Need Urgent Advise please

[aiq 0]

I need some advise guys. I got married in October to a USC, arranged marriage deal, big wedding, parents came from India and stuff. I got my Green card at the end of January. Now we were having problems since the beginning of the marriage. I was supposed to go live in NYC after the wedding since they claimed she was graduating with her bachelors in education and was gonna get a job soon and we both will work together. Long story short turns out she hadn't been to college in 1.5 years and wasnt even half way to finishing up her degree and said she didnt wanna work.. So i told them I am moving back to Ohio because she wasn't going to work. She moved to Ohio with me in December. It was a rough start but we were trying to make it work. But it all went downhill since then. On Feb. 1 it was her birthday, took her out to dinner, bought her diamond earrings. At night i was getting a condom from the drawer and the wrapper felt funny so I turned on the light to check it, there were three condoms left in the drawer with holes in all three of them. It was just a downward spiral from there. Last week she threatened me that she was going to get my green card cancelled and file harassment claims against me. False of course. Yesterday had a big argument in the car. She tried to jump out of the moving car and started creating a scene on the road, I called the cops. Long story short she went back to New York today.

What should I do. Should I file for a divorce or let her file it from there. What about the bank accounts? Should I close them because I believe she will try to take everything out just to trouble me.

I need some urgent advise please. I know I can file for removal of conditions myself, but I dont know whats going to happen.

Thanks for reading the long post.

[randomusername 0]

I need some advise guys. I got married in October to a USC, arranged marriage deal, big wedding, parents came from India and stuff. I got my Green card at the end of January. Now we were having problems since the beginning of the marriage. I was supposed to go live in NYC after the wedding since they claimed she was graduating with her bachelors in education and was gonna get a job soon and we both will work together. Long story short turns out she hadn't been to college in 1.5 years and wasnt even half way to finishing up her degree and said she didnt wanna work.. So i told them I am moving back to Ohio because she wasn't going to work. She moved to Ohio with me in December. It was a rough start but we were trying to make it work. But it all went downhill since then. On Feb. 1 it was her birthday, took her out to dinner, bought her diamond earrings. At night i was getting a condom from the drawer and the wrapper felt funny so I turned on the light to check it, there were three condoms left in the drawer with holes in all three of them. It was just a downward spiral from there. Last week she threatened me that she was going to get my green card cancelled and file harassment claims against me. False of course. Yesterday had a big argument in the car. She tried to jump out of the moving car and started creating a scene on the road, I called the cops. Long story short she went back to New York today.

What should I do. Should I file for a divorce or let her file it from there. What about the bank accounts? Should I close them because I believe she will try to take everything out just to trouble me.

I need some urgent advise please. I know I can file for removal of conditions myself, but I dont know whats going to happen.

Thanks for reading the long post.

I assume you are posting to this forum because divorcing her might jeopardize your stay in the states. Contact an immigration lawyer, and see if he/she can do anything for your case. This obviously is not a healthy relationship.

[mauguste27 2]

I assume you are posting to this forum because divorcing her might jeopardize your stay in the states. Contact an immigration lawyer, and see if he/she can do anything for your case. This obviously is not a healthy relationship.

u should take the money from the bank,put the money in ur name for now

[Nina~ 431]

u should take the money from the bank,put the money in ur name for now

Bad advice!!!

Consult a lawyer before you move any money from a joint a/c. You can probably ask your bank to freeze your a/c which will stop anyone from withdrawing or depositing money into that a/c, however do not take the money out of the bank until you have talked to a good lawyer.

[aiq 0]

yes, randomusername. I dont want her lying and deceit destroying my stay in the US. She destroyed my life, I would have never married her had I known all this. I spent 4000 dollars moving into the apartment in queens Ny, spent another 1250 for the second months rent and just moved out of the complex after giving them a notice. Last I heard from the apartment complex was that I was still obligated to pay the rent for the next 10 months, which i am not denying, I signed the lease. Its going to destroy my 780 credit.

Thanks Nina and Mauguste, I will talk to a lawyer about what to do.

Its just a bad situation that I was thrown into by her. After I found out about her school lies she and her mother said it was not a lie. She just said it because she loved you so much. When I caught her with holes in the condom, she said it was an innocent mistake and why I was not talking to her. Complete denial of her mistakes. After every fight she says its a new start, we have had 8-10 new starts. I am just sick and tired.

[sara..... 371]

i know this will sound like putting the cart after the horses have stopped but being it was an arranged marriage didn't your family investigate her and her family to make sure that they were what they stated they were? I know that my family investigated anyone that came to us with a proposal to make sure everything was true.

this will sound strange to those that do not understand the way that arranged marriages planed out.....but maybe you could enlist the help of your family over some of these issues?

just my opinion

sara

[aiq 0]

i know this will sound like putting the cart after the horses have stopped but being it was an arranged marriage didn't your family investigate her and her family to make sure that they were what they stated they were? I know that my family investigated anyone that came to us with a proposal to make sure everything was true.

this will sound strange to those that do not understand the way that arranged marriages planed out.....but maybe you could enlist the help of your family over some of these issues?

just my opinion

sara

My parents live in India so there was no way for them to verify what was going on. They had told the lady that introduced us too that she was going to graduate in May 2011. And while we were talking for seven or eight months she used to tell these elaborate lies that she was on the bus to college. She had to change three buses to get to college. I was so tired today that I fell asleep on the bus and missed my stop. When my mother came from India, she called my mother the same day and told her that she was between classes and was calling her to just say hello. And remember she hasnt been to college since 1.5 year. I fell for these lies.

