RUB cultural customs to be aware of

[baron555 934]

got aquainted over four months, visited/ married

Don't want to make the same mistakes again?

Can you see from the above statement what is terribly wrong?

The mistake you made before has nothing to do with culture or language and anything....actually nothing to do with the woman.....

[highlander08 9]

got aquainted over four months, visited/ married

Don't want to make the same mistakes again?

Can you see from the above statement what is terribly wrong?

The mistake you made before has nothing to do with culture or language and anything....actually nothing to do with the woman.....

I agree with you. the mistake was to open my heart from a desire to love and be loved, as it is my understanding that the women are on the sites looking for a real, meaningful relationship just like you and me, and are not looking for a virtual chat relationship, for months or years on end, without something real in the physical. I think i must have done something to embarras or offend in a big way,possible family pressure to reconsider. ( your post indicates to me a feeling of higher insight)how about some advice/insight based on your experience in these matters. My view is she is possibly communicating with other men and if I dont follow through with action then my correspondence goes in the round file,and on to the next more promising guy. I still beleive in love at first sight !!!!!!

[baron555 934]

I agree with you. the mistake was to open my heart from a desire to love and be loved, as it is my understanding that the women are on the sites looking for a real, meaningful relationship just like you and me, and are not looking for a virtual chat relationship, for months or years on end, without something real in the physical. I think i must have done something to embarras or offend in a big way,possible family pressure to reconsider. ( your post indicates to me a feeling of higher insight)how about some advice/insight based on your experience in these matters. My view is she is possibly communicating with other men and if I dont follow through with action then my correspondence goes in the round file,and on to the next more promising guy. I still beleive in love at first sight !!!!!!

No your mistake was that after only four months of correspondence, you went over there and got married.

Regardless of the correspondence, how could anyone get married to some one who they had never met before?

My wife and I corresponded for three months, agreed to meet, we did that and at the end of our 10 days together, agreed to pursue the K-1 visa, whose end result was to become married, but that was many months into the future at that time.

We continued to correspond and get to know each other and had a mutual agreement that at any time we could call the whole thing off, no questions asked. The Love word was never used until well after the NOA2 was received; sounds like you moved too quickly.

[baron555 934]

I agree with you. the mistake was to open my heart from a desire to love and be loved,

Yes but you really should be methodical and calculating (in a nice way) for this process to work. Love has nothing to do with making any relationship work....it takes work.

as it is my understanding that the women are on the sites looking for a real, meaningful relationship just like you and me, and are not looking for a virtual chat relationship, for months or years on end, without something real in the physical.

Yes but meeting after about 4 months is about right.

I think i must have done something to embarras or offend in a big way,

There must be an understanding in the beginning about any language-induced mis-understandings. How much English did that woman know; how much Russian for you?

possible family pressure to reconsider.

For sure there were these pressures.....my wife had the same from her friends...not so much from her family.

( your post indicates to me a feeling of higher insight)how about some advice/insight based on your experience in these matters.

I only have my sole experience. I may not be an expert because I never crashed and burned like other men....or....maybe my plan worked because it was a good plan and could be used as a model for others?

My view is she is possibly communicating with other men

Yes most likely. My wife and I agree after two months to take our correspondence exclusive and begin the planning for our meeting. We both dropped off the others we had been communicating with.

and if I dont follow through with action then my correspondence goes in the round file,and on to the next more promising guy.

Yes for sure.....those guys are a dime a dozen. You need to show that you are above the crowd.

I still beleive in love at first sight !!!!!!

This may be your problem. You probably fell in love with an email or a photo or a Skype screenprint? You need to change your methodology or else you will repeat your mistakes...that is almost certain....these forums are full of this behavior...usually the man blames the woman but the real root cause is him. Are you repeating this behavior with this new girl?

[1HappyGuy 45]

True, you can just ask. They will. You think we are kidding when we say they are direct?

when we were driving home from shooting with Sergey when he was home for New Years, Alla says to me...

"So when we get home do you want to watch a movie or just go to bed and make sex?"

MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Vooowhat? we make sex, so what?"

I know but do you have to talk about here with me?

"You talk to us about your sex"

Yeah, but that's different.

"how is it different? we are married we make sex. A LOT!"

MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

"we try to be quiet but tell me, do you hear us when we do it?"

MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bozhia Moy!

Thanks Gary,

That is so true and funny, you made my day. :rofl: :rofl:

[Tanya and Barry 59]

You're how old again?

She's from Russia, not Mars. And this is marriage, not prom.

I wonder sometimes.

If you have problems with or are uncomfortable around women in the US it is not going to be any easier in the FSU. Men there are a little more agressive and pursue a woman with a little more vigor than the average man does here. A passive man stands no chance...

Edited April 3, 2012 by Tanya and Barry

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Then be sure to sample a lot of the goods.

[Enigma11561 336]

If you want some really good advise, go to www.russianwomendiscussion.com. Personally, I see a host of red flags based upon your comments here.

