Filipina

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

I am frustrated with the constant (posted) stereotypes, male chauvinism, abusive sexism and regular insults...thrown at Filipino women and culture.

IMO and my observation...There are not many men (relatively speaking) that seek and marry a Filipina following "western" relationship equality guidelines (so to speak). "It's a man's world" is the dominate mentality amongst (many but not all) men in Fil-Am relationships. That is (often but not always) why we see posts stating.."my Pinay" or .."my Filipina". (at 46 years old I have never heard an American..man or woman...refer to their spouse as...my American)

I refer to these (most but not all) men as "predators". They go to PI hunting a product.

One VJ poster often refers to Filipino women as "units" (even typing the statement makes my blood pressure rise). Not woman...lady...girl...or even female. Nope...he chooses .."unit". Tell me..is he thinking product or person?

Another will state..."having been married to 3 Filipinas...(get this) I KNOW THEM NOW AND HOW THE FILIPINA THINKS." (I don't think it's a good idea to take advice from a 3 time loser. Common denominator? The 3 time loser.)

Another poster..."believe me...I've been around the Filipina and I know how they can be." (Have I lost something in translation? Isn't this a blatant stereotype comment made by a racist?)

(I can quote many more examples but 3 is good for now.)

My question...what's the motivator? The root or roots of these offenses?

Asian Flu? Yellow Fever? Olongapo? AC? (The lure is cast and the fish bite?)

(is it) "Age doesn't matter in PI...? (I welcome stories about Pinay / Pinoy marriages with large (20+ years) age gaps...any1? any1?)

(could it be) Kano's rejected and burn out with failed "western" relationships having no confidence but the (often very few) Dollars they have in their pocket used to purchase a (better future) wife from a hopelessly impoverished family "gifting" away a breadwinner for a better tomorrow?

Thank you for reading. Any and all feedback is very welcome.

Edited April 4, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[X Factor 1,112]

I agree. There are the intellectual, spiritual, emotional and physical aspects to any womom that men in failed marriages don't apprectiate. These aspects also needed to be given attention to in Filipino women. To view any woman including a Filipino woman as a unit (piece of meat and or maid) shows the shallowness of some men who wish to marry an Asian woman.

[B_J 2,752]

I am frustrated with the constant (posted) stereotypes, male chauvinism, abusive sexism and regular insults...thrown at Filipino women and culture.

IMO and my observation...There are not many men (relatively speaking) that seek and marry a Filipina following "western" relationship equality guidelines (so to speak). "It's a man's world" is the dominate mentality amongst (many but not all) men in Fil-Am relationships. That is (often but not always) why we see posts stating.."my Pinay" or .."my Filipina". (at 46 years old I have never heard an American..man or woman...refer to their spouse as...my American)

I refer to these (most but not all) men as "predators". They go to PI hunting a product.

One VJ poster often refers to Filipino women as "units" (even typing the statement makes my blood pressure rise). Not woman...lady...girl...or even female. Nope...he chooses .."unit". Tell me..is he thinking product or person?

Another will state..."having been married to 3 Filipinas...(get this) I KNOW THEM NOW AND HOW THE FILIPINA THINKS." (I don't think it's a good idea to take advice from a 3 time loser. Common denominator? The 3 time loser.)

Another poster..."believe me...I've been around the Filipina and I know how they can be." (Have I lost something in translation? Isn't this a blatant stereotype comment made by a racist?)

(I can quote many more examples but 3 is good for now.)

My question...what's the motivator? The root or roots of these offenses?

Asian Flu? Yellow Fever? Olongapo? AC? (The lure is cast and the fish bite?)

(is it) "Age doesn't matter in PI...? (I welcome stories about Pinay / Pinoy marriages with large (20+ years) age gaps...any1? any1?)

(could it be) Kano's rejected and burn out with failed "western" relationships having no confidence but the (often very few) Dollars they have in their pocket used to purchase a (better future) wife from a hopelessly impoverished family "gifting" away a breadwinner for a better tomorrow?

Thank you for reading. Any and all feedback is very welcome.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Great post Crashed...

My Wife is exactly that and she just happens to be from the Philippines. I've had a hard time with some of the posts discussing Filipinas as they're children. The patterns almost always is something like:

Older white guy with a failed marriage or 3 hunts a child bride in the Philippines (usually because he believes he can control her or something like that).

He treats her like a spoiled child through-out the K-1 process and throws every extra cent he can scrape together at her.

Once she arrives in the US he either expects her to instantly be the perfect wife and shed the childish mannerisms that he had previously encouraged or he gets upset because she expresses an opinion of her own.

When things fall apart it's because she scammed him!

I'll admit my wife is 27 and I'm 42. I'll admit that she has at times acted immature. But I've never treated her like a child and I've always expected her to be my partner in our marriage and life together.

I do think at least one of the persons here using the term "Filipina Unit" does it tongue in cheek and that doesn't offend me.

Edited April 4, 2012 by Bob 4 Anna

[litlmina 40]

Thank you! I had the same disgusted feeling but was unable to articulate it as well as you have.

When one guy was dumped by a Filipino woman, one of the posts in response said, "Just go sit at an open air cafe, and you'll find another ONE in no time."

