Court House Wedding vs Traditional?

[Gagan and Lindsay 2]

Hi All-

My fiancé and I are still waiting for our NOA2 which should hopefully be coming any day now as we are on Day 140. My family and I are starting to make some wedding plans (and yes they are flexible and definitely not much money involved). The original plan was to have a traditional wedding and reception but due to some issues, I'm now really interested in just having a court house wedding and family dinner with immediate family only.

There are some financial issues but also I have a moral issue with my parents paying for people to come to this wedding and reception that do not fully support my fiancé and I just because he is from another country. I love the intimacy and simplicity of doing a court house wedding but my family is outraged. They think I'm blowing things out of proportion and that I will regret this decision.

Any advice? Am I going to burn bridges by going the court house wedding route? Has anyone done a court house wedding and regretted it?

Thanks!

[Ryan H 3,812]

Moved from K1 Process & Procedures to Moving Here and Your New Life In America; topic is not a K1 visa process topic.

[KLS2010 30]

It isn't easy...but sometimes you have to do what you feel is right for you, no matter what anyone else - including family - says.

My husband and I had a courthouse ceremony also, attended only by a couple of family members and friends, and then went out for dinner afterwards. We did this in part due to financial reasons also, and also because his parents weren't very supportive of our relationship either. They thought I was a gold-digger and just after a green card because I am 20yrs younger than my husband and they couldn't understand how we could possibly have a real relationship. His parents and sister were not invited because of this, in fact, they didn't know anything about it until my husband called them after the ceremony.

In the end - I could care less where I got married....the main thing is I am now married to the man I love.

Yes, you may step on some toes if you decide to go with a courthouse wedding. In the end though, you and your fiance are the ones who need to decide where to get married.

Best of luck to you both...I hope it works out for you.

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

Lindsay,

There's nothing wrong with having a court wedding. That's all up to personal preference. It will not make your relationship any less genuine that those that have a traditional ceremony.

Lots of couples dealing with immigration do things this way. As you already know, it's very hard to make plans without knowing exactly when your foreign fiance(e) is going to arrive. You could always decide to do a traditional ceremony later if you choose to. The advantage to that is you both will be here together at that point so you can also plan everything together.

We are doing it this way, except that we are getting married in India first in the courts. Next year we are having a traditional Hindu ceremony with all the bells and whistles. Then when K finally arrives in the U.S. we will have start planning our U.S. wedding.

Remember this is YOUR wedding. You do what makes you and your fiance happy. If you want to have a small court ceremony with a small party afterwards, do not let your parents influence you. My parents were outraged when I told them I was marrying in India but I know they will get over it. It's easy to get caught up into pleasing people during your wedding but you are not in an "average" relationship and most people will not fully understand the position you are in.

I completely understand and agree with you that you do not want your parents paying for people who are not in support of your relationship. Nothing could be worse than some narrow-minded person throwing some snide comment at you or your future husband that would dampen your mood. You deserve to be happy! Invite people that will make you happy!

Good luck! I hope your NOA2 comes soon!

[Divs 35]

Lindsay, it is for you and your fiance to decide how you wanna go about it. You'll always come across people who think they know what's good for you, but in actuality, it's only the two of you who'll know exactly what you want. Remember, this isn't someone else's wedding, it's yours. I'm sure you'll step on some toes no matter what, and if they indeed mean well, they'll come around sooner or later.

I remember when my husband and I got married, we kept our plans totally to ourselves until about a week before the wedding. In fact, we had originally looked at a court marriage but later figured that it'd be easier to go the Hindu Marriage Act way, what with both of us being Hindus. We had a very quiet ceremony followed by a lunch. And we'd made it very clear that those who meant well for us were most welcome, and that for all those who didn't, we understand and they really didn't have to bother much. So there....

Just go with what your heart says!

[LeftCoastLady 441]

Only you and your fiancé should have the final say in how and where you get married. Too often, the wedding is for everyone else. If that means having a smaller gathering because of finances, go for it. Do what makes you both happy and forget the outside chatter who will not be your spouse.

This is still a ways off for my fiancé and me, but we plan on hiring an officiant, grabbing two friends and -- weather pending -- head to a local park for a quick ceremony and then going out to dinner. This story turned me off the idea of a courthouse wedding. (Of course, I'm sure it's exaggerated for effect because it's a site for hiring an officiant, but even if half of it's true...)

