I hate driving with my husband

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

Now when you learn to ignore him..

[amyandjorge 76]

hm, first ask him not to yell! inside voices

second, ask him to write down everything he thinks that you need to improve (while you're driving he can make a list). That way you can discuss after the drive is over, and there is something to reference later on (to check for improvement or settle disputes).

I'm helping my husband get reacquainted with the road. I refuse to let myself yell or criticize him for going to slow (trust me, it's not easy!). Once he's comfortable, then we can work out the nuances of driving etiquette, etc.

Doesn't sound like you need driving lessons, sounds like he needs riding lessons

[ghanalover 7]

That is why I am going to let a professional teach my wife. There are too many other things in this new marriage to get a handle on without the conflicts of teaching someone to drive entering into the picture. I know most driving schools are geared towards the teenager driver, but there are several that do have adult driving lessons. You might want to find one of those. I am having a hard time finding a driving school that will do the driving handbook and written test for an adult. Most just say learn it on-line. My wife needs someone to explain things to her as English is not her first language and the driving handbook in not available in her language in Colorado, but it is in California and Washington--go figure.

I know where you are coming from and suggest you get professional help with this to save the marriage .

Good luck,

Dave

My friend went through the,same thing but next time u go have a friend translate everything to her and ask for the written exam atleast with that u can double check ur answers. They sat back to back while one translated(and was actually giving the answers) the dmv rep didnt know wat they were,saying thats here n virginia though not sure how other state laws works

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

It's so unlike before when we were still chatting because all I had to do was pull up our chat transcript to prove him wrong... several times.

Ohhhh...So your marriage... came with a scorecard?

It's also a lesson for others not to let your spouses teach you how to drive.

Hey hey! Watch where you point that generalization. A generalization is a dangerous weapon.

I taught my wife how to drive and never yelled at her. Not even 1 time. (but) I did shreik (once) when I thought she was about to straddle a curb and pin the car on top of a median.

Let's read on...I think this laundry basket might be a jumbo load.

Edited March 9, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

I actually had good teachers

mmmmmm.."good"?... .Do you have a DL yet?

Your OP you wrote....

I hate being told that I'm lying about something when I'm sure that I'm not. :-((

and now you write...

I should have passed my first test if not for the very first (bad) tester who wasn't paying attention and lied about several things.

Hmmmmmmm....

This next part is kinda revealing...

She auto-failed me for making a right turn on a stop light, because she said that I did not stop first and did not look left, when I did both and TWICE. It just happened that there was another car before me who took forever to turn right (he was already there before I crossed the intersection before that) and blocking the right most lane (where we both turned). I was waiting for maybe 10th seconds behind the pedestrian lane (where I'm supposed to stop) all that time waiting for him to go. I guess she wanted me to stop again at the very end like how that car was a quarter in our traffic and 3 quarters blocking the other traffic. When she did that I didn't stop, I was surprised, and I explained what I did and what I did nicely and in an innocent suprised tone, but she didn't like that and she started marking me things on her paper not just for that incident but marked me back, inventing things that I said or didn't do on the first parts that we've already done. I hate her!

I think I am starting to HATE HER TOO!! I really really hate her for expecting people to drive safely!!...I hate her for not passing unsafe drivers!! I hate her for not passing you even after you politely explained why you followed the car in front of you without stopping. I mean for goodness sakes...accidents are logical!!

Why do government people like her doesn't have surveys for their performance? They think that they are God because they can't be fired or not very easily, and it's their word against mine. She wasn't paying attention and earlier that was even surprised and mad at a car pulling out of a driveway without looking at me, although I saw that way ahead that was why I slowed down and stopped. And then later she told me husband and everyone who was listening at the DMV lies about my driving, like I don't turn my head when I'm usually criticized for turning too much or too often.

Because it's a mad mad mad conspiracy!! The testers have conspired against you!! I would be surprised if David isn't behind it. Pulling the strings like an evil DMV puppet master.

