Need filipina Advice

[Jason and Shifa 4]

follow your heart

make sure you are happy being together with her

[qtie.kikay 1]

Try to talk to her once again and ask her what she really wants?compromise is the best thing you need to do, by the way are u living with ur family?

[TimeTravel 78]

You can make a better judgement for your situation. May be, if you feel to talk with any relationship counselor, then do it. Hope it may help you to make the decision for this situation.

[NoneYa 73]

Look there is a secret to selecting good women for marriage. Usually the secret is that you have to go through the kind of relationship you are in now to allow you to pick better next time. I really looked into my Filipina's character to see how much she was supportive of me during our entire dating period. I judged her by her actions and it didn't take long to find out that she was a keeper.

These signs you speak of were there but you just were not looking for them. It's not your fault if you had no experience with negative combative non supportive disruptive women who can't take care of themselves but want to cause you trouble. Although my Filipina has not arrived, I will assure you that she is not selfish and I am positive she will support our goals and our family structure because we are in this together and she will give more than I request. I will do the same for her.

I can tell you one thing. If everything you say is true, patience with this woman (in most cases) will only cause you heartache, trouble, greif. She might get marginally better over time but with someone this far off balance, she will never provide you the love and support you need and you might even loose your health, financial future and everything else because she might pull you under with the ship.

It's your call but I think you know in your heart what is best what to do after the advice of your friends, family and your readings...

[sunandmoon 450]

the issue that would trouble me the most is you say your family has been very accepting of her, but she has been ungrateful and rude to them. one concern someone might have when coming from overseas is how the will be accepted by their fiance's family. on my last trip to the Philippines, my mom sent a letter to my wife welcoming her into the family. I know that made the transition into life here easier on her. your family has been supportive of your fiance, but is rejecting it. hopefully you will be able to work things out, but this and the other issues need to be resolved for your relationship with her to continue.

[quartercloud 5]

Cut your losses now. She probably put on a good act for as long as she could, but she is finally revealing her true self to you. Most people can only manage this act for about 3 months, (although I watched my brother get through 6 months). You didn't get the "real" her until recently. Save yourself (and your family) the inevitable emotional turmoil and terminate the relationship with extreme prejudice. Anyone telling you to try this or that is full of **it. Do the right thing for yourself now. End it!

Cut your losses now. She probably put on a good act for as long as she could, but she is finally revealing her true self to you. Most people can only manage this act for about 3 months, (although I watched my brother get through 6 months). You didn't get the "real" her until recently. Save yourself (and your family) the inevitable emotional turmoil and terminate the relationship with extreme prejudice. Anyone telling you to try this or that is full of **it. Do the right thing for yourself now. End it!

[Magic Power 7]

Cut ties now, Send her back, before she get pregnant and you have a 18 years payment on the child.

It will sting at first, but soon you will realize she is not for you. And you will find a good Pinay and she will be a distance memory.

Sorry for this, but sometimes you get a bad apple in the box.

Sounds like you may need to do her one more big favor. Put aside your feelings and think only of her. Send her back home to the Philipines where she can be happy again.

Amen Brother

[RickJovi 81]

I brought a girl here who I love very much and love her family on a k-1 Visa. But she seems to always have a negative attitude since she has gotten here. Everything is about her. All I here is me me me I I I. She seems to think the world revolves around her and that everyone else is her to serve her. My family has been very nice and loving and accepting to her, But in return she is very rude and ungrateful to everything. I have helped her family so much and done so much for her and now I am full of sadness and regret. Her family is so nice and very grateful, they advise her all the time to not be jealous and to be nice and try to listen to me and do what I advise her since she is much younger.

There are many good times but then more and more these times that just pop up with her having a bad attitude and is rude to my family. She says things like no one likes her she misses her family that my family is not her family that I don't love her and care about her. I just don't understand how she could ever say this or think it after all I have done for her and her family and my family has done for her. She just wants to get up eat, play on Facebook games talk to her friends take long naps eat again and sleep. Between going to Disney and all the other fun things we have done for her. She has bad attitude about cleaning or doing anything to help out. She does not want to better her English or study in college. Which was all agreed to before moving to the USA.

I just don't know what to do. I feel so heart broken. I don't know how I managed to fall in love with the only Filipina who refuses to do anything by herself and does not want to do anything to better her life or to even help be in a partnership in marriage. I just wish she could take her family's advice and things would be so much better. I had to take off time from work to go to manila to bring her home because she could not even do her medical and interview or anything on her own. Everyone has had to do everything for her. When I was in the Philippines I felt she loved me and I was so happy and did not mind doing so many extra things for her and her family. But now it has taken a toll and when she is rude to my family I just feel hurt and regret.

