Fiance' was cheating while PREGNANT

[hamigirl710 112]

I Agree Vanessa. The Father should pursue Child Support which is why I suggested Childrens to Family Services. They don't even need a Court Order and will put the OP's misery to a quiker end. They have the right and it's called "In The Best Interest of the Children"

I work for child and family services in my state and I can tell you that this information is incorrect. CPS does not get involved in legal issues and custody cases unless there is evidence of abuse. We ensure the safety of the child and monitor that the child is not being neglected nor abused. As long as we have ONE protective parent and the other parent is not in the home we will not intervine unless the child has been harmed. CPS is a civil agency and can not cross court orders. This would be a matter to consult a family attorney or go thorough your states Office of the Attorney General to pursue child support.

[hamigirl710 112]

Yes, I thought about that, but she is fighting now for custody because she wants more money. She also threatened with her boyfriend to get primary physical custody back. But I have to laugh, she hasn't seen the baby for 4 months and only called once to even check on her.

I just hope USCIS makes the right decision on the VAWA and the benefits fraud. She doesn't deserve LPR status.

I will send more information to them when I have the final divorce decree. Still waiting for Darnell's check list! Thanks sandranj

I would advise you and any other parent going through issues with child custody and visitation issues.

Keep a diary or journal of everything that has to do with the child's other parent. Make a notation on any contact or attempted contact. What time the other parent got the child for visitation and what time they returned the child. If they miss the scheduled visitation notate it in this journal. If you receive anything by US mail take a picture of what was received and document it in the journal. If you need to send correspondance send it certified with a return receipt where somebody needs to sign for it. Keep accurate and perfect records and this could benefit you in court when you are trying to prove lack of interest in the child or abandonment.

My philosophy is if it is not documented it didn't happen.

Edited January 4, 2013 by hamigirl710

[hamigirl710 112]

Divorce going through now.

Not sure about custody but baby is safe with me.

Mom never even calls.

Hoping for VAWA to make the right decision and send this crazy woman home.

Darnell?

SandraNJ?

I need help here please.

I don't think you would let her but I will say DO NOT for any reason let her have the child alone. If there is no custody orders in place then who ever has possession of the children is the one who has the rights to the child. If she takes off with the baby the police will not even be able to help you because there are no court orders on access and possession. In my line of work I run into this issue on a daily basis and multiple times in a day.

[verysadguy 170]

I don't think you would let her but I will say DO NOT for any reason let her have the child alone. If there is no custody orders in place then who ever has possession of the children is the one who has the rights to the child. If she takes off with the baby the police will not even be able to help you because there are no court orders on access and possession. In my line of work I run into this issue on a daily basis and multiple times in a day.

Thanks everyone for the wonderful and very helpful comments. I have tried to keep up on all the happenings. A journal is a great idea. I also try to always have credible witnesses present just in case. The sad thing is many people get scared and balk when you ask them to testify.

My crazy ex's new boyfriend, who she has completely lied to and tricked with lots of sex, happens to specialize in family law mediation. So I get these perfect English text messages he sends for her on her phone to me about how they want to handle the child custody stipulation and visitation etc. Not in your worst child custody nightmare could anyone consider this happen to them. She is totally using him. And of . course he believes her lies about what a horrible man I am. Scary.

I will attempt to get my child custody agreement back in the courts as soon as possible to have supervised visits, and I keep praying for a VAWA denial based on fraud. Again, no physical abuse, no police reports. She is claiming emotional abuse, but I never called her names or yelled at her. She was free to come and go from the house as she pleased, yet she never left me. She complained she was a prisoner LOL. She was home taking care of a newborn. HELLO!!! And I paid for expensive nannies and babysitters to help her and keep her company while I worked. And every weekend we went on shopping sprees. This woman just couldn't stop sneaking behind my back to talk to the love of her life in her home country via phone, text, and internet chats.