I don't mind being corrected and I like criticism and feedback, even solicit them when not volunteered, because that's how I learn,

I think that is fairly obvious....

I would always argue and never accept something that I didn't do wrong.

I think I see a common denominator....every1 with a license is wrong and you;re right.

(is there more?...let's keep reading and see)

Edited March 9, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Yep...there was more...

What I'm wondering about is if it's how Americans are raised, to just accept everything their parents say even if it's not right and not offer any explanation or argument... or is it just a male macho thing that you have to be right and we have to do what you say, or accept things without "excuses".

Hey hey! There you go pointing that generalization again. Please Maam. Put the generalization down so no1 will get hurt.

especially a spirited wife who is also smarter than him.

I have no other response but and Kudos!

Edited March 9, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[NevermindVz 51]

I'm so frustrated and hurt, and I don't mind much being yelled at, but I hate being told that I'm lying about something when I'm sure that I'm not. :-((

If he's yelling something like "OMG! You're going to hit that tree!!" then it's fine. Other than that, don't get used to it. Even if you don't mind right now, if he gets used to yelling at you all the time, it will eventually escalate into more complex issues.

Also, by what you said, you're a good driver already. Go practice with a friend for a while, then go take the driving test with said friend or by yourself. Once you pass, share the good news with the husband.

[EmelyNJoel 43]

Please pass this note to your husband.

What you don't want, is your wife, or anyone, driving faster than they feel they can make decisions about what happens next. Are slow drivers frustrating? Yes. You're an adult, get over it. You will be much happier with a safe wife who doesn't cost you money in fines, or accidents, divorce fees, because YOU like to drive faster. Ps, I like to drive fast, I hated being with my wife driving, my annoyance made her more self-conscious, which led to her messing up more. We are no longer married. That wasn't the reason, but it didn't help.So let her learn with someone else. And when you're together, you drive, then it's not an issue. Everyone wins.

[D N Medellin COL 75]

Kezia, Simply remind David that a few driving lessons from an outside source IS a whole lot cheaper than a divorce!

I don't really want to drive with David anymore. I've said it before but I mean it more this time. I give up for real.

He is so inconsistent in his instructions, confusing, and then gets mad if I don't comply or if not right away. We are always arguing and fighting when I'm driving. He wouldn't even listen to my explanations of why I did that or doing this (sometimes because it was how I was taught or how the tester told me I should or shouldn't do). He thinks that I'm always just making excuses, not understanding that the why and how is more important than the what in the learning process. Grrr! I explain how I came up with that conclusion or action so he'd understand and explain to me which part of my process was wrong or where it went wrong! Not to be yelled at just to follow orders without knowing why! I am not a soldier and I am a learner so I need explanations. Grrr!

I learned how to drive from a professional driving school and I was driving well and confidently, but that was before I drove with him just before I decided to get my learner's permit to prepare to get a driver's license here in the US.

He also makes me impatient and insecure in my driving, so I will never pass if I'm confused, insecure, and impatient (because I still hear him in my head telling me to go and faster). Even if I generally drive good when I'm calm and more confident, he always stresses me out right before the test, making me very insecure and impatient and confused again. I already failed two driving tests because of one auto-fail from being impatient or indecisive. And now, I just cancelled my driving test for 1:30 PM and went home instead because we had a big fight again and I just gave up.

What frustrated me more is it's difficult to prove to him that he is inconsistent, because he doesn't admit to it or he doesn't remember his previous statements. It's so unlike before when we were still chatting because all I had to do was pull up our chat transcript to prove him wrong... several times.

I'm so frustrated and hurt, and I don't mind much being yelled at, but I hate being told that I'm lying about something when I'm sure that I'm not. :-((

Sorry... Just venting! It's also a lesson for others not to let your spouses teach you how to drive. I should have learned that from the others and refused to do it even if I had to spend more.

