Crazy MIL

[sailormoon01 41]

I usually like to respect my elders, but I will be quite honest. I have an extremely passive aggressive mother-in-law who has done almost everything in her power to nearly sabotage my relationship, including posing in my wedding dress after I took it off and almost mocking me. She is extremely childish. She has done everything from allowing her daughter to cut me from group pics with my husband. Oh, and I also have a crazy possessive sister-in-law. Whenever I am around, they have to wear their shortest mini skirts and take a million pictures of themselves and they both even went to extreme lengths to fix their teeth because they were jealous of mine. It really hurts my feelings. The second time I was in Lebanon, his mother couldn't even come downstairs to say hi to me. She waved from the window and then we had to go visit her. She was separated from my father-in-law at the time and living separately. It is so strange because I have visited Lebanon 3 times and she is still terrible. She has never directly said anything bad, but her behavior is completely humiliating to me. If my husband tries to tell her, she tells him to F off. I thought getting back with her husband would stop her from being possessive towards her son and hateful to me, but it has not. The funny thing is when I first arrived in Lebanon, I thought I would be great friends with her because she seemed easy going and on the other hand, my husband's father spoke Arabic in a very deep voice and seemed like he would have a stronger personality. Well, never judge anybody because it turned out to be the complete opposite. He is the cool, open minded one who has traveled in Europe, while she is nuts. I'm sorry if I sound mean, but this woman has crossed a line with me. Her taking pics in my wedding dress and posting them on FB was the final straw. I am happy for all people on here who have great relationships with their MILs. Maybe it is Lebanese women. OMG! I thought the mothers in Italy were nuts over their sons, but the Lebanese MIL takes the cake.

Edited March 17, 2012 by TesoroMiooo

[Waiting_Sugar 1]

I usually like to respect my elders, but I will be quite honest. I have an extremely passive aggressive mother-in-law who has done almost everything in her power to nearly sabotage my relationship, including posing in my wedding dress after I took it off and almost mocking me. She is extremely childish. She has done everything from allowing her daughter to cut me from group pics with my husband. Oh, and I also have a crazy possessive sister-in-law. Whenever I am around, they have to wear their shortest mini skirts and take a million pictures of themselves and they both even went to extreme lengths to fix their teeth because they were jealous of mine. It really hurts my feelings. The second time I was in Lebanon, his mother couldn't even come downstairs to say hi to me. She waved from the window and then we had to go visit her. She was separated from my father-in-law at the time and living separately. It is so strange because I have visited Lebanon 3 times and she is still terrible. She has never directly said anything bad, but her behavior is completely humiliating to me. If my husband tries to tell her, she tells him to F off. I thought getting back with her husband would stop her from being possessive towards her son and hateful to me, but it has not. The funny thing is when I first arrived in Lebanon, I thought I would be great friends with her because she seemed easy going and on the other hand, my husband's father spoke Arabic in a very deep voice and seemed like he would have a stronger personality. Well, never judge anybody because it turned out to be the complete opposite. He is the cool, open minded one who has traveled in Europe, while she is nuts. I'm sorry if I sound mean, but this woman has crossed a line with me. Her taking pics in my wedding dress and posting them on FB was the final straw. I am happy for all people on here who have great relationships with their MILs. Maybe it is Lebanese women. OMG! I thought the mothers in Italy were nuts over their sons, but the Lebanese MIL takes the cake.

I am 100 % Lebanese and I have to agree with you on this one... arabs in general are known to have those kinds of mother in laws because I have heard many different crazy stories.. I wouldnt know how it feels though because my mother in law died a long time ago so I never got to meet her. The good thing with you is that your husband doesnt seem like he follows his moms orders alot so as long as you got your husband behind your back your good because many times the mother in law gets in the way of the relationship of their sons by brainwashing them... But yeah thats crazy how she took a pic wearing your wedding dress its like what was the point of that.. Anyways good luck on that maybe try and convince your husband to move somewhere else away from his family lol

[Darnell 8,478]

Mom is nuts. Can you get something to mix into her tea, when you are there, that knocks her out, comatose with sleeping?

IMO, that's the best approach to ensure you have a good time when you visit your husband, that next time.

Sorry.

[Ban Hammer 13,352]

Can you get something to mix into her tea, when you are there, that knocks her out, comatose with sleeping?

even joking, this isn't a good suggestion.

[sailormoon01 41]

Lol at Darnell. Believe me, there were times I wanted to tell her off to her face. Waiting, maybe you are lucky you never met your MIL. You can be the main woman in your husband's life now unless he has older sisters or something. My grandmother also never met her MIL and she used to tell me that people always told her to marry my grandfather because his mother passed away and she would have no MIL.

