Fiance' was cheating while PREGNANT

[verysadguy 170]

Many good points Capri. A few thoughts...

• My anger is subsiding, but I remain resolute. She is a liar and always will be. She came here fraudulently.
• As for family law, my daughter has a right to know her mother, that is why there is visitation. Mother has a right to visit under supervision at her own expense, decided by the judge.
• My daughter gets tons of love and stability from my family. She will be fine. And she will learn better morals and ethics for sure!
• You are very astute on the behavior of a sociopath. Indeed my ex has thrown herself at the lifestyle of her suitors. She hates sports but is now decidely wearing jerseys and ballcaps of her boyfriends favorite teams.
• No one falls in her life, she has expertly sought out relationships and endeared herself to people she finds that can help her. A con artist. I'm a behavioral specialist and she was good enough to fool me. This other normal folks are a piece of cake for her. How good is she? I warned the daycare, yet after a half day visit they were saying how sweet, quiet, and helpful she was. She duped them!
• Reminder of sociopathic behavior. Remember she had a "nurtured" lifelong love in her home country who she was cheating on with me, and left him stone cold in the dust to come to the USA. Lying to him, me and her entire family during a 2 year span. She lied to federal investigators. What a great role model for my daughter.
• I allow mom around because I have to, and it is a no win situation for me if I don't let my daughter at least know her casually, not much different from any other babysitter really. If I could get termination of parental rights I'd do it in a second. Or simply pay off mom to go away, but that baby is her ticket to a green card, she thinks, and not much more.

Polite yes, putting my guard down? Never, not to a sociopath ready to stab me in the back.

I do want to thank VJ and all VJ'ers following for the opportunity to let me blow off a little steam, share ideas, and engage for opinions. The cultural and political diversity and varying intellect is at the very least entertaining and socially enjoyable.

[Darnell 8,478]

Police take cabbie in to immediate custody.

Yay ! Some movement ! I think it's great when one of her 'support mechanisms' is removed.

[verysadguy 170]

Yay ! Some movement ! I think it's great when one of her 'support mechanisms' is removed.

I have a scary feeling that he will persist and she will nurture that persistence. She is the type to always try to get a one up on others. Especially because of her desperation.

I have a strong suspicion her I-360 appeal was also caput and she is trying to prove her "abuse" in any way she can.

Other thought is she is trying to show I am a danger in some form so she can get some partial custody and money, but she is drawing at straws there. She has no money to hire an attorney. Family law isn't cheap.

[verysadguy 170]

Police report filed.

Next step talk to city prosecutor.

[verysadguy 170]

Police report filed.

Next step talk to city prosecutor.

Spoke to prosecutor. He will not file. Cab driver lied to police. Ex-wife lied to police to back up "her man." Total Bull$hit.

Witness stated an "exchange" took place but could not verify that words were spoken. My ex was standing in the parking lot and heard every word of the exchange.

Prosecutor said to me, "You should always carry a recorder with you"

Yeah like that is gonna work when your adrenaline level is like 7 thousand+ etc...

The frauds and perps getting away yet again...

[Darnell 8,478]

parabolic dish microphone rigs are cheap these days, and can output into almost any type of digital recorder.

[verysadguy 170]

parabolic dish microphone rigs are cheap these days, and can output into almost any type of digital recorder.

How about my iPhone?

[Darnell 8,478]

if there's a 3.5 mm (2.5mm?) jack and 'an app' for that, then sure.

most digital recorders are under 100 bucks, though, and have decent interface for a computer, as well as the microphone. Still, is your choice what type of gear to use.

[belinda63 3,038]

Be very careful of wiretapping laws. Some states require you be a party to the conversation for it to be legal to record.

[verysadguy 170]

Be very careful of wiretapping laws. Some states require you be a party to the conversation for it to be legal to record.

I am well aware of that thanks.

http://www.dmlp.org/legal-guide/recording-phone-calls-and-conversations

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

This is really tough. I do see the above points but in cases like this and its incredibly difficult when the parents do not get along, its important for the parents to remember its about whats in the childs best interest. I mean thats what its all about.

So he has to decide what is in his childs best interest. No one can make that decision for him. Sure the court somewhat imposed some of it on him, but he does have the power to go around the court and allow the mother more into the childs life if he feels a strong mother/child relationship will benefit the child in the long run and its not being accomplished with the visits right now. The downside to this is as was explained those visits can be used against him to petition for additional visits or to loosen the reigns of the courts supervision.

While its hard to argue you are so unfit - I am giving you more time, you could make a case of- the childs relationship is lacking due to the limited time and it would be supported by the fact that she does not acknowledge her as mother, but calls the sitter that- but due to the mothers poor skills and inability to care for the child , the additional visits needed to build a relationship between them would need to be supervised and monitored by the court.

He has to decide where he stands for himself on his position on wanting her in the childs life. It almost seems by his allowing the additional time that he feels a relationship between the two of them would benefit the child. As long as its controlled and supervised. I dont remember seeing anything where he ever posted wanting her visitation stopped or her access to the child cut-off.

