sharing expenses?

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

For us, splitting things evenly isn't an option. His salary is just too low in India to make any large contributions. That's not to say he hasn't helped me out. On my second to last trip, he paid for my ticket. This last trip was on me. But when I'm in India, he takes care of all the expenses there such as transportation, food, etc.... So it all works out in the situation we are in.

It seems like you two are also doing things to the best of your abilities. When he gets to the U.S., finances will stabilize and even themselves out once there are two incomes.

[Darnell 8,478]

whew. Thought I lost my mind there, for a moment.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/347268-negotiating-about-family-visits/

Yer in medical school, huge student debt.

He should repay your student loans, after you finish school, for 2 years after your graduate, till the balance is 0.

Prior? YOU Handle all of his expenses to come to USA.

Good Luck !

[rkk1 34]

I've been paying for just about everything. But again, I make about 3x more than my fiancee, and even I'm having problems staying above water.

Are you using private loans?

Thankfully, no. I'm using up my government Stafford loans. Many of the people in my med school are graduating well over 300k in debt. I'm one of the fortunate ones as I'm still making some income while getting a humongous scholarship. Despite all this, I continue to fall at least 30k more in debt each year... probably will be about 150k in debt when I graduate.

My husband went to law school in India, but unfortunately his law degree doesn't transfer here. So he'll have to go back to school as well. He studied some accounting in India before he studied law, so hopefully he can get some kind of accountant job here to help meet the expenses. Hopefully after I'm working as a doctor some 3+ years from now, he can consider going back to law school if he'd like.

Edited March 25, 2012 by rkk1

[sachinky 465]

Mr. Sachinky (USC) paid for the plane ticket to come to India when we got married. He paid for the I-130 and all the international mailing fees. I paid for the I-864 and related visa expenses such as the medical and flying to Mumbai for the interview. I paid for my ticket to fly to the US once the visa was granted.

[sachinky 465]

We opened up a joint bank account as soon as we got engaged in NY. Once I went back to the US, I added him to my separate BOA account that I had had since my freshman year in college and closed out his older one. We make around the same amount and pay bills from the same account. We have two joint credit cards and finances are usually not an issue for us. I am I handle all our bills and monitor the bank accounts etc. This works for us because I am far more obsessive and responsible than he is - he tells me that I am awfully miserly and cheap and wishes that I would spend more!

[Darnell 8,478]

If you think He is financially Ok, You should stop spending a single cent on Visa from now onward including plane ticket. Do not make him a parasite out of you. And you are right that you are not in a stage where you will consider your money as "our money".

The OP has a topic up here, as well, about his parents coming to live.

IMO, the husband should not put his foot down till he's paid off her huge student loan debt.

Then, he can 'do something' on equality...

Just saying.

[Fight for Love 98]

my fiance (beneficiary) will pay for his visa and the rest of the expenses. but i will help him pay for his flight..which is i know it's hard for him to pay that much money and i also paid the filing fee. for my own opinion it doesn't matter who pays.

[rkk1 34]

whew. Thought I lost my mind there, for a moment.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/347268-negotiating-about-family-visits/

Yer in medical school, huge student debt.

He should repay your student loans, after you finish school, for 2 years after your graduate, till the balance is 0.

Prior? YOU Handle all of his expenses to come to USA.

Good Luck !

Thanks Darnell! I am sure, however, that it will be a top priority of my husband to continue to contribute money to his family even after he comes here - as he doesn't want to leave them in a bad situation just because he decided to move here. I know he won't be able to sleep at night thinking of them struggling to make ends meet, and will probably want to send them at least $500 (if not more) a month to cover what he was previously making while living with them. His brother is a nice guy, but doesn't seem as ambitious, therefore, it's up to my husband to make sure that his family stays afloat and doesn't lose their home without his earnings.

