Fiance' was cheating while PREGNANT

[Lex Specialis 38]

Buddy first of all I am sorry. Second of all, I will tell you something you will NOT believe - you are actually lucky for a number of reasons, hard as it is to believe. # 1) There are many women who are much smarter than your ex because they would have made false allegations to the Police, not just to the CIS or a non profit, to substantiate their VAWA self petition better and the cops would have come and arrested you on her say so. The fact that you didn't go through that is a MAJOR plus for you. Believe me, it happens every day. Secondly, you have custody of your child... as a father... in America. Another big plus.

So now for the bad news. I know you want to get back at this woman for using you. Unfortunately, no one in our immigration system cares enough not to let this woman in, and the law is written to help her not you. Even if they put her in removal proceedings, she will just tell her weepy false story about what a monster you are to the Immigration Judge, who may or may not believe it, and even if the judge doesn't, it will be YEARS before she is removed. Chances are she will find another guy to marry her in the meantime and she will try to stay on the ground that your child, who is a US citizen, needs his mom and she should not be removed. As you have discovered, the system is designed to help her against all real and fictitious abusers and not you from being slandered as a wife beater or to be taken advantage of.

If I were you, and then again I am not so you have to choose for yourself, but I would do two things. I would let this go because you need to be a single dad which is challenging enough and you need to press the reset button on all this baggage this sociopath of a woman has caused you. She clearly never loved you and I am sure she was telling the other guy God knows what, maybe that your baby is his, or that she will sponsor him as soon as she has US citizenship, that she is suffering you just so they can be together in America. And chances are 100% of that was BS. If you are not a sociopath, you can't beat her at her own game, and you will go insane trying. Secondly, if you are the custodial parent, I would hit her with a child support order. It's good for your kid, and it is a measure of revenge. if she falls behind on payments and the CIS or the IJ actually look into this case, it will go some way to show that she is not the poor little abused victim if you have custody of the child and she is not living up to her parental responsibility. But beyond that, I would let it go. You should thank God, your lucky stars, or whatever Supreme Being you believe in, that you were taught a lesson to be more skeptical of people's motives without seeing the inside of a jail cell (I can't emphasize how real of a possibility this was for you, especially given her complete lack of a moral center. Good thing for you she is not smarter), that your child is with you, and that you can live life without her. Worrying ever day if your wife is sending naked pictures to some other guy on a daily basis is not the kind of emotional abuse anyone deserves to live under. I hope this helps.

[verysadguy 170]

Buddy first of all I am sorry. Second of all, I will tell you something you will NOT believe - you are actually lucky for a number of reasons, hard as it is to believe. # 1) There are many women who are much smarter than your ex because they would have made false allegations to the Police, not just to the CIS or a non profit, to substantiate their VAWA self petition better and the cops would have come and arrested you on her say so. The fact that you didn't go through that is a MAJOR plus for you. Believe me, it happens every day. Secondly, you have custody of your child... as a father... in America. Another big plus.

So now for the bad news. I know you want to get back at this woman for using you. Unfortunately, no one in our immigration system cares enough not to let this woman in, and the law is written to help her not you. Even if they put her in removal proceedings, she will just tell her weepy false story about what a monster you are to the Immigration Judge, who may or may not believe it, and even if the judge doesn't, it will be YEARS before she is removed. Chances are she will find another guy to marry her in the meantime and she will try to stay on the ground that your child, who is a US citizen, needs his mom and she should not be removed. As you have discovered, the system is designed to help her against all real and fictitious abusers and not you from being slandered as a wife beater or to be taken advantage of.

