Filipina

[Dan and Judy 614]

The point of this thread is not what I feel when I hear someone say "my Filipina".

I, like most people, have known people of many different ethnic groups. I've known people as friends, coworkers, and almost every other relationship imaginable. I've never, ever referred to anybody simply by their ethnicity: "my Mexican", "my Puerto Rican", "my Chinese", "my African".

A black man gave me $50.

A Mexican ran over the hill.

A Chinese woman won the lottery.

These all refer to someone simply by ethnicity. Are they all unacceptable or is it only if you slap the word "my in front of it"?

[B_J 2,752]

A black man gave me $50.

A Mexican ran over the hill.

A Chinese woman won the lottery.

These all refer to someone simply by ethnicity. Are they all unacceptable or is it only if you slap the word "my in front of it"?

I've read some of your other posts and I know that you are smarter than this.

I don't see how the word "a" that you're slapping in front of these words means a relationship. That was a point that was established earlier, the word "my" means there is a relationship.

Would you use phrases like:

My Black man gave me $50.

My Mexican ran over the hill.

My Chinese woman won the lottery.

Are you okay with those examples? If not, then why are you okay with somebody saying, "My Filipina is a wonderful cook."

[Grant PDX 183]

A person either has respect for others or they don't. Some people have no respect for anyone other than those they consider "equals". Some people respect everyone, regardless of race, nationality, income, social standing, etc. If you respect someone, and they know it, anything you call them can be a term of endearment. If you don't respect someone and they know it, anything you call them can be offensive.

There are too many people who lack respect for others. Some of them are marrying people they have no respect for. That, to me, is offensive in itself. It's not what they call them, it's how they see them and treat them in general.

I have a large group of very good friends who are American husband/Filipina wife couples. I see more respect in some relationships than others. It's a fact of life. Some husbands could say "my filipina" and really get under my skin. Others could say the same thing and bring a smile to my face. It's how they see each other, and how I see them. If my fiancee called me "her kano" I would feel great. Just belonging to her makes me feel good. And I don't see a lack of respect. Again, other people I know could say the same thing and it would bother me.

I understand what you are saying in the OP but it's because there IS a lack of respect or YOU SENSE a lack of respect (both are potentially valid). But, in my opinion, it's the respect that's the issue, not the terms used.

I have black friends who refer to each other using the "n" word, and sometimes "my n...". They have no lack of respect for each other. As much as they know and love me I would never use that word with them, as there is a lack of respect implicit in the term. I don't feel there is something implicitly disrespectful in the terms "my Filipina" or "my Kano". I would defend your right to see something implicitly disrespectful in the terms, but I don't see it. Again, I don't think I've used the term, but I feel lucky to have a Filipina fiancee (and soon wife) and if I were to use it, it would be will all affection and respect and if my wife doesn't see a problem with the term, there is no problem with its use. With that said, there are people who see an implicit lack of respect with the term, and I would be highly unlikely to use the term in their presence, in respect to their feelings.

In my humble opinion, it's not the terms, it's any feeling of superiority or disrespect behind them that's the real problem.

[Dan and Judy 614]

I've read some of your other posts and I know that you are smarter than this.

I don't see how the word "a" that you're slapping in front of these words means a relationship. That was a point that was established earlier, the word "my" means there is a relationship.

Would you use phrases like:

My Black man gave me $50.

My Mexican ran over the hill.

My Chinese woman won the lottery.

Are you okay with those examples? If not, then why are you okay with somebody saying, "My Filipina is a wonderful cook."

My Chinese workers were happy because I Hung a picture of Mao in the lobby.

My Mexican friend will bring menudo to the party.

I know this won't satisfy you but these sentences have helped me to see something

Chinese and Mexican here are modifying the subject. Workers and Friend.

You would probably prefer not to specify the ethnicity but I think most people would find those two sentences acceptable.

If someone says "My Filipina" then wife or GF is an unspoken but understood subject and Filipina is a modifier

'My filipina is just a condensed "My Filipina Wife"

If you will notice in each of the sentences above the Ethnicity was important to the sentence. My 25 British workers were not thrilled with the picture of Mao.

Menudo is a Mexican dish so Mexican helps to establish that this person is qualified to make menudo.

This is a Philippines forum and the subject is frequently Filipinas.

