She's Gone? Really? Already?

[mox 298]

Sorry to hear things went bad, and hope the future holds better things for you!

As to your question about a second petition, I had to do that. I don't know if the second is a "freebee" or what, but I had zero problems. (this was going through Moscow.) If you wind up filing again but with a different woman, make sure you tell her about your first application. There's a chance the interviewer will bring it up. You don't want the interview to be where she finds out about that.

Best of luck to you!

[baron555 934]

The poor statistics I reported were only in reference to many of the Russian and Ukrainian marriage broker websites. Again. I don't know much about other services. And yes. From what I've heard Elena's Models is notorious for this kind of end to a relationship.

Yep, I met my wife on EM and she's still with me.....!!! Am I one of those statistics?

[baron555 934]

Let's be careful here. I don't think there is enough information to make any informed judgement, although the RUB posters and some others seem to be providing some well grounded advice. If there was no financial support, and the relationship is true, I don't suppose it matters how they met. There are all different sorts of stories about first meeting that work out. There could be a bunch of reasons for cold feet too. Sometimes parents/grandparents weigh in negatively, with "You plan to take my child/grandchild WHERE?" The input from relatives and friends can be really important. Also, the OP having six kids might give any SO pause.

Yes there are many possible reasons.....I can't believe fellow RUBbers are so quick to cancel this relationship out?!!

Many of my wifes "friends" or acquaintences tried to convince her that moving to the US was silly. And the VJ forums over there are just full of negative vibes.....that was one of the reasons I was able, just by happenstance, to have Gary's Alla meet up with my All when she was in Moscow....so my Alla could talk with someone who had moved to the US just how it really was.....cost, jobs, etc. Actually that meeting was more negative than positive but it just drove us both to delve deeper into the possibilities.

So, OP, what kind of discussions have you two had concerning her new life here? How detailed did you get?

Also, my wife, who has done this before, will gladly call your fiance over there (we have a cheap international calling card) and talk with her (Actually Skype is best and my Alla loves and uses Skype almost daily) and answer her questions and alleviate any fears....

Your call....if she is that important to you, you'll do whatever to get her here, right?

PM me, Phil

[slim 1,519]

If you've sent her "an allowance" during the courtship phase and all the sudden "sh!t got real" once the K-1 went through, it's doubtful that she's in it for the same reasons you are.

If you haven't sent any money, then give her some time and try again. However, don't waste too much time. Give her a few days to cool off. Give her a day or two between contact. Try again. But, if you don't get anywhere in about two weeks. Move on. Other forces may be at play.

Either way, as has been pointed out several times, there are 25 million more. You should already be adding to cart for your next trip. If ol' girl comes back around and it's just cold feet, you can continue your relationship. But, if it turns out she had gold feet, you're already on your way with the next potential Mrs.

I realize there's quite the whirlwind that happens and it seems super intense as it develops so quickly. But like others have pointed out, in the grand scheme of things, it's been five months. What's five months? Use it as a learning experience and welcome to the world of RUB. Stick around here on this forum. You can learn quite a bit and you'll be ready for the next go 'round, regardless of who it's with.

Don't cancel your K-1 just yet. You've already paid so it doesn't cost you anything to let it go for a while. In about two or three weeks if it's obviously not going to work out, cancel it then.

Good luck, and hope to see you around.

[P+J 47]

I agree with all the other posters here. Just wait it out. Maybe she'll come back to you, and then you'll have the opportunity to figure out just how you want to proceed. And about the stats...I had only looked at them because I was curious after my friend reacted so negatively when I told him what I was doing ha. (But again my situation was different because the relationship began in person). But he went into all the details of his experience. Maybe he just had some bad luck. The less than 5 % figure was evalutaed extensively on ruadventures (a website oriented toward relations with Russian/Ukrianian women. Of course there are exceptions but success was definitely a rarity and not the norm when the relationshiop began on the broker websites. I just didn't' want the poster to feel like this was something crazy or unusual. It seems to happen frequently. I guess I would say one thing. Beware any girls in their 20s on those websites. Especially between the ages of 20-25. Your fiance didn't fall into that category so at least that's a good sign. I've asked my fiance about things like this before. And she has provided a wealth of information on her culture and the mindset of her own generation.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

With the literally million of hot chicks in the RUB countries why is this even an issue? Take a trip to Ukraine during the summer and sit at a sidewalk cafe and it's case closed.

[P+J 47]

Amen to that Why Me. If the original poster is able to do something like this, I think he'd be pleasantly surprised with the results.

Edited March 2, 2012 by Paul86

[Glyn and Kathy 288]

Bullshit. Who loves anyone after meeting once and chatting extensively?