...

As if a woman were nothing more than a used car - interchangeable and disposable. And the poster was treated as if he (and all other American men wanting to marry Filipinos) were God's gift to women.

Edited April 4, 2012 by litlmina

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

I agree. There are the intellectual, spiritual, emotional and physical aspects to any womom that men in failed marriages don't apprectiate. These aspects also needed to be given attention to in Filipino women. To view any woman including a Filipino woman as a unit (piece of meat and or maid) shows the shallowness of some men who wish to marry an Asian woman.

I remember..as a child...watching WW2 movies and observing the Asian women were portrayed as submissive and obedient to men. I was like...

I will say that my wife has eradicated any childhood delusions I might have been holding.

Thanks Benny.

Edited April 4, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Great post Crashed...

My Wife is exactly that and she just happens to be from the Philippines. I've had a hard time with some of the posts discussing Filipinas as they're children. The patterns almost alwys is something like:

Older white guy with a failed marriage or 3 hunts a child bride in the Philippines (usually because he believes he can control her or something like that).

He treats her like a spoiled child through-out the K-1 process and throws every extra cent he can scrape together at her.

Once she arrives in the US he either expects her to instantly be the perfect wife and shed the childish mannerisms that he had previously encouraged or he gets upset because she expresses an opinion of her own.

When things fall apart it's because she scammed him!

I'll admit my wife is 27 and I'm 42. I'll admit that she has at times acted immature. But I've never treated her like a child and I've always expected her to be my partner in our marriage and life together.

I do think at least on of the persons here using the term :Filipina Unit" does it tongue in cheek and that doesn't offend me.

Thanks Bob.

I'm glad you caught my POV. I'm not casting a net over every Fil-Am couple...I'm targeting 1's like you describe.

I hope you are right about the "tongue in cheek"...based on repeated posts...I'm not too sure...I'm interested in identifying the motivation behind some posters choice of words. I'm open minded to other perspectives and willing to understand.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Thank you! I had the same disgusted feeling but was unable to articulate it as well as you have.

When one guy was dumped by a Filipino woman, one of the posts in response said, "Just go sit at an open air cafe, and you'll find another ONE in no time."

...

As if a woman were nothing more than a used car - interchangeable and disposable. And the poster was treated as if he (and all other American men wanting to marry Filipinos) were God's gift to women.

You are welcome and Thank you too.

I will state...although I agree with you regarding the feelings of disgust...you know what IMO...unfortunately...there is a bit of truth to the comment about it being fairly ez to find another. Men are not the only one's to blame for perpetuating the "product" image. (I think) Due to the hope for a better life...there are more than a few willing to trade ethics / integrity / love for monetary gain and a life in America. Ouch.

Edited April 4, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[actob99 156]

Wow, great post. This should get the administrator busy.. I agree except for: its ok to call a woman from the phils a filipina and a man a filipino. I have worked with many Filipino's and this is not prejudice. Of course, if you use it in the wrong context it is.

And yes, I know of 3 stories just off the top of my head where the guy is 20+ to the woman and they are filipino's. And they are doing well, again it's true age doesn't matter. It matters more what social class you are from in the Phils. A well off to do family, will not and will do everything to end it, stop their son from having a relationship with a poor girl. They are very prejudice!!!!!! Ask them and they will tell you absolutely 100%!!!! ANd I also know and have heard of many filipino's that are married to their wives that are relatively close to their age and have 2-3 young girlfriends on the side. A friend of mine, his nephew is married with two kids and he has 6 gf's on the side.. SO what is better????

My fiancee's father had 40 years to the plus of her mother.. Do you think she is concerned of an age gap between the two of us? I treat her just like I want to be treated and we talk about everything. There is alot of love, even everyone says it and see's it... Doesn't matter our ages.

Again great post and I had lots to say negative to some of the prejudice guys on here, but just wanted to walk out the door with a smile on my face because I still can't kiss my beautiful filipina before I leave for work to get that smile... PEace out!

[aaydrian 479]

The problem seems to stem from what American men think is the reality of a Filipina. Small, docile, weak, will clean your house like hired help, always ready for 'loving', seen and not heard, will do whatever I say etc (anything that's not 'Feminazi' related). Now where does this image come I don't know but somehow its has perpetuated.

Another will state..."having been married to 3 Filipinas...(get this) I KNOW THEM NOW AND HOW THE FILIPINA THINKS." (I don't think it's a good idea to take advice from a 3 time loser. Common denominator? The 3 time loser.)

I share similar sentiments to the point of its not only that 'the loser' is the problem but also the Filipina. Obviously 'the loser' and this nationality isn't compatible, so why are you hell bent on making the same mistake over and over? Why not marry an Aussie, an African or an Ecuadorian woman if your so desparate for companionship?

..."believe me...I've been around the Filipina and I know how they can be." (Have I lost something in translation?

Simply put they have created 'monsters' and don't want to deal with 'them,'. There is a precedence that everyone establishes when entering a relationship. If you spoil someone by buying them this and that, sharing the work load equally or you're at their every beck and call then you better continue with it because this is what you have brought to the table so your spouse expects nothing less.

