Need Help Ending It

[TimeTravel 78]

Forget about reporting her to ICE for fraud. With the "facts" you have presented I don't see any evidence of fraud. I see evidence of a woman who lied (about issues that are not tolerated and may have strong repercussions in her culture) to keep a man. What she did is not right but its not fraud.

If you were both American citizens no one would be calling this fraud but a woman with skeletons in her closet.

If she was an American woman would you be suing her for fraud in civil or criminal court? If yes, then go ahead with ICE. If no, then divorce her and move on. The best revenge is a life well lived.

If OP is very sure that it is fraud for sure and if it was solely for GC purpose only, then must report to ICE. If she remains in USA, then OP is in contract I-864 with US gov until she becomes USC or has done work 10 yrs in USA. That is indeed a very long time. Who knows what can happen, and what kind of financial losses OP may have to suffer in future while she remains in USA.

[rlogan 2,036]

I also want to add that when she told me all of this, my first reaction was "I don't want this". She then threatened to commit suicide if i left her. She even ran to the bathroom and tried to drink some bleach; i stopped her.

Worst-case scenario lying manipulator! The first stuff was bad enough, but this is over the top. Lying in order to manipulate you into marrying her is not excusable but extortion by threat of suicide is someone you need to get away from right now unless you want this for the rest of your life.

Currently i told her that i am still thinking it over, i need time...

...but inside i have already made my decision, but can't tell her. Divorce/separation is a big deal.

how can i go about this not looking like the bad guy?

Classic symptom of being held hostage by an emotional blackmail artist/lying manipulator: keeping you terrified of telling them what they don't want to hear. You also have a conscience, which is what she is abusing to keep you. She on the other hand has no conscience whatsoever: lying to your face and emotional blackmail with suicide threats... this is a five-alarm threat level ten hunter-killer manipulator unit. This is what the rest of your life will be like if you stay with this person.

You can't prove fraud with this much to the USCIS. But you can extricate yourself, so read on your local state court what the procedure is for disollution or no-fault divorce.

With a manipulative person like this you do not discuss the matter. You tell them your decision, and that's the end of it. Be kind, but separate yourself from her

[aaydrian 479]

I also want to add that when she told me all of this, my first reaction was "I don't want this". She then threatened to commit suicide if i left her. She even ran to the bathroom and tried to drink some bleach; i stopped her. Currently i told her that i am still thinking it over, i need time...

...but inside i have already made my decision, but can't tell her. Divorce/separation is a big deal.

how can i go about this not looking like the bad guy?

You need to just divorce your wife. I think she's either Bipolar, very delusional & emotionally unstable (irresponsible too) or psychotic (maybe even all four) but I don't think she married you for a green card. As some folks said, try to find a way to get her back to India so her family can help her out with her problems but you need to separate yourself from her. This is not healthy. Its not about who is the good/bad guy but what is the best for 'me'. Since your wife lied and you married her without full knowledge & acceptance of her past and current issues you have alright to be selfish and only care about you and moving forward.

[james&olya 1,121]

Worst-case scenario lying manipulator! The first stuff was bad enough, but this is over the top. Lying in order to manipulate you into marrying her is not excusable but extortion by threat of suicide is someone you need to get away from right now unless you want this for the rest of your life.

Classic symptom of being held hostage by an emotional blackmail artist/lying manipulator: keeping you terrified of telling them what they don't want to hear. You also have a conscience, which is what she is abusing to keep you. She on the other hand has no conscience whatsoever: lying to your face and emotional blackmail with suicide threats... this is a five-alarm threat level ten hunter-killer manipulator unit. This is what the rest of your life will be like if you stay with this person.

You can't prove fraud with this much to the USCIS. But you can extricate yourself, so read on your local state court what the procedure is for disollution or no-fault divorce.

With a manipulative person like this you do not discuss the matter. You tell them your decision, and that's the end of it. Be kind, but separate yourself from her

To the OP, this is EXCELLENT advice!

[The Rice King 1]

I would run away as fast as I could.

[L+T 71]

So here is the story. I meet my wife last year in India via relatives. This was going to be an arranged marriage. I had discussed with her what it was that i was looking for in a wife and told her that honesty and trust is what makes a good marriage. At this time I told her about my past relations, affairs, and secrets that no one else knew about me. I asked her the same and she told me that she had no past relations or affairs. So both happy get married in India last year and I apply for her CR-1 (I-130). I came back to USA about a month after the marriage (due to work). We talked every day and i kept telling her that it is very important to be open with one another; she assured me that she is telling me everything. I took November and December off from work to spend time with her (no pay!) as i had to leave rather quickly after our marriage. We learned that she had her interview in January in Mumbai, so i extended my time off to be with her though the process. She came to USA in February and received her GC and SSN after words.