She lied to all her supporters. VAWA adjudicators should be smart enough and educated enough and trained enough to see through this nonsense. She only came here for money and a green card. She saw the baby as her ticket to freedom and 18 years of child support. I have that in writing. SCAMMED.

I have a beautiful baby though

And I love her and take care of her better than any child could ever hope for

Meanwhile her mother hasn't seen her in 6 months, hasn't even tried to see her on the internet or call her on the phone. Sad.

[Leatherneck 693]

I don't think you would let her but I will say DO NOT for any reason let her have the child alone. If there is no custody orders in place then who ever has possession of the children is the one who has the rights to the child. If she takes off with the baby the police will not even be able to help you because there are no court orders on access and possession. In my line of work I run into this issue on a daily basis and multiple times in a day.

You're spot on! Been there, done that.

[Karee 4,190]

Thanks everyone for the wonderful and very helpful comments. I have tried to keep up on all the happenings. A journal is a great idea. I also try to always have credible witnesses present just in case. The sad thing is many people get scared and balk when you ask them to testify.

My crazy ex's new boyfriend, who she has completely lied to and tricked with lots of sex, happens to specialize in family law mediation. So I get these perfect English text messages he sends for her on her phone to me about how they want to handle the child custody stipulation and visitation etc. Not in your worst child custody nightmare could anyone consider this happen to them. She is totally using him. And of . course he believes her lies about what a horrible man I am. Scary.

I will attempt to get my child custody agreement back in the courts as soon as possible to have supervised visits, and I keep praying for a VAWA denial based on fraud. Again, no physical abuse, no police reports. She is claiming emotional abuse, but I never called her names or yelled at her. She was free to come and go from the house as she pleased, yet she never left me. She complained she was a prisoner LOL. She was home taking care of a newborn. HELLO!!! And I paid for expensive nannies and babysitters to help her and keep her company while I worked. And every weekend we went on shopping sprees. This woman just couldn't stop sneaking behind my back to talk to the love of her life in her home country via phone, text, and internet chats.

She lied to all her supporters. VAWA adjudicators should be smart enough and educated enough and trained enough to see through this nonsense. She only came here for money and a green card. She saw the baby as her ticket to freedom and 18 years of child support. I have that in writing. SCAMMED.

I have a beautiful baby though

And I love her and take care of her better than any child could ever hope for

Meanwhile her mother hasn't seen her in 6 months, hasn't even tried to see her on the internet or call her on the phone. Sad.

Based on your post you would think you would be fine. The justice system is totally in favor of the mother unfortunately.

[Villanelle 4,122]

I think youre being foolish if you ignore Sandras advice. Not once but twice in this thread shes advised you to "start considering a termination of biological mother’s rights"

Youre putting all your eggs into one basket. Basically counting on the fact that the system wont fail you and she wont be issued a GC. But if it it does fail? Have you looked into what you would need to terminate her parental rights? Not just have sole custody for yourself, but totally strip her of any rights to the child, regardless of her status.

You may, or rather should look into that immediately IMO. Perhaps your evidence isnt enough to stop her from obtaining a GC but it might be enough in family court to strip her of her rights.

(You should also look into putting a 'block' on your child being able to obtain a passport. Theres information on how to do that on google, if you have any concern that she would possibly leave the country and take (or rather kidnap) the child with her. I know it seems like she has zero interest in the child now, however she does not seem trustworthy and if she is faced with the fact that is she is forced to leave the country and her child behind, you dont know how she will react and if she would do something drastic like attempt to take the child with her.)

[james&olya 1,121]

I would advise you and any other parent going through issues with child custody and visitation issues.

Keep a diary or journal of everything that has to do with the child's other parent. Make a notation on any contact or attempted contact. What time the other parent got the child for visitation and what time they returned the child. If they miss the scheduled visitation notate it in this journal. If you receive anything by US mail take a picture of what was received and document it in the journal. If you need to send correspondance send it certified with a return receipt where somebody needs to sign for it. Keep accurate and perfect records and this could benefit you in court when you are trying to prove lack of interest in the child or abandonment.