If I were you, and then again I am not so you have to choose for yourself, but I would do two things. I would let this go because you need to be a single dad which is challenging enough and you need to press the reset button on all this baggage this sociopath of a woman has caused you. She clearly never loved you and I am sure she was telling the other guy God knows what, maybe that your baby is his, or that she will sponsor him as soon as she has US citizenship, that she is suffering you just so they can be together in America. And chances are 100% of that was BS. If you are not a sociopath, you can't beat her at her own game, and you will go insane trying. Secondly, if you are the custodial parent, I would hit her with a child support order. It's good for your kid, and it is a measure of revenge. if she falls behind on payments and the CIS or the IJ actually look into this case, it will go some way to show that she is not the poor little abused victim if you have custody of the child and she is not living up to her parental responsibility. But beyond that, I would let it go. You should thank God, your lucky stars, or whatever Supreme Being you believe in, that you were taught a lesson to be more skeptical of people's motives without seeing the inside of a jail cell (I can't emphasize how real of a possibility this was for you, especially given her complete lack of a moral center. Good thing for you she is not smarter), that your child is with you, and that you can live life without her. Worrying ever day if your wife is sending naked pictures to some other guy on a daily basis is not the kind of emotional abuse anyone deserves to live under. I hope this helps.

I like your thinking!

I am trying to find my emotional center these days.

Lack of sleep isn't good, but hugging and kissing that baby everyday is sweetness like you cannot imagine.

[verysadguy 170]

UPDATE: Sad but very true story...

The ex showed up for visitation, lied about not having any money for a cab (yet paid for 3 cab fares), left after 3 hours, so she could go to a sporting event with her boyfriend. Didn't have the courtesy to call back or respond to further inquiries if she wanted to spend time with her child. Also, she ran out on a return travel voucher I paid for thus just wasting more money. Not much maternal love or bonding there...

Then she had the nerve to respond to an attorney letter that she didn't know anything about immigration, but her application was in progress (this is a woman I caught seeking assistance for her green card the first month she came to the USA when she told her best friend she was going to take our child and get me for 18 years of child support after she got her green card). She went on to state she didn't want trouble with the law when it was brought up that she had requested to take her child to her home country on multiple occasions. She finished with a statement she wanted to be respected as the child's mother, and how she was working hard to give her child the best life possible (she hasn't ever contributed a single penny to the care and support of our child. Not one red cent).

She's a winner, headed for a possible VAWA approval. Didn't Obama say inventors and innovators, engineers and entrepreneurs, scientists etc?

Looks like the USA might just get another seeker of benefits based on fraud, freebies, and handouts...

[TBoneTX 45,288]

Sorry to hear it, dude. You've done just about all that you can. Keep loving your child -- that's #1.

[InHisTime 110]

Buddy first of all I am sorry. Second of all, I will tell you something you will NOT believe - you are actually lucky for a number of reasons, hard as it is to believe. # 1) There are many women who are much smarter than your ex because they would have made false allegations to the Police, not just to the CIS or a non profit, to substantiate their VAWA self petition better and the cops would have come and arrested you on her say so. The fact that you didn't go through that is a MAJOR plus for you. Believe me, it happens every day. Secondly, you have custody of your child... as a father... in America. Another big plus.

So now for the bad news. I know you want to get back at this woman for using you. Unfortunately, no one in our immigration system cares enough not to let this woman in, and the law is written to help her not you. Even if they put her in removal proceedings, she will just tell her weepy false story about what a monster you are to the Immigration Judge, who may or may not believe it, and even if the judge doesn't, it will be YEARS before she is removed. Chances are she will find another guy to marry her in the meantime and she will try to stay on the ground that your child, who is a US citizen, needs his mom and she should not be removed. As you have discovered, the system is designed to help her against all real and fictitious abusers and not you from being slandered as a wife beater or to be taken advantage of.

