K1, Married, Seeking Divorce

[Tim/Mav 305]

PLEASE remember where we talked about VAWA and STAY AWAY from her. If she tries to claim abuse (which many immigrants in her position do out of desperation) you could be in a lot of trouble. Please protect yourself so this doesn't go bad. She doesn't need 2 weeks to leave the country... she hasn't been here long enough so she's planning something. PROTECT YOURSELF!

Pay Close attention to this Post. Don't let emotions fog the Brain. Period.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

The OP's wife is British. I find it pretty hard to believe that she'd pull the VAWA card. And you can bet your bottom dollar that if it was I who was the wife in this situation, I'd probably want a little time to get all my ducks in a row before I left.

To the OP: glad to hear you two have made a plan of action . Do get her to commit to a date though, for both your sakes. Best of luck to you in the future, and my condolences that this didn't work out.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

The OP's wife is British. I find it pretty hard to believe that she'd pull the VAWA card. And you can bet your bottom dollar that if it was I who was the wife in this situation, I'd probably want a little time to get all my ducks in a row before I left.

To the OP: glad to hear you two have made a plan of action . Do get her to commit to a date though, for both your sakes. Best of luck to you in the future, and my condolences that this didn't work out.

They've been married a month which means max she's been here 4 months, minimum a month. How can there be "ducks to get in a row" after such a short period? She doesn't have an EAD or AP so she likely doesn't have a drivers licence. It's pretty hard to make friends when you can't drive or work and though that's still somewhat likely it takes 5 minutes to say goodbye to someone. I can guarantee that after less than 4 months I'd have been on the plane as soon as I packed my bags which would have taken maybe an hour to double check I hadn't forgotten anything... In fact I could have up and left after 6+ months even. You don't put down roots that quickly.

Aside from that - just because she got the K1 in the UK doesn't mean she's British, and even if she WAS British it doesn't exclude her from fraud and to imply the OP should ignore advice to be wary simply because she's a particular nationality is very dangerous. It doesn't matter where someone is from, the risk is there and he SHOULD protect himself. People can be crazy!

Edited March 16, 2012 by Vanessa&Tony

[charger70 0]

I would run as fast as my feet could take me and live with a buddy for a while. If she trashes your place or steals something, it is better than being slapped with a false domestic charge. Additionally, I would not meet with her any time after you leave unless you have a friend with you. I deal with some of this stuff due to my work and many times the court and your word vs hers will not hold up in court!

[rlogan 2,036]

Knowing now that the I-134 is not a tool she can use against me in anger(huge thanks to everyone, especially Honey Crumpet for pointing that out) is very reassuring. It's allowed us to talk about the whole process rationally, without fear of persecution or personal gain.

That she would try using it as extortion shows the kind of character you are dealing with. It's good you aren't vindictive about it, and seem to be doing the right things. Don't trust her for an instant.

Yup, now you know that marrying them does not change things. That's a pretty old line, and one I fell for myelf once!

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

They've been married a month which means max she's been here 4 months, minimum a month. How can there be "ducks to get in a row" after such a short period? She doesn't have an EAD or AP so she likely doesn't have a drivers licence. It's pretty hard to make friends when you can't drive or work and though that's still somewhat likely it takes 5 minutes to say goodbye to someone. I can guarantee that after less than 4 months I'd have been on the plane as soon as I packed my bags which would have taken maybe an hour to double check I hadn't forgotten anything... In fact I could have up and left after 6+ months even. You don't put down roots that quickly.

Aside from that - just because she got the K1 in the UK doesn't mean she's British, and even if she WAS British it doesn't exclude her from fraud and to imply the OP should ignore advice to be wary simply because she's a particular nationality is very dangerous. It doesn't matter where someone is from, the risk is there and he SHOULD protect himself. People can be crazy!

People are different. We do not know all the facts. I can tell you that as someone who was also a new immigrant many moons ago when I moved to the UK, I had put down enough roots in a few months that yeah, I probably would have wanted a couple of weeks to grieve, do a few things I wanted to do before I left and say goodbye to the people I had started to befriend. It took me three months to find a job, but I had friends I had made. I have no idea if the OP's wife is more like me or you in such matters, but really, this is their business and they get to decide the way that suits them best.

[Andie 147]

That she would try using it as extortion shows the kind of character you are dealing with. It's good you aren't vindictive about it, and seem to be doing the right things. Don't trust her for an instant.

While she might just be making arrangements for her return, to say her goodbyes etc, the OP has to protect himself against any action she may take against him - that's the reality.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

OP,

If you're concerned about her wanting to remain in the US then you need to understand that VAWA is her only viable option now that the marriage is falling apart.

Here is the exact advice I gave another VJer (albeit his spouse had given him reason to believe VAWA may be in their future):

NEVER EVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES be alone with this woman again. If she approaches you take out you phone and tell her you're calling the cops, then enter a business or public place with people around and wait for the police to arrive. If she physically assaults you DO NOT STRIKE BACK EVEN IN DEFENSE. Go to the men's bathroom of the business where you are waiting and lock yourself in a stall until the police arrive.

If you do this then she will not be able to successfully file a VAWA claim.

You're the one who knows her so it's your call but if you do this then there is no chance of her making an Abuse Claim stick. If you want to remain cordial with her and meet always do it in a public place with a friend or two as safety witnesses.

Edited March 19, 2012 by Bob 4 Anna

[GnBnL 50]

well hold on now ...............

if she wants to scam him or put preasure on him & maybe even use blackmail

that paints her in a whole new light ....doesn't it

now having said that if it just wasn't working out then it mite be different

i would treat a lady much different if she was just really homesick than one who was trying to screw me over.

kick that scammer wench to the curb OP & don't look back

there are about 5 million ladies in the PI that would love treat you rite so why take this cr@p ??

piglett

Not sure why you quoted my post...I agree he should get rid of her...I'm just saying he cannot simply buy her a ticket and "send her back" to solve the problem. She is a free-willed person and since they are legally bound, proper steps are required.