second interview in usa ebassy lima peru

[ShellyO 0]

I was told by the usa embassy in Peru I didnt need to go to my husbands interview monday the 12 of march 2012. I live in Oregon usa and take care of my terminally ill mother. My husband said all questions went well until the last one, when he was asked doesnt it bother you that your wife is 17 years older than you? My husband Julio told him no that love doesnt have an age the man laughed told him to have me call the embassy. He wants to meet with both if us. Now I have to fly to lima peru in the April.I have done all the paper work here in the states paid all the fines and we had adacute proof of relationship so what the heck is going on?? Can anyone help me with this. I am so confused what is it the embassy wants?? I have been with my husband for 3 years and havent s een him in person in 18 months. Icant just take a plane Peru when ever i want to its very expensive. I know if I had been an USA Man with a younger wife there would be no problems. I ahve seen it many times here on visa journey. What do I do at this interview is it that wrong for me to marry someone who loves me?? HELP ME PLEASE NEED ADVICE

[TimeTravel 78]

It is not wrong to marry for you to someone who loves you. I also have similar situation like yours, even had more red flags, but I was questioned, and I answered, they were okay with that. In our case, we were living together 3 yrs, so this really made our case more stronger ( even my wife was not available at the time of interview ).

I understand the flight expenses and alot of commitment in USA, but haven't seen your husband for 18 months is a red flag ( even there is not even age different ).

[yachachiq12 43]

From what you've told us, you have at least two big red flags: the age difference and the fact that you haven't seen your spouse in 18 months. In these cases, they will want to interview you both. They may suspect that you are both involved in a fraudulent arrangement, but they may also suspect that you are an unknowing participant in Julio's quest for a visa. I am not suggesting that I believe either of these things to be true, but these are patterns that the visa officers are trained to look for. You could find many cases here on VJ of a foreign spouse or fiance turning out to be insincere once they arrive in the US and the petitioner never having known the fact.

Unfortunately, if you want the privilege of having your spouse live with you in the US, you'll have to play by their rules and get down there. Do not be surprised if they put the two of you through a Stokes interview. And do not be surprised if you are pulled aside privately to be told that the officer believes your husband is a fake (they pass judgement on people all the time, it's their job. They're not always good at it, of course).

Good luck to you both!

[yachachiq12 43]

Also, I want to address your hurt feelings and sense of discrimination. Part of what they look for is whether a relationship is within cultural "norms." In neither Peru nor the US is it common for a woman to be 17 years older than her husband. There's nothing wrong with it of course, it's just not a pattern in our two societies.

Additionally, with your age difference, I assume that you are either at the end of or past your typical childbearing years. Now maybe you still can have children and this is a moot point. Maybe you and your husband do not want children. However, again, in Peru especially it is a cultural norm to have children. They will likely want to ask you about this.

When the visa unit sees relationships outside cultural norms, they get suspicious. It's their job. You just have to be able to respond with actual evidence of a bona fide relationship.

And I am really surprised that no one said to you prior to this that you and Julio would have problems getting a visa. I remember you were working with some kind of NGO to prepare your application -- they should have advised you to anticipate this. Just about anyone with this kind of age difference is going to need extra defense of their case, in any country.

[Ryan H 3,834]

Moved from IR-1/CR-1 Process & Procedures to Mexico, Latin & South America regional forum.

[ShellyO 0]

It is not wrong to marry for you to someone who loves you. I also have similar situation like yours, even had more red flags, but I was questioned, and I answered, they were okay with that. In our case, we were living together 3 yrs, so this really made our case more stronger ( even my wife was not available at the time of interview ).

I understand the flight expenses and alot of commitment in USA, but haven't seen your husband for 18 months is a red flag ( even there is not even age different ).