If I were you, and then again I am not so you have to choose for yourself, but I would do two things. I would let this go because you need to be a single dad which is challenging enough and you need to press the reset button on all this baggage this sociopath of a woman has caused you. She clearly never loved you and I am sure she was telling the other guy God knows what, maybe that your baby is his, or that she will sponsor him as soon as she has US citizenship, that she is suffering you just so they can be together in America. And chances are 100% of that was BS. If you are not a sociopath, you can't beat her at her own game, and you will go insane trying. Secondly, if you are the custodial parent, I would hit her with a child support order. It's good for your kid, and it is a measure of revenge. if she falls behind on payments and the CIS or the IJ actually look into this case, it will go some way to show that she is not the poor little abused victim if you have custody of the child and she is not living up to her parental responsibility. But beyond that, I would let it go. You should thank God, your lucky stars, or whatever Supreme Being you believe in, that you were taught a lesson to be more skeptical of people's motives without seeing the inside of a jail cell (I can't emphasize how real of a possibility this was for you, especially given her complete lack of a moral center. Good thing for you she is not smarter), that your child is with you, and that you can live life without her. Worrying ever day if your wife is sending naked pictures to some other guy on a daily basis is not the kind of emotional abuse anyone deserves to live under. I hope this helps.

To the Original Poster,

I agree with the above advised -- Just completely move on and never exhaust yourself on revenge or whatsoever -- BE STILL and know that God is still in control of everything. Be thankful to God despite of the awful experiences -- important is you have learned from this event in your life and made you a stronger and better person / father. Just keep taking care of your child, enjoy life, and keep on TRUSTING GOD as He knows best. Definitely you would feel better sooner. Having peace of mind is priceless. I'm sure your ex would eventually face her own karma one day. God sees us everyday. God bless you and your child.

[Cathi 5,748]

As a mother myself, this woman disgusts me. How can she live with herself knowing she abandoned her child? I would die before I would ever leave my children. I applaud you for fighting for your baby, all parents should be like you.. I don't blame you for wanting revenge, but at this point it doesn't look like this leach of a woman will be held accountable, let alone given a one way ticket home. Sad that if the situation were reversed, it would be totally different. Equality is equality, shouldn't matter if she is the so called mother of this child or not, she broke the law in order to obtain immigration benefits, if she were a man she would have been deported so fast she wouldn't know what hit her. I simply don't understand why ICE claims to uphold our immigration laws, yet allows this poor excuse for a human being to stay here and be a drain on society. I truly hope you can at least sue her for child support and after it's granted when she doesn't pay they will catch up to her. I read your survey asking if she should be allowed unsupervised visitation, I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her, with everything she has pulled there is no telling what she will do. I wouldn't chance leaving the baby with her alone, ever.

I wish you the best, and hopefully things will go in your favor.

[I & B 273]

UPDATE: Sad but very true story...

The ex showed up for visitation, lied about not having any money for a cab (yet paid for 3 cab fares), left after 3 hours, so she could go to a sporting event with her boyfriend. Didn't have the courtesy to call back or respond to further inquiries if she wanted to spend time with her child. Also, she ran out on a return travel voucher I paid for thus just wasting more money. Not much maternal love or bonding there...

Then she had the nerve to respond to an attorney letter that she didn't know anything about immigration, but her application was in progress (this is a woman I caught seeking assistance for her green card the first month she came to the USA when she told her best friend she was going to take our child and get me for 18 years of child support after she got her green card). She went on to state she didn't want trouble with the law when it was brought up that she had requested to take her child to her home country on multiple occasions. She finished with a statement she wanted to be respected as the child's mother, and how she was working hard to give her child the best life possible (she hasn't ever contributed a single penny to the care and support of our child. Not one red cent).

She's a winner, headed for a possible VAWA approval. Didn't Obama say inventors and innovators, engineers and entrepreneurs, scientists etc?

Looks like the USA might just get another seeker of benefits based on fraud, freebies, and handouts...

Found this topic after seeing your recently posted poll. After reading all of this and especially this last point, however, I feel I gotta be the guy who slaps you back to reality: there is no way you should ever, under any circumstances, allow this woman unsupervised visitation. I understand she must still have some emotional hooks in you, but never forget that sociopaths like her never stop using such hooks to further their personal aims. Unfortunately for you, as long as she is in the US, eternal vigilance is the price you will have to pay for getting duped.

It makes my blood boil when I read what she did for you, and I don't write callously because I think you deserve scorn or blame, but I think you need to remember that (1) this woman will be around for several years to come at least, and (2) the entire time she will be scheming about how to get money from you. You have shown very good, level-headed judgment since you found out about her schemes. Just keep it up!