...what's the motivator?

What they 'percieve' other American men to have (which may work beautifully for those couples), the 'mail order bride' concept, what they pretty much see on TV or the adoption of the inaccurate reality of a few men. I can't pin point exactly the cause but I recall asking a friend 'What's the reason why American men like Asian porn?' The response was he isn't sure himself but it could be that they are literally small and easy to maneuver. Which leads to my first statement, 'Asia' isn't westernized and so you still have some 'old time gals' in this world.

could it be) Kano's rejected and burn out with failed "western" relationships having no confidence but the (often very few) Dollars they have in their pocket used to purchase a (better future) wife from a hopelessly impoverished family "gifting" away a breadwinner for a better tomorrow?

You hit the nail on the head because I said these same things to someone else.

[ruseter 4]

cheers for you... yeah some kano's refer us filipina as like that.. i just so lucky that my CASPER husband never tagged me like that...

over all great POST

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I will say that my wife has eradicated any childhood delusions I might have been holding.

Good. Better be!

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

cheers for you... yeah some kano's refer us filipina as like that.. i just so lucky that my CASPER husband never tagged me like that...

over all great POST

^^

If my husband ever refer / treat me as such then the front door to our house will be split in half. I'm glad that hubby is not anything like those wanna be "KING" men.

I think it is because hubby ko was taught good moral conduct and how to treat a woman with respect by his great parents.

Edited April 4, 2012 by ~happyndinlove~

[Caryh 5,206]

I'll have to ask my Filipina unit what I think about this topic. Sorry, just yanking your chain with that term. Although she doesn't mind being called my Filipina in the least. Our gap is not far off the 20 year gap. But we're a great match. Took me a while to get her to understand that we are total equals and partners. Still she prefers I make certain decisions, and I've given up trying to change her mind about it. She's happy enough that she can ask for something and I say yes. To me its her making the decision, she just wants confirmation it fits in our budget. Can she be childish? Yes, she certainly can at times, but I'm sure theres been times I've been a bit childish to. My wife is a very traditional Pinay. She wants the man leading, the man protecting her and taking care of her. In return she takes care of me. But she's also learned I expect an equal partner. If there's house work to do, who ever has the least to do at the time steps in to do it. While she cooks most of our meals, when she's tired or busy I jump in and get it done. In other words she prefers we each do the tradition roles, but likes that we need not be locked into them 24/7. That we work together on whatever needs doing to maximize the time we can just enjoy our time together. That said, I do believe she would also be happy with 100% traditional roles. She could easily fill the bill and match the stereotypical Filipina. But that wouldn't mean I'd disrespect her for an instant. She's an incredibly gifted, intelligent and strong woman, no matter what role she fills. She can do things that totally amazes me, then act like the simplest thing is beyond her, because she wants me to do if for her. It just makes her feel good and loved when I do some things for her. Its what she grew up expecting, and now that she is a married woman, she just wants some things the way they were between her parents. Its just how she sees the world should be.

I understand your point about disrespecting their wives, I've seen it here and its just plain wrong, but I'm a little worried you might be telling couples how their relationship should be to. What roles each should play, and the woman should never take the submissive role. My wife loves taking the submissive role, but that does not mean there is anything submissive about her. Its just her comfort zone to operate out of as a base. I accept that as who she is, and she accepts me as who I am. Which is a guy who expects his wife to be his partner and equal.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Wow, great post.

Thank you.

I agree except for: its ok to call a woman from the phils a filipina and a man a filipino. I have worked with many Filipino's and this is not prejudice. Of course, if you use it in the wrong context it is.

I must have not conveyed my meaning correctly. Let me clarify. I agree it is OK to refer to someone using their nationality (heritage). I don't think it is always appropriate when used in an objectifying way.

And yes, I know of 3 stories just off the top of my head where the guy is 20+ to the woman and they are filipino's. And they are doing well, again it's true age doesn't matter. It matters more what social class you are from in the Phils. A well off to do family, will not and will do everything to end it, stop their son from having a relationship with a poor girl. They are very prejudice!!!!!! Ask them and they will tell you absolutely 100%!!!! ANd I also know and have heard of many filipino's that are married to their wives that are relatively close to their age and have 2-3 young girlfriends on the side. A friend of mine, his nephew is married with two kids and he has 6 gf's on the side.. SO what is better???? My fiancee's father had 40 years to the plus of her mother.. Do you think she is concerned of an age gap between the two of us? I treat her just like I want to be treated and we talk about everything. There is alot of love, even everyone says it and see's it... Doesn't matter our ages.

I don't dispute there are successful marriages regardless of age difference. I am considering the age demographic impact on relationship dynamics. Meaning...In America...there are many marriages (American to American) with a substantial age difference. (but) These (large age gap American) marriages are in the minority. I venture a guess it is the same in PI. (But) When reviewing the Fil-Am marriages...I think the large age gap marriages comprise a larger percentage of total demographic..soooo...I'm wondering if perhaps...The "I'm older and you are younger so I dominate and you submit" ..mentality..is more common for these marriages....? Did that make sense? Coz I think I confused myself while typing it.