Oh I understand what they think to be factual but I know that I love my husband. I am also taking care of my dying mother, work full times, go to college fulltime, and yes thank god the internet has cameras like skype, hotmail messnager etc. I know that I love my husband and that is what counts whether I lived with hik or not we have never lost contact. Thank you

[ShellyO 0]

Also, I want to address your hurt feelings and sense of discrimination. Part of what they look for is whether a relationship is within cultural "norms." In neither Peru nor the US is it common for a woman to be 17 years older than her husband. There's nothing wrong with it of course, it's just not a pattern in our two societies.

Additionally, with your age difference, I assume that you are either at the end of or past your typical childbearing years. Now maybe you still can have children and this is a moot point. Maybe you and your husband do not want children. However, again, in Peru especially it is a cultural norm to have children. They will likely want to ask you about this.

When the visa unit sees relationships outside cultural norms, they get suspicious. It's their job. You just have to be able to respond with actual evidence of a bona fide relationship.

And I am really surprised that no one said to you prior to this that you and Julio would have problems getting a visa. I remember you were working with some kind of NGO to prepare your application -- they should have advised you to anticipate this. Just about anyone with this kind of age difference is going to need extra defense of their case, in any country.

Thank you for all your comments. Yes I know it is not the norm, but I did not ever expect to fall in love with my husband, I fought it for months put him and me through hell with all my doubts. Children my husband already has them. I know the minute the looked at my husband they would be doubtful. He is a very attractive man, dresses nice, very sturn and actually has a poker face. I have told him many times that he needs to let his emotions cvome through when he talks.

My mother in law first husband was 30 years older then her, then just recenlty one of my nieces in peru married a man whom is 27 years older then her. I know me not going down before this makes it look weird, but I did not expect my mother to become terminally ill. I am here care gover work fulltime and go to college fulltime. Also since all this has happended with my mom I couldnt leave her with anyone else. I have started training a friend of mine from school and she is going to help me with my mom.

What is a smock interview? Julio had pictures, phone records, emails what more do they want from me?? I know that I love my husband and have finacially been helping mu family in peru as well.

What do I need to do to prepare fpr this?? I am mad at the way the man laughed about our age differenes and I will be getting a hold of they Project legalization to ask why she never suspected this is the first place. Thank you please give me some more insight in to what I am up against here and how to prepare my stone faced husband to let some of that poker face no emotion stance come out with some feelings.

[D N Medellin COL 75]

.....I am mad at the way the man laughed about our age differences and I ....

With all due respect my comments are in the spirit of being helpful - You are responding emotionally to this experience that your husband had not you, you were not present. You are relating this second hand.

I understand that you are upset but please get the facts so that you can make progress, do you and your husband speak the same language (i.e. Spanish)? Much can and always is lost in the translation. I know as my fiancee speaks Spanish and English is her second language.

Was your husband prepared and maybe more importantly was he WILLING to set aside his "poker face" and be forthright with the interviewer? They are trained to look for exceptions to the general rule and so for some reasons that you may not be aware of or perhaps he is not telling the whole story the interviewer was on hi alert.

18 months is an issue. The age is lesser of an issue but regardless by "hook or crook" you should have visited in between that duration and if not then made plans to be present at the interview. This shows authenticity.

Good luck.

[yachachiq12 43]

Do a Google and Visa Journey search for "Stokes interview" and you can find some more information. If they do this, which it sounds like they will, they will be looking to verify (sometimes very) personal information about your relationship in order to sniff out inconsistencies in the story.

It doesn't matter that you know your relationship is real. Get over the emotional part and plan and strategize how you are going to show that your relationship is real to an unemotional, unmovable, third-party bureaucrat.

As I told you when you first came to VJ, show evidence of the co-mingling of your lives in any way you can. This needs to be beyond photos. What evidence of a bona fide marriage did he bring to his first interview?

And for your own sake, stop telling yourself that the age difference doesn't or shouldn't matter. And stop comparing it to older men marrying younger women. An older man and a younger woman IS culturally normal in Peru and the US. The opposite arrangement is just plain and simple not common in either culture. Admit you have a challenge ahead of you partly due to this (unless there are other red flags you are not divulging) and go forward from there with a plan. As long as you're in denial, you're not going to be able to deal with this.

