How to deal

[kytwell 179]

That was a great way to handle the situation! There is nothing worse than having all the time and energy in the world to sit and stew about how much you miss your family. Focusing on her business, bridging the gap of family time using your immediate family, and allowing her to add some of her choices/flavor to the house will mean so much to her! Great job!!!

Thank you.

[Visitor 90]

Even though I was born and raised in Australia my family are of Greek origin. I am first generation Australian on my father's side and second generation on my mother's side. I had a very strict upbringing allowed to have only Greek friends or raised with my cousins (just like in the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding). When I moved to the states and married my US born citizen husband my father told my mother that if I leave they will lose me and even though they didn't show it dad still silently "wailed" about my departure. It's cultural to "show" emotions or otherwise it could be perceived by peers (the big fat Greek family) that they don't care. Ergo - the more they wail and cry the more they are shown to care.

It would have been my suggestion to do exactly as you have done. Get your wife busy with her new life here and sure enough it is working.

Just wait until you go over there and meet all the"Big fat Greek family". You WILL live the movie just as my husband did when he met mine in Australia....but I'm sure you'll love it.

Hey on the upside names shouldn't be too hard to remember cause we are all named after our grandparents giving the all the girls one or 2 names and all the guys one or 2 names so that makes things easier.

Just don't let your brother in law teach you Greek. That could get you into trouble.

Glad things are working out. OPA and Yasou!!

[kytwell 179]

Even though I was born and raised in Australia my family are of Greek origin. I am first generation Australian on my father's side and second generation on my mother's side. I had a very strict upbringing allowed to have only Greek friends or raised with my cousins (just like in the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding). When I moved to the states and married my US born citizen husband my father told my mother that if I leave they will lose me and even though they didn't show it dad still silently "wailed" about my departure. It's cultural to "show" emotions or otherwise it could be perceived by peers (the big fat Greek family) that they don't care. Ergo - the more they wail and cry the more they are shown to care.

It would have been my suggestion to do exactly as you have done. Get your wife busy with her new life here and sure enough it is working.

Just wait until you go over there and meet all the"Big fat Greek family". You WILL live the movie just as my husband did when he met mine in Australia....but I'm sure you'll love it.

Hey on the upside names shouldn't be too hard to remember cause we are all named after our grandparents giving the all the girls one or 2 names and all the guys one or 2 names so that makes things easier.

Just don't let your brother in law teach you Greek. That could get you into trouble.

Glad things are working out. OPA and Yasou!!

Yasou, efharisto! ti kaneis;

I've been to Greece a half dozen times or so. I love it there and her family too. Although her family must not be a typical one? Only her parent's and brother are in Greece, most of her parent's siblings left the country in the 70's and ended up in Australia, Canada and here in the USA. So I didn't get to experience the big Greek family thing.

Anyway, things are going well with renovations on the home. I'm hoping they'll be finished up by Friday.

[Visitor 90]

When you finish your renovations send your wife out to buy new shooz. That's always fun!

Yasou and Cheers!

[rlogan 2,036]

nor do I think it is appropriate to "tell your MIL not to call or to leave you alone".

One theme repeated here on visajourney is the anguish from not communicating clearly and establishing expectations before immigration. That is what happened to the OP. We were K-1 and got married when she came so it was literally true that we were on our honeymoon. In the American culture, the honeymoon consists of the newlyweds being left alone to do romantinc things together and set personal records making nooky.

I love her mother all the more because she gave me that. It was important to me and to my wife. The great thing about being clear to people about expectations is that it works. We had a wonderful honeymoon.

I see now the OP was not on K-1 and not on honeymoon like we were but speaking figuratively it is still true to some degree. The start of the new life here. We need to be talking through our expectations before we immigrate. He corrected for boredom and got her vested in her life here. Empowered her by being involved. So for other people not that far in the process yet - think about those early weeks and what you are going to be doing to stay busy and what are the expectations about communications from home.

There's a lot less crying then, and our man sure proved that.

Edited April 10, 2012 by rlogan