Fiance' was cheating while PREGNANT

[Karee 4,190]

You gotta leave the VAWA thing alone. As Capri has already noted - it's an administrative procedure and there is no impact on you. Indeed, I think fighting it aggressively only adds to her claim of abuse and control on your part. Deportation could take a very long time - she could run and hide - even if she was deported, she could cause you trouble with the kid if she was resourceful enough. And someday you're going to have to explain to your kid what happened and defend your actions.

You DO need to focus on the divorce and custody. If she's foolish enough to bring up the abuse in this context, then you can present your evidence and refute it. That WILL have an impact. You wanna win the divorce and custody? - you need to leave your emotions/anger somewhere else, focus on the end game (custody of the child)and develop a strategy to win which is then executed methodically and ruthlessly. Don't worry about what's right(which is often subjective) - worry about what is legal and what is not. Court protocol and procedural rules can work to your advantage if you or your attorney is well versed in them.

My ex-wife was (still is) very volatile, reactionary and driven by her emotions. I used this to my advantage and when I was done I had full custody our infant son, no continuing support of any kind and an equitable division of marital property. I don't know what happened to her VAWA case and don't really care - but I suspect it hasn't gone well considering that she still appears to be living under the radar and disappears for months at a time.

Eventually I found another woman, married again and brought her successfully into the US - VAWA never came up during the immigration process, though my new wife had all the details should she be asked.

Determine what you really want and get your priorities in order.

+1000 Dude needs to let the immigration thing go.

[Villanelle 4,122]

He could be a bad guy sure. But owning a weapon and sleeping with one doesn't mean he's going to hurt your child if he is going to associate with her. Owning a weapon doesn't make him a bad guy and neither does sleeping with one. If you want to send it to Homeland Security go ahead, but you'll just look like a paranoid bitter ex.

Print it by all means and keep it as evidence for child custody issues if you have them.. but that's all I'd do.

I agree.

Im kind of shaking my head here at the thought of reporting it to Homeland Security.. What should get reported to Homeland Security is only suspicious behavior and situations reasonably indicative of criminal activity. Owning a gun is not criminal, sleeping with a gun is not criminal. Its not even suspiciously criminal.

The only thing it could be is if she continues to have a relationship with him, then you have the right to insist that you do not want your child in a home where there are weapons if you feel its unsafe. Its a potential custody issue. (I have to warn you the court is not going to say - Im sorry the child is not allowed in that home because there are guns and the father objects, if the guy is legally allowed to own them and she resides there with him, then they stay. What they will do is compromise and say the weapons must be locked up/reasonably disabled when the child is in the home- if she is awarded partial custody/visitation at her home with him)

You now have another slightly troubling issue. The person shes hooked up with is a gun enthusiast. Very few people obtain just one automatic weapon and make postings like 'I sleep with this weapon'. People that sleep with weapons love their weapons. They have multiple weapons. You have to deal with the fact that he has multiple weapons and views you as the bad guy who victimized her. Hopefully hes a sane person, but I would continue to monitor his online accounts- dont let anyone say youre overly paranoid- you need to protect yourself and your child.

If you see something odd like I just bought 8,000 rounds of ammo and some fertilizer- thats Homeland Security. Something specific to you- like I hate my girls ex- I can just kill him, thats a local pd matter.

[Brian1967## 119]

Hey listen to Capri and other focus on divorce and custody. Let immigration thing go, you have done all you can do let it go. Very sad guy...do not let bitterness and anger consume you. That is not adult and it is emotionally exhausting. Try to move on and get a good divorce that benefits you and your child in the long haul. Be safe bro

[verysadguy 170]

Thanks to all for good advice.

Yes, focusing on child custody, safety, and happiness. I have full physical custody. Divorce was expensive but done. She does get visitation paid by me which I agreed to. The ex rarely visits and never calls her child, offers ZERO assistance in raising our child. She lives in a crime ridden neighborhood faraway and works in a minimum wage job. Loverboy is an egomaniac who took advantage of a desparate woman who came to his non-profit seeking assistance,and she seduced him too when she realized she could exchange "favors" for that assistance.

It is up to USCIS adjudicators to see through the BS on the VAWA side.

I just want to make sure my child grows up with good morals and ethics, not those of the likes of those two!

[erynaught 43]

Keep a journal of visits, calls, missed visits, broken promises, etc and do so until child is 18yo - no need for an essay, but note the dates/times/half dozen words of what the entry is about. Very easy; the hardest part will be remembering to do it. It will come in handy should the ex re-visit the custody issue or try to expand visitation priveledges later.

[Brian1967## 119]

Good advise...very sad guy be healthy and happy we are all here for you

[Karee 4,190]

Thanks to all for good advice.

Yes, focusing on child custody, safety, and happiness. I have full physical custody. Divorce was expensive but done. She does get visitation paid by me which I agreed to. The ex rarely visits and never calls her child, offers ZERO assistance in raising our child. She lives in a crime ridden neighborhood faraway and works in a minimum wage job. Loverboy is an egomaniac who took advantage of a desparate woman who came to his non-profit seeking assistance,and she seduced him too when she realized she could exchange "favors" for that assistance.

It is up to USCIS adjudicators to see through the BS on the VAWA side.

I just want to make sure my child grows up with good morals and ethics, not those of the likes of those two!

Sounds like she's "Loverboy's" problem now. Let him deal with her.