:-(

Kezia

[Dan & Jenni 457]

I should have passed my first test if not for the very first (bad) tester who wasn't paying attention and lied about several things.

so it is your husbands fault and the testers fault... sounds to me like your blaming everyone but yourself lol

[moonlight7 3]

First of all, let's not generalized. My husband taught me how to drive in the US and it worked for us. He was extremely patient and understanding, and I was a good listener and accepted his corrections even though I did not agree with them sometimes (we talked about it after each lesson, not during the lesson), I trusted him and he trusted me. I passed my test in the first try because I felt confident and at the same time my husband made me feel confident. The instructor told me after the test that he wouldn't have known that I started learning few months ago, I took that as a compliment.

Nowadays, I have a job that requires a lot of driving and I consider myself to be a good driver. I gained more confident afterwards driving by myself but at the beginning I needed my husband to show me the way. It is funny because usually I am the one who drives when we go out. From time to time I still ask him what to do in certain situation when driving and when he drives he might ask sometimes: "is your side clear?" to confirm when crossing an intersection. We are a team, it is just the way we operate and it has worked for us.

To teach and to learn how to drive requires a lot of patient and confident at the same time. You don't want to be in a rush, angry or indecisive because not only your life can be at risk but other people's.

For what I read, I would suggest what others have suggested, talk to husband, go to a driving school, practice with someone that makes you feel comfortable, and get your DL. Hopefully, you and him can make it work. Remember that what matters at the end is that you are both happy!

[Emmysaur 29]

I don't really want to drive with David anymore. I've said it before but I mean it more this time. I give up for real.

He is so inconsistent in his instructions, confusing, and then gets mad if I don't comply or if not right away. We are always arguing and fighting when I'm driving. He wouldn't even listen to my explanations of why I did that or doing this (sometimes because it was how I was taught or how the tester told me I should or shouldn't do). He thinks that I'm always just making excuses, not understanding that the why and how is more important than the what in the learning process. Grrr! I explain how I came up with that conclusion or action so he'd understand and explain to me which part of my process was wrong or where it went wrong! Not to be yelled at just to follow orders without knowing why! I am not a soldier and I am a learner so I need explanations. Grrr!

I learned how to drive from a professional driving school and I was driving well and confidently, but that was before I drove with him just before I decided to get my learner's permit to prepare to get a driver's license here in the US.

He also makes me impatient and insecure in my driving, so I will never pass if I'm confused, insecure, and impatient (because I still hear him in my head telling me to go and faster). Even if I generally drive good when I'm calm and more confident, he always stresses me out right before the test, making me very insecure and impatient and confused again. I already failed two driving tests because of one auto-fail from being impatient or indecisive. And now, I just cancelled my driving test for 1:30 PM and went home instead because we had a big fight again and I just gave up.

What frustrated me more is it's difficult to prove to him that he is inconsistent, because he doesn't admit to it or he doesn't remember his previous statements. It's so unlike before when we were still chatting because all I had to do was pull up our chat transcript to prove him wrong... several times.

I'm so frustrated and hurt, and I don't mind much being yelled at, but I hate being told that I'm lying about something when I'm sure that I'm not. :-((

Sorry... Just venting! It's also a lesson for others not to let your spouses teach you how to drive. I should have learned that from the others and refused to do it even if I had to spend more.

:-(

Kezia

Since your husband has some patience issues, going to a driving school is your best route. I don't think everyone has to do the same though, I just started my driving lessons and Wade is my teacher. I don't have a permit yet so I only drive in his dad's property. On my first try I almost ran into a tree but he never yelled at me. He have been so patient with me and constantly boosting my self-confidence.

Learning to drive is indeed hard and involves a lot of patience but every driver go through it. Good luck on your next test, you can make it!

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

I want to add that driving too slow is also very hazardous. Especially if you merge into traffic and are going much slower than the rest, the other cards can rearend you. The safest speed to drive is the speed of traffic. I was driving 70 down a highway (as was everyone else) and someone turned on to the road in front of me, waaayyyyyy down the way. I should have never even got near them. But, then they drove at about 10 mph. I came up on them extremely fast and had to slam on my brakes. If I had been even slightly less alert I would have hit them and it would have been a pile up.