Edited April 3, 2012 by Enigma11561

[Jamie and Sveta 18]

Ok. Basics. As Gary says, they are very direct about sex, but that needs to be the last thing on your mind at first... First, you need to be focusing on learning a bit about Russian customs. Yes, take small gifts for everyone. I took Sveta a gift for every day, but the rest of them 2 small ($7-10) gifts each. It was very warmly recieved as was I. Yes, anytime you go into a home take your shoes off. At the hone where you will be staying, you will need slippers. Never wear a coat or jacket inside, they are considered "dirty outdoor wear". Always compliment her mother's cooking. If you have time, try to learn a few basic words in Russian, it's very helpful. At a restaraunt, follow her lead. Be watchful (without staring) of her moves and do as she does. If she really likes you, she will guide you. Affection.... In public, hand holding is acceptable. With her family present, the same (unless she initiates). With friends a light kiss and hand holding. Sex.... Every girl is different. I was worried that Sveta would initiate sex in her parents home and be offended when I said no (purely out of respect for them). The only thing that I did was initiate a kiss on the first night. But they are (for the most part) not shy. They will have what they want, when they want. Just focus on your manners. Treat her like a lady and she will reward you. My FSU is very shy, but I still knew when it was time. Hope some of this was useful?

Edited April 3, 2012 by Jamie and Sveta

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Ok. Basics. As Gary says, they are very direct about sex, but that needs to be the last thing on your mind at first... First, you need to be focusing on learning a bit about Russian customs. Yes, take small gifts for everyone. I took Sveta a gift for every day, but the rest of them 2 small ($7-10) gifts each. It was very warmly recieved as was I. Yes, anytime you go into a home take your shoes off. At the hone where you will be staying, you will need slippers. Never wear a coat or jacket inside, they are considered "dirty outdoor wear". Always compliment her mother's cooking. If you have time, try to learn a few basic words in Russian, it's very helpful. At a restaraunt, follow her lead. Be watchful (without staring) of her moves and do as she does. If she really likes you, she will guide you. Affection.... In public, hand holding is acceptable. With her family present, the same (unless she initiates). With friends a light kiss and hand holding. Sex.... Every girl is different. I was worried that Sveta would initiate sex in her parents home and be offended when I said no (purely out of respect for them). The only thing that I did was initiate a kiss on the first night. But they are (for the most part) not shy. They will have what they want, when they want. Just focus on your manners. Treat her like a lady and she will reward you. My FSU is very shy, but I still knew when it was time. Hope some of this was useful?

That about sums it up in a nutshell. Great post!

About the sex with family nearby part. We were staying at her parents dacha for the weekend, and her family was right on the other side of a paper thin wall and she wanted to do it right there. I was like #######? No way. I wasn't that drunk yet to be that stupid. She kept telling me it was no big deal and her family won't mind, but I'm thinking to myself there's no door in the room where were sleeping in, and they have to walk right past us in order to get to the kitchen or even outside the dacha to go the the "out house" next to the banya.

Edited April 3, 2012 by Why_Me

[baron555 934]

If you want some really good advise, go to www.russianwomendiscussion.com. Personally, I see a host of red flags based upon your comments here.

Really, you've got to be kidding? RWD an authority on advice? You obviously don't know their history.

[baron555 934]

That about sums it up in a nutshell. Great post!

She kept telling me it was no big deal and her family won't mind,

So, who won out on that? Did the men high-five you at breakfast!

[Jamie and Sveta 18]

That about sums it up in a nutshell. Great post!

About the sex with family nearby part. We were staying at her parents dacha for the weekend, and her family was right on the other side of a paper thin wall and she wanted to do it right there. I was like #######? No way. I wasn't that drunk yet to be that stupid. She kept telling me it was no big deal and her family won't mind, but I'm thinking to myself there's no door in the room where were sleeping in, and they have to walk right past us in order to get to the kitchen or even outside the dacha to go the the "out house" next to the banya.

Haha!!!!! Her father caught us HOLDING HANDS and by the way he looked at me I thought he was going to drag a razor across my throat while I slept!!!! I get to experience the banya in 12 weeks!!!!!

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

So, who won out on that? Did the men high-five you at breakfast!

I did that time. Well it was the same trip...next evening that I got caught in a awkward position with her mom...I mean we weren't doing it, but it wasn't good. Her mom payed for that one more than I did.

Haha!!!!! Her father caught us HOLDING HANDS and by the way he looked at me I thought he was going to drag a razor across my throat while I slept!!!! I get to experience the banya in 12 weeks!!!!!

All her dad ever told me is that she's got a mouth just like her mom and that she needs to be put in her place now and then just like her mom. Seeing how her mom divorced her dad for the fact he knocked the ####### out of her when he got drunk I got the gist of what he meant.

The banya's are ok, it's just that the guys go in one group and the gals in another if your there with a bunch of family and friends. But if you wait for them to all crash out then your all good to have a go with her in the banya...just don't stray there around 2am with your mother in law after you spent the night drinking.

[Jamie and Sveta 18]

.just don't stray there around 2am with your mother in law after you spent the night drinking.

Wonderful advice, lmfao!!!!

Edited April 3, 2012 by Jamie and Sveta