She's Gone? Really? Already?

[ADO<3MINKA 1]

I'm not a romantic type, but my SO and I knew we'd get married before even meeting; Skype sufficed. Of course I live in Russia now so we live together, and I was always going to come here, and I don't know if it can work out with only a week of seeing each other... but hey, people can fall in love even before meeting at times.

AMEN TO THAT!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I want to be clear, I respect the woman in this case also. I suspect she found someone else and just wants to end it before anyone spends more time and money on this. She is not going to be trapped because you already spent $340 and neither should you. It is no big deal, its only money and you will make more next week. You do force a realtionship over $340 or $34,000.

She could just as well pull the "sick mother" BS on you, get you to send her a few thousand and then skip out on the visa interview. She is not doing that. The girl is probably a "catch" but she got away from you. Now, get over it and throw your line back in the water and hook another.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

The ultimate job would be to become a RUB marriage tester. That is going to all the RUB countries and "testing" women to see if they are marriage material.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

And I probably shouldn't say this on here, but we were "intimate" within hours of my arrival and many times during the week! I know her intentions were true. So, I will never beg! But I will fight a little. I always give her space and time to think. And I will talk to her when she is ready....if ever! She has always been truthful, so maybe at least I can get some closure.

I lived in Ukraine for two years, you did not need to mention that to people who have lived there or been there much. I was intimate with more women than I will admit to in public within hours of meeting them, some within minutes, and almost none of their were sincere about anything but getting laid. Some wanted dinner also. It was rare not to have sex on the first date...second date was as sure thing. Asking her for a second date was the same as "can we get together again for sex?"

Oddly enough my wife and I spent two days together the first time we met, in Prague (another city equally as easy to get laid in) and never had sex, were never even alone in a private place. But it was a coincidental meeting I did not know her before then...but still. Imagine that. OMG Alla is a Ukrainian PRUDE!

She isn't into you and yes she is being honest. Nothing bad about you or her. There are SO many more good ones that would love to be with you.

My guess, the kids have a lot to do with it. You have six. TBH that is a lot of competition for her ONE and HER. Alla loves my boys but they are grown and on their own and make good livings (could probably loan US money) so there is no "competition" Hint: Be upfront with them about the kids. Alla and I talked about or kids within 10 minutes of meeting.

Personally I would be checking on the next one.

The ultimate job would be to become a RUB marriage tester. That is going to all the RUB countries and "testing" women to see if they are marriage material.

I am guessing you would never be late and work right through lunch It would have the highest job related mortality rate of any occupation.

[Orando 57]

Yep, nothing bad about you or her, doesn't make it hurt any less seeing you cared for her enough to propose to her and file a petition.

I found it easier to weed out women as an international wife hunter, easy to tell if a woman is into you or not, easy to see if she is a scammer or not. This woman appears to not be a scammer, she is just not into you, which is fine.

Get back on the plane, that is what I did, happy hunting!!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Let's be careful here. I don't think there is enough information to make any informed judgement, although the RUB posters and some others seem to be providing some well grounded advice. If there was no financial support, and the relationship is true, I don't suppose it matters how they met. There are all different sorts of stories about first meeting that work out. There could be a bunch of reasons for cold feet too. Sometimes parents/grandparents weigh in negatively, with "You plan to take my child/grandchild WHERE?" The input from relatives and friends can be really important. Also, the OP having six kids might give any SO pause.

I have found that my wife, very much a RUB woman, expects alot of attention from me and also for me to give a lot of attention to the children. Now, as it happens, that is what makes me happy so we are happy and had this very strong fundamental belief we share. Good thing. I am not sure she would be too pleased if I had 6 other children in this house demanding attention from daddy. I think RUB women are very possessive, jealous if you will (Alla admits it) and tolerate little interference. Alla gets along well with our older sons because they are no threat. They are educated, employed, housed, happy and even have kids of their own. She loves to buy them gifts. I do not think the same would be the case if all the boys were young and at home. Call it what you will. I am not perfect and my wife is not perfectbut the conditions WORK FOR US.

I also think ANYONE considering marriage has to consider "What is in this for me" We all do. You have to. Or else why do it? Companionship? Sex? Shooting buddy? "Love" doesn't cut it, live with your sister then. Very VERY high on any RUB womans list is "good father for my children", that transcends baldness, big belly, age difference, even wealth as long as you have enough to be a good father.

Just could be an issue. Of course the OP loves his kids and should. So just make sure you are up front about. There is a beautiful Ukrainian woman waiting for you that WANTS 6 kids, I promise!

Yep, nothing bad about you or her, doesn't make it hurt any less seeing you cared for her enough to propose to her and file a petition.

I found it easier to weed out women as an international wife hunter, easy to tell if a woman is into you or not, easy to see if she is a scammer or not. This woman appears to not be a scammer, she is just not into you, which is fine.

Get back on the plane, that is what I did, happy hunting!!

Ukraine requires minimum .375" bore diameter for wife hunting. 155mm is better.

[Orando 57]

Ukraine requires minimum .375" bore diameter for wife hunting. 155mm is better.

Jejejeje, noted...

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Yes there are many possible reasons.....I can't believe fellow RUBbers are so quick to cancel this relationship out?!!