Edited April 16, 2013 by I & B

[john gibbs 17]

UPDATE: Sad but very true story...

The ex showed up for visitation, lied about not having any money for a cab (yet paid for 3 cab fares), left after 3 hours, so she could go to a sporting event with her boyfriend. Didn't have the courtesy to call back or respond to further inquiries if she wanted to spend time with her child. Also, she ran out on a return travel voucher I paid for thus just wasting more money. Not much maternal love or bonding there...

Then she had the nerve to respond to an attorney letter that she didn't know anything about immigration, but her application was in progress (this is a woman I caught seeking assistance for her green card the first month she came to the USA when she told her best friend she was going to take our child and get me for 18 years of child support after she got her green card). She went on to state she didn't want trouble with the law when it was brought up that she had requested to take her child to her home country on multiple occasions. She finished with a statement she wanted to be respected as the child's mother, and how she was working hard to give her child the best life possible (she hasn't ever contributed a single penny to the care and support of our child. Not one red cent).

She's a winner, headed for a possible VAWA approval. Didn't Obama say inventors and innovators, engineers and entrepreneurs, scientists etc?

Looks like the USA might just get another seeker of benefits based on fraud, freebies, and handouts...

people like her absolutely disgust me.

she's nothing but a user and a #######. period.

Edited April 16, 2013 by john gibbs

[verysadguy 170]

I appreciate everyone's support and I keep fighting for the safety and emotional well being of my daughter. She loves her life and doesn't miss her mother one bit. I've surrounded her with love and support while being cautious not to spoil her. I've steadily funded her 529 college fund and my 2 year old now has more money than me which is safe in a trust account that her mother can NEVER get her hands on.

I'm not looking for revenge. I'm looking for simple justice on a fraudster who dealt me a cold hearted busted romance. You seriously have to wonder what a complete idiot, moron, and ignorant fool her current boyfriend is. Ah...love is blind...been there.

[verysadguy 170]

I am now being accused of child abuse by her boyfriend because I have hired attorneys to make sure there are legal protections in place for my child. Asking for supervised visits and no overnights is very reasonable for a mother who photographed her baby naked and emailed those pictures overseas, a mother who asked several times to take her child overseas, a woman who is a proven sociopathic liar, a woman who has shown little to now moral and ethical fiber (I won't re-hash that incredibly long list of transgressions) and on and on...

Wondering if I should pull in law enforcement?

http://www.nj.com/politics/index.ssf/2012/08/vietnamese_cousins_indicted_ov.html

Thoughts VJer's?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I am now being accused of child abuse by her boyfriend because I have hired attorneys to make sure there are legal protections in place for my child. Asking for supervised visits and no overnights is very reasonable for a mother who photographed her baby naked and emailed those pictures overseas, a mother who asked several times to take her child overseas, a woman who is a proven sociopathic liar, a woman who has shown little to now moral and ethical fiber (I won't re-hash that incredibly long list of transgressions) and on and on...

Wondering if I should pull in law enforcement?

http://www.nj.com/politics/index.ssf/2012/08/vietnamese_cousins_indicted_ov.html

Thoughts VJer's?

Accused in what way? Is he just SAYING you are? Or did he make a complaint to DHS or something?

As for law enforcement. You can try if you want, but I would wait and see what happens with the VAWA case. It might look like your victimising/harassing her if you keep calling agencies.

Perhaps consider talking to an attorney who will be able to advise you about this. Technically though it's not you who would press charges (though you could for false accusations), the government could though for the lies she told.

[verysadguy 170]

Accused in what way? Is he just SAYING you are? Or did he make a complaint to DHS or something?

As for law enforcement. You can try if you want, but I would wait and see what happens with the VAWA case. It might look like your victimising/harassing her if you keep calling agencies.

Perhaps consider talking to an attorney who will be able to advise you about this. Technically though it's not you who would press charges (though you could for false accusations), the government could though for the lies she told.