Either way, we're both on the same page on not wanting the pomp of a traditional wedding. Plus, we're old and want to spend our time doing other things besides planning a big wedding.

[EminTX 131]

You would not even be asking this question if a courthouse document signing was enough for you. I have been to one, and it was no more special than paying for a ticket or paying taxes for my tags on the truck each year, and it took less time.

Because this is such an important event in your life, I'd recommend that you do SOMEthing special in planning this occasion.

Expense is not really necessary for a very simple ceremony, and there are many ways to make it all about the two of you without breaking the bank.

Another thing to consider is the fact that you are marrying into a family and so is your beloved. Do you plan to go-it-alone throughout your lives together always? Will you have children? Holidays and other occasions will be celebrated how? If one of you gets very sick or is in an accident, will you still expect to be alone with no interaction from family? What if one of them is sick or in an accident?

This IS a major event in your life. Don't belittle it. Don't assume that it's all about you and no one else matters.

For us, we have picked a location that is about 3 hours drive from our city. The time is 1pm. Everyone who wants to be invited is welcome to come. Because it is out of town and in the middle of a Tuesday, this alone weeds out the troublemakers for the most part. The location is beautiful, the pastor will perform a bilingual ceremony, and we will have wonderful photos to share with family here and out of the US. 10, 20, 30, 40 years from now, we will have some wonderful pictures to display on our anniversaries along with the story of our romantic wedding day. (Around 1000U$ for everything--pastor-200, gas-100, reception/meal--200-500, 2 nights of hotel nearby-200, dress-40.)

If anyone is curious, the venue for ours is free and this is the site, for anyone in South Texas or Louisiana.

Click here: Chapel Dulcinea

One other thing to consider, I have heard again and again from people who've been divorced: "I spent all that money on a big wedding the first time. I aint wasting my money again! I'm just going to the judge." To me, even as a young child, this has always translated to: "My first wife/husband was special and worth celebrating and spending money on. My second husband/wife isn't as valuable and does not deserve anything special." While this may or may not be the intention, the signal is loud and clear.

Thank about it from all angles and then make your decision. It might be well worth the few minutes it takes to look up unique wedding ideas/themes/locations in your nearby area, too.

[LeftCoastLady 441]

If anyone is curious, the venue for ours is free and this is the site, for anyone in South Texas or Louisiana.

Click here: Chapel Dulcinea

Is that an invitation for the VJ community to attend?

[Sandra G. 5,048]

"I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance,

A church filled with family and friends.

I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for,

He said one that would make me his wife".

(Author Unknown)

[EminTX 131]

Is that an invitation for the VJ community to attend?

Sure, why not? Who's in Austin on April 10th? (Seriously, if anyone is a diehard romantic and just looooooovvvvvveeeeeesssss weddings, come on. PM me and I'll send the details. If I get enough folks, we'll have a pretty reception onsite. If not, we'll go out to eat and, I am thinking, we'll go out in our wedding finery to A) go bowling B) PuttPutt C) racecars at an arcade. Heck, maybe all three! My beloved spouse-to-be can decide. We want to have a great time, avoid alcohol, and have a date to remember forever.)

[Alex & Rachel 78]

We had a wedding 'for our family' - and I do not regret that. It was a great way to introduce our families to each other (my parents and brothers and sisters were all able to fly over), and people seemed to really enjoy themselves and have a good time. It was also my first time meeting a few of Alex's relatives.

Having said that, it was ONLY worth doing for the pleasure it gave to our families. The photos are hideous (and now relegated to a dark, deep drawer; I'm only keeping them just in case there's a legal need for them!), we were so tired that we barely have any memories of the actual day, and I don't feel there was anything particularly special about the ceremony that we'd have missed out on in a courthouse. So, I disagree with EminTX in that regard.

But - if you think your family will be upset without a wedding, please do consider holding one for them! I think it's so important to have a good start to your marriage, and for some people the family's support is essential. Alex's brother had already eloped on his wedding day, and so this was my in-laws' last real chance to see a child of theirs married - it was incredibly important to them, and I'd definitely go through the day again just for them. My MIL still talks about the wedding even if I don't! And our wedding was really not that expensive - small hired hall, food (and flowers) from Costco, paper tableclothes and plates - it all added up to under $2,000, and that was for 60+ guests.