Many of my wifes "friends" or acquaintences tried to convince her that moving to the US was silly. And the VJ forums over there are just full of negative vibes.....that was one of the reasons I was able, just by happenstance, to have Gary's Alla meet up with my All when she was in Moscow....so my Alla could talk with someone who had moved to the US just how it really was.....cost, jobs, etc. Actually that meeting was more negative than positive but it just drove us both to delve deeper into the possibilities.

So, OP, what kind of discussions have you two had concerning her new life here? How detailed did you get?

Also, my wife, who has done this before, will gladly call your fiance over there (we have a cheap international calling card) and talk with her (Actually Skype is best and my Alla loves and uses Skype almost daily) and answer her questions and alleviate any fears....

Your call....if she is that important to you, you'll do whatever to get her here, right?

PM me, Phil

Alla was still in her "everything is better in Ukraine" phase at that time. I warned you! I also told you she is brutally honest with a heap of pessimism.

But the difference Phil is even then your wife was always leaning in that direction and never tried to eliminate communication and at the same time was doing some pretty difficult legal manuevers herself for her to be with you. In the OPs case it sounds more like she is repeatedly saying "Sorry, good bye"

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Don't cancel your K-1 just yet. You've already paid so it doesn't cost you anything to let it go for a while. In about two or three weeks if it's obviously not going to work out, cancel it then.

Good luck, and hope to see you around.

Agree that there is nothing in it for you to cancel the petition right now, but I would not discuss it anymore. Let her go. Leave the petition out there and look around. You can cancel it when needed.

[baron555 934]

Of course this has happened before.

Don't pine & don't whine... move on.

Lots of folks...

There is potential everywhere.

Umm......we only chatted for three months, met in person for 10 days and decided to pursue the K-1 and eventually get married, as is the requirement.

That was over two years ago?

[baron555 934]

Alla was still in her "everything is better in Ukraine" phase at that time. I warned you! I also told you she is brutally honest with a heap of pessimism.

But the difference Phil is even then your wife was always leaning in that direction and never tried to eliminate communication and at the same time was doing some pretty difficult legal manuevers herself for her to be with you. In the OPs case it sounds more like she is repeatedly saying "Sorry, good bye"

I totally understand and understood at the time and was already in that information phase....actually your Alla just confirmed with my Alla many of the things/issue/problems that I had already broached with her about life here in the US.

The OP hasn't responded much to our many thoughts here....so that is somewhat telling......he hasn't commented on my questions about what they have talked about concerning her life here......with all that Skyping....maybe they did or maybe they did not.....if not, then that is his problem and just finding another will be easy.....but OP you may find yourself in the same boat a few months from now....her life here and what she can expect is key....it will be a big change for her and maybe you are not ready for that? You will have a LOT of work ahead of yourself.

[mox 298]

Bullshit. Who loves anyone after meeting once and chatting extensively?

I did. Thousands have. This entire site has been built around that notion. What a silly thing to say.

[SuperDuper! 230]

OP, how old is this woman? She sounds like 20 years old. They don't know what they want. Occupational love hazard warning in effect, hehe.

[donnie7263 0]

This woman is 32 and has a 10 year old son. As far as speaking to her about life here.... of course we did! She originally had no inhibitions and spelled out her expectations. They were not unreasonable. Actually she wasn't really interested in working. She wanted to start a family. I have six kids. She has one. It was her idea to round it out at ten! LOL. Now that I look back, maybe she was scared. She doesn't speak English very well at all. And wanted to stay at home to avoid interaction with others. I don't know. Her friends and family have all said she is stupid. Her mom is laying on the guilt pretty heavy!

Good news and bad news!

Good news is she agreed to speak on Monday. Maybe I can get some closure. I have some things to say to her, but they aren't all nice.

Bad news is I am pretty sure what her decision is. She has a page on Russian Classmates. I don't know if you have seen it. It is like facebook in Russian. It used to have pictures of us and say that we were married. Now she took all the pictures down, changed to a whole new page, and took me off as a friend!

By the way, I am new here. What do OP, SO, and RUB stand for?

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

This woman is 32 and has a 10 year old son. As far as speaking to her about life here.... of course we did! She originally had no inhibitions and spelled out her expectations. They were not unreasonable. Actually she wasn't really interested in working. She wanted to start a family. I have six kids. She has one. It was her idea to round it out at ten! LOL. Now that I look back, maybe she was scared. She doesn't speak English very well at all. And wanted to stay at home to avoid interaction with others. I don't know. Her friends and family have all said she is stupid. Her mom is laying on the guilt pretty heavy!

Good news and bad news!

Good news is she agreed to speak on Monday. Maybe I can get some closure. I have some things to say to her, but they aren't all nice.

Bad news is I am pretty sure what her decision is. She has a page on Russian Classmates. I don't know if you have seen it. It is like facebook in Russian. It used to have pictures of us and say that we were married. Now she took all the pictures down, changed to a whole new page, and took me off as a friend!

By the way, I am new here. What do OP, SO, and RUB stand for?

OP = Original Post(er) (first post to start the thread), SO = Significant Other, RUB = Russia, Ukraine, and Belarus (White Russia).

It sucks to see this happen and I feel for ya. Time helps heal all, but the best way to heal it is to jump right back on the horse. In that I mean hit Facebook or something and see if ya can't score a RUB hottie.

Edited March 3, 2012 by Why_Me