I am desperate for any advice if there is anything that can be done to fix this, at times she acts very happy and loving and just says everything is a big misunderstanding and I do not understand her. But she either does not understand how much she hurts be or does not care when she acts this way. At this point I am very close to giving up and sending her back to the Philippines.

Send her packing back to the Philippines. I brought a Filipina here on a K1 and she acted like she was loving, said she'd never leave me, more BS and more BS. I married her and 2 days short of 10 months of marriage and with her having her 2 year conditional green card for 7 months, she betrayed me, left to go to Redwood City, CA where her American brother-in-laws visits his sick mother every 6 motnhs and then goes back to the Philippines. She was just like yours, selfish, materialistic, me, me, me, stayed up in her room and alienated herself from my friends who are my only family left, watched TLC on the computer that I paid for to make her life easier, always on FB. 3 days after she left I obtained pictures of her with her arms around her brother-in-laws best friend, go figure. Save yourself the heartache and get rid of this ungrateful Pinay. There are more over there that are more representative of the true Filipina, but be prepared. I have not found one Filipina yet that didn't have a little fire in thier blood. It is how you communicate and adjust with them and they to our culture. I know it may seem hard for you to make this decision right now, but according to your timeline you haven't done her AOS yet. Don't do it and send her back. I got over the betrayal of my ex and found a better Filipina that I met througha coworkers nephew's wife that had become friends with me and my ex. She didn't like what my ex did and thought I deserved better. I was introduced to her sisters friend who I asked about, since she had already been one of my facebook frineds for over 2 years and I am now finally happy with her and her family. Her father is a police officer and I used to be one in the Air Force and lived in the Philippines for 4 years. My sweetheart is conservative, not materialistic, has a Bachelors' degree in Hotel, Restaurant and Management. She will not work when she gets here as I make a good salary and can support all of our needs and her family's at home. We are concentrating on having our family first, then a new career for her later once the children are of school age. If you need me to find someone nicer I will ask my fiancee if she has any family or friends that are trust worthy. Where is you Filipna from and how did you meet? My mother always told me there are more fish in the sea. She was right and the Philippines is a really big sea. Just choose wiser. Cut your loss right now while you still can. You will be happier in the end. Let her go back to her family and stop providing all financial support immediately. You can send me a personal message if you want to. Stay strong, I was once in your shoes feeling weak, worthles, didn't feel I deserved to be loved. I questioned was there something wrong with me and what did I do to deserve what happened to me. I threw myself a pity party for over a month until I realized the problem was not me, it was her. I found Jovi and life has never been better. Your weakness and hurt will pass. Finding a loving and true Filipina seems to cure everything. It did for me.

I also forgot to mention that when my ex left, within 2 months I received a big promotion, 9.7% increase in pay August and anoter 3% in January 2012. Who gets to enjoy all of the perks now. My new, conservative, loving and not materialistic FIlipina. God is good and will get you through this. Good luck.

Edited March 9, 2012 by RickJovi

[zzzlpr 7]

Obviously only you know most of the components on your situation, not all cause there is the saying: "his version, her version and the truth", but based solely on what you wrote.

The relationship had red flags while she was in PHils, she could not do anything and you had to go and hold her hand for the visa process. I bet there were many others you, intentionally or not, chose to ignore.

Your post is full of red flags since her arrival, mistreating your accepting family, not wanting to do anything, etc.

Now the reasoning, if she is doing this before acquiring "tenure" (marriage), just imagine what is coming down the pipe.

If you ask me, you are quite lucky to find out before you get marry, most unlucky guys won't find out until is way too late and VERY expensive.

I understand the emotional/time/financial investment and I also bet this is what's preventing you to cut her loose, but trust me, the sooner you take action the smaller will be the toll on you.

I know it is tough, but just imagine if she was a local girl, what would have done?

Wishing you the best.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Wasn't this the Pinay who couldn't seem to get any of the things she needed for the process herself? Don't I remember the OP having that issue?

At that time a few commented how regardless of how deep in the sticks she's from Filipinos are generally very resourceful and don't have a problem figuring these things out if it's what they really want.

The sleeping a lot and bad mood can be part of the adjustment process, depression at being so far from her family but it could be more.

