Has marriage & life been what you expected?

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

So I figured I'd start a topic about marriage & life for those of us who have been with our spouses for awhile. Has marriage & life been what you expected? Has your family grown with you & your spouse? Care to share experiences? Gives newer couples an insight to what we have experienced through out the years.

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

So I figured I'd start a topic about marriage & life for those of us who have been with our spouses for awhile. Has marriage & life been what you expected? Has your family grown with you & your spouse? Care to share experiences? Gives newer couples an insight to what we have experienced through out the years.

This is an excellent topic. We haven't started our process yet but I worry a lot about my future husband's initial adjustment period. He has already worked and lived in the U.S. previously so he already knows what to expect in terms of culture, food, shopping, getting around, etc. What I worry about is loneliness. In India he is used to being surrounding by friends and family at all hours of the day. I worry how he's going to feel when it's just the two of us living together in a small apartment. I imagine it's going to be hard on him the first couple months especially when he's looking for a job and he's stuck at home all day when I'm at work.

I'd be curious to know how other couples managed to help out their spouses in regards to loneliness. Again, great topic!

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

I remember back when I was 18 about to graduate, my mom had asked me to write a letter of what I wanted to do & where I saw myself 5yrs from then. I had wrote about working at Walmart, getting married & starting a family. I envisioned getting married having kids & quitting walmart at some point. 12yrs later still at walmart, married & no kids with health issues that would put me at having a high risk pregnancy.

I was 23 when I met Adam online then 3 months later I had a fast traveling blood clot that required major surgery then 6 months later I went over to Egypt and we got married. We talked about having kids of course but had no idea had difficult it would be to get pregnant. We are only 2yrs apart in age and very similar in many ways & very different in others. We both come from different religions & now share a common one-Christianity. We've been married 5 1/2 yrs and have had many wonderful experiences & times together. Adam is about to file for Citizenship within the next couple of months & get that over with.

I would say minus not having a child, that life has pretty much been what I would have expected it to be. We are growing old together even though we are fairly young, working hard, paying bills, and enjoying life together.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

As far as lonliness went... Adam came in Jan 2008, 4months later he had his work permit and started working but we shared 1 vehical which was difficult. I worked 2 jobs at the time so I had the car most of the time and he hadnt gotten his drivers license until Dec 2008. Him waiting on me to get off of work and take him places was hard. Getting a drivers license, 2nd vehical & GPS helped tremendously back then. In 2009 we left Atlanta Ga to move out towards Houston Tx to be closer to my family. We stay very active in our jobs & when we are together we are always doing something or going somewhere. Theres hardly any time for lonliness now!

[Mithra 1,185]

Great topic!

I can't say life/marriage has been exactly as I imagined. That's not a bad thing though. My husband hasn't had the best luck in regards to employment over the years. Its been up and down. But other than that things have been pretty ok. We've been together nearly 8 yrs, married just over 6 yrs and have lived in the same country 5 yrs in May. We welcomed our first child together last Oct. I have two from a previous. At the moment I work and my husband stays at home with the kids. I love it. He's doing a great job, too. That part I never imagined happening years ago. Our life isn't perfect but things are good.

[TheChoosen1 1]

Great topic!

I can't say life/marriage has been exactly as I imagined. That's not a bad thing though. My husband hasn't had the best luck in regards to employment over the years. Its been up and down. But other than that things have been pretty ok. We've been together nearly 8 yrs, married just over 6 yrs and have lived in the same country 5 yrs in May. We welcomed our first child together last Oct. I have two from a previous. At the moment I work and my husband stays at home with the kids. I love it. He's doing a great job, too. That part I never imagined happening years ago. Our life isn't perfect but things are good.

For me and my wife we been married for 3 months and we love it. the hard part for the both of us is being away from each. I currently live in america and she is in the philippines. but what makes us happen is that in 4 months we will have our first bundle of joy and hopefully she will be in america also with her visa. everyday i think of her but i grow stronger and dedicated knowing i have a wife and kid to support. you may part from your love ones but the test will be over by the time you know it. just have faith and give it time. god bless all and good luck

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

My question for those of you thats been married awhile and have a child with your spouse: Did you wait awhile & plan the timing? Did it take awhile to get pregnant? Im not at a point right now where I will financially go out of my way to dig deeper as to why I havent gotten pregnant yet. Its already stressful & tender subject for me, and it would not be covered by insurance to do all the tests that could be done on me. However, I have recently discussed with hubby about him going to get a test run to see if its him or just me. I know that he's been here in the US for 4yrs and that not all couples get pregnant in a 4yr period. The adoption talk had been talked about before but years ago when we first got married I didnt know how my health issue would be so complicating to getting pregnant that I just assumed I'd get pregnant at some point. About a year ago, hubby told me that he honestly didnt feel like he could go through with adoption and loving a child that wasnt his... and even though thats his honest truth -that broke my heart for a couple of reasons. I think in our marriage this has been my biggest hurdle.