My philosophy is if it is not documented it didn't happen.

This is more true than you could ever imagine!!! I happened to do this almost by accident and when I got to court with my ex it was like they hardly cared about what I had to say but what was written in that journal was treated like a revelation from the almighty! It was almost unbelievable how much faith was placed in that set of pages. It became a respected and almost unassailable witness! I sort of understand why realizing how much better memory is a few minutes after something has occurred versus months later. If you want to succeed in court on custody/visitation issue DO THIS!!!

I don't think you would let her but I will say DO NOT for any reason let her have the child alone. If there is no custody orders in place then who ever has possession of the children is the one who has the rights to the child. If she takes off with the baby the police will not even be able to help you because there are no court orders on access and possession. In my line of work I run into this issue on a daily basis and multiple times in a day.

Excellent advice as well!

[james&olya 1,121]

A journal is a great idea. I also try to always have credible witnesses present just in case. The sad thing is many people get scared and balk when you ask them to testify.

Not just a great idea. Probably the most effective witness on your side imaginable!

[hamigirl710 112]

This is more true than you could ever imagine!!! I happened to do this almost by accident and when I got to court with my ex it was like they hardly cared about what I had to say but what was written in that journal was treated like a revelation from the almighty! It was almost unbelievable how much faith was placed in that set of pages. It became a respected and almost unassailable witness! I sort of understand why realizing how much better memory is a few minutes after something has occurred versus months later. If you want to succeed in court on custody/visitation issue DO THIS!!!

Yes it is a great tool to have because when you are in the moment all the emotions and feelings are right there and you are writing what happened. If you are in court a year later and trying to tell the story verbally your memory is not as fresh. It really is a great tool that assists with proving your credibility and intentions.

[hamigirl710 112]

Not just a great idea. Probably the most effective witness on your side imaginable!

Yes it is and as a child services worker when I have a parent who has this type of documentation I would accept that journal as credible over the word of the other parent. I always advise my clients to do this because I have also seen it make a difference in court personally with my own children too.

[Villanelle 4,122]

Verysadguy- Most of your posts seem to have the same theme to them. They are laced with this outrage that someone would be able to defraud the system and get away with it, and repeated you ask- how can that be? Since no one else has answered it- heres how it is:

A VAWA claim can either be for physical or mental abuse. (Your partner chose mental abuse) To submit a claim you need to submit evidence. This includes police reports, photos, and a psychological evaluation. With mental abuse there typically arent police reports, and there isnt any photographic evidence- so it all comes down to the psychological evaluation.

Now you'll find on VJ, the site itself is a run as a 100% legal immigration help site. You wont find posts advising you how to bend or break immigration laws and the people that post here sometimes tend to have 'holier then thou' moral attitudes and would never do wrong- but in the real world there are people who will do whatever it takes to get what they want.

So for a person like that, it would be very easy to research what condition would qualify them for a successful VAWA claim (ptsd, depression, anxiety), research what they need to say to a therapist or psychologist- go to one and list their symptoms and obtain the diagnosis. Its not like when someone files a false claim for a back injury and you can bust them by snapping a few pictures of them carrying a heavy box up the stairs. Theres no way to dispute what someone says is going on in their head. If your ex is reporting t her dr that she is suffering from anxiety and quoting symptoms she researched online to make her claim believable theres very little you can do to disprove it. If she claimed to her dr she was up all night because she was having flashbacks about the time you yelled at her for hours and called her names and she was fearful and anxious, but in reality she was up all night because she was daydreaming about her old lover- well you can not prove that.

If the dr believes her, and is a experienced dr, he will have no problem in compiling a report that will be acceptable to the VAWA adjudicators. A VAWA report is no different from a disability report, and the conditions I listed above are disabling conditions. Trained drs know how to word the reports to get them approved. This is why the rates of approval you quoted many pages back are so high.