He posted an acronym that suggested I was hiring lawyers, but that wouldn't stop what, per his viewpoint, construed limited mothering was a form of child abuse.

I can only hope that USCIS sees clearly through her lies and fraud and slaps a P6C on this woman and sends her home.

[verysadguy 170]

Accused in what way? Is he just SAYING you are? Or did he make a complaint to DHS or something?

As for law enforcement. You can try if you want, but I would wait and see what happens with the VAWA case. It might look like your victimising/harassing her if you keep calling agencies.

Perhaps consider talking to an attorney who will be able to advise you about this. Technically though it's not you who would press charges (though you could for false accusations), the government could though for the lies she told.

Also, he hasn't gone to DHS that I know of, but I would be sure that his non-profit has supplied affidavits based on her lies in support of her VAWA. I'm still mystified by this conflict of interest and ethical stretch. Anyways, he has suggested also via the internet that he has gone to his district attorney regarding this situation.

[Villanelle 4,122]

I think what hes implying is something along the lines of parental alienation syndrome- a highly controversial concept because- well to be honest- its not science you know? Theres arguments on both sides on if it actually exists. It can be considered abuse.

For your case though its utterly ridiculous. Your child is a baby.

Its more for kids who are 8+. The concept is- little Johnny wants to go see Dad and Mom spends all week talking smack about Dad. So of course Johnny is torn about it.

Dad is suppose to take Johnny that weekend but Mom says well your friend may be having a bday party- dont you want to go... Johnny does. Encourages kid to cancel on Dad for a maybe party.

Or your Dad called and wants to take you to a ballgame- isnt that nice that he can afford that while we are scraping by cause he left us to suffer while hes living it up. Johnny feels guilty and says I dont want to go to the ballgame. Mom says oh ok well heres the phone call him and tell him you dont want to go and Johnny does.

Heres a basic article with a lot of resources at the end or you can google search it-

http://www.parental-alienation.info/publications/53-EmotionalAbuseOfChildrenDueToImplacableHostility.htm

Also I wouldnt be too concerned about the DA pursuing it, but it may be something that they could go back to family court with (?) and ask for joint custody in the future, however I dont really see any indication in anything youve ever posted that you are poisoning your child with propaganda about her mother.

[verysadguy 170]

I think what hes implying is something along the lines of parental alienation syndrome- a highly controversial concept because- well to be honest- its not science you know? Theres arguments on both sides on if it actually exists. It can be considered abuse.

For your case though its utterly ridiculous. Your child is a baby.

Its more for kids who are 8+. The concept is- little Johnny wants to go see Dad and Mom spends all week talking smack about Dad. So of course Johnny is torn about it.

Dad is suppose to take Johnny that weekend but Mom says well your friend may be having a bday party- dont you want to go... Johnny does. Encourages kid to cancel on Dad for a maybe party.

Or your Dad called and wants to take you to a ballgame- isnt that nice that he can afford that while we are scraping by cause he left us to suffer while hes living it up. Johnny feels guilty and says I dont want to go to the ballgame. Mom says oh ok well heres the phone call him and tell him you dont want to go and Johnny does.

Heres a basic article with a lot of resources at the end or you can google search it-

http://www.parental-alienation.info/publications/53-EmotionalAbuseOfChildrenDueToImplacableHostility.htm

Also I wouldnt be too concerned about the DA pursuing it, but it may be something that they could go back to family court with (?) and ask for joint custody in the future, however I dont really see any indication in anything youve ever posted that you are poisoning your child with propaganda about her mother.

The child has no concept of the mother because she has been practically non-existent. And, no I haven't said anything bad to baby girl about her mother. I'm pretty sure 95% of teenage females can figure out on their own that pregnant women having affairs is pretty disgusting, so the little one will figure out her mom pretty easily on her own without my input. I'm certainly not going to lie when she asks me what happened to mommy. Lying is her mother's specialty.

I was aware of parental alienation because yes...her current lover boy has posted up nonsense about that, too. Clever girl to seduce this guy from day one for much needed free legal assistance hey?