She's doing it again.

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

4 years of marriage, and she pulls this? That's where it came from.

So you are saying to throw the baby out with the bath water. You are COLD it is his child. He knew when he married her, he was marrying a child bride, so why do he want an adult over-night. He knew when he pregnated her, she was still in a child like stage so he thought being pregnant would chnage her. Well since this is April Fools Day, the joke is on him. Being married and having un-hibited sex doesn'r turn anyone into a responsible adult.

He may have to let her sit on the shelf, like a fruit or tomatote and wait until it is ripe. Being a good father doesn't require that the mother has to be good to.

[Ron and Rhea 42]

Someone said she will not change, and to a degree they are right, we are who we are. You were on tack with therapy. Prior to my divorce, 31 years of marriage, I went to therapy, the BEST think I've ever done, I only wished i did it earlier. Sometimes my X, at that time wife, would come up, and I'd explain her anger and controlling issues to the therapist. Eventually the therapist wanted us to do couples therapy, which we did...boy was my X good in those sessions, but eventually her anger showed, and her control issues came out, and the therapist said, 'I'd like to do some individual sessions with you, to see the source of your anger'....that was it, she never went back, for couples or anything. She, like you wife, would never admit she it wrong, would never say sorry, etc. To go to therapy you have to admit to yourself that someone else could possibly help you with some of your problems.....My fiance, and wife in June, is the complete opposite. She gets angry, sure, but she can express herself, and she will admit when she is wrong in a second and say sorry.

Good luck buddy.

[Darnell 8,479]

So you are saying to throw the baby out with the bath water. You are COLD it is his child. He knew when he married her, he was marrying a child bride, so why do he want an adult over-night. He knew when he pregnated her, she was still in a child like stage so he thought being pregnant would chnage her. Well since this is April Fools Day, the joke is on him. Being married and having un-hibited sex doesn'r turn anyone into a responsible adult.

He may have to let her sit on the shelf, like a fruit or tomatote and wait until it is ripe. Being a good father doesn't require that the mother has to be good to.

Yup, after 4 years, she pulls this? time to go.

4 years is enough time to blossom into an adult. She's not done that. I never mentioned 'over-night' - that's yer label.

Edited April 1, 2012 by Darnell

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Yup, after 4 years, she pulls this? time to go.

4 years is enough time to blossom into an adult. She's not done that. I never mentioned 'over-night' - that's yer label.

4 years is not a long time- maturity doesn't happen like that. What she doesn't have is the maturity level he now wants, it's not going to happen. Plus he has indicated a divorce or seperation is out of the question.

[Darnell 8,479]

He can always change his mind about the divorce.

What he CANNOT change is her behavior. Only SHE can change that - and she's not interested to do that.

I stand by my original posit.

[Darnell 8,479]

Just to be fair, though - I will suggest another solution.

This one is costly (billable time plus transport costs) and intense (the teacher is harsh) and painful (behavioral mods are always painful)

and it's this -

engage with RLOGAN and (emphasis on AND, here) RLOGAN's Wife, for an intense 2 week session of behavioral modification therapy.

No, I'm not being silly.

[rlogan 2,036]

Yesterday she asked for pancakes for breakfast.... She then opted to not eat, because she was not hungry.

...she started complaining about being hungry. She then proceeded to walk off in a huff.

I mentioned this before as a juvenile manipulative stunt. Creating the problem themselves... Then blaming you for it. The more practiced manipulators are very cunning and subtle about engineering these instead of playing it so obviously like a six year old. Regardless, the difference between this and kicking you in the nuts is that at least kicking you is open and above-board instead of underhanded and deceitful.

All this because she didn't put a measuring cup back and I interrupted a phone call.

Well, no - that may be a catalyst but it merely set loose all the built-up resentment, disrespect, anger, etc. that is at the core of your problems.

You mentioned you "don't believe in divorce". The problem with that is the only way people like this learn is by having consequences to their actions. Younger and immature women need to have their boyfriends leave them because of their malicious behavior. Then they learn cooperative behavior. But if they are just malicious people at heart then there is nothing you can do about them except leave them. If you have told her you don't believe in divorce then you've told her she will never be held accountable. You're going to have to change that belief or else she'll change it for you. It doesn't mean you divorce her tomorrow, but if she doesn't start acting like an adult then by the time you do finally decide to divorce her then it's too late. You will despise her so much from so many years of abuse that any chance of forgiveness is lost.