Me? Glyn and I spoke for months when we first met online. October of 2003. We didn't meet until June 2004 and spent 2 weeks together. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I loved him and I wanted to marry him. Of course...it didn't happen for another 2.5 years, but it did happen. I think sometimes, when you chat for months before meeting...you know someone better than if you had been "dating" for the same amount of time.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Me? Glyn and I spoke for months when we first met online. October of 2003. We didn't meet until June 2004 and spent 2 weeks together. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I loved him and I wanted to marry him. Of course...it didn't happen for another 2.5 years, but it did happen. I think sometimes, when you chat for months before meeting...you know someone better than if you had been "dating" for the same amount of time.

[Orando 57]

Hey man, tough situation, I had vanishing women as well in my wife hunt south of the border. I see you are hunting in a different jungle. Fortunately for me, they vanished well before I proposed marriage to any of them. It doesn't matter what her reasons are, the behavior I think is what is important. In Colombia, this behavior calls for an immediate next, move on, based on the RUB replies, this behavior calls for a next as well in RUB countries. Sucks you have this I-129 petition mixed up with this, but I would walk. I was very fond of one woman who vanished on me, but just had to let her go, well, she let herself go. Evaluate a woman based on her actions, not her words, at least in Colombia this is the rule, these actions are unacceptable. If she comes back to you, wants to talk to you again, that would be even more suspicious for me. At least in Colombia, if she truly loved you, she would not behave like this.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Hey man, tough situation, I had vanishing women as well in my wife hunt south of the border. I see you are hunting in a different jungle. Fortunately for me, they vanished well before I proposed marriage to any of them. It doesn't matter what her reasons are, the behavior I think is what is important. In Colombia, this behavior calls for an immediate next, move on, based on the RUB replies, this behavior calls for a next as well in RUB countries. Sucks you have this I-129 petition mixed up with this, but I would walk. I was very fond of one woman who vanished on me, but just had to let her go, well, she let herself go. Evaluate a woman based on her actions, not her words, at least in Colombia this is the rule, these actions are unacceptable. If she comes back to you, wants to talk to you again, that would be even more suspicious for me. At least in Colombia, if she truly loved you, she would not behave like this.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I agree with Gary and Alla. It certainly looks like you rushed into things. Also, if you don't know each other for 2 years prior to filing the k-1 petition, and proof of it, then it most definitely wont happen. There are billions of fish in the sea, and you deserve better. Get to know your future partner better before proposing, and certainly before filing any immigration papers. Good luck OP!

Bullsh*t, you can meet her today at an arranged social and file the petition tomorrow. You must meet her WITHIN the two years immediately preceding filing the petition. I MARRIED my wife on a K-1 visa exactly one year to the day after I became aware she existed in the world, by the time I knew her two years she had a green card and we celbrated a one year wedding anniversary.

You are right to agree with me to dump her. Way to many good ones out there to tolerate this nonsense.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Yes. The statistics are very low for success (particularly with the Russian/Ukrainian marriage brokerage) oriented websites. I can't comment for any other countries. It was something in the realm of less than 3% will actually yield a successful relationship that will result in marriage. I didn't meet my fiance that way, and I'm glad I didn't because it would certainly have caused reservations for me in this whole process. I'm not saying it doesn't happen. But it's just very rare. But again I can only speak for these brokerage websites because I personally knew someone (he's a guy in his late 30s) that struck out 3 x with this (using the various Russian/Ukrainian marriage brokerage websites). He would never do that route again. He was glad to hear that I did not meet my fiance in this way. I think there's a lot of data complied on websites like ruadventures.com (Many of the guys on the forums there are doing this kind of analysis all the time). Also Elena's models cites some statistics.

I have seen those numbers and they are flawed to say the least. Nor do they reflect the sucess of marriages. For one thing, Many sites list the women at several sites, like a real estate multiple listing servcice, and then do not keep them up to date. Some women do it on a lark and change their mind but the listing remains and they are counted as "unsuccessful", also many women list with multiple agencies. I mean it is like saying that local singles ads are not good because so few result in marriage.

And even if it IS accurate, what does it really mean? Too many women? Not enough men? It really does not say anything about the relationships that are formed of this anyway and who cares about the ones that are NOT formed?

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Give her space. Frankly I'd just break it off and find someone else. You don't want to bring someone over who is hesitant. Be happy at least she was honest with you rather than dragging you along and suddenly, while in the States, deciding she hates it.

You and eekee get right to it. In this type of relationship it has to be 100% and there has to be 100% trust and belief in the other, it is the only way it can work. As soon as one or the other has these serious feelings, then bye bye.

As for Phil and Alla, I recall you saying that Alla had concerns Phil but she was straight forward about what she was thinking, this girl is saying GOODBYE, it is not the same as "I want to think about it but lets keep going as we are"

[tfcrew 0]

Of course this has happened before.

Don't pine & don't whine... move on.

Who loves anyone after meeting once and chatting extensively?

Lots of folks...

There is potential everywhere.