What if she was intentionally dragging her feet while still in the Philippines, maybe she felt obligated to the OP because he "helped her family a lot" but in truth her heart just wasn't into it.

I doubt it would be the first time this has happened in such a relationship...

[HopeFaithLove 13]

Hi! While reading your concerns, I guess she may not truly in love with you. Love is never rude and selfish. She has to respect and help you, not being pampered always. I think she came here with you just to please and financially support her family, not really about you and her to live happily as husband and wife. I don't think she will get better especially when she gets her GC as you said she is ungrateful. You need to talk to her about her negative actions especially being rude to your family. If she still doesn't change, then I think you need to be very decisive in sending her back to the Philippines. She will give you more hurts and losses. Be strong and accept realities if you care about yourself and your future. God bless you.

[Leatherneck 693]

I brought a girl here who I love very much and love her family on a k-1 Visa. But she seems to always have a negative attitude since she has gotten here. Everything is about her. All I here is me me me I I I. She seems to think the world revolves around her and that everyone else is her to serve her. My family has been very nice and loving and accepting to her, But in return she is very rude and ungrateful to everything. I have helped her family so much and done so much for her and now I am full of sadness and regret. Her family is so nice and very grateful, they advise her all the time to not be jealous and to be nice and try to listen to me and do what I advise her since she is much younger.

There are many good times but then more and more these times that just pop up with her having a bad attitude and is rude to my family. She says things like no one likes her she misses her family that my family is not her family that I don't love her and care about her. I just don't understand how she could ever say this or think it after all I have done for her and her family and my family has done for her. She just wants to get up eat, play on Facebook games talk to her friends take long naps eat again and sleep. Between going to Disney and all the other fun things we have done for her. She has bad attitude about cleaning or doing anything to help out. She does not want to better her English or study in college. Which was all agreed to before moving to the USA.

I just don't know what to do. I feel so heart broken. I don't know how I managed to fall in love with the only Filipina who refuses to do anything by herself and does not want to do anything to better her life or to even help be in a partnership in marriage. I just wish she could take her family's advice and things would be so much better. I had to take off time from work to go to manila to bring her home because she could not even do her medical and interview or anything on her own. Everyone has had to do everything for her. When I was in the Philippines I felt she loved me and I was so happy and did not mind doing so many extra things for her and her family. But now it has taken a toll and when she is rude to my family I just feel hurt and regret.

I am desperate for any advice if there is anything that can be done to fix this, at times she acts very happy and loving and just says everything is a big misunderstanding and I do not understand her. But she either does not understand how much she hurts be or does not care when she acts this way. At this point I am very close to giving up and sending her back to the Philippines.

One can not ignore the Red Flags and glaring character issues when dating and expect a change once married.

There is no way your wife entered into a marriage with no idea what her role as a wife would be, you got a defective model.

There is nothing YOU can do to fix your situation, outside of buying a one-way coach ticket to the Philippines, complete with divorce papers in her carry-on bag. SHE has to want to "fix this." You can lead a horse to the water, but you can't make the horse drink the water.

Simply put, you managed to find a Pinay that needs to do some serious maturing, developing and growing-up. There are way toooooooooo many lovely, mature, motivated to self improve, selfless and appreciative Filipinas that want to be married. Why try to push water uphill?

If she gets pregnant, you have a boat anchor (her and child support) around your neck for 18 years, or 22 years if the kid goes to college.

Edited March 9, 2012 by Leatherneck

[xtianj 10]

Listen to your instincts.

[che234 1]

I wonder how old is she? seems like she's still very young and immature.

She doesn't care about what you feel and geez what's her purpose of coming to states?

Red flags

Edited March 10, 2012 by timchen

[renecherubs 18]

i believe that love knows no bounds. and i believe that marriage is sacred. today, people are confident of getting out of the marriage as quickly as they get into it because of divorce. maybe you should give your marriage/wife a chance. have a serious talk with her or get into counseling. there might be a reason behind her behavior. especially she's still new in the US. you might be giving her and her family favors, but maybe there must be something she want that she's too shy to tell you. some women, even you'll ask them what they want, they would never tell you what they want. they want you to know it. a friend of mine once shared her story with me.she also married a nice american guy. her husband told her, to please tell him what she wanted because he is not a psychic who read minds. maybe you can tell her that too, in a nice way. i am hoping you can get back again to those times when you both were still soooo much in love. God bless.