A lot of his posts contain underlying anger about her lack of involvement- being late to visits and her general lack of involvement in the childs life. (not knowing the food the child eats, the child crying when she picks her up, and simply the fact that she walked out of her babies life)

Its a very tough situation because its very easy for outsiders to say look at all the stuff you posted about your wife, how shes a fraud, how shes a liar, how shes this and that- how could you possibly want her in the childs life. You should be doing all you can to keep her away from the child. But is that the right thing to do? I dont know. One day the childs going to grow up lest we forget. There are quite a few angry teens and adults who hold a grudge against a parent who raised them who kept them from their 'other' parent because the custodial parent felt it wasnt in their best interest and they never get over it.

Family courts take a position of allowing and kind of encouraging relationships to happen by imposing and requiring visitation in all situations whether the persons an alcoholic or fraudster - the only time they draw the line is if there is abuse. But all that other shady moral ground- like if you allow pictures of the absent parent in the home, so the child feels a connection, or you talk about them in a positive way, or you update them with extra phone calls about things in the childs life, or you bring them a fingerpainting the child made at school so they can hang it on their fridge instead of on yours- well thats stuff you have to decide for yourself because the court takes no part in that moral stuff.

-

But anyway, congrats on getting an order of injunction against the cabbie. Since it seems you have sufficient proof that he did in fact violate it, it does not seem like he has any chance of beating the charges. I dont think the punishment is going to be as severe as you are hoping though (registering as a threat to children though- oh my no, he didnt commit a sex crime) Youd have to google for your state but it probably a min jail sentence and a fine. It could be more if he has a prior record which I believe you said he does have.

He was clearly having some type of relationship with your ex and she was using him to - I dont really know what to call it. But he was doing more then just drive her around that was for sure.

What was especially troubling for me- well people are influenced by the company they keep and he was clearly bad news, so its good that he is gone or going to be gone soon. Some women, esp women that dont have a strong character of their own are easily influenced by others. They hook up with a guy and suddenly he likes cars and they like cars. Hes a hunter and an outdoorsman they adapt to the lifestyle.

Your exs first 'partner' was a advocate worker and she picked up on and followed his advices and influences. This new guy is a criminal. Theres no reason to believe that she would not be doing the same. As the past is the greatest indication of the future. If she shared her struggles with the advocate he would have presented her with a solution the way he knew how (you saw what that was). If she is now sharing her struggles with a criminal he too would present her with solutions in a way he knows. It could explain the missing documents and his harassment of you- because thats how criminals handle things.

I just dont know if she sought out these people or they just fell into her life.

An excellent read. Very well written.

Are you a therapist? You'll make an excellent child advocate for one is caught between two waring parents.

IMHO, a child absolutely needs two parents, if available.

[verysadguy 170]

All children are borne of two parents (last time I checked), but I know Gowon means 2 parents actively involved in the child's life. I agree Capri's assessment is a good one. In this case the mother would rather enjoy her life far away and pop in for a day or two every few months with zero contact in between. She can say she hates me, and that I've made it a challenge for her. However, actions speak louder than words, and this is the path she has chosen to a green card and money and not being a mother. She could have moved her long ago but did not. Just saying. It's been this way for 2 years.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Gowon said what he meant and that is "IMHO, a child absolutely needs two parents, if available."

Clearly one is not available in this scenario but a good child advocate/therapist can help the offspring to get sane and nurturing support from the Mother.

As said before by someone else, the child will get matured one day.

I wish the child the best of luck. The adults will be fine and I continue to be ONLY concerned about the child as the best interest of the child sometimes becomes clouded in the midst of all the adult drama.

[Rich and Wen 101]

I read every one of the posts in this thread, and I was shocked by how much your immigrant ex, sounds like my USC ex. And how much you sound like I did, and how the process was always stacked against the father. I was duped as well, and paid much money to defend my son. I did not have custody, though, and that was a problem.

At one point in the whole process, I was afraid that my USC ex-wife would disappear, taking him with her, aided by battered women's networks who would believe her story in a minute, and would conceal her from all eyes.

I did what I could to be able to find him again, knowing that, if he was ever kidnapped by my ex, he would eventually look me up or be discovered in another form or fashion.

I used Child Alert to take his fingerprints, and also had a photo ID taken by the State Police, laminated, with his thumbprint on the back, and registered in some database. I taught him my cellphone number, and never changed it, so that if he was kidnapped, and ever had a chance, he would be able to reach me.

And, the advice I always received was, get over it. Put it behind you. But no one on the outside, could ever conceive how truly abysmal this woman was on the inside. Sound familiar? And every time I would put it behind me, there would be some incident, or affront, that would bring it right back to the forefront.

One poster said, "It ain't over 'til it's over", and I'd have to say, AMEN to that.

[verysadguy 170]

Gowon said what he meant and that is "IMHO, a child absolutely needs two parents, if available."

Clearly one is not available in this scenario but a good child advocate/therapist can help the offspring to get sane and nurturing support from the Mother.

As said before by someone else, the child will get matured one day.

I wish the child the best of luck. The adults will be fine and I continue to be ONLY concerned about the child as the best interest of the child sometimes becomes clouded in the midst of all the adult drama.

I totally get it. I'm in healthcare. This little angel gets more support, nurturing, family, love, stimulation than most. Hopefully, she won't end up a nutcase. She also has a trust fund. She'll either be a princess or a rich .