If you are talking about "Filipinas" then there is no harm in saying so with specificity

We don't want some guy coming over here from RUB and saying his wife beaned him with a frying pan and leaving us with the falacious impression that

frying pans are a Filipina's weapons of choice, we know that they prefer to throw rice cookers.

OK, I'm done with this thread unless someone wants to tell me who's on third

Edited April 9, 2012 by Dan and Judy

[B_J 2,752]

My Chinese workers were happy because I Hung a picture of Mao in the lobby.

My Mexican friend will bring menudo to the party.

I know this won't satisfy you but these sentences have helped me to see something

Chinese and Mexican here are modifying the subject. Workers and Friend.

You would probably prefer not to specify the ethnicity but I think most people would find those two sentences acceptable.

If someone says "My Filipina" then wife or GF is an unspoken but understood subject and Filipina is a modifier

'My filipina is just a condensed "My Filipina Wife"

If you will notice in each of the sentences above the Ethnicity was important to the sentence. My 25 British workers were not thrilled with the picture of Mao.

Menudo is a Mexican dish so Mexican helps to establish that this person is qualified to make menudo.

This is a Philippines forum and the subject is frequently Filipinas.

If you are talking about "Filipinas" then there is no harm in saying so with specificity

We don't want some guy coming over here from RUB and saying his wife beaned him with a frying pan and leaving us with the falacious impression that

frying pans are a Filipina's weapons of choice, we know that they prefer to throw rice cookers.

OK, I'm done with this thread unless someone wants to tell me who's on third

I've already had it explained to me by my wife.

It's okay to call her "my wife" and then, if someone asks, I can let them know she is from the Philippines.

But it is never okay to call her "my Filipina".

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

I've already had it explained to me by my wife.

It's okay to call her "my wife" and then, if someone asks, I can let them know she is from the Philippines.

But it is never okay to call her "my Filipina".

I get the thought...perhaps it is Okay with Dan because...like he said...He prefers to feel / think he is superior to his wife.

Maybe (in his mind) Referring to her as "my Filipina" reduces her importance and simultaneously increases his own.

I think he's pissed off he didn't think of this sooner. All this time he wasted...calling her "private".

(but...I doubt he will ever introduce her as "my Filipina" to anyone. He will just use the term on VJ when he thinks he needs to prove his "superiority". )

Edited April 9, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[actob99 156]

I'm trying to think of some examples ...but the only thing (I can think of right now) I can attribute to PI as (from what I have observed) "strictly" a PI cultural...thing...

LIP POINTING.

I have adopted this myself and have to watch it as I was called on it once here in the States. Didn't notice I was doing it. But I like it!!!!

[actob99 156]

B) Would you please expound on "strength of familial relationships". I have 2 examples (I could list more).

1) We take mom to the municipal offices. While there...my wife and mother are engaged in a conversation with one of the female clerks. While we are leaving...my wife turns to me and says, "I don't like that woman!". Here's why...The clerk notices me and comments that her niece is engaged to a Kano. She explains that none of the family like the guy but..they have all told her...go ahead..marry him..give it a try...get over to the US and if the marriage doesn't work out...well...divorce is easy over there...divorce him and find another...what's more important...get your GC..get a job and help your family (back here).

Yep...that's a strong family relationship. Very admirable.

I have heard this scenario so many times and it is exactly why I'm just now engaged after several years in the Phils. I have been in a relationship where I seen the end result could have ended up like this. No one can be to cautious as this is a life commitment. My rule I tell everyone and the newcomers thinking about having a relationship with anyone, Time will always tell!!!!! My cutoff, not by choice but just seems to happen, is 6 months in a relationship where we are together often. This includes the gf's I had in the STates, France, Thailand and the Phils.

A good percentage of relationships that go wrong, if you ask them after, they knew it wasn't the best relationship and they had doubt's. So why did you go through with it is the question??? Why stay with someone that you are having doubt's about? I have been in my current relationship going on almost 2 years and I have lived with her in the Phils.. I'm very comfortable with our relationship and I think we have a good shot at lasting forever. But hearing so many of the above scanario's always gets you thinking???????

[actob99 156]

As I stated in a previous post, I do use the expression filipina and filipino. Like I said it all has to do with what conext it is used. I might use the "my filipna" or "my beautiful filipina" but that is meant in a positive way and used if reference to this website... I would never introduce my fiancee to someone using this phrase... But of course, its always up to you............