[Mithra 1,185]

I got pregnant and miscarried 4 yrs ago. After that we didn't try/didn't prevent. It took about 3yrs to conceive with that method. My husband did work out of state for a time so that also prevented conception. I'm really glad things worked out the way they did. We had several years together before bringing a baby into the mix. Years we were able to work out the kinks so to speak. I will say that a few months before I got pregnant with our daughter, my husband did mention fertility testing. He thought maybe he was the problem since I had two already. He is so loving being a dad that he's already talking about trying again. Lol. Yeah I'm so not ready for that.

[Summer75 16]

Finally a great topic!!!

We are married for 2 years 7 months, I got here April 2010. We are the same age, I am a latina, I was living in Europe when I met my hubby. Is marriage what I expected??? Actually I never thought about it when I was single, it was totally new for both of us, and we get along really well. We both are 36, no kids yet (hopefully this year). It is hard for me since I have no friends/family here, my hubby is my entire world. I work in a call center so I speak english 24/7, only speak my language with a couple of coworkers and my family when I call home. My hubby is very understanding, and we always do everything together. I just got my permit (not drivers license yet), still learning, did not need to driver where I come from, we have great public transportation, and subways and trains etc. I have my own car but I can´t drive by myself yet until I pass the test. It is really frustrating, no public transportation where I live and I feel so dependable of my hubby, to take me everywhere, Is like not having legs to walk. The biggest cultural difference between him and I is.. I am sooo affectionate, I show my love to him all day long, I tell I Love You to him all day long, calling, texting each other while we are working. He is cold. He shows me his feelings on different ways, but that is something I really miss about latin people... how affectionate and loving most of us are. But I don´t complain, I would marry him again and again If I have the chance!

He likes my bolivian food (thank God) and we both love movies. I cook (once a week we go out for lunch or dinner) but we take to work my homemade food. Ah, and I love music, I prefer music over the TV... love to dance... (he does not know how to, lol)

My only friends here ... are on my facebook, a couple friends at work, but I could not make any "good" friends here, most of people are busy in their our business

I guess that is the sacrifice I had to make to be with him, left family/friends/my world behind, but totally worth it. He is a great guy and I am so proud of him.

I really pray to God to let us be together.... for a very long, long time....

(L) :thumbs:

[Mithra 1,185]

Babylovesbaby - we have that same issue (affection) sorta. My husband is way affectionate and I'm more "cold" I guess. I think because lovey dovey, mushy stuff embarrases me. If I could say we have an issue, this is it.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

I must say to those of you who have left your families & homeland that I am so proud of you that you have a wonderful outlook on life and are making things work for you & your spouse! I cant imagine how I would feel if I left the comfort of my family, country & life that I was used to! Thats a huge adjustment to make and many of you here on VJ have done just that!

Edited March 5, 2012 by ~PalmTreeGurl~

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

And the "I love You" 100 times a day! Adam is such a sweetheart when it comes to that! ... but sometimes I'm like enough already- just please wash some darn dishes... that will show me how much you love me!

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

I got pregnant and miscarried 4 yrs ago. After that we didn't try/didn't prevent. It took about 3yrs to conceive with that method. My husband did work out of state for a time so that also prevented conception. I'm really glad things worked out the way they did. We had several years together before bringing a baby into the mix. Years we were able to work out the kinks so to speak. I will say that a few months before I got pregnant with our daughter, my husband did mention fertility testing. He thought maybe he was the problem since I had two already. He is so loving being a dad that he's already talking about trying again. Lol. Yeah I'm so not ready for that.

Wow! I dont know how I could ever handle having a miscarriage after everything I've been through. I would be broken to no end and I dont know if Adam would be able to handle that or even me for that matter. Sometimes I wonder if thats the reason I havent gotten pregnant -to save me from having a heartbreak as that. I've been told by doctors I'd more than likely have miscarriages plus be a high risk pregnancy. Thats always in the back of my mind.

Edited March 5, 2012 by ~PalmTreeGurl~

[solonow 0]

Great Topic!

Although I cannot contribute in response to your initial question I will say that as the date nears for my fiances interview I have a MILLION jitters. will he be lonely, will he have regrets, will he be able to work, go to school and Ihave thsi other very very deep rooted fear that I cant overcome (and also wont mention). Im older than he is and my opportunities for having children are winding down, also another huge concern...anyhow, really great topic, i hope to see a lot more responses.

[LaL 418]

I feel my 30s brought on a difference that I did not expect, way moreso than being married. In my 20s I figured I would be the same person no matter what happened. I don't think being married accelerated this change or brought it on, just age.