Anyway, honestly, it is really ridiculous how some mothers are with their sons. Its funny because after several bad experiences in Italy, I developed a big fear of Italian guys and their crazy mothers. I never thought I would end up with somebody crazier. It is really unfortunate when a guy's mother is harsh. It seems like a man can brush it off better when his MIL dislikes him. I think there are many open minded families in Lebanon, but these are usually the families where the parents are either highly educated or they relatives who are married to foreign women or married to women of Arab origin who have grown up in the U.S.A., Europe, or Australia. My MIL married at 14, never really went to school and has only traveled to some neighboring Arab countries. I also think she visited Turkey once for a few days and that is the furthest west she has been. There are also no foreign women in the family and not even any Arab women from abroad, strictly women who have lived their entire lives in Lebanon. On the other hand, my husband's friends all have mothers and fathers who are doctors and lawyers and some of his friends even have foreign mothers.

Really, it seems the more you like a guy, the harder a time his mother gives you and I always have the unfortunate luck of ending up with guys who have sisters who are obsessed with them. MY SIL has two other brothers, but she respects them and their relationships. My husband has to be the brother she is obsessed with. She will not post any pictures on FB of her and her bf, but she has to have an entire photo album dedicated to pics of her and my husband and she even goes so far as to cut me from pictures. She is not dumb and I have an odd feeling she does this to purposely irritate me.

Edited March 18, 2012 by TesoroMiooo

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

I love everything about my MIL & my sister in law. They are the most wonderful caring loving family in laws I could have ever asked for! I've been to Egypt twice and hubby has been here for 4yrs. She leaves a missed call every Sunday morninig on his phone if he hasnt called her that week. I love hearing her voice & miss her alot! I love her as my own mother! I honestly have no advice on a MIL that would drive you crazy bcz Im so blessed to have the best!

[And_Sam 44]

I once had an american MIL who I thought was a shedevil! In fact, we didn't get along at all while I was married to her son and finally we became friends after we got divorced. She then came clean with me and told me that she was so jealous of me when we were married. I mean, I knew he was her favorite, but wow, it was a bad experience.

I guess what I'm trying to say, there is no way you can really control your MIL. I sure hope you get support from your husband at least.

[Darnell 8,478]

There are other ways to slow her down, without using pharmaceuticals

Most involve deep planning and the hiring of covert staff.

Just saying.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I too have a crazy MIL, she's a narcissist. My SIL's... well the only way to explain them is completely self-involved. I may as well have no in-laws for how often I see them (thankfully).

My husband and I haven't spoken to MIL for 2 years in May, even though we live in the same 300ish population town. She refuses to apologise for the MANY things she has done wrong and thankfully my husband doesn't want me subjected to more heartache than necessary (he can't stop the heartache from simply KNOWING my in-laws suck). He still talks to his sisters and I have nothing to do with them. Not by choice, they just couldn't give two shits about my existence which in itself hurts and unfortunately my husband doesn't understand (he doesn't understand how ignoring someone can be construed as hurtful because they haven't actually DONE anything).

She is obviously a poisonous person. Your husband telling her to knock it off doesn't matter to her so you, as a couple, need to implement a different strategy. Most people on a website I love to frequent (www.motherinlawstories.com) will tell you that you need to stop seeing her. You need to have a consequence for her behaviour. If she's going to be a cow, you don't need to visit. She obviously doesn't care about YOU visiting so this means HE needs to stop seeing her until she learns to behave. She doesn't stop her behaviour because there is no negative outcome for her. This "stop talking to her" will mean that you will get the blame... I won't lie about that but she already hates you so no harm done. Your husband needs to tell her that this is HIS decision (and it needs to be) and that she needs to stop acting like a spoilt brat. If she doesn't, adios.

Just because she's his mother does NOT give her the right to be a b*tch. If she was a friend you would have ditched her ages ago yet for family we just keep giving them more and more leeway to treat us like #######. My mother would never behave the way my MIL does or how your MIL does because she IS aware that if we didn't want to visit, we wouldn't and she WANTS to be involved in our lives and our kids (if we have them) lives.

You deserve better. You deserve to be happy. I wish I could tell you that not talking to them will make you feel better but it won't because you will lament the loss of your in-laws and hate the fact that people hate you for no reason (well nothing that you actually did). It WILL mean that they don't have a chance to inflict any new pain and it will eventually start to hurt less and you'll be given a chance to forget about them... as much as possible.

I hope this is a viable option for you because I know first hand how awful this is.

[Sarah B 26]

I am so sorry that you have such a crappy relationship with your MIL. I suggest that you discuss your feelings with your husband and that the next time you to go Lebanon, you rent an apartment somewhere so that you can have some quality time without the family drama!

[sailormoon01 41]

Sorry to hear about your story Vanessa. I feel the same way that they absolutely do not care about my existence. Your words describe exactly how I feel. Unfortunately, as much as he sees his mom is wrong, she is always his mother. I can not make him be against her. Although, they haven't spoken in 3 days now. I feel bad for him and terrible for everybody involved. It must be hard for him to be so far from his family and then she is acting shady now. I tried to forget about what happened in Lebanon, but her actions just hurt me too much that I had to tell him how I feel.