[sara..... 371]

My parents live in India so there was no way for them to verify what was going on. They had told the lady that introduced us too that she was going to graduate in May 2011. And while we were talking for seven or eight months she used to tell these elaborate lies that she was on the bus to college. She had to change three buses to get to college. I was so tired today that I fell asleep on the bus and missed my stop. When my mother came from India, she called my mother the same day and told her that she was between classes and was calling her to just say hello. And remember she hasnt been to college since 1.5 year. I fell for these lies.

you should talk to an attorney and also try to see if there is anyway to recoup what you have invested since her and her family completely lied about what was possibly (i don't know because you have not said) but possibly one of the things that you looked for or asked for when searching for a wife (the amount of education acceptable)if it was not part of what you put down as criteria your out of luck

i for one would be trying to get some of the funds back from her family because of false information that lead to a marriage

I know that this is beating a dead horse but this is one of the many reasons that i wish there was a visa to allow the person that is from for example India to come to the USA before immigrating here to check and make sure everything is as it has been portrayed by the petitioner

or if your just tired of the complete mess and don't worry about what you have invested get a divorce

sometimes the best revenge is to be happy and move on with life

sara

[aaydrian 479]

Am I the only one that thinks the true victim here is the 780 credit score?

Best thing to do is 'gather' your evidence (ensure your wife can't get her hands on them) so whatever your choices are you have proof.

[Brother Hesekiel 2,236]

Everything in life is some kind of a deal. We all do things every day in order to achieve something from it. We buy a new car because we want to feel good about it and because we enjoy the ride. Some even buy a new car to get the neighbor's attention. Kids like nice cars because they help them to get laid. I wouldn't want anybody to buy me a car I haven't checked out myself, even less would I want to get a wife by air mail. How do I know that she and I would be compatible?

You were okay with that, however, so I assume you agreed to this little transaction because you wanted a Green Card. Your wife wanted a husband and babies, and who knows what the parents involved got. Could be a goat or a bunch' a money.

Now you realize that you agreed to a deal that isn't working out. You didn't use due diligence and now you feel trapped. Here's what you can do: be a man. Tell your wife that you don't want to pop out babies with her. Get a divorce, move back to India, the place where all the American jobs went. There you stand up to your parents, again, like a man would do it, and tell them that you just checked the calendar and found out it's 2012 already, and you are not a tangible asset, so you will pick your next wife yourself, and you'll test drive her to make sure she's what you hope she is.

Best of luck to you.

[MCMLXXXII 29]

i know this will sound like putting the cart after the horses have stopped but being it was an arranged marriage didn't your family investigate her and her family to make sure that they were what they stated they were? I know that my family investigated anyone that came to us with a proposal to make sure everything was true.

this will sound strange to those that do not understand the way that arranged marriages planed out.....but maybe you could enlist the help of your family over some of these issues?

just my opinion

sara

One of the benefits of arranged marriages is that when problems like these arise, you can resort to some sort of mediation. However if you believe that her family has also been behind the deceit then I am not sure if them being involved in any mediation would benefit you. You may also perhaps try marriage counselling, I amnot sure how it will be possibel now that she has gone to NYC.

Regarding your removal of conditions, you should be able to get that completed if you provide evidence that the marriage was entered in good faith. You have many financial documents to support that already. Regarding joint accounts, I would suggest that you create a new account and transfer the majority of your funds to those accounts and wait till after the divorce to completly close all joint accounts. Reason being that if you two do reconcile before that, the closing of accounts does not seem like burning of bridges. you should seek legal advice concerning the divorce regardless of whether she files or you file, you should look out for your own interests in that situation.

[james&olya 1,121]

Bad advice!!!

Consult a lawyer before you move any money from a joint a/c. You can probably ask your bank to freeze your a/c which will stop anyone from withdrawing or depositing money into that a/c, however do not take the money out of the bank until you have talked to a good lawyer.

NO! It was very good advice! It has been said that possession is 9/10th's of the law and in this circumstance that is very true. You have every right to any and all funds held in joint accounts! Don't wait for your appointment with a divorce lawyer to do this. He (or better yet, she) will advise you to do this anyway if nothing has yet been filed or served on you. After divorce has been filed it gets a bit murkier, but unless the accounts have been frozen or a judge has ordered 'hands off', you need to consolidate your assets as best you can. I guarantee you (based on past experience more than once) that is what she will be doing. Get the money NOW, close any credit cards that you have together, etc. Good luck!

[rlogan 2,036]

Wow - a full blown sociopath.

In divorce she will only be entitled to 50% of the assets accumulated during the marriage. That didn't happen. Instead, she was throwing your money into the fire. Your money from before is still yours now, so I would be immediately protecting it from her.

You can divorce in either state.

[aaydrian 479]

Wow - a full blown sociopath.

Lol. This is why dating for 2-3 years before marriage is best. You can't maintain 'crazy' consistently for so long.

[Nina~ 431]

NO! It was very good advice! It has been said that possession is 9/10th's of the law and in this circumstance that is very true. You have every right to any and all funds held in joint accounts! Don't wait for your appointment with a divorce lawyer to do this. He (or better yet, she) will advise you to do this anyway if nothing has yet been filed or served on you. After divorce has been filed it gets a bit murkier, but unless the accounts have been frozen or a judge has ordered 'hands off', you need to consolidate your assets as best you can. I guarantee you (based on past experience more than once) that is what she will be doing. Get the money NOW, close any credit cards that you have together, etc. Good luck!

This strategy might have worked for you, but the OP is not an USC. The last thing he needs is for his USC wife to successfully claim financial abuse in front of a judge if he takes all the money and shuts down their joint account. This might come back to haunt him when it comes time for ROC. Also divorce laws vary from state to state, So OP do yourself a favor and consult a lawyer before you tell your wife that you are going to file for a divorce.

Edited March 20, 2012 by Nina~