Is there no way out?

[1niceguy 0]

Here is my situation,

I brought my wife (soon to be ex) to the US on a K1 visa along with 3 of her children. The children ages are twin 18 year old girls and a 5 yr. old son.. Things went horribly wrong from the beginning. She would not leave the country after the 90 days. I couldn’t in good conscious allow the kids to be illegal aliens. So I married her hoping to get them their GC’s and at least the kids would have a better life. We’ve been married for 3 1/2 years. She received her & the children's GC’s 5/13/11. Financially I could not apply for them sooner, and is why the 3 years of marriage and only GC’s for 11 months.

I had filed for divorce once a couple months after we had been married, but I let it laps without completing it. I had also filed a letter with ICE that I thought it was a fraudulent marriage and at the GC interview they had brought it up. I again filed in February this year, and this time will follow through. I’m told I will be on the hook for alimony for a year, maybe a year and a half. If I wait again, it will be permanent alimony.

My situation is this.. The entire time of the marriage has been hell, but I stayed with it because I wanted the best for the children.. The first divorce filing I was guilted into “please let us get our GC’s and we wont be anymore trouble for you”.. Ok, now they have the 2 year conditional GC. Things have only gotten worse and I just can’t take it anymore, so I filed for the divorce.

Her issue again was can we please wait until I get the 10 year GC’s.. I called the atty that did the paperwork for her GC’s and she informed me she can still get her 10 GC without me, GREAT, so I filed.. Financially I’m very week , we have been living paycheck to paycheck. The economy took away my normal employment and I have been working at lower paying employment to make ends meet. She works part time cleaning houses for cash to send to her mother and family back in their country.

She has never trusted what I tell her.. I could say the wall is white, but she would need to confirm it with her friends first. This being said, I decided we would get a mediator to help in the divorce so she wouldn’t think she was getting screwed and hopefully I wouldn’t either.. HA !! Mediator informs me because of the I864, I am on the hook for everything ! With 4 people ( her and the 3 kids) it amounts to $28,800 a year or approx. $550 a week.! If she applies for any state assistance before the divorce is finalized, the state will be at her table during the divorce demanding the judge rule that I pay the $550 a week to her.. That leaves me lets say $150 a week to live on ! I had suggested to the mediator that the lease on our apartment expires at the end of this month. I would renew the lease for 1 year and we could continue to live together and I would pay $200 to her per week and could deduct it from the lease, electric, etc.. I obviously can’t afford 2 apartments.. He said that was the best case scenario that could happen. She agreed, we left.. 2 days later she decided she wants her own place, section 8. So I am certain she is getting advice from somewhere, and it only involves screwing me in the end.. We still share the same apartment and things are amicable up till now..

The only thing I ever get out of her is that she wants more than anything to go back to her country and be with her mother and family, but can’t because the future for the children is here..

I have been looking for a divorce Atty. with knowledge of the I864, but as of yet have not been able to find one.

There has got to be a way out of this where the nice guy doesn’t finish last again...

[rika60607 215]

You are not nice at all. You should have let her go and not marry her. They are her kids, not yours. She could have found someone who'd love her and make her happy if you didn't marry her.

After 3.5 years of residency in the US, she does not qualify for most of the public assistance, and that should include section 8. She needs 5 years of residence to qualify. Divorce her now and get a good lawyer. For once, don't be "nice" and do things properly instead.

[1niceguy 0]

You are not nice at all. You should have let her go and not marry her. They are her kids, not yours. She could have found someone who'd love her and make her happy if you didn't marry her.

After 3.5 years of residency in the US, she does not qualify for most of the public assistance, and that should include section 8. She needs 5 years of residence to qualify. Divorce her now and get a good lawyer. For once, don't be "nice" and do things properly instead.

Wow, ok.. I guess this is an assumption that I didn't love her and try very hard to make things work.. My friends have commented they never saw me work so hard at a relationship.. The kids have always called me daddy.. I brought them here, I felt a responsibility to them and causing them to become illegal aliens wasn't part of it.. Why should they have suffered because their mother didn't want to play by the rules...

[aaydrian 479]

Good lord what kind of cesspool did you create and decide to take a swim in?

I'm speechless and sorry to say baffled at your stupidity (which you call nice).

You need to listen to yourself and look at your actions. How can you file a report with ICE when YOU agreed to marry your wife ONLY for her & her kids to get GCs? Sir you were an accomplice, I'm surprised that you didn't get in trouble.

Anyway, as I said, you and only you got yourself in this hellhole so you better get professional legal advice to see how you can mitigate your financial obligations to your wife and step kids.