Two or Three days after we got the GC and SSN she told me about her affair before marriage. She had been seeing a guy before me. I was upset of her lying to me in the beginning but for i gave her. She said she was afraid that i wouldn't marry her if she told me! Never the less i forgave her for lying to me asked her if she loved me more now; Which she said she did. I asked her again if there is anything else she would like to tell me and she said "No, this it, honestly"... ...few hours later she tells me that her ex was married at time! I was kind of disgusted but let it go thinking to my self "love makes you do crazy things"... as i have done crazy things for her.

A day later she tells me that she broke up with her ex-boyfriend 2 days before our marriage! I got upset and questioned if she truly loved me. She said she did and that she had forgotten about her ex and only loves me. I found this hard to believe, she loved some one so much that she was willing to over look that he was married and then get over him after 2 day! I forgave her again thinking that over time she will forget about him and love me more. At this point i asked her again if there is anything else she would like to tell me and she said "No, this it, honestly"...

A day later she tells me that she had an abortion before marriage! I feel that this is not a small issue; this may have implication when i want to have kids with her. I am upset and i can forgive her no more. I feel as if i have been cheated; she has been dishonest with me and has broke my trust and heart. We have been married for about 1 year, physical together for about 4 months, and she waits until she gets her GC and SSN to tell me all this! I want to yell FRAUD.

I know many people here may be thinking that i should forgive her; her past is her past. I should look towards the future. However for me it is hard to see my future with her. I feel as if i cannot trust her any more; and without trust the relation is not going any where.

I feel as i have been cheated and that she only married me for GC. At times i feel as she does not respect me or my family. I do not want to be with her any more! Should I seek an annulment or divorce? (we are in California). Contact USCIS? ICE? Is this fraud? How do I get her out of my life? Can't seem to get an appointment with lawyer until April!

Is it possible all the "Lies" really are not true, and she just wants you to initiate a divorce??

[palhaço 2]

Worst-case scenario lying manipulator! The first stuff was bad enough, but this is over the top. Lying in order to manipulate you into marrying her is not excusable but extortion by threat of suicide is someone you need to get away from right now unless you want this for the rest of your life.

Classic symptom of being held hostage by an emotional blackmail artist/lying manipulator: keeping you terrified of telling them what they don't want to hear. You also have a conscience, which is what she is abusing to keep you. She on the other hand has no conscience whatsoever: lying to your face and emotional blackmail with suicide threats... this is a five-alarm threat level ten hunter-killer manipulator unit. This is what the rest of your life will be like if you stay with this person.

You can't prove fraud with this much to the USCIS. But you can extricate yourself, so read on your local state court what the procedure is for disollution or no-fault divorce.

With a manipulative person like this you do not discuss the matter. You tell them your decision, and that's the end of it. Be kind, but separate yourself from her

I agree with this post 100%. Great advice!!! Unfortunately I had firsthand experience with this and wish I had this advice many years ago.

[Divs 35]

She is a cheater and a lier, but her actions not necessarily make her a shammer.

And who exactly are we to judge?

She was having a relationship with another man. Nothing good can come from it, don't you see?!. You deserve better.

Which she claims she broke off before the wedding. Instead of us jumping to conclusions here, perhaps we could give it a rational thought?

[Neela & Jitu 79]

absolutly right i totally agree with you.WE should fix it not break

[Neela & Jitu 79]

the decesion is yours

Edited March 20, 2012 by Neela & Jitu

[troutcat 41]

Golly, what harsh responses. It sounds more like you are seeking relationship advice rather than immigration advice. She has immigrated with you, yes? That part is done, for now, until she must remove conditions, which she technically can do with or without you.

We are few of us without things we would not tell a near-stranger. Your wife was married to you, a near stranger from what you have said, in an arranged marriage. You told her what you value is truth, and she married you and moved halfway around the world. It may be that once she knew you long enough to think she could trust you with her truths, she told them to you - an act she may have thought would bring you closer, given that you told her a husband and wife can be open with one another, and also perhaps because now, thousands of miles away from her family, she may have felt SAFE telling you these things - and now you find that you cannot bear her truths. It might help you to sort out what is it that bothers you, that she had an affair before she knew you, that she had an abortion before she knew you, or that she did not tell you about these things on your schedule? If your ego gets in the way of your love and compassion, you may lose someone who was just beginning to trust you - your wife. It seems that she need never have told you any of these things - you would not have known, and she would not have risked you leaving her. If you divorce her here, what skills does she have to get on with her life alone? Is she a professional? Does she have sound job skills? Or are you contemplating her returning to her family as a disgraced divorcee whose husband left her because she was not a virgin when she married him? She risked a great deal to be honest with you - she must have grown to trust you since you got married. This may be a great gift, a good thing.

She may have gotten to know you just enough since you have been together for some small time now to have trusted you enough to tell you. Perhaps you can trust her enough to believe that there must be something she values in her relationship with you very much to open up to you now and in this way, since it appears she has much to loose if you leave her. She took a risk in telling you her truth, perhaps you can respect her for doing so, since truth is what you said you wanted to build on.

Marrying you in an arranged marriage, at the urging of relatives, does not sound like green card fraud. It sounds like traditional arranged marriage, approved by the family, and entered into with the honest hope of success. It may be that once you get over your shock, you will see something of great value has grown in your marriage. I just don't believe that someone perpetrating a fraud would have told you this at this time.