I fully plan to put my foot down, however, and tell my husband that if he wants to pay $500+ to his parents each month, then that money is going to come from HIS job. It's not coming from my student loans. His paying them money will mean that my student loans take longer to pay off and we'll be thus paying more interest... but I guess it is what it is.

[Xanax 349]

If you think He is financially Ok, You should stop spending a single cent on Visa from now onward including plane ticket. Do not make him a parasite out of you. And you are right that you are not in a stage where you will consider your money as "our money".

But they are married? I feel once you are married, the money is "our money".

[rkk1 34]

For us, splitting things evenly isn't an option. His salary is just too low in India to make any large contributions. That's not to say he hasn't helped me out. On my second to last trip, he paid for my ticket. This last trip was on me. But when I'm in India, he takes care of all the expenses there such as transportation, food, etc.... So it all works out in the situation we are in.

We're in the same boat with our partners earning in rupees. It's very sweet that your fiance paid for your last ticket though. I was looking online and it seems you can sometimes get cheaper tickets if you pay in rupees from India. I don't know if this is always the case though.

Mr. Sachinky (USC) paid for the plane ticket to come to India when we got married. He paid for the I-130 and all the international mailing fees. I paid for the I-864 and related visa expenses such as the medical and flying to Mumbai for the interview. I paid for my ticket to fly to the US once the visa was granted.

It seems like a lot of people followed this path - where the USC paid the first portion of the expenses of the visa (and traveling to visit their partner), while the foreign spouse paid for the medical and final stages of the process as well as taking care of the money to get here.

On an interesting side note, many of my friends from India seem to be more like you (as you appear to me) - cosmopolitan and well-travelled. My husband, on the other hand, grew up in a small city, and had never taken a domestic flight until the time he met me. He hadn't ever been to a shopping mall either until we went together. My husband's dream is to have his own car someday (his family has never owned a car as they have 2 motorcycles), while I had a car at age 16. He hardly ever spends much on food either, as he doesn't like to go out to restaurants that charge more than 100 rupees for a plate of food. (I remember after we were married, I once ordered a plate of food at the domestic airport that was like 250 rupees ($5) and he told me he wasn't hungry. He paid for my meal, though, as he always does. I was only able to eat about 3/4 of the dish, and as I was throwing it away, he grabbed the plate from me and started chowing down. It turned out that he was actually very hungry, but didn't want to have to pay for a 2nd meal as it was too expensive for him, so he pretended not to be hungry so that I could get what I wanted and eat. We had just come back from our 3 day honeymoon in which he paid over 40,000 rupees ($800) to be there as I really wanted to go. As we came back home, he got teary-eyed and admitted that he feels guilty spending so much, as his mom (who has arthritis) often skips her medicine doses to save 10 rupees ($0.20). I never forced him to spend money on me, as he did it because he knew I wanted it, and he feels guilty. I was telling him today that it's perfectly okay for him to say 'no' to me, or allow me to pay so that I can be free to spend the money if I want to.

That made me realize that we come from totally different places in life. Most of my Indian friends grew up well-off and I don't think they've encountered the same as my husband. Anyway, I don't know why I wrote all this, it's just that from reading your posts you seem a lot more worldly, like my other Indian friends.

We opened up a joint bank account as soon as we got engaged in NY. Once I went back to the US, I added him to my separate BOA account that I had had since my freshman year in college and closed out his older one. We make around the same amount and pay bills from the same account. We have two joint credit cards and finances are usually not an issue for us. I am I handle all our bills and monitor the bank accounts etc. This works for us because I am far more obsessive and responsible than he is - he tells me that I am awfully miserly and cheap and wishes that I would spend more!

That's cool that you were able to open a joint bank account after engagement. I just posted in another person's thread about opening a joint bank account. I am thinking to do this for my husband as well, but I'm not sure if there will be any issues as he isn't here yet.

Edited March 25, 2012 by rkk1

[VanessaTony 3,567]

But they are married? I feel once you are married, the money is "our money".