Driving school. Driving is about confidence and quick decisions. Too fast or too slow is bad driving.

Edited March 9, 2012 by Harpa Timsah

[pinaypo 4]

I don't really want to drive with David anymore. I've said it before but I mean it more this time. I give up for real.

He is so inconsistent in his instructions, confusing, and then gets mad if I don't comply or if not right away. We are always arguing and fighting when I'm driving. He wouldn't even listen to my explanations of why I did that or doing this (sometimes because it was how I was taught or how the tester told me I should or shouldn't do). He thinks that I'm always just making excuses, not understanding that the why and how is more important than the what in the learning process. Grrr! I explain how I came up with that conclusion or action so he'd understand and explain to me which part of my process was wrong or where it went wrong! Not to be yelled at just to follow orders without knowing why! I am not a soldier and I am a learner so I need explanations. Grrr!

I learned how to drive from a professional driving school and I was driving well and confidently, but that was before I drove with him just before I decided to get my learner's permit to prepare to get a driver's license here in the US.

He also makes me impatient and insecure in my driving, so I will never pass if I'm confused, insecure, and impatient (because I still hear him in my head telling me to go and faster). Even if I generally drive good when I'm calm and more confident, he always stresses me out right before the test, making me very insecure and impatient and confused again. I already failed two driving tests because of one auto-fail from being impatient or indecisive. And now, I just cancelled my driving test for 1:30 PM and went home instead because we had a big fight again and I just gave up.

What frustrated me more is it's difficult to prove to him that he is inconsistent, because he doesn't admit to it or he doesn't remember his previous statements. It's so unlike before when we were still chatting because all I had to do was pull up our chat transcript to prove him wrong... several times.

I'm so frustrated and hurt, and I don't mind much being yelled at, but I hate being told that I'm lying about something when I'm sure that I'm not. :-((

Sorry... Just venting! It's also a lesson for others not to let your spouses teach you how to drive. I should have learned that from the others and refused to do it even if I had to spend more.

:-(

Girl Learning is sucks!Just try to be more patients. I was at that stage when I got here,2 weeks after I landed in this country, I got my learner's permit. My husband taught me very well and I love it because I passed the test right away. I was being stubborn,but he don't care. In the Philippines I used stick shift,and driving an automatic car I felt like I am learning everything all over again. But there's no day and night I let hubby drive the car when we are together and decided to go somewhere. I ran through the drivers side and sat there while waiting for him.lol, sometimes I sat there and he's like where are we going? Haha, "I just thought we can drive around at the neighborhood!"I answered. After work I always wanted to go somewhere. I always wanted him to teach me even more. I know he was nervous when I drove the car,and there was time I almost hit his friend's car while I was turning, I ran at the stop sign once, and my husband was horrified with all that. He was being patient though and so did I. Just be positive, you'll pass the test. Try to understand your hubby's feelings, may be he is just afraid that you'd get hurt. Don't be sensitive suck it up!lol trust me you'll pass. Now my husband knew he taught me so well and he felt he was being a good teacher. When your husband say soething when you guys drivin' around, don't get it too personal. You also have to understand that they just afraid that you'd get hurt.

[Brian121957 43]

It sounds like you have had enough training to drive. I think he needs some training to ride. He may have a "control" problem. You have to get him to be able to release control of the driving to you.

Step one, start playing classical music when in the car. This will lower his stress and anxiety when in the car.

Step two, give him 2 choices. He can drive his way or You drive your way and he sits with his eyes closed. Even offer to give him a little back rub to get him relaxed.

Oh, and on the test. Sorry but being second in line does not count for making the stop. Even if you were that close to the intersection. I agree most drivers in practice will do exactly as you did but during a test, no.