[TBoneTX 46,113]

Her sense of honesty sounds, honestly, like that of most of the screwed-up U.S. women that I tormented myself trying to date for 18 years before I came to my senses and got fed up.

At the end of my very first phone call to Mrs. T-B.-to-be, she said, in her rusty English, "T-B., whatever happens between us, promise me one thing: Please never LIE to me." I knew then that she could be the real thing, and she was, and we are now parents to little Mini-Bone.

I agree with rlogan that you've been (and are being) royally manipulated. If I were in your shoes, I'd dump this loserette and never look back.

Edited March 20, 2012 by TBoneTX

[james&olya 1,121]

Golly, what harsh responses. It sounds more like you are seeking relationship advice rather than immigration advice. She has immigrated with you, yes? That part is done, for now, until she must remove conditions, which she technically can do with or without you.

We are few of us without things we would not tell a near-stranger. Your wife was married to you, a near stranger from what you have said, in an arranged marriage. You told her what you value is truth, and she married you and moved halfway around the world. It may be that once she knew you long enough to think she could trust you with her truths, she told them to you - an act she may have thought would bring you closer, given that you told her a husband and wife can be open with one another, and also perhaps because now, thousands of miles away from her family, she may have felt SAFE telling you these things - and now you find that you cannot bear her truths. It might help you to sort out what is it that bothers you, that she had an affair before she knew you, that she had an abortion before she knew you, or that she did not tell you about these things on your schedule? If your ego gets in the way of your love and compassion, you may lose someone who was just beginning to trust you - your wife. It seems that she need never have told you any of these things - you would not have known, and she would not have risked you leaving her. If you divorce her here, what skills does she have to get on with her life alone? Is she a professional? Does she have sound job skills? Or are you contemplating her returning to her family as a disgraced divorcee whose husband left her because she was not a virgin when she married him? She risked a great deal to be honest with you - she must have grown to trust you since you got married. This may be a great gift, a good thing.

She may have gotten to know you just enough since you have been together for some small time now to have trusted you enough to tell you. Perhaps you can trust her enough to believe that there must be something she values in her relationship with you very much to open up to you now and in this way, since it appears she has much to loose if you leave her. She took a risk in telling you her truth, perhaps you can respect her for doing so, since truth is what you said you wanted to build on.

Marrying you in an arranged marriage, at the urging of relatives, does not sound like green card fraud. It sounds like traditional arranged marriage, approved by the family, and entered into with the honest hope of success. It may be that once you get over your shock, you will see something of great value has grown in your marriage. I just don't believe that someone perpetrating a fraud would have told you this at this time.

You don't find it more than a little curious that her 'trust' in being able to tell her husband the truth just coincidentally followed getting that all-important GREEN CARD?!!

[Neela & Jitu 79]

Golly, what harsh responses. It sounds more like you are seeking relationship advice rather than immigration advice. She has immigrated with you, yes? That part is done, for now, until she must remove conditions, which she technically can do with or without you.

We are few of us without things we would not tell a near-stranger. Your wife was married to you, a near stranger from what you have said, in an arranged marriage. You told her what you value is truth, and she married you and moved halfway around the world. It may be that once she knew you long enough to think she could trust you with her truths, she told them to you - an act she may have thought would bring you closer, given that you told her a husband and wife can be open with one another, and also perhaps because now, thousands of miles away from her family, she may have felt SAFE telling you these things - and now you find that you cannot bear her truths. It might help you to sort out what is it that bothers you, that she had an affair before she knew you, that she had an abortion before she knew you, or that she did not tell you about these things on your schedule? If your ego gets in the way of your love and compassion, you may lose someone who was just beginning to trust you - your wife. It seems that she need never have told you any of these things - you would not have known, and she would not have risked you leaving her. If you divorce her here, what skills does she have to get on with her life alone? Is she a professional? Does she have sound job skills? Or are you contemplating her returning to her family as a disgraced divorcee whose husband left her because she was not a virgin when she married him? She risked a great deal to be honest with you - she must have grown to trust you since you got married. This may be a great gift, a good thing.

She may have gotten to know you just enough since you have been together for some small time now to have trusted you enough to tell you. Perhaps you can trust her enough to believe that there must be something she values in her relationship with you very much to open up to you now and in this way, since it appears she has much to loose if you leave her. She took a risk in telling you her truth, perhaps you can respect her for doing so, since truth is what you said you wanted to build on.

Marrying you in an arranged marriage, at the urging of relatives, does not sound like green card fraud. It sounds like traditional arranged marriage, approved by the family, and entered into with the honest hope of success. It may be that once you get over your shock, you will see something of great value has grown in your marriage. I just don't believe that someone perpetrating a fraud would have told you this at this time.

Totally agree with you.Another key of success marriage is Compromise.

[TBoneTX 46,113]

Totally agree with you.

Totally disagree with you. He never really knew her, and she concealed information from him when he requested "no secrets."