If she is 27 years old and therefore 23 when you got together then she's either got a personality problem or she just doesn't love you. The fact she is pregnant and you are on a diet can be factors but this has been a long-term problem. One of the things you have to do is recognize that the purpose of malicious behavior is to get you angry. To hurt you. The instant you see what they're up to - call them on it and refuse to let it work on you.

Lira put her wedding & engagement rings down on my desk in front of me three days ago and said "We need a break". She was angry because I made her do something difficult in deep snow on the snowmachine and it has been hard for her to get over her fear of it. But it is absolutely a life and death matter if we are twenty miles out in the wilderness and she blows it like she was doing in practice. But when she put the rings down, I started laughing, and finished the script for her: "I really mean it this time...". I got her laughing too. These Filipina Units do have a manufacturing defect called "Stupid Pride". If you yell at them for making the same mistake three times in a row that's the best way to call stupid pride into action. So they'll "show you" by quitting. Then they're going to act out maliciously. So I diffused it instead of letting it ruin a whole day. Whenever she does this I tell her I know exactly what she is up to, and it isn't going to work: you want me to be angry. If you butt heads with her then it just escalates.

She has spent three days practicing now, and she is getting much better. I hid the wedding rings real quick while the kids had her attention distracted at the time of this little event. Heheheheh. I let her know where they were yesterday. She thought she could find them without having to ask. Hopefully you guys could get to the point where you can overcome stupid pride like that and end up making a fun game out of what happened.

Counseling is definitely in order for its value in impartial referee service. Not that she is all to blame. Nobody's perfect including you. But if she won't do it then the future is pretty easy to see. She's going to use that baby as a manipulative weapon to hurt you, and ultimately the real victim is going to be the child.

"Shaming" is what the literature calls it when she says that you "can't handle it on your own" without a counselor. She knows that is deceitful and underhanded, but she has no scruples about that. This is the reason for bringing her into counseling. So that when she is guilt-tripping you, lying, shaming, using selective memory, etc. the counselor can call her on it. When it is perpetrated upon the child, or if the child is made a pawn in the war between spouses - it is a bad environment for them to grow up in.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Because a few individuals from one culture exhibit specific negative behaviour it does not make it appropriate to label all individuals from that culture as possessing that same negative behaviour. Such comments are considered racist and are both insulting and hurtful to others from that culture who do not exhibit this behaviour. Please be more careful in the future when making such 'black and white' comments.

Edited April 1, 2012 by Kathryn41

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

1. Get shot and survive, take 14 months to recover

2. Have a heart attack and bypass surgery

You will never worry about where the measuring cup is again. (are you serious, really?) Sleep with your wife, naked, every night. You will forget all about this nonsense.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I mentioned this before as a juvenile manipulative stunt. Creating the problem themselves... Then blaming you for it. The more practiced manipulators are very cunning and subtle about engineering these instead of playing it so obviously like a six year old. Regardless, the difference between this and kicking you in the nuts is that at least kicking you is open and above-board instead of underhanded and deceitful.

Well, no - that may be a catalyst but it merely set loose all the built-up resentment, disrespect, anger, etc. that is at the core of your problems.

You mentioned you "don't believe in divorce". The problem with that is the only way people like this learn is by having consequences to their actions. Younger and immature women need to have their boyfriends leave them because of their malicious behavior. Then they learn cooperative behavior. But if they are just malicious people at heart then there is nothing you can do about them except leave them. If you have told her you don't believe in divorce then you've told her she will never be held accountable. You're going to have to change that belief or else she'll change it for you. It doesn't mean you divorce her tomorrow, but if she doesn't start acting like an adult then by the time you do finally decide to divorce her then it's too late. You will despise her so much from so many years of abuse that any chance of forgiveness is lost.

If she is 27 years old and therefore 23 when you got together then she's either got a personality problem or she just doesn't love you. The fact she is pregnant and you are on a diet can be factors but this has been a long-term problem. One of the things you have to do is recognize that the purpose of malicious behavior is to get you angry. To hurt you. The instant you see what they're up to - call them on it and refuse to let it work on you.