[believe 46]

I hae some additions to the advice you've been given.

OP, what are you doing for YOU? Emotionally and otherwise. Are you in therapy, attending counselling, meditating, spending time in church or doing other religious activities? What books are you reading to help you process all that you've been through? I'm asking all this because even though the divorce is done the work of healing is a road you should be paving rught now. In order for you to take care of your daughter you need to be healthy all around. Your child will easily see any bitterness that comes through you no matter how well you try to hide it, and that may poison your relationship with her if you let it.

Let me suggest the following books:

- In Sheeps Clothing - Dr. George K. Simon (I learned about this book from reading some of rlogan's old posts and it's been incredibly helpful. There might be a link to a pdf of an older version around VJ somewhere. I also own the audio version and it is superb.)

- Pulling your own strings - Dr. Wayne Dwyer

- Boundaries - John Townsend (This is a Christian book, fyi)

- Loyalty to your soul - Drs. Ronald & Mary Hulnick

I hope this helps you. Take care.

[verysadguy 170]

I hae some additions to the advice you've been given.

OP, what are you doing for YOU? Emotionally and otherwise. Are you in therapy, attending counselling, meditating, spending time in church or doing other religious activities? What books are you reading to help you process all that you've been through? I'm asking all this because even though the divorce is done the work of healing is a road you should be paving rught now. In order for you to take care of your daughter you need to be healthy all around. Your child will easily see any bitterness that comes through you no matter how well you try to hide it, and that may poison your relationship with her if you let it.

Let me suggest the following books:

- In Sheeps Clothing - Dr. George K. Simon (I learned about this book from reading some of rlogan's old posts and it's been incredibly helpful. There might be a link to a pdf of an older version around VJ somewhere. I also own the audio version and it is superb.)

- Pulling your own strings - Dr. Wayne Dwyer

- Boundaries - John Townsend (This is a Christian book, fyi)

- Loyalty to your soul - Drs. Ronald & Mary Hulnick

I hope this helps you. Take care.

Therapy-check

Church-check

Friends-check

Playtime-check

Family time-check

Journaling-check

Happy-check

Outwardly bitter-negative

Internally bitter-not so much

Worried-yes (my ex threatened to get her child back, cheap words because she hasn't shown anything of the sort for over a year)

Wanting justice-yes

Disgruntled with VAWA loopholes and VSC backlog-yes

I'm a victim of fraud and a swindle. If you were out 100k you would be pissed, too. From a woman who took this basically from her own child. Selfish? Mentally ill? Yup, pretty much.

Thanks to all for the great advice. Working on the healing, committed to my child's happiness and enrichment and enjoyment of life. So far, so good.

[james&olya 1,121]

Keep a journal of visits, calls, missed visits, broken promises, etc and do so until child is 18yo - no need for an essay, but note the dates/times/half dozen words of what the entry is about. Very easy; the hardest part will be remembering to do it. It will come in handy should the ex re-visit the custody issue or try to expand visitation priveledges later.

This is more valuable by far than most of us would ever intuitively realize! The courts will often treat such a journal with far greater respect than your testimony itself! Why? Because you make the entries at the time events actually occur and thus are not as subject to selective recall and the embellishment that so often occurs even with the most truthful people. I saw this work with my own eyes and I have been so thankful in all the years since that I somehow thought to do that. It is especially valuable for men to do this as so many family law courts seem to automatically accept a mother's word over some evil, testicle endowed, testosterone producing savage creature known as a father!

[Ban Hammer 13,339]

4 posts removed, 2 of which add nothing beneficial to the topic, one for a tos violation, and 1 for quoting that tos violation.

admin action has been taken.

if one has nothing beneficial to add to the topic, don't post.

[john gibbs 17]

such a sad story.

its not enough to be victimized by her lies.

but then the vawa victimizes the person too.

this needs to be stopped and laws changed.

[verysadguy 170]

such a sad story.

its not enough to be victimized by her lies.

but then the vawa victimizes the person too.

this needs to be stopped and laws changed.

Totally agree!

[verysadguy 170]

Found this recently while researching my case:

What are the criminal consequences of sham or fraudulent marriage? Under the United States Code any individual who knowingly enters into a marriage for the purpose of evading any provision of the immigration laws shall be imprisoned for not more than 5 years, or fined not more than $250,000, or both. It is also a crime to See 8 USC §1325©.give a false statement under oath in any document required by the immigration laws or regulations. False representation may also constitute perjury and may be enough for a conviction of making false statements to government officers. See 18 USC §1546 (2005) (treating false representation of marital status as fraud against the United States); 18. USC §1001 (2005) (punishing concealment of facts); 8 USC §1325© (2005) (punishing “any individual who knowingly enters into a marriage for the purpose of evading any provision of the immigration laws”); 8 USC §1227(a)(1)(G) (2005) (proscribing “deportation for an alien who entered a for the purpose of procuring admission as an immigrant”); 18 USC§1621 (2005) (punishing perjury); 18 USC §371 (making it illegal conspire defraud the United States).

My ex lied to immigration already. One of her affidavits is riddled with false representations, too. Meanwhile, VAWA looks stuck at June 2011, so all I can do is sit and wait.

Meanwhile I focus on the baby and she is doing great. And so smart and beautiful and loves daddy. Lucky me!

[TBoneTX 45,288]

I focus on the baby and she is doing great. And so smart and beautiful and loves daddy. Lucky me!

Si, man.