[Calicolom 266]

aaydrian, right on, what does it take for someone to read all the papers you sighn, and to know you are responsible for the person you are bringing into the country, no wonder our goverment makes it hard to get visas.

[rika60607 215]

No assumption on my part. According to you, you knew from the very beginning that relationship will not work, yet you chose to marry her. May be you loved her very much, it does not matter. You KNEW there were major problems and it won't work. You chose to participate in immigration fraud in the name of the kids who are not yours. Children suffer consequences of their parent's actions every day - do you always get involved? Meanwhile, may be Mommy (if she was not stuck being married to you) would have found her true love somewhere.

Anyhow. Take control. Get a good atty and divorce NOW. Whatever money you spend on the atty, will be less than what not having a good atty may cost you. Affidavit of support is very rarely enforced by family court. Obviously, her atty will try to push for it. So yours will have to push back. Waiting further only makes your position weaker, and you know it.

Wow, ok.. I guess this is an assumption that I didn't love her and try very hard to make things work.. My friends have commented they never saw me work so hard at a relationship.. The kids have always called me daddy.. I brought them here, I felt a responsibility to them and causing them to become illegal aliens wasn't part of it.. Why should they have suffered because their mother didn't want to play by the rules...

[Darnell 8,479]

The Mediator is wrong.

The I-864 is a contract between YOU and the USGovernment,

not anyone else.

Once she starts using Public Assistance, the bill accumulates back to YOU from the FEDS.

You pay it, ever so often, back to the FEDS.

I'm thinking the mediator was biased ..

Also, IMO, the fodder you've collected for ICE should be great stuff to use at the divorce hearing, in an effort to minimalize, if not set to ZERO, any concept of alimony.

Edited April 1, 2012 by Darnell

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Darnell is right. The mediator is wrong. The I-864 HAS been used for support but it also has been ruled invalid. In the event the I-864 IS ruled.. her income will offset the amount you pay, as does the children's income.

She isn't eligible for Section 8 because it's a means-tested benefit. If she does by change use it then you will have to pay back the government (THAT is the true purpose of the I-864).

You don't need to pay for her apartment. You don't need to pay for anything. I advise you to leave her in the apartment and stay with friend in the meantime until the divorce is final and settled. If the lease ends in the meantime she finds her own place to rent. If she wants to stay in the US this is her job, to earn money and support her children. She needs to learn to look after herself.

[james&olya 1,121]

This OP has made some mistakes. Who hasn't? But it seems WAY over the top to be judging him so harshly! He seems to be trying to make the best of a bad situation for all involved but has become ensnared in a very difficult problem that hindsight will say he should have seen coming!

To the OP; You need a good lawyer that knows his way around the affidavit of support issue. Keep your head up and learn from your mistakes. Good luck!

[rlogan 2,036]

So I married her hoping to get them their GC’s and at least the kids would have a better life.

Accomplice to green card for marriage fraud. It isn't legal just because your intentions were good. We can't rob banks to start foster homes either. If what you say is true then it means you lied in the interview for adjustment of status. You had filed something about her being guilty of fraud initially, but then at the interview you had to tell them the opposite - that you didn't get married for the purpose of obtaining green cards. But here you say that clearly.

The thinking is disordered, and correcting that is the most important thing to do. Your concept of "nice guy" is a problem. You can be a nice guy and still think rationally, not being so naiive and gullible. You need to get divorced and stop conceiving of yourself as fulfilling a martyr role for them. Your first responsibility is to yourself because you are no good to anyone when you grind yourself into dust and die being the martyr.

[andrea y arturo 14]

Your story helps explain why it is so hard for honest people to bring their loved ones here. You realized things were horribly wrong and yet you chose to continue. You clearly admit to fraud on your post. I guess oaths and honesty are not a the top of your list. In FML I would click on the "You totally deserved this" button....

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I agree with Vanessa and Darnell. Screw the mediator. You don't have to pay a nickel unless and until a judge orders it. You don't have to agree to the terms the mediator recommends.

You don't need advice on a public forum. You need a vicious divorce attorney. It will be the best investment you ever made.

[belinda63 3,041]

I was married for 10 years and didn't get alimony...don't be nice, nice people come in last, trust me on this.

[AmyWrites 593]

I agree with Jim, you need a vicious attorney, one of those horrible human being ones that can and won't feel guilty about getting your wife what she deserves.

[Chicagoguy 2 27]

Let her go home. Columbia is not a third world country and she has a support system there.