So basically if youre an honest person- and you were in a bad marriage or a bad situation- if you were not subject to extreme cruelty and are not suffering from one of these severely disabling conditions- you have zero chance of filing a mental abuse VAWA claim and getting approved. Bur if you are a dishonest person and have no problem defrauding the government and will lie, you can easily defraud a dr into believing you have one of these conditions and be approved.

So verysadguy where does this leave you and what can you do about it? Well if you main concern is custody of you child, then there are a few things you can consider.

1. stop putting all your focus on preventing her from getting VAWA. You may not be able to prevent it. Begin taking action on terminating her parental rights. If that is not possible then you need all of your attention to be on the strongest custody you can get with as much limitations on her as possible.

2. If you have the means you can possibly hire a private investigator to follow her around for a while. The basis for her VAWA claim would be one of the disabling conditions listed above. Perhaps the PI would be able to give you some kind of evidence that would contradict her claim of being able to lead a normal life. You could submit the evidence to VAWA as well as to the Dr who wrote her report. Now Im not 100% sure, but I believe that as part of her VAWA claim she is probably still under the care of the Dr that wrote her report. I dont know if you know which Dr that is, but if you were to hire a PI that was to follow her, you would be able to determine which Dr it is she is going to. Because of health care privacy laws the Dr is NOT under any circumstance going to discuss with you anything about her, her case or anything he wrote for her. But I do believe if you went to go speak with him and explained your situation- told him that you believe she was using him to file a false VAWA claim, 'pretending' to have this disabling condition for immigration purposes and brought evidence from your PI showing her living a normal life-going out to clubs, socializing at night, doing activities on her own etc (you can search google for details about the conditions and the limitations they impose on the lifestyles of those that legitimately live with them on a daily basis) that if you do all that, he may be inclined to amend or revoke his report or support of her VAWA claim. But its really just a shot in the dark because you dont know what shes told the Dr and hes not going to withdraw his support based on your request alone. Your evidence would have to directly contradict things shes told him and theres no way to know exactly what shes told him. If shes told him shes afraid to go out in the dark and never does and you have repeated footage of her going out alone in the dark then bingo, he may switch to your side- if not then you may be out of luck.

Theres really no guarantee if you try this. You may end up hiring somebody and getting a bunch of useless footage, or maybe it will be useful in the custody hearings to atleast show her lifestyle is not conducive to a child.

[Leatherneck 693]

Thanks everyone for the wonderful and very helpful comments. I have tried to keep up on all the happenings. A journal is a great idea. I also try to always have credible witnesses present just in case. The sad thing is many people get scared and balk when you ask them to testify.

My crazy ex's new boyfriend, who she has completely lied to and tricked with lots of sex, happens to specialize in family law mediation. So I get these perfect English text messages he sends for her on her phone to me about how they want to handle the child custody stipulation and visitation etc. Not in your worst child custody nightmare could anyone consider this happen to them. She is totally using him. And of . course he believes her lies about what a horrible man I am. Scary.

I will attempt to get my child custody agreement back in the courts as soon as possible to have supervised visits, and I keep praying for a VAWA denial based on fraud. Again, no physical abuse, no police reports. She is claiming emotional abuse, but I never called her names or yelled at her. She was free to come and go from the house as she pleased, yet she never left me. She complained she was a prisoner LOL. She was home taking care of a newborn. HELLO!!! And I paid for expensive nannies and babysitters to help her and keep her company while I worked. And every weekend we went on shopping sprees. This woman just couldn't stop sneaking behind my back to talk to the love of her life in her home country via phone, text, and internet chats.

She lied to all her supporters. VAWA adjudicators should be smart enough and educated enough and trained enough to see through this nonsense. She only came here for money and a green card. She saw the baby as her ticket to freedom and 18 years of child support. I have that in writing. SCAMMED.

I have a beautiful baby though

And I love her and take care of her better than any child could ever hope for

Meanwhile her mother hasn't seen her in 6 months, hasn't even tried to see her on the internet or call her on the phone. Sad.

