She's Gone? Really? Already?

[Hank_ 9,174]

I would suggest giving her a tiny bit a space, but still trying your best to communicate with her. Let her know you will cancel the petition as soon as you guys speak.

I wouldnt suggest saying you have already canceled it. That would just seem as though you took this so easily. It is heartbreaking news even to read about, I cant imagine actually going through that pain.

So you need to express yourself and let her know how bad she has hurt you but that you want to talk about it.

Dont ever let go that fast. You only truly love once in your life so why not fight a little to make sure youre not giving up on the real deal?

:thumbs:

I agree with Gary and Alla. It certainly looks like you rushed into things. Also, if you don't know each other for 2 years prior to filing the k-1 petition, and proof of it, then it most definitely wont happen. There are billions of fish in the sea, and you deserve better. Get to know your future partner better before proposing, and certainly before filing any immigration papers. Good luck OP!

Wrong. All you need proof of is meeting in person ONCE during the last 2 years. Not knowing each other for 2 years.

Edited March 2, 2012 by Hank_Amy

[Glyn and Kathy 288]

Sorry this is happening to you. The others have said give her some space and I agree. This is a really tough process....not just getting the visa, but having a relationship with someone whose whole life is thousand of miles away and having to uproot them. It is NOT easy leaving everyone and everything you know and love behind. If she isn't 100% sure, then she's VERY smart to put a stop on everything now. Be grateful its now and not later.

If its meant to be...it will be, for now....leave her the space she needs, but be prepared that it may not happen. Good luck.

[P+J 47]

My heart goes out to you man. It's a very difficult situation. If you happened to meet her on an internet marriage broker site, this outcome is not unusual. I know a few people that have tried the internet thing (using the various marriage websites), it is extremely rare for them to work out. Many of the women are essentially exporting themselves on those websites. It is just not a natural way to start a relationship. It sounds like she "fell in love" fast, but the problem with this is that if someone falls in love so quickly than they might fall out of love just as quickly. In the future, you may want to find a way to network out and meet a Ukrainian woman through a different venue. 9/10 the marriage brokerage stuff ends in disaster. I don't know if this is how you met her. If there's any way you can use an alternative to these methods, I think you would find much better success. The sincere woman that you are looking is very unlikely to be on any of those websites.

I don't know the exact details of your situation, but I can tell you that it's good this situation resolved before she caused you to incur anymore expenses. You deserve better. And the best thing for you to do is to let it go now. No contact at all. If you never hear from her again, then she clearly had arranged some alternative for herself and you were caught in the cross hairs. Thank god she showed her true colors before arriving here. But also be very careful, if she does come back. She might have decided to explore other options, but then find out that they aren't going anywhere. She's obviously not committed. This process is extremely difficult, and it's just not something you can enter lightly. Age could also be a factor here. If she's still relatively young, than that is a huge obstacle to overcome as well.

And again, if there's any alternative to meeting through the internet take it. I know easier said then done, but it would certainly help.

Best of luck man.

Edited March 2, 2012 by Paul86

[baron555 934]

I wanted to run this scenerio by everyone and get your feedback, ideas, and possible solutions! I met my fiance, Natalia, online in October 2011. Since then we chat on skype everyday. Sometimes for more than 12 hours at a time. I flew to Ukraine during Christmas and spent a week with her. We got along great so I proposed on the spot. She said yes. She had no inhibitions about leaving her country and coming to the U.S. She was, in fact, very excited to come! Since then we have been gathering documents for her visa. Finally, on February 17, I sent in our I-129F packet. We got our NOA1 on February 23. Everything was great! Then this past week Natalia informs me that she is having second thoughts and wants to end our relationship! She said to give her time to think. But every conversation we have she apologizes and says I will be fine... like it is already over. She has not spoken to me in 3 days now. Has anyone had this happen before? Does anyone have an idea what she is doing? Or how I can handle this to make her come back to me? I know I have 5 months at least to try! Comments are appreciated!

My wife had reservations and emotions about leaving the nice life she had made for herself in Moscow and coming here. It is a big shock especially if they do not speak English and most likely will not have the same type of job here as there. You two need to keep talking about it and you need to be terribly honest with her about what to expect when she gets here. You yourself need to do your homework for the same subject.

[Operator 1,927]

My heart goes out to you man. It's a very difficult situation. If you happened to meet her on an internet marriage broker site, this outcome is not unusual. I know a few people that have tried the internet thing (using the various marriage websites), it is extremely rare for them to work out. Many of the women are essentially exporting themselves on those websites. It is just not a natural way to start a relationship. It sounds like she "fell in love" fast, but the problem with this is that if someone falls in love so quickly than they might fall out of love just as quickly. In the future, you may want to find a way to network out and meet a Ukrainian woman through a different venue. 9/10 the marriage brokerage stuff ends in disaster. I don't know if this is how you met her. If there's any way you can use an alternative to these methods, I think you would find much better success. The sincere woman that you are looking is very unlikely to be on any of those websites.

I don't know the exact details of your situation, but I can tell you that it's good this situation resolved before she caused you to incur anymore expenses. You deserve better. And the best thing for you to do is to let it go now. No contact at all. If you never hear from her again, then she clearly had arranged some alternative for herself and you were caught in the cross hairs. Thank god she showed her true colors before arriving here. But also be very careful, if she does come back. She might have decided to explore other options, but then find out that they aren't going anywhere. She's obviously not committed. This process is extremely difficult, and it's just not something you can enter lightly. Age could also be a factor here. If she's still relatively young, than that is a huge obstacle to overcome as well.