The number one thing is that you find a way to get down to the second interview. If your relationship is bona fide, you should be able to survive whatever questions they have for you. Do not go into the Consulate with an attitude or an offended approach. Be polite and honest and tell your husband to do the same.

[ShellyO 0]

Do a Google and Visa Journey search for "Stokes interview" and you can find some more information. If they do this, which it sounds like they will, they will be looking to verify (sometimes very) personal information about your relationship in order to sniff out inconsistencies in the story.

It doesn't matter that you know your relationship is real. Get over the emotional part and plan and strategize how you are going to show that your relationship is real to an unemotional, unmovable, third-party bureaucrat.

As I told you when you first came to VJ, show evidence of the co-mingling of your lives in any way you can. This needs to be beyond photos. What evidence of a bona fide marriage did he bring to his first interview?

And for your own sake, stop telling yourself that the age difference doesn't or shouldn't matter. And stop comparing it to older men marrying younger women. An older man and a younger woman IS culturally normal in Peru and the US. The opposite arrangement is just plain and simple not common in either culture. Admit you have a challenge ahead of you partly due to this (unless there are other red flags you are not divulging) and go forward from there with a plan. As long as you're in denial, you're not going to be able to deal with this.

The number one thing is that you find a way to get down to the second interview. If your relationship is bona fide, you should be able to survive whatever questions they have for you. Do not go into the Consulate with an attitude or an offended approach. Be polite and honest and tell your husband to do the same.

I am not saying it doesnt matter about our ages obviously it is and yes I feel that I was discriminated agaisnt but that is over. I am very emotional about all of it. My marriage is Bone Fide and I do not need to hide anything from anybody and to assume my husband is at fault I do not believe that. I AM OVER IT Already. I do not care what people think, it is wrong in this day and age that women are still being disriminated against and it is becoming more the norm here in the USA. Peru I coulodnt say. YES i should have gone back sooner, but that was impossible. Maybe you guys missed that part that may if 2011 my mother became very ill and has been on the couch since. How can I just run to Peru when I have to take care of my mother. Do you really believe it didnt bother me. I am the only one to help my mother. I will explain that to the Embassy and I will not go into the Embassy with an attitude, I am not a stupid women. Project legalization helped me do all my papers and I had my I-130 approved en 3 months. the whole process went well. I will go to this interview armed with all the info they need. Me and my husband talk every might either for webcam or phone or both. Oh I will; be polite and very honet sir I have dealt with the fereda; goverment for years. I speak spanish fluently and my husband does speak spome english. What upsets me is people are trying to malke us look like crimnals for doing not the norm. Oh well I knwo for my part if all this was real and hoenst. I have seen other posting about emails and cards for there proof of relations sowhat is the differen for me?? Nothing obvlously my husband needs to be more real and maybe I am wrong who knows I will find out soon. If I am being punished for not going down sooner, well I will ask the gentlemen what he would have done if he was in my shoes?? would any body here just leave there mother with nobdoy while she is dying??

[yachachiq12 43]

No one here is judging you at all. At all.

You came and asked how to prepare for your second interview. We are telling you what the worst case scenario is that the consulate is thinking. If you don't want to hear it, please don't ask for advice.

I reiterate, no one is judging you, your husband, your timeline, your mother, or anyone's age. You don't need to explain yourself or the length of time in which you haven't seen your husband to us. That said, you do have to explain it to the government and that's all that's being said here. No judgement from us. Just help to someone going through the process.

[ShellyO 0]

No one here is judging you at all. At all.

You came and asked how to prepare for your second interview. We are telling you what the worst case scenario is that the consulate is thinking. If you don't want to hear it, please don't ask for advice.

I reiterate, no one is judging you, your husband, your timeline, your mother, or anyone's age. You don't need to explain yourself or the length of time in which you haven't seen your husband to us. That said, you do have to explain it to the government and that's all that's being said here. No judgement from us. Just help to someone going through the process.

