Crazy MIL

[VanessaTony 3,567]

It's actually my husbands choice to not talk to his mother. She has done so very many bad things to him over the years (seriously, some stories would just shock you) that it was just easy for him to say.. well actually he SAID nothing but it was easy for him to just ignore her. He hates her. I wish I could say that he's just ticked for right now but he has some pretty strong negative emotions and nothing I have said has helped. I personally would have chosen to ignore the bad behaviour and simply LIMIT our interaction (rather than cutting all ties completely) but she's not my mother so it's not my choice... and I back Tony on his choice.

Not having in-laws in our lives sucks for me. I hate having in-laws living so close and yet I don't know them as people. I hate knowing I left my loving family to be surrounded by vicious in-laws. I hate that SHE did this.. but I can't change her (or him)... I can only change myself...

SO, I am thankful that I am relatively happy and healthy. I am thankful that my relationship with my husband is great. I am lucky to have such wonderful friends both here and at home, and family back home who support me in my decision to live here even though they would LOVE for us to move back home. I am also thankful for the many stories I continue to hear that support our decision to not talk to her. She continues to do some very bad things and while they affect us in a way, they don't affect us as they would if we were talking to her.

If you want him to maintain a relationship with his mother then my only suggestion is this - laugh. You have to find the humour in the situation. Rather than being angry about her posing in your wedding dress you could instead laugh at the poor woman who was so jealous of how the focus was on you during the wedding that she had to put the dress on to post pictures of herself in it. You didn't say how she was mocking you but in my case my MIL is a MUCH larger woman than I am (and I'm not small) so she never would have fitted into my dress... I would have laughed at her even thinking she could. If the reverse is true and you are the bigger woman (more to love ) then yes she was being rude but if size was the thing she had to use to pick on you.. well that doesn't mean anything. You can be pretty or ugly, you can be tall or short, fat or skinny... but being a good person is the most important thing of all. She had to attack you because she felt threatened... why do people feel threatened? They're jealous. Continue to be your lovely self and if she doesn't like that, well who cares! The people who matter WILL care and the people you WANT in your life will care.

She doesn't get respect simply because she had sex which resulted in your husband. She doesn't get respect because she didn't kill him while raising him (small mercy in my MIL's case :S). No-one is OWED respect, they earn it and so far she has done nothing to earn it. I say be polite, be friendly, but don't go out of your way to try and impress her because it would be wasted anyway. At least your husband is on your side, many other women can't say the same thing.

Edited March 19, 2012 by Vanessa&Tony

[debbiety 0]

my friend ,Everything will be better

[Mithra 1,185]

Yikes the MIL sounds like a nightmare. Seriously trying on your wedding dress after you wore it? That's craziness. My MIL and SILs are decent but I have a cousin and aunt in law that are iffy. Even though my inlaws, for the most part, are decent people, I'm glad I don't have to deal with inlaws regularly.

[sailormoon01 41]

I think she really liked the dress, but that was not the only thing. She gave me the excuse that she never married in white and she just wanted to see herself in that dress. She apologized and said she should have asked me. Still, I'm not sure I am entirely burying her excuse. Trying on the dress was one thing, but I was offended she would post this pic on facebook on my special day and tag like 100 people in it, while she is holding my bouquet and giving a cheesy sarcastic smile and doing an over the top pose. By doing this, she nearly ruined what could have been a perfect day. I now will forever remember this day as her trying on my dress and taking silly pics, rather than it being a day about my husband and me. BTW, thanks Vanessa, you are right. I just have to laugh at her. Really, its like, couldn't she be a little less obvious in her jealousy towards me? LOL!

Edited March 19, 2012 by TesoroMiooo

[Mithra 1,185]

It's still weird and childish. I'd be pissed. She was clearly mocking you with her posing and whatnot.

I think she really liked the dress, but that was not the only thing. She gave me the excuse that she never married in white and she just wanted to see herself in that dress. She apologized, but said she should have asked me. Still, I was offended she would post this pic on facebook and tag like 100 people in it, while she is holding my bouquet and giving a cheesy sarcastic smile and doing an over the top pose.

[sailormoon01 41]

Mirtha- 100%

The thing that gets me mad is that when my husband confronts her and when I confronted her the day she did this, she tries to act innocent like she didn't know what she was doing was wrong. Then, she tries to make people feel bad for her by giving sob stories as to why she did what she did. At her age, I think she knows right from wrong. There really is no excuse.

[saudiwife 7]

MIL stories are the best in my opinion. My ex-MIL, she was a character. I could write a book about her. Alhamdulillah(Praise God) her son and I are not together. When we first got married she said, her son only married me because I was pregnant. That was a lie, I was a virgin when we married. So no children in the womb.

When I did get pregnant it was 2.5 years after we got married. She told me that the only reason why I got prengnat is because I wanted their social financial gain. My ex-fil was in assistant to Prime Minister of Mauritania in northwest Africa. When she came for the birth of her first grandchild, she acted like a total__________ fill in the blank with whatever adjective you deem pleasing.

During the l&d i ran into complications due to stress. At one point they thought they were going to lose me and my child. After having emergency surgery and two blood transfussions, while coming to myself, i hear my dear sweet loving mother in law(NOT!) on the phone speaking to relatives in Mauritania that in-case I did not make it(meaning my death) is it possible to have a wife ready for my husband to help raise the child because he was in school and did not need the burden of raising a child alone.

I was so happy when she left. I did not feel at ease until she left the country. I was so happy, I cried tears of joy for a solid of two weeks. My then husband and I divorced one year later. She does not feel she did anything wrong. She was very happy when we divorced. She also sent a message to my ex husband saying that he could have other children if he felt the need. I was no longer a problem or responsiblity for him. Currently, my ex is not involved with our child in any way. I do know at the divorce hearing, I was so happy because I was no longer related to them.

Now with this current mother in law I don't expect too much. I expect this or worse. She is upset because my now husband did not marry a woman from Saudi Arabia from their tribe. However, I guess time will tell. This time I will not let them bother me, like my ex in laws bothered me before. Life will go on and I can not let a few people destroy my happiness with my husband.

~Saudiwife