Lira put her wedding & engagement rings down on my desk in front of me three days ago and said "We need a break". She was angry because I made her do something difficult in deep snow on the snowmachine and it has been hard for her to get over her fear of it. But it is absolutely a life and death matter if we are twenty miles out in the wilderness and she blows it like she was doing in practice. But when she put the rings down, I started laughing, and finished the script for her: "I really mean it this time...". I got her laughing too. These Filipina Units do have a manufacturing defect called "Stupid Pride". If you yell at them for making the same mistake three times in a row that's the best way to call stupid pride into action. So they'll "show you" by quitting. Then they're going to act out maliciously. So I diffused it instead of letting it ruin a whole day. Whenever she does this I tell her I know exactly what she is up to, and it isn't going to work: you want me to be angry. If you butt heads with her then it just escalates.

She has spent three days practicing now, and she is getting much better. I hid the wedding rings real quick while the kids had her attention distracted at the time of this little event. Heheheheh. I let her know where they were yesterday. She thought she could find them without having to ask. Hopefully you guys could get to the point where you can overcome stupid pride like that and end up making a fun game out of what happened.

Counseling is definitely in order for its value in impartial referee service. Not that she is all to blame. Nobody's perfect including you. But if she won't do it then the future is pretty easy to see. She's going to use that baby as a manipulative weapon to hurt you, and ultimately the real victim is going to be the child.

"Shaming" is what the literature calls it when she says that you "can't handle it on your own" without a counselor. She knows that is deceitful and underhanded, but she has no scruples about that. This is the reason for bringing her into counseling. So that when she is guilt-tripping you, lying, shaming, using selective memory, etc. the counselor can call her on it. When it is perpetrated upon the child, or if the child is made a pawn in the war between spouses - it is a bad environment for them to grow up in.

You really need to sleep naked. It really is that simple.

[LSnBigBear 61]

Wow I must give you credit as you really love her. I would have asked if she were this way prior to pregnancy but you already stated yes she was. I agree, couples counseling. But with any counseling both have to agree it is needed or it will not work. I suggest finding simple reads for her to understand going to counseling does not mean you are weak and cannot handle the situations yourself etc. But more over liken it to her talking with her many friends for advice and support. Tell her if she does not want counseling then she cannot discuss your problems with her friends or family which I know she is. Maybe then she will see how a Professional can help.

I lived in Philippines for 5 years. I dated many women. I finally figured out what i wanted and needed. I never experienced that childish tendencies as your wife has shown. If this is normal then you have a mess and need some help.

For those reading. I use to spoil my ex's. I finally listened to many men that know Philippines better than me. Never spoil them as they get complacent and once you start a set pattern you will always be feeding it. Also we all are creatures of want. They as with us all will want more too. My fiance and I read these posts and discuss as our pre marrital checklists to learn from others. Sorry you are going thru this.

Good luck!

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

For those reading.

Perhaps, you need to re-read your own post.

Here's why....,

I use to spoil my ex's. I finally listened to many men that know

Philippines better than me. Never spoil them as they get complacent and once you

start a set pattern you will always be feeding it.

JHC!!! Another stereotype.

First rlogan, and now you, projecting your OWN experience as everyone's reality. It makes me wanna SUKA!!! (i wish there is a bird-flippin' smiley)

Edited April 2, 2012 by ~happyndinlove~

[Ron and Rhea 42]

I agree with this...(sleeping naked)...in fact, we have done, and will continue to do when Diana gets here next friday, a naked day. We spend the entire day, naked. Needless to say, there is a lot of love going on, but we just hang out, (no pun intended), also and just connect with ourselves and each other.

Of course, we sleep naked, everynight.

We are not perfect, but we do ok.

1. Get shot and survive, take 14 months to recover

2. Have a heart attack and bypass surgery

You will never worry about where the measuring cup is again. (are you serious, really?) Sleep with your wife, naked, every night. You will forget all about this nonsense.

[sjr09 155]

"These Filipina Units do have a manufacturing defect called "Stupid Pride". If you yell at them for making the same mistake three times in a row that's the best way to call stupid pride into action. So they'll "show you" by quitting. Then they're going to act out maliciously. So I diffused it instead of letting it ruin a whole day. Whenever she does this I tell her I know exactly what she is up to, and it isn't going to work: you want me to be angry. If you butt heads with her then it just escalates."

This does not apply to all Filipina’s but there is some obvious, and true facts to this statement!

[JoBri 548]

I agree

I have seen this kind of marriage before, she is NOT GOING TO CHANGE. You will needs to fiqure out how to live with this, the child will become a pinpong ball in this marriage. If she doesn't want to go to counseling, then you should go so you +1 can fiqure out how to survive this marriage.