I am sorry if it sounded like I was ungreatful. I am so greatful for all of your advice. I did take somethings personal it was the way it was written, could be interpreted as titando un piedra meaning it has a doubke meaning. Yes I have already started on looking up stokes interview. I will get it into action and make this work. thanks

[ShellyO 0]

With all due respect my comments are in the spirit of being helpful - You are responding emotionally to this experience that your husband had not you, you were not present. You are relating this second hand.

I understand that you are upset but please get the facts so that you can make progress, do you and your husband speak the same language (i.e. Spanish)? Much can and always is lost in the translation. I know as my fiancee speaks Spanish and English is her second language.

Was your husband prepared and maybe more importantly was he WILLING to set aside his "poker face" and be forthright with the interviewer? They are trained to look for exceptions to the general rule and so for some reasons that you may not be aware of or perhaps he is not telling the whole story the interviewer was on hi alert.

18 months is an issue. The age is lesser of an issue but regardless by "hook or crook" you should have visited in between that duration and if not then made plans to be present at the interview. This shows authenticity.

Good luck.

Yes I understand thank you. I am ready now to move forward. The reason we talk on the phone everyday is because as we all know it is easy to misinterpret things. I speak spanish fluently, I understand a lot of the latin life and culture. I know I showed have gone, but once again I ahve my reason and now I am going woth all the bills from both phones, all the pictures, affidavedes signed by family, cards, emails, my will, life insurance, and they knew lisence to my business with bith our names. Maybe even setting up a bank account together in oiura so wqhen my husband is here we can send his mother money. thanks ahgain

[K & J 17]

On your initial post you said that you had to pay all the FINES? What fines? Was your husband illegal at some point? Are you a naturalized US citizen? These may be red flags too.

I do not mean to me rude but you claim you can not see your husband because you need to take care of your ill mother and also you work full time and study full time. Well, who takes care of your mother during all those hours you are working/studying? I am just playing devil’s advocate. Don’t play victim or try to embellish your story with the Embassy because they will ask you questions and you may look foolish (or deceiving) if your answers don’t make sense.

Final question: Has money been exchange between the 2 of you during those 18 months apart?

[ShellyO 0]

On your initial post you said that you had to pay all the FINES? What fines? Was your husband illegal at some point? Are you a naturalized US citizen? These may be red flags too.

I do not mean to me rude but you claim you can not see your husband because you need to take care of your ill mother and also you work full time and study full time. Well, who takes care of your mother during all those hours you are working/studying? I am just playing devil’s advocate. Don’t play victim or try to embellish your story with the Embassy because they will ask you questions and you may look foolish (or deceiving) if your answers don’t make sense.

Final question: Has money been exchange between the 2 of you during those 18 months apart?

What I meant is I paid for all his paper work over here for his visa. Yes I was born in the USA. As for my mother I do all my college on line at home. During the 8 hours I gone my uncle comes and sits with my mom. If anything happens I am only 3 minutes away from the house. Play voctime why would I do that?? I will tell it exaclty like it is. Okay let me put it to you this way. I am one of three children, and I am the pne who is paying the bills and taking care od her. all doctors appointmente etc. Yes my mother is dying okay is that plane enough. victum I am not the facts are rthe facts

what I am finding interesting is everyone is making what they believe happened, and that is great, but the fact was my husband was nervious as well. Yes he dresses really nice and is very presentable. Not the norm for men like him right? I believe that for a long time what I feel like I am beiong punished for falling in love with someone i had never expected this. Now I will do what is needede to help my husband. I really hope that after all this time aparte even though we see each other on cam about everyday that we still have that spark. thanks for your adivce as well

Money and if I did send mo0ney to my family in Peru. You know for so many years women stayed home did he cooking cleaning etc. why would you ask about money?? Is it a bad thing if I did help my mother inlaw out?? all my papaer work went thorugh beautifully and I porved to the usa I make enough money to support my husband. Okay so letme say it as plain and simple as possible. Yes I shouldnhave gone down before, but I would have neer forgievn my self if my mother had died while visiting my husband.