And again, if there's any alternative to meeting through the internet take it. I know easier said then done, but it would certainly help.

Best of luck man.

Could you share the source of this data with the VJ community? I could prove to be very useful.

[Tanya and Barry 59]

Agree with Gary and Alla. Either she's not that in to you or she's found a bigger fish. Like Gary said at least she was up front about it. Time to move on. If a Russian/Ukrainian women is through with you--she's done. Sorry if the words seem harsh but it is best to move on...Take Care...B

Edited March 2, 2012 by Tanya and Barry

[P+J 47]

Yes. The statistics are very low for success (particularly with the Russian/Ukrainian marriage brokerage) oriented websites. I can't comment for any other countries. It was something in the realm of less than 3% will actually yield a successful relationship that will result in marriage. I didn't meet my fiance that way, and I'm glad I didn't because it would certainly have caused reservations for me in this whole process. I'm not saying it doesn't happen. But it's just very rare. But again I can only speak for these brokerage websites because I personally knew someone (he's a guy in his late 30s) that struck out 3 x with this (using the various Russian/Ukrainian marriage brokerage websites). He would never do that route again. He was glad to hear that I did not meet my fiance in this way. I think there's a lot of data complied on websites like ruadventures.com (Many of the guys on the forums there are doing this kind of analysis all the time). Also Elena's models cites some statistics.

Edited March 2, 2012 by Paul86

[Speeds03 16]

:thumbs:

Wrong. All you need proof of is meeting in person ONCE during the last 2 years. Not knowing each other for 2 years.

"The more you know"

[Hank_ 9,174]

Could you share the source of this data with the VJ community? I could prove to be very useful.

Ya a lot of that babble didn't sit with me.... mostly opinion in my book.

I met my past wife on a dating site, we had a great marriage until cancer took her, and like MOST of us here we met our Fiancee/Wife on the NET ....

I find if people are honest and open while "internet dating" when the meet in person everything just gets BETTER!!!

Back to topic: Giving up ones current life to start anew is not easy... lots of consideration and caring needed during this whole time.

[Hank_ 9,174]

Yes. The statistics are very low for success (particularly with the Russian/Ukrainian marriage brokerage) oriented websites. I can't comment for any other countries. It was something in the realm of less than 3% will actually yield a successful relationship that will result in marriage. I didn't meet my fiance that way, and I'm glad I didn't because it would certainly have caused reservations for me in this whole process. I'm not saying it doesn't happen. But it's just very rare. But again I can only speak for these brokerage websites because I personally knew someone (he's a guy in his late 30s) that struck out 3 x with this (using the various Russian/Ukrainian marriage brokerage websites). He would never do that route again. He was glad to hear that I did not meet my fiance in this way. I think there's a lot of data complied on websites like ruadventures.com (Many of the guys on the forums there are doing this kind of analysis all the time). Also Elena's models cites some statistics.

... a butt and an opinion... everyone has one.

VJ is full of people that met online and have great relationships.

[AmyWrites 593]

Give her space. Frankly I'd just break it off and find someone else. You don't want to bring someone over who is hesitant. Be happy at least she was honest with you rather than dragging you along and suddenly, while in the States, deciding she hates it.

[Olomi_811 130]

You could offer to move there if you are really serious about her being 'THE ONE'.

[ghanalover 7]

imagine how stressed she would be cause waiting for this process to be complete is enough already

[Joandjo 20]

I wanted to run this scenerio by everyone and get your feedback, ideas, and possible solutions! I met my fiance, Natalia, online in October 2011. Since then we chat on skype everyday. Sometimes for more than 12 hours at a time. I flew to Ukraine during Christmas and spent a week with her. We got along great so I proposed on the spot. She said yes. She had no inhibitions about leaving her country and coming to the U.S. She was, in fact, very excited to come! Since then we have been gathering documents for her visa. Finally, on February 17, I sent in our I-129F packet. We got our NOA1 on February 23. Everything was great! Then this past week Natalia informs me that she is having second thoughts and wants to end our relationship! She said to give her time to think. But every conversation we have she apologizes and says I will be fine... like it is already over. She has not spoken to me in 3 days now. Has anyone had this happen before? Does anyone have an idea what she is doing? Or how I can handle this to make her come back to me? I know I have 5 months at least to try! Comments are appreciated!

Here's my 2 cents worth. No accusation inferred here. Go back and look at the very first email you received from her AFTER your initial on line meeting, underline everything thing that identifies the communication as absolutely to you i.e. Think in your mind could this communication apply to ANYONE or me only, is it too fast, etc. You'll know the answer. I've worked with several people who've been in a similar position and this worked.

[kcir-is-love 4]

... a butt and an opinion... everyone has one.

VJ is full of people that met online and have great relationships.

AMEN to that!!! haha It really just depends on the both parties. both should be honest, open and faithful to each other.

AND TO THE OP: She has found another man. haha cuz if she really loves you and if she really wants to marry you? There wouldn't even be an option. Just sayin. She could be working on being ready with you if she wanted to, ya know? Not leave you just like that. Whew. You'll get through this.. Just give it time.. you'll be fine eventually.