[Hank_ 9,174]

I don't know's on third!

Who's on1st, What's on 2nd.

Now what was the Pitcher's name?

Silly names -

Like Dizzy Dean

His brother Daffy

and their French cousin Goofe'

Edited April 10, 2012 by Hank_Amy

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Talked with my wife the other day about this. She's not offended if I were to say My Pinay or My Filipina, but she does wonder if it sounds like there's an ownership connotation to phrasing it that way. She prefers I use the term My Wife and mention she's from the Philippines. Generally when I introduce her is as My Wife (her name). I've only really used the term My Filipina, mainly to say I'm the American and she's the Filipina in forums such as this one.

I've read threads started (by an OP) seeking answers to cultural questions. PI VJ members have responded with opinions based on "my Filipina" experiences.

I think "my Filipina"...in this situation..is used to help validate a posters POV.

This is an instance that I (personally...I will discuss this with my wife later to get her take on it) don't categorically dislike. (but) Knowing the PI banner is under the posters avatar. Isn't it redundant to clarify relationship status...? So why do it? Isn't..."my wife"..an adequate validator?

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

It does seem it has been predetermined that it is an offense.

I also said...often but not always. (but) As the thread progresses...yes..I am becoming more...settled... in my position.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

A person either has respect for others or they don't. Some people have no respect for anyone other than those they consider "equals". Some people respect everyone, regardless of race, nationality, income, social standing, etc. If you respect someone, and they know it, anything you call them can be a term of endearment. If you don't respect someone and they know it, anything you call them can be offensive.

There are too many people who lack respect for others. Some of them are marrying people they have no respect for. That, to me, is offensive in itself. It's not what they call them, it's how they see them and treat them in general.

I have a large group of very good friends who are American husband/Filipina wife couples. I see more respect in some relationships than others. It's a fact of life. Some husbands could say "my filipina" and really get under my skin. Others could say the same thing and bring a smile to my face. It's how they see each other, and how I see them. If my fiancee called me "her kano" I would feel great. Just belonging to her makes me feel good. And I don't see a lack of respect. Again, other people I know could say the same thing and it would bother me.

I understand what you are saying in the OP but it's because there IS a lack of respect or YOU SENSE a lack of respect (both are potentially valid). But, in my opinion, it's the respect that's the issue, not the terms used.

I have black friends who refer to each other using the "n" word, and sometimes "my n...". They have no lack of respect for each other. As much as they know and love me I would never use that word with them, as there is a lack of respect implicit in the term. I don't feel there is something implicitly disrespectful in the terms "my Filipina" or "my Kano". I would defend your right to see something implicitly disrespectful in the terms, but I don't see it. Again, I don't think I've used the term, but I feel lucky to have a Filipina fiancee (and soon wife) and if I were to use it, it would be will all affection and respect and if my wife doesn't see a problem with the term, there is no problem with its use. With that said, there are people who see an implicit lack of respect with the term, and I would be highly unlikely to use the term in their presence, in respect to their feelings.

In my humble opinion, it's not the terms, it's any feeling of superiority or disrespect behind them that's the real problem.

Very good input. Thank you.

(for my wife and I) It's both. Term and intent.

What / how someone else refers to their spouse is their "right" and none of my business.

(but) When the term is (1st) used to pigeonhole an idividual (the individual being their SO) to nationality...(sometimes considered) insinuates others of same nationality have similar tendencies. This strips individuality and transforms the person into a national "product". (and 2nd) Unwarranted discriminating stereotype is cast when the "my" becomes an implied or stated "all".

Well...that's a big :no:

Edited April 10, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

OK, I'm done with this thread unless someone wants to tell me who's on third

Don't bait and switch me Dan.

I have adopted this myself and have to watch it as I was called on it once here in the States. Didn't notice I was doing it. But I like it!!!!

Me too. It requires less energy.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

As I stated in a previous post, I do use the expression filipina and filipino. Like I said it all has to do with what conext it is used. I might use the "my filipna" or "my beautiful filipina" but that is meant in a positive way and used if reference to this website... I would never introduce my fiancee to someone using this phrase... But of course, its always up to you............

I dig it but...would you introduce your wife as "This is my beautiful Filipina"? or....how 'bout this example...(you are asked a question and you reply) "I don't know. Go ask my Filipina"...?