Filipina

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

The problem seems to stem from what American men think is the reality of a Filipina. Small, docile, weak, will clean your house like hired help, always ready for 'loving', seen and not heard, will do whatever I say etc (anything that's not 'Feminazi' related). Now where does this image come I don't know but somehow its has perpetuated.

I have some ideas how this image has been perpetuated but I really want to hear others thoughts.

I share similar sentiments to the point of its not only that 'the loser' is the problem but also the Filipina. Obviously 'the loser' and this nationality isn't compatible, so why are you hell bent on making the same mistake over and over? Why not marry an Aussie, an African or an Ecuadorian woman if your so desparate for companionship?

So you think a persons nationality influences marriage compatibility?

Simply put they have created 'monsters' and don't want to deal with 'them,'. There is a precedence that everyone establishes when entering a relationship. If you spoil someone by buying them this and that, sharing the work load equally or you're at their every beck and call then you better continue with it because this is what you have brought to the table so your spouse expects nothing less.

Agreed. It's also what Bob is stating. Why do some change / set new expectations after the marriage?

Edited April 4, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

cheers for you... yeah some kano's refer us filipina as like that.. i just so lucky that my CASPER husband never tagged me like that...

over all great POST

Thank you.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Good. Better be!

Yes dear.

(see what I'm talking about? Asawa ko is mean mean mean. )

If my husband ever refer / treat me as such then the front door to our house will be split in half.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Maybe we can also mention some of the things we see common in the Fil/Am relationships we see working on VJ?

A common trait I'd point out is that the older partner doesn't:

1) Take the other for granted, dismissing them simply because of age.

2) Doesn't Treat their partner like a child but does offer guidance where needed (always respectfully).

3) Has taken the time to discuss expectations of both parties, making adjustments based in reality.

4) Understands that Spouse/Partner etc means equals working together toward a common goal.

Please feel free to add to the list.

Edited April 4, 2012 by Bob 4 Anna

[Kathryn41 3,205]

After review, I am re-opening this thread to discussion.

It can be hard to discuss racist posts without listing examples. Fortunately, names were not used, just examples, although those who read these threads regularly will probably be able to identify those to whom the quotes refer. This topic can be very sensitive so I do appreciate everyone treating their posts with integrity and not using them as an opportunity to make snarky swipes at other members.

Racism, unfortunately, is a very difficult issue to address effectively, for several reasons. The first is that many posters do not realize that the attitudes they are expressing are indeed 'racist' and inappropriate. Some individuals are indeed 'racists'; some are merely ignorant and insensitive. It does not make it right, but it explains some of the difficulties in getting racist comments to stop. Racism is never appropriate, and finding gentle ways to bring it to the attention of a poster that their comments stereotyping cultures as if they are a one size fits all, interchangeable 'units' rather than unique individuals who share a cultural identity with as many different expressions of that culture as there are individuals is a good way to try and address the problem. Attacking someone for their comments generally does not allow them the opportunity to 'hear' what you are saying; rather it puts their back up and they go on the defensive. Defensiveness never allows someone to be receptive to the possibility that perhaps they were inappropriate. It closes down the possible avenues of communication - and education.

So, I do not see this thread as baiting, rather as an avenue to express the frustration felt by individuals who have been 'targeted' with that one size fits all, interchangeable 'unit' mentality that turns individuals into objects rather than people.

This forum is about those involved in relations with men and women from the Philippines, so the American half of the couple may refer to their partner as my filipina or my filipino as a way of identifying each other's position within the relationship. I hope that in many cases the use of the possessive case indicates a sense of pride and participation in the partnership rather than 'ownership', but I agree, that in many posts it is unclear whether the American partner feels his or her spouse is a partner or a possession. This attitude is not, unfortunately, unique to the Philippine forum either, but raises its heads in some of the other forum as well.

I know that it may appear that such racist comments get far greater free rein than they should, and I must agree. It is not because Visa Journey supports racism, rather that the moderation on Visa Journey responds to reports sent to us. There are many times where there is a racist comment made that goes un-reported, and so unaddressed. There are also times when comments are reported as racist but are not racist. Mentioning that someone is of a different culture does not mean the comment is racist, and yet we get reports of such topics as racist as well, so we ask your understanding if at times we do not respond as appropriately as we could. We do the best that we can, but like everyone else here, we are only human as well. Sometimes, we have bad days, and personal issues and too little sleep and too many worries too, just like everyone else here. As much as we try to remain objective, sometimes we fail.

