and made his way to her family home in Leyte. He is informed (by her parents) that she does not want to continue their relationship (coz she is in Boracay with another "suitor"). He doesn't leave. Nope. He stays and stays and stays...because the parents offered their other daughter to him and he decided to take her for a test drive. In the family home. He's been there for 2 weeks now. That Aussie is a "predator" taking advantage of desperation.

Assuming he's happily married to the third he's a winner or a two time loser depending on your point of view.

My point... he believes that his 3 failed marriages makes him an expert on Filipina mindset. (if) The man is indeed an expert on Filipina mindset. 1) he must be Omnipresent and 2) why did he divorce 3 times?

Just because something is a stereotype doesn't mean it is wrong. The income differential is what fuels majority of American/Filipina mariages poverty can make a girl appreciate what a rich girl would turn her nose up at That same poverty can be very ugly, and turn the people subjected to it very ugly If a girl has had to scrap and claw her way to survive then there is a good chance she is going to be emotionally damaged, frequently beyond repair. The Philippines has a lot of these girls Poverty, goverment corruption and the "tourism" contribute to this. The guy in the above quote has possibly been associating with these girls. Or he could be refering to more benign behaviors like going outside and climbing up a tree when sad or angry (not "my" Filipina )

Please provide examples of "right" stereotypes.

IMO, Using the word "majority" is pure conjecture. Please link it with stats.

Beyond repair? Please expound.

IMO, The guy in the above quote should use words like...some...few..the 1's I've been exposed to. Not..."the" and "they".

Dan..I will take a break here. I need some more coffee and I will come back with responses to the rest of your post.

Seriously...I do appreciate the opportunity to discuss this with you. I see you put some thought and energy into your post (as have others) and I want to give my time time and energy to respond properly.

Edited April 6, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me