Yeah but when you're earning in different currencies and there's 2 households to pay for it's a bit harder... once they're together it'll feel more normal and more like "our money". The two separate households is a big thing. Any money you spend on each other eats away at money you've got to spend on keeping up your household (and as the OP is a student that tends to be a bit harder to make ends meet).

[afoyoswa 178]

So far the only expense has been the I-129F petition fee ($340), which I paid. He was aghast to hear about the price tag on that one. Coming up, we have the visa application fee, the medical exam, his travel to the U.S., my travel to be with him at the interview, and the AOS fee, all of which I'm anticipating paying for myself. He is earning money and has some savings, but like many others have mentioned, it just doesn't convert to very much in USD even though in UGX it's more than enough to keep him in phone airtime, internet access so we can Skype/video chat, funds to assist family members who need help, and other necessities. He will need to pay some miscellaneous expenses along the way such as the police certificate and his transportation to the interview, and those things will probably come out to a hefty chunk of his income/savings, so I know that he is equally invested in this process.

[Scafidi454 22]

Thankfully, no. I'm using up my government Stafford loans. Many of the people in my med school are graduating well over 300k in debt. I'm one of the fortunate ones as I'm still making some income while getting a humongous scholarship. Despite all this, I continue to fall at least 30k more in debt each year... probably will be about 150k in debt when I graduate.

My husband went to law school in India, but unfortunately his law degree doesn't transfer here. So he'll have to go back to school as well. He studied some accounting in India before he studied law, so hopefully he can get some kind of accountant job here to help meet the expenses. Hopefully after I'm working as a doctor some 3+ years from now, he can consider going back to law school if he'd like.

I'm still on Stafford too, some minor scholarships, and out-of-pocket. But when you said 50k a year at 7%, I was thinking there was no way that could be federal. Now, I see you get those scholarships...

[rkk1 34]

I'm still on Stafford too, some minor scholarships, and out-of-pocket. But when you said 50k a year at 7%, I was thinking there was no way that could be federal. Now, I see you get those scholarships...

The exact interest I got was 6.8%, though I believe it is now 7.1% (if I'm not mistaken). Although Stafford loan limits are usually much less for undergraduate and graduate students, it is something around $42,000 per year (subsidized + unsubsidized) for med students as our tuition is so high. Most students in my program without working spouses or other sources of income usually have to take PLUS loans in addition, and from what I remember that interest rate is over 8%. Since I do have some side income currently, it's fortunate I don't have to take additional loans, but I'll still be over my head once I graduate.

There is a 9-month master's program in a university near me which has a program that might be a good fit for my husband. There job placement rates (in accounting/auditing etc) are nearly 100%, so it might be nice for my husband to go there. The pros are that he'll get to meet lots of other Indian students to develop friendships with, he won't get bored or lonely sitting at home while I'm working all day, he'll have a great chance of having a solid job in 9 months, and he'll have a master's degree in the US. The only downside is that the program costs $20k for the year... ouch. He could probably even get a similar job with his Indian training without this master's degree... though he'd have to aggressively apply for jobs as he wouldn't have the benefit of the networking and the on-campus recruitment. And I suppose the other con is that he probably wants to go to law school in the near future, so I don't know if it's worth to spend $20k for him to only work for a few years before going back to law school and accruing more loans.

Edited March 26, 2012 by rkk1

[rkk1 34]

Yeah but when you're earning in different currencies and there's 2 households to pay for it's a bit harder... once they're together it'll feel more normal and more like "our money". The two separate households is a big thing. Any money you spend on each other eats away at money you've got to spend on keeping up your household (and as the OP is a student that tends to be a bit harder to make ends meet).

This is spot on. Right now, I don't involve myself at all on what he spends his money on for himself or his family, and he has little to do with what I spend my money on. But once we live together, I think we'll end up scrutinizing each other's purchases a lot more since they will be made with joint money. I do, however, like the ideas mentioned earlier about each of us having some sectioned off personal money to spend how we like, without the other person judging the other for it.