So, with that said, I will ask that each of you try to treat other members with respect, recognizing that we all have different backgrounds and experiences, and sometimes when we find our 'button' being pushed, try to think it is not an intentional act by another to be nasty (although sometimes it is) but someone posting in ignorance, and this is an opportunity to 'educate them'. . Please express your concerns politely and remind posters that racist comments stereotype people and in labelling everyone by generalities, you may well miss the truth in the situation, as well as insulting and hurting other members on this site. If that doesn't work, then please, report the offense to the Moderation team and we will do the best we can to address the issue.

Thank you

Kathryn

VJ Moderation Team

Edited April 4, 2012 by Kathryn41

[B_J 2,752]

Thank you for re-opening this thread.

After review, I am re-opening this thread to discussion.

It can be hard to discuss racist posts without listing examples. Fortunately, names were not used, just examples, although those who read these threads regularly will probably be able to identify those to whom the quotes refer. This topic can be very sensitive so I do appreciate everyone treating their posts with integrity and not using them as an opportunity to make snarky swipes at other members.

Racism, unfortunately, is a very difficult issue to address effectively, for several reasons. The first is that many posters do not realize that the attitudes they are expressing are indeed 'racist' and inappropriate. Some individuals are indeed 'racists'; some are merely ignorant and insensitive. It does not make it right, but it explains some of the difficulties in getting racist comments to stop. Racism is never appropriate, and finding gentle ways to bring it to the attention of a poster that their comments stereotyping cultures as if they are a one size fits all, interchangeable 'units' rather than unique individuals who share a cultural identity with as many different expressions of that culture as there are individuals is a good way to try and address the problem. Attacking someone for their comments generally does not allow them the opportunity to 'hear' what you are saying; rather it puts their back up and they go on the defensive. Defensiveness never allows someone to be receptive to the possibility that perhaps they were inappropriate. It closes down the possible avenues of communication - and education.

So, I do not see this thread as baiting, rather as an avenue to express the frustration felt by individuals who have been 'targeted' with that one size fits all, interchangeable 'unit' mentality that turns individuals into objects rather than people.

This forum is about those involved in relations with men and women from the Philippines, so the American half of the couple may refer to their partner as my filipina or my filipino as a way of identifying each other's position within the relationship. I hope that in many cases the use of the possessive case indicates a sense of pride and participation in the partnership rather than 'ownership', but I agree, that in many posts it is unclear whether the American partner feels his or her spouse is a partner or a possession. This attitude is not, unfortunately, unique to the Philippine forum either, but raises its heads in some of the other forum as well.

I know that it may appear that such racist comments get far greater free rein than they should, and I must agree. It is not because Visa Journey supports racism, rather that the moderation on Visa Journey responds to reports sent to us. There are many times where there is a racist comment made that goes un-reported, and so unaddressed. There are also times when comments are reported as racist but are not racist. Mentioning that someone is of a different culture does not mean the comment is racist, and yet we get reports of such topics as racist as well, so we ask your understanding if at times we do not respond as appropriately as we could. We do the best that we can, but like everyone else here, we are only human as well. Sometimes, we have bad days, and personal issues and too little sleep and too many worries too, just like everyone else here. As much as we try to remain objective, sometimes we fail.

So, with that said, I will ask that each of you try to treat other members with respect, recognizing that we all have different backgrounds and experiences, and sometimes when we find our 'button' being pushed, try to think it is not an intentional act by another to be nasty (although sometimes it is) but someone posting in ignorance, and this is an opportunity to 'educate them'. . Please express your concerns politely and remind posters that racist comments stereotype people and in labelling everyone by generalities, you may well miss the truth in the situation, as well as insulting and hurting other members on this site. If that doesn't work, then please, report the offense to the Moderation team and we will do the best we can to address the issue.

Thank you

Kathryn

VJ Moderation Team

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Thank you for re-opening this thread.

I second that thank you.

I trust we have enough responsible members in the Philippine sub-forum that any out-of-line posts will be promptly reported.

[B_J 2,752]

Maybe we can also mention some of the things we see common in the Fil/Am relationships we see working on VJ?

A common trait I'd point out is that the older partner doesn't:

1) Take the other for granted, dismissing them simply because of age.

2) Treat their partner like a child but does offer guidance where needed (always respectfully).

3) Has taken the time to discuss expectations of both parties, making adjustments based in reality.

4) Understands that Spouse/Partner etc means equals working together toward a common goal.