Palm Tree Girl- I am happy for you. It is always nice to hear about good relationships with MENA MILs or any MILs for that matter. I really wanted deeply to have a great relationship with his mother because I know how much she means to him and for a while, I thought she had changed and was trying to form a healthy relationship with me until she decided to take pics in my wedding dress and post all these crazy pics on FB. I am almost tempted to say that it is the Lebanese culture, but I also know that some of the other Lebanese women I met were so lovely, but I think there is a large majority of catty MILs there and for people who do not understand the culture, the Lebanese may seem a little arrogant. They are definitely on par with the French and the Italians. I never believed this before I went to Lebanon, but now I understand it. I think the culture in North Africa is slightly different. The people there seem more loving and accepting, although there are always exceptions and I do not want to generalize. Of course, there are also nice people in Lebanon.

[EAbbas 213]

TesoroMiooo......My first marriage (to a typical southern american man)and at the time I didn't know Had been raised to remain a bachelor and stay in his mother's home to take care of his mother. so when I married him (later thru counseling learning he only married me to get out) the entire family turned against me totally. Even to the point that when I had a really bad miscarriage that was very dangerous he left me in GA with two small children and supposed to stay in the bed drs orders but because it was Christmas and he felt as well as his ENTIRE family telling him he HAS To come back to NC for Christmas cos his mother wanted him to.

So here I am two small children at home and me bleeding near death/close to emergency surgery and his choice was his family just because he hadn't seen them in a few months. That wasn't the only time, there were many other priority choices he made... so when we moved back to NC to be closer to her and my family that was the beginning of the end of our marriage. She too would do things to create issues and unfortunatley the difference was he NEVER EVER EVER stood up to her and said to stop speaking to me like that, stop lying to ppl about me, stop talking bad about me... even in front of our children one year she called me nasty names he just stood there... then later told ME to apologize to her that something I must have done made her upset ...

I left him (not to mention his verbal emotional abuse and some other sick and twisted issues played a large part in our divorce)

and never looked back.. later I found my current husband we knew eachother about 2 years when we got married. My new in laws are truly a dream come true... My mother in law is the most incredible unconditionally loving woman and my sister in laws are wonderful and to add to everything else his father and brother are totally supportive and that's just his immediate family... his uncles and wives and cousins ... omg I never dreamed I'd have such a loving supportive in law family... I'm totally blessed and I can truly look back knowing that I went thru the first marriage doing all the changing, all the struggle and all the work was on me... but God has a way of making sure that your life doesn't always end up like that.

The good thing you have going for you is that your husband is not blind.. he sees the destructive behavior.. so hopefully between the two of you things will remain strong and sounds like he will always be in your corner... I'm truly sorry for the hurt and frustration because i've been there I've lived it.. and yeah you must respect her because she is the mother of your husband but in no way are you to accept her behavior.. she's in the wrong... and she may never change and as long as you and your husband have a plan put together to always present a united front then you will remain strong and solid!

Edited March 18, 2012 by EAbbas

[sailormoon01 41]

Thanks for your reply and your advice EAbbas. I always think it is so important to present a united front. Some men do not understand this. your story of your first marriage is absolutely heartbreaking. Still, I had to laugh when you said he had been raised to be a bachelor. That sounds like many of my cousins. As funny as it is, its sad how some parents do not want their kids to have their own lives. They want them to just take care of them. The parents are selfish because they had marriages and children and they lived their lives, but they won't give their children a chance to live.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Sorry to hear of your problems with your Lebanese In Laws.

I wish I could be of more help but like Tamara I'm blessed with really great in laws. Sometimes I feel closer to my Egyptian family than with most members of my own family.

My Egyptian in laws are all very caring, warm, respectful, self sufficient, kind hearted, considerate, highly intelligent and generous like my husband. Like him they also don't abuse anyone, act jealous, make fun of each other, or do anything intimidating to me. They're pretty good Muslim people. I was able to live in the family home one summer and also in the eldest sisters home. They're just down to earth people who treat me like one of their own even though they've only had one foreigner married into their family. It was an Uncle many years ago that this happened with and they have since divorced. Divorce is not common in their family either. In the entire history there have only been two divorces. The other marriage they were both Egyptian and it just wasn't working out. For their family it wasn't common to marry a non-Egyptian non-Muslim. That was kind of a big deal for awhile until he won the support for his choice through his Mom and Sisters.

I hope things get better for your situation with your in-laws.

Edited March 19, 2012 by ॐ

[sailormoon01 41]

I appreciate all the feedback. I guess I should just be happy to have my husband and happy for the good people I did meet in Lebanon. My FIL has always been really kind and welcoming and also my husband's brothers are always very helpful and warm with me. All my husband's friends are really great too. They are really the coolest people I have ever met in my life and I have had the most amazing conversations with them all. I think it's just a common problem for mothers and sisters to sometimes be crazy. Some of us are lucky to find a friend or a second mother with our MIL and sometimes we are just unfortunate to be in a situation where the MIL views us as competition. This is my problem. I never wanted to take her role or turn her son against her. She just sees it wrong.