You don't have to "stipulate" to anything and certianly not the physical custody of the child... which of course you already have. If your state mandates mediation prior to the custody/visitation issue being placed on the court's calendar for a hearing, it is then during mediation you can stipulate to a visitation schedule. You have physical custody and you don't have to budge (stipulate) one inch during mediation on that issue. If she isn't happy with your desire to maintain 100% physical custody, then let her challenge you and prove to the court why, in the best interest of the minor child, the child should be removed from your home and physical custody placed with her. She would have better luck trying to get water to run uphill than demonstrating to the court why in the best interest of the child, the child should be removed from your home.

Her lack of interest in parenting and in the minor child's well being have both been demonstrated by her failure to call and inquire about the child and/or visit the child on a regular basis. So short of proving you to be an unfit parent, she's (via her new guy) in no position to discuss the stipulation of anything, certianly not the child's physical custody. She's new to American style family law, but considering her new guy's profession, he's well aware of what I'm sharing with you. Hence, the reason for "how they want to handle the child custody stipulation." He knows very well there is no "stipulation" to be had regarding the child's custody unless you decide to roll over and give up (stipulate) your custody of the child.

Physical custody, she can forget a court ruling in her favor on that issue. Unless she gets lucky and the case is placed before a judge with an agenda and a bias regarding men being suitable single parents. The best she can hope for is the same type of visitation schedule the rest of us non-custodial parents get, one day during the week, every other weekend and maybe 2-4 weeks during the summer once the child starts school.

Edited January 5, 2013 by Leatherneck

[verysadguy 170]

I think youre being foolish if you ignore Sandras advice. Not once but twice in this thread shes advised you to "start considering a termination of biological mother’s rights"

Youre putting all your eggs into one basket. Basically counting on the fact that the system wont fail you and she wont be issued a GC. But if it it does fail? Have you looked into what you would need to terminate her parental rights? Not just have sole custody for yourself, but totally strip her of any rights to the child, regardless of her status.

You may, or rather should look into that immediately IMO. Perhaps your evidence isnt enough to stop her from obtaining a GC but it might be enough in family court to strip her of her rights.

(You should also look into putting a 'block' on your child being able to obtain a passport. Theres information on how to do that on google, if you have any concern that she would possibly leave the country and take (or rather kidnap) the child with her. I know it seems like she has zero interest in the child now, however she does not seem trustworthy and if she is faced with the fact that is she is forced to leave the country and her child behind, you dont know how she will react and if she would do something drastic like attempt to take the child with her.)

I am considering termination of parental rights, but she was lucky and got a very pro-mother judge to put me in a bad position because of my salary. Now I have to pay for all her visits even though she didn't try to see the baby or even call for several months.

She cannot get a passport without my signature, but I will try to get an emergency order for 100% supervised visits. She has threatened and asked to take the baby several times. I love my baby and my baby loves me. I have been the sole provider and daily responsibility for this child WITHOUT FAIL EVER. And I pay for EVERYTHING. The baby does not even know her mother. Last time even pushed her away.

[Villanelle 4,122]

To clarify what is needed to obtain a passport for a minor child in the US:

Minor children need both parents present to 'sign off' on it. In cases where one parent has sole custody all the single parent has to do is provide to the passport authority is that they have sole custody and the passport would be issued w/o the other parents signature.

So in this case you have sole custody. You could technically go down and apply for a passport w/o the knowledge of the childs mother, submit your custody papers showing you have sole custody and the passport would be issued. You could then 'flee' the country with your child if you chose to.

If the situation is ever reversed and the childs mother becomes the one in possession of a court order granting her sole custody, she would be able to do the above. In order to prevent that from happening, there is a form you can fill out with the passport authority. It would prevent the other parent from being able to obtain a passport for the minor child even though they have sole custody and met the 'waiver requirement' in the first paragraph.

Perhaps its not something you want to do now, but you should research and bookmark the link because if the childs mother is ever granted custody- it should be one of the first things you immediately do to prevent her from being able to remove your child from the US.