Please feel free to add to the list.

Sadly, one thing I've seen on here many times is where the older American feels the need to "teach" the younger Filipina a lesson, and these lessons are usually demeaning and humilating. Very seldom do we hear where the American man learns anything from his partner.

I'll confess that, because of my marriage, I've learned to be a better person; I try to be more polite and understanding. And definitely, because of my wife, I am now closer to the rest of my family.

Of the two of us, she is by far the better person.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

After review, I am re-opening this thread to discussion.

Kathryn

VJ Moderation Team

At this moment, I don't know what to say... I just need a moment to absorb and do a little video...,

/

Edited April 4, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Sadly, one thing I've seen on here many times is where the older American feels the need to "teach" the younger Filipina a lesson, and these lessons are usually demeaning and humilating. Very seldom do we hear where the American man learns anything from his partner.

I'll confess that, because of my marriage, I've learned to be a better person; I try to be more polite and understanding. And definitely, because of my wife, I am now closer to the rest of my family.

Of the two of us, she is by far the better person.

I have told my wife many times that I'm a better person because I have her in my life.

Real lessons are taught without humiliating the person. It's really a 2 way thing and there is no room for ego, Anna is still working on that with me (as in I am trying to make that adjustment in myself).

I envy how close she is to her extended family (is there anyone on Luzon she isn't related to?) and she has helped to foster closer relationships within my family here.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Filipina Person or Product?

Meh. She's from the Philippines. There is no denying she is Pinay. She wants to stay Pinay, but she is now a proud American citizen. She has no inclination to go back to the Philippines, even for a visit.

Some of the confusion is use of language. Asawa ko. Beybi ko. You are my big Kano. Terms of endearment.

There was another member from not to long ago that objectified the entire Republic of the Philippines to serve and amuse him. He was the extreme in this forum. Apparently, he was typical of another forum here that continuously objectifies women.

As an American, I can't take most of it too seriously, as it obviously seems to be done for effect. However, there is a level of insecurity present among our immigrant wives and fiancees, that should be a concern to us, as much as it concerns them.

[Caryh 5,206]

Sadly, one thing I've seen on here many times is where the older American feels the need to "teach" the younger Filipina a lesson, and these lessons are usually demeaning and humilating. Very seldom do we hear where the American man learns anything from his partner.

I'll confess that, because of my marriage, I've learned to be a better person; I try to be more polite and understanding. And definitely, because of my wife, I am now closer to the rest of my family.

Of the two of us, she is by far the better person.

Maybe we don't want to admit how much a younger wife has taught us! I'll admit my wife has taught me many things, and I hope she continues to do so. I value her insight into different situations. At times that insight has been very helpful, at other times its just good to think on another point of view. Dealing with someone who is going through homesickness and from a different culture can be a great lesson in listening and thinking before reacting.

[actob99 156]

Thank you for taking another look at what was said. I was dumbfounded and a bit angry when the post was "Just closed".. I didn't see any reason for it, but I do understand that I'm relatively new and may not understand some of the history between poster's. But I didn't see anything distatsteful or racist in any of the posting's...

[SMOKE 1,426]

I second that thank you.

3rd

[actob99 156]

There was another member from not to long ago that objectified the entire Republic of the Philippines to serve and amuse him. He was the extreme in this forum. Apparently, he was typical of another forum here that continuously objectifies women.

As an American, I can't take most of it too seriously, as it obviously seems to be done for effect. However, there is a level of insecurity present among our immigrant wives and fiancees, that should be a concern to us, as much as it concerns them.

Yes and this brings up emotion within these postings that can be a good thing. People need to understand that some things are said about the Philippines or filipina's that we need to defend as this is our culture now as we are married to this culture or going to be married to it. My fiamcee and I have seen the bad and the good that the Phils has. Just as we will see every place we go, all countries have it. I'm asked by my fiancee why so many foreigners come over to the Phils on a sex vacation. Two points I keep telling her is,

you don't get the best foreigners comiing to visit the Phils - I'm not saying all or even most, but if your hanging out in Angeles the ratio of good people there drops.. And that is why the Phils gets a bad rap sometimes. If you go to my fiancees province, the only foreigners there is my friend and I, so the people see that we are good foreigners and that americans are good. You talk to people around the provinces of ANgeles( I know because I have many friends that live in or near) and their views of foreigners are not so good. We can go on for hours/days of the stories... And this disgusts me because this isn't the true Phils and we are not that stereotype of foreigners...